pmvines poop question

JubalJubal
edited September 2023 in General

Hey, @pmvines ! Got a question! Say you're headed to catch a flight that starts boarding in 15-20 minutes and you realize:

"hey, I kinda feel like I have to poop. But it really isn't urgent. And I don't want to have to rush a bathroom visit when I'll have plenty of time during the layover after this flight to properly enjoy a poop."

Do you make a pit stop at the bathroom in the airport just in case the flight ends up taking longer than expected? Or do you wait until you can savor the moment, complete with reading material? I mean, really, having the urge hit you while in midflight would be a drag - those lavatories are tiny, and they ain't getting cleaned in between passengers while in flight (heh, they don't often get cleaned in between flights either!!).

Inquiring minds want to know!

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Comments

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod

    People are joining your obsession… @pmvines You’re creating a movement (no pun intended) can we call it the ‘Ew’ cult?

  • Mike403Mike403

    @stormydaycuddle - I feel like I'm going to start having nightmares about CuddleComfort. I'm gonna look at the forums and every single post will be talking about poop.

  • teddybear888teddybear888

    Plane = zero expectation of privacy.

  • [Deleted User]KYtransplant (deleted user)

    Step one. Stash your luggage in the first class overheads so you don't have to drag it all the way down the isle on the way out.

    Step two. Locate and note your assigned seat.

    Step three. Continue walking to the bathroom in the back of the plane. As people are still getting on, and you really don't want to go against traffic in a single isle back to the front.

    Step four. Pop in to the tiny bathroom and enjoy five to seven minutes of quiet reflection.

    Step five. When you hear the call for all seated exit the bathroom. Hold the door open slightly so you begin the vacuum of air flow as they button the doors down.

    Step six. Proceed back up the cleared isle to your seat. Hopefully, it's the window seat, so your seatmates can get a good whiff of any lingering aroma as you apologize and squeeze past.

    Step seven. Sit back and enjoy the procession of people returning from the bathroom to their seats slightly green because you have poisoned it before take off.

  • Vintage_EmbraceVintage_Embrace

    Tales of whoa 🤯 💩
    My FAVORITE comedy relief Reddit thread and WWW post link at bottom bc below is the uncut og story.
    I apologize for the quoted story swear words.
    Redacted for your reading comprehension.

    “The Poop Knife
    The original, uncut Reddit confessions post from LearnedButt
    My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

    Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?

    I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.

    Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

    "My what?"

    Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

    "Wtf is a poop knife?"

    Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

    He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my f——— up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.

    I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.

    She will be getting her own utility knife now.

    [Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.] “

    https://www.originalpoopknife.com/pages/the-story-of-the-poop-knife1

    Comedy gold starts with sharing tales of Whoa 😂
    Also can’t board with a knife so a chop stick is in order. Those airline commodes are tricky and inked.
    Human nature at its finest with modern plumbing. 😂

    Go to Reddit and join this thread. It spirals all things hilarious 😂 involving da 💩

  • TxTomTxTom

    @KYtransplant
    Now that's a business plan!

  • INurturePeaceINurturePeace
    edited September 2023

    .

  • TrialKingTrialKing
    edited September 2023

    .

  • TrialKingTrialKing

    Poop before getting on plane. Clock your time and submit it to see if broke a world record

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234
    edited September 2023

    .

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited September 2023

    Oh my goodness my very own poops thread? You are after my heart @Jubal 🖤

    In this situation I would err on the side of caution. Thing is , sure you could probably wait . But...there are several what ifs that I wouldn't wanna risk. Remember, it's good to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

    What if your urge lingers and you have a hard time getting comfortable? So many things such as naps, snacks, and chatting to people can become laborious when holding in poops .

    What if there is a delay and you are in the plane much longer than expected? That 2 hrs til layover turns into 3.25 hrs and oh boy you've been crowning for 20 minutes but you're not able to leave your seat because the seat belt sign is still lit .

    What if holding in your poops results in a flight on the gas express, as all that pressure has to go somewhere? Not very pleasant for those around you now is it?

    I'd say take that 5 to 10 minute trip to the potty beforehand. You don't want extra baggage to have to deal with when on the flight, plus you'll be more comfortable.

  • BearBear

    This thread is right up my alley, since I have IBS. I would definitely make sure I went before I got on the flight. Especially if I started passing gas, which is usually a signal of what’s coming next.

  • KatotaKatota

    Maybe pack some Depends, of course it depends on what kind of Depends that you're depending on too.😆

    It looks like they're making Depends look "sexy" nowadays, don't they?😄

  • KatotaKatota

    Oh my goodness my very own poops thread?

    Lol😆

    @pmvines It's a gift that keeps on giving. Congrats!😆😆😆

  • KaaGeeKaaGee

    Thought of you when this crossed my fb, @pmvines

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    Right Now Poo is also known as poking cotton.

  • cudbud64cudbud64

    Missed opportunity on "Gooey Pooey"

  • S0RIYAS0RIYA

    Never expected to see a poop thread on here. This is great! Pooping is one of my favorite things to do!

  • AllAboutSoulAllAboutSoul

    💩 before flight, reading material be dammed. Prairie doggin' is NOT a fun way to spend any flight.

  • AtlantapilotguyAtlantapilotguy

    @pmvines et al: Was the event below a coincidence just a couple of days after this thread was posted?
    https://news.yahoo.com/finance/news/delta-flight-diverted-passenger-reportedly-005827583.html

    Definitely a crappy situation... :#

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    @Atlantapilotguy How embarrassing for the person this happened to? It’s not like the can just walk away, they have to fly back and sit around all the people that have just experienced this situation too.

  • JustPlaneCuddleJustPlaneCuddle

    This is the most entertaining thread I have read on here in a while. Thank you.

    I heard about the poop knife thing. Apparently, studies have actually been done to see if there was any way to create a hardened metal for forging out of poop. Universities have actually spent money funding this research. I will try to find the article. It was a surprisingly good read.

    In other news, I once had a friend that answered an online dating quiz with her favorite hobby being taking a poop. 🤷🏼‍♀️💩 Not sure if this helped her cause. Not sure it hurt her cause, either.

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch
    edited September 2023

    Reader discretion advised, graphic content...

    @JustPlaneCuddle may not be metal but petrified dinosaur poop is pretty hard and large, get a wet saw and make something with it.

  • KaaGeeKaaGee

    There was a "What's pooping in my pool" thread on Reddit that I saw today. too bad I can't figure out how to share it! If someone knows, please go link it!

  • Mike403Mike403

    @KaaGee - Can't you just copy and paste the URL?

  • KaaGeeKaaGee

    @Mike403 it was a pc/ phone thing I think. Let's see if this works

    Reddit thread

  • jplemmonjplemmon

    Another timely thread. It derailed an entire flight.

    https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/barcelona-diarrhea-plane-delta-flight-b2405625.html

  • Mike403Mike403

  • Jova114Jova114

    If I was a smarter man I would find a way to make poop (human or cat) a fuel source for cars.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    If I was a smarter man I would find a way to make poop (human or cat) a fuel source for cars.

    Ideas like that normally get shit-canned.

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