Just has a wonderful session with someone but I'm feeling really depressed now and really alone. I thought I remember someone using the term "cuddle crash" but I don't remember. Is this normal?
It is for me. Hence, blowing out my cuddle budget every month.
@Ripley54566 yeah I'd say its pretty normal. May I ask how long was your session? Reason for asking is for me the shorter sessions are where that happens to me. So I usually enjoy the longer (like overnight / weekend get togethers) . To me it just feels like "ok we need to get back to the real world" afterwards and I don't feel that "cuddle crash" at all. Curious to know if other CC members feel same way.
Yes, I’ve experienced it as have I’m sure many others. It’s actually one of the main reasons why I’ve quit cuddling because unless you have an unlimited amount of funds, it’s just not worth it to go through that.
@OhioMike Yes, when you’ve filled your “cuddle appetite”, you don’t miss it as much.
I've experienced feeling kinda sad from superficial hugs, when someone gives you that like five second pleasantry hug, which is why I avoid them.
Though I've not experienced it after a meaningful hug or cuddle. Sorry you're dealing with that, mate. I'm sure it impacts everyone differently and that there can be many variables at play that may make that more likely for some.
I hope you find some comfort from talking with others who share your experience and find ways that help alleviate that for you. 🫂
The oxytocin crash is a known thing. I've actually never experienced it...maybe because I get to cuddle with my boyfriend every day, so cuddles from my friends here are a bonus. But I'm so sorry for those of you who go through that! Wish I could snuggle you all and make it go away!
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
I think it's similar to meditation practice and some deep healing stuff: you experience a deep "detox" phase where old tension/negative emotions are released. I think cuddling is an intensely intimate and personal experience and kind of teaches us to let our guard down. Then we have to take some time to clean up the mess we made, and cuddle again?
That's my two cents, self-help guru, arm chair psychologist perspective.
Moreso, I think it also reveals our previous lack of touch/connection and our need for more. Eg - first sip of food or water out of a desert ; are you going to sip the water or gulp it down ? gl.
Happy cuddles ! 🫂 🫂
I think on another thread there are ways to prep for a cuddle and stuff to do after a cuddle to help deal with this. There’s a search feature you can use.
In the past, I’ve had a similar experience after going to a sci-fi convention. They call it con drop.
IMO for it to be an entirely positive experience the cuddling would have to be part of an intimate ongoing relationship. But in my case, when the cuddling is over, my emotions and my body figure out that it was not part of anything like that and it feels empty.
Being new to this ,I've only had one session. The experience and provider were both amazing but the crash afterwards left me so depressed that I had to except that I wasn't mentally prepared . I realize now that I have deeper issues about my self worth that require the attention of a therapist. I believe that once I gain better emotional control, this site will be a great next step to getting better but it shouldn't have been my first.
@AloneToLong Ironically the very time when you are vulnerable and need a therapist is the time when you need to have your wits about you to choose the right therapist. Many have an agenda that is not productive for guys, especially guys our age. I applaud your insights, and I wish you better days. DM me if you would like to talk further.
@CuddleHugs01234
there are ways to prep for a cuddle and stuff to do after a cuddle to help deal with this
Wouldn't such prep limit the high experienced from cuddling? I enjoy the high; I don't want to diminish that effect.
@AloneToLong I frequently recommend combining cuddle/touch therapy with visits to a professional therapist. Booking a cuddle pro can be beneficial in many ways, but there's no replacement for the help of a qualified therapist. I think it's great that you came to that realization sooner than many.
@1_teddybear "IMO for it to be an entirely positive experience the cuddling would have to be part of an intimate ongoing relationship. But in my case, when the cuddling is over, my emotions and my body figure out that it was not part of anything like that and it feels empty."
Yeah, although luckily I've not felt that yet, I can mentally understand. Hopefully it provides you more value than not having it at all though.
I totally get this! I really look forward to cuddle sessions and enjoy them immensely, afterwards I feel lonely and empty! It does help me if I plan what I will do afterwards, so I don't sit around moping. Lol
Yes, it's due to the oxytocin drop. Oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, like serotonin acts like a drug in your system, that's the high. The drop is just a natural process, make sure to give yourself gentle touch to balance it and drink lots of water following a heavy cuddle day.
@penguin34 " It does help me if I plan what I will do afterwards, so I don't sit around moping."
That sounds like a great idea, I think I've usually went for a walk after the few cuddle sessions I had. I enjoy going for walks and there's certain types of happiness one could get from it. I'm not sure if I did it intentionally to avoid feeling a sudden drop in feelings of happiness or just because I felt like it.
Though I think it's a great idea to do another enjoyable activity that one usually likes to do. That way you don't go from the 'high' of cuddling to returning to say an empty home or one in which you feel alone. Then go on with doing nothing or activities from which you either don't derive* pleasure or that actually cause you frustration. By shortly after pairing the end of a cuddle session with an enjoyable activity or two that is a regular part of your life, you might find that it helps you to settle back into your cuddleless times more easier. The difference between falling hard or having a cushion to fall on.
That might not help everyone, though maybe some will find it to be beneficial.
@Lovelight "Yeah, although luckily I've not felt that yet, I can mentally understand. Hopefully it provides you more value than not having it at all though. "
It is sometimes better than nothing with enthusiasts. Thank you for the kindness of your statement.
@1_teddybear You're welcome!
@Minestrone101 That is an excellent point. I also think a lot has to do with the kind of bond we form with our cuddle partner during the session. I resonated with that "just out of the desert" feeling when I first started cuddling, and I've also had sessions where while it was really good, I didn't have that crash, but I did have a sustained good vibe after feeling like I made a good new friend. One other time, I crashed super hard after a cuddle session. Total honesty here, I think it had more to do with the emotional element. We had a ton in common and really clicked well, but afterwards, part of the crash was the realization that "nah man, there isn't really anything there as far as a future relationship with this person."
As someone else mentioned earlier, we dance on a razor's edge of emotion, intimacy, oxytocin, and all sorts of other things. Cuddling is srs bsns. Take care of yourselves out there.
Is it still being referred to as cuddle therapy? I don't pay to cuddle anymore or cuddle with strangers or read cuddle forums much, so I'm out of the loop. Should not therapy make one feel better, not depressed?
@Drewski1138 "We had a ton in common and really clicked well, but afterwards, part of the crash was the realization that "nah man, there isn't really anything there as far as a future relationship with this person."
I suppose that's why I keep myself guarded emotionally. While I want to build rapport with others and know that we can connect during our meetings, I try to keep my friendships, and cuddle partners separate. So it's not really what I'm seeking. If there happens to be an overlap however, I don't think it'd be much of an issue.
Though, I doubt that'd happen and if it does it's probably not gonna really be long term anyway. Because say you become friends with someone you used to cuddle with and either you or that person gets into a romantic relationship, then either of your partners could have an issue with that. Kinda like the implications being friends with one's ex can have. As much as platonic cuddling is non sexual, it is still intimate.
So I can understand how one could have an issue with it and the odds that someone would side with a former cuddle partner strictly turned just friend over a potential romantic relationship to me is low. Even I'm not sure how I'd feel about it if I was in either people's shoes.
Though also knowing how too many able bodied people seem to overtly or covertly view people with visible disabilities, one must really be special for me to wanna be friends with. Otherwise, I'm going with let's just be pleasant to each other, exchange cuddles should we want to, and go on our merry way. So I try to keep my feelings in check and don't expect any sort of ongoing connection with a cuddle partner. Which I find helps.
One way to look at it is this: someone who is unhappy in life probably still enjoys eating their comfort food of lasagna and ice cream. But when they go back out into the world again they are unhappy. There are many things humans need for a balanced happy life - good job, good health, good mindset, good friends, good cuddling, good relationships
@Lovelight I also don’t like those wishy washy hugs
@TxTom You may not need to, but someone else may need to. (Especially if they get really low afterwards.) I like @sunnysideup explanation right above this.
I think and know the depression is a real thing. I have had a few sessions that after it was over i was feeling it. The past person I've had several sessions with I just ended it with the other day. I am feeling pretty down now but I can get through it. Had some good times with this person but also some lows with her doing some disrespectful and very hurtful things. This is just my opinion but I think after a person does this kind of thing for awhile sometimes it's just better to move on to other things.
@goodguy197636 Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear that, man. You don't have to tolerate disrespect from anyone and I hope you continue to stand up for yourself like that. You deserve to spend time with people who respect you.
I'm feeling that way now,or have been all day after a great session with a new cuddler.and We really clicked. Now I feel like I lost my best friend. I know this too shall pass, but dang!
For me , personally, I do what I call aftercare that way it doesn’t feel so much like… ok byyyyye… and nothing. I try to remain present. I’ll share more if asked
@Mare_Bear That's a good point. I think water after a heavy cuddle helps. Last time I felt better too after a bowl of soup. Before that, I moped in my car some. I do think I felt more of the drop when I was a guest vs when I was a host. I wonder if the people I host feel the oxytocin drop after leaving.