How to write the first message

AdamSP12AdamSP12
in General

I'm new to the concept of cuddle buddies, so am still learning things

Like, how should I write a messagecto someone to ask if they want to be cuddle buddies? Is there a 'standard way' or anything of contacting someone for the first time? Anything I should be doing? Or avoiding?

Thanks for reading
Adam

Comments

  • [Deleted User]DaveJA (deleted user)

    The first message is always a bit awkward 😂 Personally, I just try to be up front about my intentions, offer to meet in public first with no expectations beyond conversation, and leave it open ended to favor the comfort, safety, and confidence of the other party. Don't be discouraged by a lack of response, it happens and most likely means nothing more than they just missed the message. Best of luck to you! 🤗

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @AdamINFJ77

    Read the person's profile, be authentic, individualize your messages, and if you don't get a response, keep looking for other people.

    The connections that I have with non-pro's can all be traced back to the forums. Participating here in ways that add value to the conversation is always worthwhile.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    You may find these threads helpful:

  • Lion13Lion13

    Joyfulheart…. Said it best I feel… open up …. Be genuine, know the others profile and don’t be discouraged if you do not get a response.

  • [Deleted User]Hugginsworth (deleted user)

    @CuddleDuncan's first link above has some really good, common-sense advice, including a thoughtfully-written template. He's also written that it takes practice to write good messages, which is true. If you stick with it, you'll get better. Feel free to message me if you want a proofreader/critic, but as he's said, a woman might be even better.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs
    edited October 2023

    I try to focus mainly on my profile. I keep my messages short and if possible indicate I've seen their profile.

    I once messaged a blank profile with "I see your point." That was it. She laughed and we were off and running.

  • TxTomTxTom

    @AdamSP12

    "You send them a message but you won't need to worry about how to word it – they already get it."

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    I second what @JoyfulHeart and @CuddleDuncan expressed. It has helped me get things off the ground. just know it takes time to reach out and develop good interactions, friendships, and relationships w cuddlers in the community.

    I would also say just be informative and friendly in the beginning and avoid asking to meet before you message a few times and get to know each other.

  • RedFox16RedFox16

    Yes! @AdamSP12 ! That first link @CuddleDuncan posted is an awesome one! That's more or less what I would want if I was an enthusiast too 😉

    I know there are very few women enthusiasts on here, so you should have a leg up if you follow that advice ☺️

  • bobadevoteebobadevotee

    Please, PLEASE read the profiles. So many dudes mass send messages that make it clear the guy did not read anything in our profiles, and all it does is annoy us.

    It’s exhausting and disrespectful when pros have put time into refining their profiles, and someone can’t be bothered to read it.

    Anytime someone has indicated they read my profile thoroughly and actually understand it (maybe 5% of my inquiries do this), I immediately am in a better mood and very likely to book with them. Sometimes I’ll even waive the deposit if they made a good enough impression. I’ve never had a bad experience with someone who ACTUALLY read my profile.

  • [Deleted User]MaverickLegend (deleted user)


    This my go to first message

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel
    edited October 2023

    .

  • JustPlaneCuddleJustPlaneCuddle

    I love that this is a topic being discussed and I hate that so many people feel like speaking up or saying hello and opening the lines of communication us awkward. It shows us where we are as a society. We are all here for the same basic reason : connection and comfort. Speaking of the community as a general whole (and not those mistreating the intention of the site and abusing the system) : We've all been there. We have all been lonely and all had days where we have needed a hug or someone to hold us. I once thanked a friend for being supportive through a difficult time by saying that "sometimes, you just need other people." She replied with something that solidified how I feel about interpersonal connections; she said, "People ALWAYS need other people. That is what being human means." Your cuddle potential partner is going to understand where you are at and what you need.

    If someone is on this website and listed as a pro or an enthusiast - chances are : they are looking for cuddle buddies. I would not say that there is a standard way but I would suggest avoiding over complimenting. Finding commonality is wonderful! Mentioning something they have written in their profile that resonated with you is even better. I 110% understand and agree with @bobadevotee! Showing up is half the work and if you want someone to show up for you and be that level of comfort, meet them halfway and at least read their profile. Commenting on their physical appearance is a no-go in my book; I would not tell my banker I found him sexually appealing and you probably would not compliment your urologist on his physique or his sparkling eyes. There are lines of what is appropriate just as in any other social situation. @CuddleDuncan's listed threads are very insightful. I have spoken with a few users on different platforms that fall into the Autistic category and have a hard time expressing themselves in text. They have told me that utilizing ChatGPT or AI to help the better formulate their messages has been instrumental in readily expressing their feelings and communicating with ease.

    I hope you find the perfect cuddle buddy, @AdamSP12! Rooting for you!

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    Here's an additional thought: if someone comes up with a well-thought-out opener, they don't want to cut and paste to use it as an opener for someone else.

    If I click with someone, I want them to be connecting with the real me, not some non-existent person that I made up. This is so valuable, that I find it worth a few "rejections" along the way.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited October 2023

    I'll be honest , I've gotten into cutting and pasting some first messages with a little fixins. If Im contacting new cuddlers in the area that just joined last month, and 80% (of new enthusiasts) have an empty profile and 50% have no picture , they're gonna get:

    • polite greeting
    • asking about cuddle comfort
    • my hobbies
    • short summary of my journey on cc
    • polite exit

    I was beginning to rewrite the same thing over and over again. If they have a summary , then I'll add to the "cover letter" with something asking about their interests or cuddle preferences.

    That's the Minestrone Template. lol

    I will say my only regret is one time I posted two greetings to the same person....one of the greetings was for a different screen name. oops! lol :o

    If I contact them based on forum interactions, then I'm more informal and inidvidualized.

  • Jova114Jova114

    My messages to people usually contain something in their profile or something they said in a forum.
    I've seen some Pros put "message me with your favorite movie" as a way of indicating who actually read their profile.
    My take is honesty is the best policy, so just be forthcoming with information.

  • 4cuddles4cuddles

    Hey, Welcome. A brief introduction,, saying your name, asking or checking theirs within the first message is usually a good starting point. And everything already mentionded above. Good luck!

  • [Deleted User]avebae (deleted user)

    ^ Yes to everything above. I also require people who do not have a photo on their profile send one to me. It's just so I know who I'm talking to and will possibly meet.

    I love when people comment on my interests I've added in my profile and tell me what their hobbies and interests are. Shows me they've read through it and it helps us find something in common too. Not a fan of pet names or comments on my appearance. While I'm sure some mean well, it makes me super uncomfortable.

  • Jova114Jova114

    @avebae
    😔
    Sowie

  • [Deleted User]HumbleBaron (deleted user)

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I’ve heard the best way is to wait until about 10:30 pm on a Friday night and send a message that says either “Whats up” or “wanna cuddle?”

    Oh wait, that is the best way to get blocked. 😂

    Poor jokes aside, listen to what @JoyfulHeart and @CuddleDuncan said above.

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