Why did you become a cuddler?

KingsportCuddleKingsportCuddle
in General

I thought it might be uplifting and/or cathartic for those of us who want to share to discuss why we chose to become cuddlers in the first place. I'll go first. 😁 For me, there are basically two main reasons.

First, as an INFJ, I tend to naturally care about everyone around me. I also often find myself feeling their emotions deeply, almost in an empathic manner. It genuinely hurts my heart to see people struggling with loneliness, anxiety, depression, or feeling a void inside them. Platonic touch can be immensely therapeutic and can act as a silent, yet impactful, form of emotional support. And so I was naturally drawn to it. I'm also deeply intrigued by human psychology. Understanding what makes people tick, what drives their fears or fuels their happiness, is a subject that fascinates me endlessly. Cuddling offers an cozy setting to explore these complexities, to connect on a human level that is rare in daily interactions.

My second reason is rooted in my unique family dynamics. I come from a large family, half of whom have special needs. My commitments to work, family, church, and various volunteer activities (plus my introverted personality) don't leave me much time for extensive socializing. Cuddling gives me a unique opportunity to not only provide emotional healing and comfort to others but also to receive it myself. It acts as a mutually beneficial emotional exchange that enriches my life and the lives of others.

So that's my story. How about you?

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Comments

  • Mike403Mike403

    I have autism and went through my entire life never being able to socialize properly or make any friends. Pro cuddlers was the only way to get any physical touch in my life.

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle Mod
    edited October 2023

    Bill Nye the Science Guy. ☺️ His segment was interesting and led to a rabbit hole.
    Ty for sharing.

  • KingsportCuddleKingsportCuddle
    edited October 2023

    @Mike403 - I can totally relate. Both of my brothers are autistic and several of my friends growing up also have autism. Thanks for sharing!

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2023

    Cus I like to cuddle. Bonus if you're an intetwebs stranger from far away exotic lands, such as Kentucky, Ohio, Montana, and Missouri

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    It’s an outlet for me.

  • CelestialTouchCelestialTouch
    edited October 2023

    Show compassion towards others, health & wellness benefits, and try to end a cycle of being a screwup lol.

  • Snickerdoodle17Snickerdoodle17

    I'm a retired teacher. As a teacher, I couldn't really hug because I could expose myself to a law suit. I got frequent hugs from my wife but once she became ill and eventually passed away due to cancer I was not getting any hugs. That is why I became a cuddler.

  • KingsportCuddleKingsportCuddle

    I'm sorry to hear your wife passed away @Snickerdoodle17 - hopefully you've had (and continue to have) a lot of positive nurturing experiences on here.

  • KaaGeeKaaGee

    @pmvines you need to add more states to that list lol

    Because I was in a "situationship" with a non-cuddler.

  • KingsportCuddleKingsportCuddle

    @stormydaycuddle I've heard you mention that segment in a different thread. I've got to go back and watch it some time. Thanks for sharing!

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited October 2023

    @KaaGee ok Texas too but its just not as exotic as Mississippi or Iowa . Mind you I'm from Alabama, the most cultured and exotic of the lower 48 so my expectations are high ...

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    I became a cuddler because I felt the need for authentic human connection. I remain a cuddler because I found that connection here. I continue to benefit from that, and hope to provide it to others as well.

  • AnotherCuddlistAnotherCuddlist

    My answer is pretty simple. I REALLY love cuddling and I appreciate its therapeutic value. I also know not everyone receives touch everyday, and I love being a safe and cozy space to offer that basic and essential need. Touch + comfort + nonjudgemental listening is so empowering for me and my guest!

  • TxTomTxTom

    Ditto what @Solae said.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    When I first read about CC, my immediate thoughts were the following:
    I am a caregiver by nature, very empathetic and emotional. I love the feeling of seeing someone feeling better because of my help and attention.
    I also wanted to feel valued for being this way and feel some sense of care in return.
    In this journey, I’ve learned that sometimes ‘you get what you give’ but it just depends.
    I also needed to supplement my income, but had no expectations in that regard.
    I think I’m a better person overall from this experience but it’s not been easy!

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I started to forget what people felt like

  • [Deleted User]JasminCuddles (deleted user)

    I became a cuddler to make a positive difference in one’s life. I realized how important platonic touch is and how much healing can come from it. 🩶 I’m naturally nurturing and empathetic and those two characteristics have helped guide me in my cuddling journey. I’m actually happy this site exists to allow for that experience everyone deserves.

  • PrettyLuvPrettyLuv

    Awe @BashfulLoner

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    CW: discussion of trauma, abuse, and wordy as always 😋

    I grew up in a NOT touchy feely family and then also experienced a shit ton of touch trauma from a young age - everything from being tickled WAY past what was fun (if you're hypersensitive, you know), to physical assault, to SA. I was taught having boundaries was selfish and trying to assert anything remotely like autonomy would get me verbally & emotionally abused. What's worse is I internalized all this as being my own fault and so learned to be perfect, never speak up, and people please to avoid problems before they began.

    I was so touch traumatized that I avoided hugs like the plague, even from family and close friends. I was a teacher from age 15 and my little students hugging my legs made me panic internally, and then guilt spiral for having that reaction to their innocent show of affection. Even boyfriends reaching out to hold me would cause me to visibly jump out of my skin - at first they'd find it "cute" and laugh, but eventually they'd feel hurt and wonder why I still couldn't trust them (or rather why my nervous system couldn't).

    I didn't start healing until I was around 26 and I'd hit bottom. I started therapy and started unpacking all the trauma I'd shoved down for 20 years, started learning how to actually have boundaries and express them - though practicing them in real life wasn't so easy. When I discovered cuddle parties around 2017, my therapist at the time encouraged me to try it as a way to practice consent and speaking up for myself in a safe space, as well as touch desensitization. By that point I'd gotten used to romantic partners touching me, but still no one else without feeling my skin crawl. I was scared shitless but did it anyway....and absolutely loved it. I did not know I could love touch so much, that I could be comfortable with strangers, that I could say no to someone and feel completely NOT guilty. Just that first 5 hour party completely blew my mind and got me hooked.

    I started attending events regularly, and through them met some professional cuddlers. I tried hiring pros as well, which was scary again because one-on-one seemed way more vulnerable and didn't have a facilitator. I gradually started cuddling with friends from the events, too, just to hang out and share touch and companionship.

    I've had such a positive and affirming experience with it that during the pandemic I decided to try being a pro myself, but I was worried about how I'd hand getting triggered. I took a training course with Cuddle Sanctuary and talked with Jean about my concerns and how I might avoid pitfalls. I'm hoping to finish the certification process at some point as I really appreciate her approach. I've worked as a pro for about a year now, have kept my client list fairly small and carefully selected for my own sanity and due to working other jobs.

    So why do I cuddle? Because it's been a profound healing experience for me and it is a large part of my mental wellness and self-care. I joined CC to work as a pro, but I've stayed because of the community.

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    @cuddlefaery Thanks for sharing that. It helps to know what process others have been through.

  • Connecticut1977Connecticut1977

    I became a cuddler because I love to cuddle. My deep love and drive for helping others and the positive energy cuddling brings is also a major reason why I became a cuddler.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Chinese culture doesn't always emphasize touch and I didn't grow up touchy feely. I'm making up for lost time!

  • Bayou_Heat_22Bayou_Heat_22

    The country where my family is from, it's pretty standard to hug and kiss each other in a platonic and supportive way!! I love the idea of this whole cuddling culture! I hope it only gains much more support

  • TheDave90TheDave90

    I'm hardly the most likable guy ever so I became a cuddler here to get that touch and interaction I've missed out on for so long. The lack of non pros near me in the English countryside is a downer but for the most part it's helped 😊

  • INurturePeaceINurturePeace

    I feel touch is important and am able to hold space for people. I love to help others and believe co-regulation is important for the nervous system.

  • BearBear

    I separated from my ex-wife around 2010. A friend of mine had mentioned Cuddle parties. I didn’t find one till about 2013. When I went, I fell in love. I was very lonely and touched starved.

    I learned about cuddling, oxytocin, as well as holding space. I started going to parties one to three times a month. I also would help when somebody needed. Space held for them. I also started doing emotional energy healing. Originally I was just doing pain relief.
    I went in to help myself and ended up loving to help other people.

  • AryaMakAryaMak

    I love the physical touch, platonic connections make me happier, brighter and more focused! Plus I need the extra gig cash! So it’s a double bonus for me. Meeting new people, listening and sharing life lessons is healing. Spreading smiles, laughs and sometimes tears have a powerful energy in universe.

  • Jova114Jova114

    I saw an episode of Law and Order:SVU and they went to a cuddle room.
    So I looked up if those were real during one of my darker times and it lead me here

  • Ali_HuronAli_Huron

    I get asked this question often and I found myself validated by some of the comments here so while I typically lurk the forums I think I'll share here lol.

    For some deeply personal reasons I found myself needing a side hustle back in spring 2023. I came across cuddling for the first time then but didn't look into it because I had recently read American Psycho and the thought of meeting strangers privately was utterly terrifying.

    I don't quite remember how I ran into it again, but I ended up watching a video of a veteran being cuddled for the first time and was deeply moved. I'm also INFJ so I'm acutely aware of others and find value in myself when I know I'm doing something positive. I began a deep dive at that point and thought I might actually be alright at providing cuddles since I'm naturally a cuddle bug and being intuitive of others comes easily to me. I'm very glad that I gave it a second chance because I've had an overwhelmingly positive experience here.

    While I don't think I'm the most skilled nor in the same league as some of the pro cuddlers on youtube, etc. I do get an immense amount of self-fulfillment from pro-cuddling and it's allowed me to straighten out my finances. I've often found myself feeling guilty about that aspect, but I do think it's important to acknowledge that pros are here for any number of reasons just the same as enthusiasts.

    Thank you to those who have shared, I truly appreciate having a mirror for some of these thoughts/feelings and value that bit of validation. I hope I can provide the same to someone else.

  • timbear50timbear50

    First I was just plain curious about it - I had a friend tell me about it, she described some of the great encounters she had here, people she met. What I discovered is that I really, really like holding others in a caring loving way, being strong and protective, gently touching an arm or hand. I’ve not had too many cuddles over the past year I’ve been on the site but they have all been delightful. More please!

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