Cuddling with the Mind

Citizen_GenetCitizen_Genet
in General

Hi, I’m lonely and hoping to strike up some conversation. So many of these threads have over 5k responses so I figured it would be best to start a new one. Lol. What’s everyone’s thoughts on talking, hanging out, needing to build trust before you even think about letting someone else touch you. What if building that trust takes a long time and is never guaranteed?

I stopped dating and came here because the physical demands and expectations of dating are too much. But I’ve gotten criticism here and get told by some people that I’m “in the wrong place” if I don’t immediately want to jump into another person’s arms. Even if I’m paying. If I’m paying money and I treat the other person with respect, then what does it matter how I want to be comforted? Whether it’s with arms or with words. It shouldn’t matter right? What if “cuddling” can be a state of mind as well as a physical hug?

In our world today, comfort is so extremely hard to find. I look everywhere to try and find things to ease my internal pain but it’s like hunting for gold or diamonds. Very little chance you’ll actually find the precious thing which you see advertised. I went to the doctor today, they’re stone cold. Zero emotional support at all. I’ve tried professional therapy before and they’re also stone cold. There’s no relief anywhere. Isn’t it messed up how even just hearing the words, “Are you ok?” or “I can see you’re nervous so I’ll take it slow,” are things you can only hear in the movies?

Anyways, I just wanted to blow off some steam with some light ranting and see if anyone wants to have a discussion with me.

Comments

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Hey. I hope you get what you're looking for. Yes, dating is a jungle out there. Best of luck.

  • Citizen_GenetCitizen_Genet

    Yeah. Well I’m done with dating so I won’t be doing that anymore. But friends and cuddle buddies, yeah.

  • pmvinespmvines

    @Citizen_Genet nothing at all wrong work taking things at your own pace and having boundaries surrounding touch . I’d like to think that not only will that be respected, but appreciated, as there are so many here who would want to do the opposite and jump right into cuddling random strangers right off the bat without even a hello how are you . You seem like good people . Hope you find what you need , regardless of what that looks like.

  • Citizen_GenetCitizen_Genet

    Yeah I hope so too

  • AngelPendavezAngelPendavez
    edited December 2023

    I hunt the grounds for empathy
    And hate the way it hides from me
    With care and thirst, I have become
    You have a home in my queendom

    I completely understand.

    I think it may have something to do with the high-stress and fast-paced nature of living in the world today.
    People are mainly focused on surviving and seeing that their own needs are met because there isn't much room for anything else. It could just be my imagination, but it seems like people became even more closed off after the pandemic.

    A lot of people lost loved ones, and I imagine that kind of trauma can lead to a fear of vulnerability.
    A lot of people lost their jobs or their homes, had to move back in with parents or families.
    Some experienced burnout and had to completely start over in their careers.
    For some the pandemic was the first time they had ever been alone with themselves and introspect, and consequently they're 'working on themselves' for the first time in their lives.

    And doctors. Well, I could go on and on about all the problems with the healthcare system, but here's the big idea:
    Healthcare is a business, and the bottom-line is making profit.
    Doctors have students loans to pay from medical school, and they also have to make profit for their practices, so they're incentivized to take on as many patients as they can. This doesn't leave a lot of space to spend quality time with each one.

    I've decided there isn't much I can do about the way the world is.
    Except to try to be the kind of person that I'd like to meet.
    Radiate warmth and love whenever possible ~
    And if I'm lucky, maybe I'll meet like-minded people along the way.

    I don't know who mislead you, but I personally wouldn't mind at all if it took you some time before you wanted to be touched. Or even if you didn't want to be touched at all. Any enthusiast or professional you meet ought to respect that. Your boundaries are your boundaries and you shouldn't have to compromise your comfort. The whole idea is to feel safe enough to relax and connect.

    Anywho~ I hope that you'll meet people who respect your needs. They're out there, I promise. (ᵔᵕᵔ) ⊹₊˚♡

    Edited to say that my inbox is open if you'd ever like to talk

  • WestsideMarcWestsideMarc
    edited December 2023

    Hey friend. Sorry to hear what you’re going through.

    Having read this post and your profile, I would highly recommend that you start off with a virtual cuddle, which is basically just a vanilla FaceTime chat.

    There are many amazing and compassionate women here to choose from!

  • Citizen_GenetCitizen_Genet

    Hey, yeah. It doesn’t have to be a woman. Anyone who can be kind is ok with me. Yeah I’ve heard of the virtual chat. Lol. It seems alright but personally I’m kind of a technophobe and plus I look ugly on face cam. xD. So I prefer to just meet up in person and hang.

  • 4cuddles4cuddles

    @Citizen_Genet, virtual cuddles:)!

    Great advice & suggestions from everyone! Post and responses like this make me glad to be part of this community.

    Taking time to build trust, talking and hanging out are my preferred way of building relationships friendship or otherwise. I'm wary of fast paced interactions/ relationships in most context. Aa am enthusiastic, a stranger from the net asking 4 cuddles off the batt would come off as entitled & demanding to me!

    I hope you don't give up on professional therapy (it can take some time to find a match) Might I suggest, if you are still willing.. looking for a therapist from a humanistic/ person centred approach! And trying a few therapists from this therapeutic background.

    I've not yet used rent a friend.com (I think tha3ts name I've read from here). I have used the friendship part of Bumble & would recommend it. Think expanding your social circle could increase your search for connection and perhaps your tribe.

    I'd suggest mentally blocking all those with unsolicited feedback about your boundaries. It comes off as a form of coercion. Anywoo, they are clearly not going to be your buddy.

    As one erm fellow 'slow burner', this approach makes sense and WE are not alone. And even if we are, let's be unicorns unapologetically. I won't virtually sing- tempted tho to:). Seriously, if thats your boundary & comfort level, your buddy/ buddies will respect it. MIGHT take longer to find a buddy but worth it.

    @ Minestrone101, 'dating is a jungle' :( ! Sadly, no truer words.

  • RobynsNestRobynsNest

    @Citizen_Genet
    I wish we were closer. Your boundaries are valid and you absolutely get to ignore people who disagree. It doesn't matter if your paying a professional or talking with an enthusiast. Feeling seen and heard is so rare today. I agree with @EarthlyAngel003 that so many are just trying to survive right now. Many don't have any extra "spoons" (energy) to give or hold space for others. I am an empath and sometimes need to retreat from socializing to recharge but when my cup is full, I absolutely will be present for others. If you ever change your mind about virtuals or if you find yourself on the east coast, remember me. ✨🌷✨

  • JoyfulHeartJoyfulHeart

    @Citizen_Genet I agree that it can be difficult to find the meaningful connection that we want and need in this world. Even on a cuddle website, it can take a while to find others who match the energy we are looking for.

    I wish you success in your search. I think your post here is a good beginning. My connections here didn't really begin until I started being active on the forum.

    If there's anything I can do to help you feel more connected, feel free to message me.

  • Citizen_GenetCitizen_Genet

    Hey everyone, thanks for all the responses. I was hoping I wasn’t gonna just get a blank screen so yeah that’s good. I used to do roleplay writing when I was younger so finding someone to talk to via forums comes naturally to me. Lol.

    Just to clear some things up. Especially about the stuff that you two, @EarthlyAngel003, and @RobynsNest were saying. I don’t want you to think I’m like super entitled or something. I totally understand people just needing to survive and in fact I consider myself in that category. I don’t expect anything from anyone who’s just out there walking past on the street. I’m just complaining/pointing out about the general famine going on that we can all see. Everyone knows it’s connected to much bigger issues and the United States, as well as other countries, are basically on a downslide which is gonna effect quality of life. But I’m not trying to get into the big picture here. Lol. Anyway, hope that clarifies things.

  • JazzyPantsJazzyPants

    The idea of cuddling with the mind I supposed can be the emotional aspect of human connection and holding space. Both feel so good. IMO, not nearly as good as touch but I love to touch and be touched. I have many sessions where I do not touch .y clients and instead we share in connecting in an emotional and analytical manner.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited December 2023

    @Citizen_Genet

    But I’ve gotten criticism here and get told by some people that I’m “in the wrong place” if I don’t immediately want to jump into another person’s arms.

    That criticism was unjustified and I'm sorry you were subjected to it. Assuming it wasn't all a misunderstanding, the people issuing it did not understand what actually happens here.

    I often direct people to helpful threads, and since you are looking to hire a professional you may find this one useful:

    In particular I would like to draw your attention to something I wrote in that thread:

    Every cuddle session is individual to the people involved. The only common factor is that there is absolutely no erotic or sexual activity of any kind. (If you are reading this you have already agreed to that.) Crying and laughing are both very common. Note that it is not the case that a cuddle session neccessarily involves touch. If you are nervous about touch - and a surprising number of clients are - then it's fine to have a no-touching session. A good professional will be helpful and understanding about this.

    I have close relationships (both cuddling and non-cuddling) with a number of professional cuddlers and indeed I was advising one on a professional matter just this afternoon.

    It is common for clients, especially first-time clients, to be anxious about touch. First sessions with a serious professional will start very gently and work up to whatever level you are comfortable with.

    (It is also common for first-time clients to move to full scale cuddling very quickly.)

    Edit:

    I look ugly on face cam.

    Erm .... not sure how to break this to you .... nobody cares how you look. People cuddle me, and I'm uglier than you.

    I know I'm ugly - when I open the front door at Hallowe'en the kids give me candy. Few weeks ago I went to an old-fashioned freak show and they let me in for nothing. I was even an ugly baby. When I was born the doctor slapped my mother.

  • Citizen_GenetCitizen_Genet

    Lol. @CuddleDuncan don’t worry about the whole “ugly” thing. That’s just for me. xD. I don’t like videochat overall anyway, the screen gets in the way. But yeah otherwise I agree wholeheartedly. I mean that’s the ideal situation, right? You pay somebody and explain what you would like, and they’re a professional so they’re accommodate you and do things at your speed. Not only that, but they ask you questions, make you feel cared for, tailor a personal experience. All that good stuff. Whether or not that actually happens, is a matter of how things go and how talented a person is I guess you could say. I haven’t experienced a pro session yet, but I’m working on it. I’m talking to people. So it’s to be seen I guess. Lol.

  • hifigeorgehifigeorge

    Citizen_Genet Like others here, I'm sorry to here of your previous experience with people wanting to hurry things. However, I'm glad for the responses you're getting on this post. As others have said, there are many different ways to cuddle. I've done both in person and virtual cuddles. I do my virtual cuddle with audio only. Because I'm blind, I would never be sure of what my camera might be showing to people on the other end. If you ever want to chat, feel free to send me a message.

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    Hey @Citizen_Genet , great thread. I've been hiring pro cuddlers for about a year and a half, after my marriage ended. In that time, I've had phone calls with a couple of cuddlers before our session, and I've had public "meet and greet" social activity things with two others. One of those was a few weeks before our session, one was the same day. I've also had another pro cuddler who asked if we could sit next to each other (not touching) and chat for a while before we moved into the cuddle.

    All of those sessions have been better (for me) than sessions that moved immediately into a cuddle. While some of those have been OK, it's always going to be awkward (again, for me) to move into direct and somewhat intimate physical contact with someone that I've just met. The opportunity to talk with someone (or even better, meet them in person) separately from our first cuddle is always going to be my preference, when it's possible.

    I've also had some cuddles where there was very little chatting. Again, for me, those are not ideal. I want to "cuddle with the mind," to use your words. I like chatting with someone, getting to know them, laughing together, sharing stories, etc. while we cuddle. To me, that's what makes professional cuddling better than snuggling with a dog or a cat (which can also be good, and is sometimes suggested as an alternative). I want the physical contact AND the conversation, and the best experiences I've had thus far are with cuddlers who do both.

    Again, great conversation starter here. My Inbox is open if you want to chat about this. But I think the best pro cuddlers will understand if your first (and second, and third, and....) sessions include no or minimal physical contact. Maybe you just chat and get to know each other the first session. Maybe you hold hands for part of the second session, etc. If you have cuddlers telling you that it's "all or nothing," please know that you should move on. There are definitely better pros out there.

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