Hi! I just created my profile today and am super glad to see the awesome community on this site.
I apologize if my question is inappropriate, I am being completely genuine. I have only ever cuddled with girlfriends, so my concern with starting platonic cuddling is becoming aroused during a session and offending my buddy. How do women react if a man gets an erection during a session? Men, is this something that has happened to you, and now isn't much of an issue as you've had more sessions?
Thanks for any advice on this somewhat uncomfortable topic!
I have yet to cuddle with anyone here but I am sure it happens. I, and I assume most or all men, get them sometimes for no particular reason.....though it mostly comes up when I am tired.
Anyways I'd suggest to simply to not poke your partner with it. Adjust so it's out of the way and let things settle.
Arousal is a natural part of life and every person you might cuddle should understand that.
The most important thing is communication between you and potential cuddle buddies. Each person may have a different comfort level, for example one may be ok to just switch positions while another may want to fully take a break. So just voice your concerns before you meet so you know ahead of time!
Happy cuddling ?
Here are a couple of helpful discussions that mention arousal:
When your cuddle partner becomes attracted to you
New to this, and I have a concern...
I just don't want it poking me, ha. Arousal is perfectly natural, but that is not the intent of the session, so as long as I feel respect from you and you shift positions so it's not on me, then it's really not a concern... It's perfectly normal to be nervous about it as a newbie though Happy cuddling!
Oh yippee, another thread about erections...
@pmvines - My sentiments exactly! LOL
Be thankful that it still works - to a certain extent. Barometer that you are a fully functioning human and not sensually dead yet. Awkwardness occurs when we fear it and reject it and don't address it. IMHO
@SJSpooner I find it hard to believe that a grown adult doesn't have a grasp on anatomy 101. It could be a legitimate knowledge seeking question, but there are far more people who like to chime in just for an excuse to talk about their erections, and others who just wanna see how the women respond to them talking about their erections. And yet others who really just want to hear women on here talking about erections, and how it is fine and dandy and no issue for them so yippee for your erection. So this is why I make the comment I make about it, because there are already so many threads about erections and it is such a common sense basic topic.
Can pretty much second the advice already here, but I will offer another perspective, because I know it happens a LOT where I live. The cuddling community here in Calgary is mistaken for "other things" about 8/10 times, so I am always on the up-and-up to educate about those taking advantage of this hobby. This is not meant to scare you, but to illustrate clearly that you may inevitably run into people with ulterior motives at some point. Test 'em on a coffee date and that will weed out the no-good. I have met lots of guys who were fairly innocuous in email or messages, and then they're "OK with anything" off the bat when we met in person, which to me is a sort of red flag. It's like a slightly passive-aggressive way of saying "I actually want more but couldn't say so on that site" (well, go somewhere else for that then!) So make sure at the start that you communicate boundaries CLEARLY, stick to them, and establish with your buddy that the word "no" is OK. If they get aroused don't shame your buddy for it, often times that can even happen when the intent was not sexual, right? A good cuddle buddy will respect the platonic nature of your connection by moving so you are both comfortable and they will NOT make effort to pressure you. A dodgy one might make suggestions or do subtle coercion, so make sure you are prepared to enforce what is and is not OK - stand your ground and be in the moment... You should be in the moment anyway!
Change positions and communicate
Wow! So many awesome comments, thanks for your time and effort, everyone. I've read all your suggestions and the other threads linked by @respectful. All this info has put my mind at ease, thanks again!
@pmvines It seems I owe you some apology? I didn't mean to make a duplicate thread, I was legitimately concerned about the topic and didn't have ulterior motives as you hinted in your second comment. Nonetheless, sorry for annoying you and I'll be sure to use the (newly discovered) search feature in the future.
@pmvines scaring the nice people? Hahah
Yup I'm so vicious
@OreoBug I can see why @pmvines reacted the way he did, honestly I had the same reaction when I saw the word, arousal in the title. I understand however that you’re a newbie here, welcome to the community. There is a search bar at the bottom where you can search for keywords. You can try that in the future if you’re interested in a particular topic. I hope you enjoy your time here on the site.
It's a normal physical response. Don't worry about it, and don't bother the other person about it. Pretend it isn't there if you'd like.
They sometimes happen. Doesn't mean what you're thinking
If you're a guy and this happens to you, try tightening your leg muscles. This 'll cause your blood to go to other areas of your body and shuts the erection down. Of course, it might be tricky to do that and not have your cuddle buddy notice...
@tallteddy that's a tip I haven't heard before, thanks for sharing.
A way I talk about this with potential clients (and just people who wonder "but if I become aroused, then what will happen") is to remind them that arousal in non-sexual situations is a thing that happens to many people. I'm told there's a stage in adolescence where it's so common as to be annoying - which means people who've been through that stage have a strategy for dealing with it.
The real question, then, isn't "how do I deal with this" (because you already have a strategy for that) but rather "is this a situation where I should use my dealing-with-arousal-in-a-nonsexual-situation strategy?" Often, the subtext of that question is "are you sure this isn't going to turn sexual? Like, totally sure? Because if it could be sexual, then I have...other strategies winkwinkudgenudgeknowwhatimean?"
Often, when I put it that way, people are a little taken aback, because they hadn't thought about it that way. (This is probably true of you, @OreoBug - I'm not trying to project the winkwinknudgenudge vibe into your comment.) These ways of thinking and talking about arousal and interaction are baked into our culture, and the platonic snuggling thing is outside and a little confusing to that culture.
If you're interested, I made a video about this question (because it's one of the most common ones I get.)
A little bit of science guys
The CARE system is not unique to mammals, but way more complex on us... and the CARE system isn’t the LUST system, but evolved from the LUST system and uses the same pathways on our brains.
Example, a female turtle will have CARE controlled by vasotocin - it’s an analog for oxytocin and vasopressin, hormones that control care behavior and housing in humans - vasotocin will make they return to the same place they were born, and their levels of vasotocin will rapidly increase while they are laying eggs, being reduced to an insignificant level as soon as they’re done. They will then return to the ocean and their CARE is over.
Humans and other social especies are different. Our levels of vasopressin and oxytocin depends of different factors and modulate much of our behavior, happiness and success... because we need attachment to survive.
oxytocin creates arousal primarily in females, but a male can also have an erection when given oxytocin. Not ONLY testosterone plays a role in male sexual behavior or only progesterone in female sexual behavior... Mind you, oxytocin is immediately released in bigger amounts after an orgasm, and in males it keep increasing over time - guess for how long ... 9 months. ( I actually don’t remember about females)
Both systems are underlied by the SEEKING system(dopamine), and our (human)seeking is highly cognitive, which means, we can modulate what we seek.
Conclusion... lust and care are deeply connected and care evolved from lust, but they serve now different purposes.
Being aroused is natural and expected.
When cuddling, acting on your arousal, isn’t.
@OreoBug I'm not annoyed or mad, just pointing out that this isn't middle school sex ed. You are an adult asking how to deal with an erection on a public forum. Seems a bit silly . Just seems a common sense topic that doesn't require a clinical dissertation.
@pmvines Oh grow up!
@OreoBug There is nothing wrong with your question!
@sadjames1994 the forums aren't meant for personal attacks ... So maybe you want to edit your comment to remove them?
@Sashamcgee Don't be so thin skinned! There are far worse things that could be said.
@sadjames1994 it doesn't matter what you said, just that it was a personal attack. The forum rules state there are to be no personal attacks. It's just unnecessary.
@sadjames1994 As you stated in your prior comment before you ended up deleting it, no I am not a "sad old man who probably has problems downstairs". I do however stand by my opinion that there are people who bring up the erection topic on the forums as a means to gauge womens responses, so they can have an excuse to talk about their penises, almost in a sense like asking permission to have a hard on and if it is permissible. You brought up in your post prior to deleting it that you think I just have issues with my getting it up, and that comment in and of itself is inserting sexualization into a thread on a topic that is supposed to be non sexual, which further adds to my hypothesis about men attempting to sexualize the topic of platonic cuddling through insisting that a conversation about their boners be added to the mix. If I'm wrong I'm all ears....
Wow! All I can say is wow! So sad to people being so rude in the forums like this. A site dedicated to cuddling of all things and people on on here arguing and being rude. It’s utterly ridiculous.
@pmvines You are taking this way out of context and I think everybody here is trying to point that out to you. Yes the wording is crap, but give the dude a damn break. He said it was a mistake and didn't know this topic had been circled before. So calm down. No need to be angry. It seems to you have a problem with men having erection issues. Nobody here is bragging about an embarrassing situation. In fact, why are you here??
@MrFriendlyMe Not angry, never said I was. I have seem multiple threads about erections and it is a simple topic that is done to death and often when you get to the root of it what you really want is a pat on the back and permission to have a boner and perhaps talking with the person you are cuddling is the best thing to do as everyone is going to have their own different level of comfort no matter what kind of a response you may get publicly . I have been here over a year, and have made quite a few great friends here. So the answer to your question of why I'm here is for the intended purpose of the site. My posts and history and friends and karma speak for themselves, regardless of whether my statement on a particular thread or a comment on a certain topic might be agreeable to you. My last post was specifically referring to an individual who is not the original poster on the thread, and the comment I referred to has since been deleted so the context has unfortunately been lost. Oh well. My posts and I stand by it.
No one is actually breaking any forum rules by asking questions about erections. One thing to remember is that people such as myself and @pmvines have been on these boards for a long time. There are many topics that to us, feel like they’ve been beat to death. Please keep in mind though that there are newbies that may not know the things that the long timers know and understand about the site. It’s okay for newbies to ask questions and I’m sure that the veterans can politely find a way to educate them.
Assuming he's a mature adult completely in control of himself and his horomones, I'd ignore it, even if he said something. Males have partial erections like, every 6 mins (??) I think they said in some class I took in college. As long as he doesn't try to do "anything" about it with me, I'm completely cool.