@SnuggleBugFi "And that's how you solve that issue. Not by coddling someone and saying "You're doing just great honey!" Because she's here with a real problem and coddling and lying to someone does not solve it."
We aren't lying! Especially to speak for myself I'm not. There's nothing wrong with her pictures. There are plenty of men on here for the wrong reasons and who no matter how you're dressed will and do cross boundaries. You're doing a disservice by essentially asking her to be perfect and to perfectly fit your vision of what you think she should look to lower her risk level. If we found anything concerning about her profile we'd have no issues letting her know.
Women don't have to be perfect to be respected. Also I hope you never have to deal with those creeps and disgusting men because you just might find that no matter how 'appropriate' photos you take, how 'appropriate' you dress or what you do, they still will and do push your boundaries.
Although I've not cuddled with many men. Of the few I did there have been at least 2 to 4 who have crossed boundaries in one way or another! ##I was wearing... excuse my_ French_ hejskdhbenaksurhsj baggy clothes! I took all sorts of precautions and was relatively experienced at that. I can't imagine how many more there would be if I was able and willing to meet many more. This is largely an issue with those men, and the OP has and is doing the best she can to protect herself. This is also not including the countless men who eliminated themselves by their red flags before even seeing me, note I've no photo of me on my profile and never did here!
If hers, mine, or the experiences of many women here hasn't remotely been yours or the same, consider yourself lucky. I hope you never have to deal with any of the things we have. Though, I'd really caution you about trying to micromanage and shift blame on women for what they wear for the disgusting ways said men treat them.
In your opinion.
@Tatsy Please know that there are plenty of amazing men clients here as well....and that's why I stay! Because those clients have been some of the best and coolest men I've met! I wouldn't trade those experiences or trade meeting my clients for anything! 🤗🤗🤗 And I continue to meet awesome people on here....this site has renewed my hope in humanity. Seriously. Learning how to vet does take time, but there's definitely some amazing resources here so look around ☺️😎
Ok, listen @SnuggleBugFi I'm actually the one who was the loudest earlier about her pics being fine...so don't go trying to further shame and lecture her for what I said. She has done nothing wrong ....at all. So chill with your attacks on OP. 😒
The wrong doing is on the part of clients who are trying to to push boundaries or other things. Stop victim blaming ...it's is horrific to do that and actually makes you look bad, not her. 🤨
You are assuming that by perfectly tailoring your pics and profile, then there will be no more issues with sexual advances or attempts to get sex. No!! That idea is SO wrong.... that I can't think of a way to phrase how wrong it is!! And I agree with what @cuddlefaery said....if a program taught you that, they are also insanely wrong and very negligent of them for teaching such dangerous ideas about this type of thing!! 😠
And like @Lovelight said....no one here would have a problem telling her if we thought her pics were bad.....but it seems like you are the only one, out of dozens 🤷🏻♀️ Even @achetocuddle was brave to candidly speak up that she found nothing wrong either!
This happens to every woman....everywhere. no matter what we do or say....or how carefully we craft our pics and profiles....it will happen! Bad actors will do it and find a way to try to excuse it. It happens at work, in the parking lot, in the bar or restaurant, in school, while outside exercising, on dating sites, on the road, at the grocery store, etc,etc,etc....
None of us can control another person's behavior. Ever. And Trying to blame OP for other people's bad behavior is basically excusing their terrible behavior and telling them they can't help but to behave that way..... if they are attracted to OP (for ANY reason!). And believe me sister, there are SO many fetishes out there....there's definitely even one for you, with your baggy clothes and "cutesy" schoolgirl appearance!
BUT even tho it happens no matter what us pros do It's NOT our fault if it does! So knock it off with that nonsense....it's extremely dangerous to spread those opinions!!! 🤨 Sheesh lady 🤦🏻♀️😒
"What Were You Wearing?":
PS. Trigger warning for anyone who needs it.
@RedFox16 Absolutely!
@SnuggleBugFi I can understand that you're trying to help and that your heart is likely in the right place, by the way.
Though I really hope that you think about what we've shared with you and understand that there's no solution that makes us immune to our bodies being violated. If you've never experienced any, which I hope you never do, I'd consider yourself lucky. Or sadly it may just be a matter of time and if not you, others close to you might: Though you might not ever know, even if that's your mother or sister. Because although there have been progress of women sharing their experiences, this is a topic that's still heavily hushed, where victims are picked apart under a microscope, and it's full of all sorts of harmful viewpoints that further pushes them into silence! I hope you can reflect and try to understand where we are coming from, so that you don't become part of the problem. Or think you are to blame if something ever happens to you or someone in your care. We don't have to be perfect and there's no solution to make us immune to it. Like @RedFox16 said,
"And believe me sister, there are SO many fetishes out there....there's definitely even one for you, with your baggy clothes and "cutesy" schoolgirl appearance!" I'd add there are even men/ who assault and violate women dressed like nuns or covered from virtually head to toe while they are just going about their day. There those who go after CHILDREN!
Like I said, this has a lot more to do with them, than us and there's only so much we can do without mentally, physically, and emotionally suffocating ourselves by how careful or "perfect" we present ourselves. Even being in our homes or being a kid doesn't guarantee us being safe from predators. If you still stand by your position, although I hope you can at least try to take time to consider what we have shared, then maybe imagine being dressed from head to toe in baggy clothes, standing like a statue infront of a ferocious wolf that dressed like a sheep and think if your prior efforts would protect you. If none of that seems to get through, I hope someday you come to understand and not the hard way!
Also, I'm sharing this to anyone who may benefit from it, not just particularly you, @SnuggleBugFi .
I guess in this case, it was the fault of the color of the water bottles or their shapes... if only they would've been a little different... I really hope anyone with or bordering victim blaming mindset sees how flawed that kind of thought process is. They couldn't even trust their water bottle at their work office where they felt they knew everyone and felt quite safe at.
"13 women file lawsuit against multiple companies after allegedly contracting incurable STD from ..."
@SnuggleBugFi regarding tatsy’s photos I think your perception is definitely your own and no one agrees with it. You’re suggesting her photos are suggestive? What doesn’t say when one of your photos you are lying down with a come hither look? Your comments at her are critical at best or attacking at worst. Maybe do better than throw shade at a fellow professional cuddler?
I mostly agree with @SnuggleBugFi and I think it would be better if the conversation moved away from the victim blaming focus and instead focused on self-protection.
Imagine a veteran cuddle professional is having a conversation with a newcomer who has recently encountered a boundary-crossing client and wants to avoid experiences like that in the future. It might go something like:
Veteran: I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Newcomer: How do you deal with this?
Veteran: Well, I filter out a lot of my potential clients based on certain things. Like if they compliment my appearance, come across as too pushy, or won't send me a picture of themselves, I won't do business with them.
Newcomer: I do that too!
Veteran: I also require them to send me their ID as an extra measure.
Newcomer: Oh, I haven't been doing that.
Veteran: I'd recommend it. Some guys might know how to come across as non-threatening, but if they have bad intentions toward you in-person, it will be much harder for them to get away with anything if you know their full name, address, etc. And they know it.
Newcomer: That's a good idea.
Those are just examples of protective measures that a cuddle professional can take. The veteran is not victim blaming the newcomer by suggesting that she only accept clients who are willing to send identification of themselves. I think we're all on the same page that certain things will help protect a cuddle professional from boundary crossers. But nothing is 100% guaranteed, and a cuddle professional could still do all the right things and get assaulted, as many have pointed out. However, that doesn't mean that it's irrational to take measures to protect yourself, and therefore, suggesting measures for others to take is a good thing.
Now here's where I might really stir the hornets' nest, but I want to be honest. From my point of view, are SnuggleBugFi's pictures sexually appealing? No. Are Tatsy's? Yes. Now, I can't be certain, but my intuition tells me that profiles without sex appeal will attract fewer clients with bad intentions than profiles with sex appeal. If this is true, then that means using pictures without sex appeal for your profile can be seen as another line of defense. As I said before, it's not a guarantee you won't be contacted by clients with bad intentions, but it's simply a layer of protection. And since I said I'm not certain about the sex appeal vs. no sex appeal thing, I'll just echo SnuggleBugFi's words here: what's the harm in trying?
I understand this strikes a nerve with a lot of people and I understand why. However, if we want to help women avoid being assaulted (and we do, don't we?), then we have to think critically. We can't afford not to, because predators are always going to be out there.
I'd like to preface this comment that I am not hitting on her, but OP is conventionally attractive. No amount of clothing will change that. But, there are pros and enthusiasts that are also that and they can still make it work. Especially in 2024, skin tight workout clothes and yoga pants are not even the tightest clothing available. Snug fit clothing is just fashionable or tasteful. Pros shouldn't have to wear potato sacks and curtains in order to be respected or treated in the right way.
@snugglomaniac So women have to present as perfectly innocent looking, or have no natural "sex appeal" or be attractive and take professional looking photos as part of their self protection?
Also, @snugglebug3 said that the photo(s) came across as having a very slightly sultry smile. So she must present with a perfectly innocent smile and her issues would cease to exist like she implied? Or decrease like you're implying?
I wonder, do you think if the bottles in the video above were a different color, or shapes, that man wouldn't infect them with STDs?
"Yes. Now, I can't be certain, but my intuition tells me that profiles without sex appeal will attract fewer clients with bad intentions than profiles with sex appeal."
Not really, I'd say not by much anyway. That's part of the harmful misconceptions. There are more or less just as much awful men who go for "innocent and friendly looking" women too. Because they may perceive her to have a low body count, or be a good girl and they want to be the first to have access to her or violate her! They may also perceive her as more naive and potentially easier to manhandle.
Edit - For clarity this is me asking this, for a lack of a better word nonsensical, question: "Did you know that wearing a grey t-shirt means you're asking for it, because grey clothing means you're in the middle and suggesting you're not pure like you'd be if you wore a perfectly clean white outfit? Also smiling and showing your pearly white teeth suggests you're trying to seem more attractive and appeal to many!" - the "logic" of predators
You: "From my point of view, are SnuggleBugFi's pictures sexually appealing?
No."
Cool... Unfortunately, I can almost guarantee there are plenty of men who'd be drawn to such presentation of innocence and friendliness too.
@Minestrone101 coudlnt agree more. Everybody wears jeans and snug long sleeves these days. Why is it me who’s suggestive and provoking for wearing what literally everyone does? I do not own non appealing potato sack clothes. I’m not going to change my style or make myself appear looking worse than I am in real life in fear of attracting someone with ulterior motives. “Platonic activities only” on my page says it all.
@supadupa I was thinking the same thing. If I were to be as criticizing and nitpicking as @SnuggleBugFi, I’d also have a problem with a picture of her laying down suggesting come lay on top of me let’s have some “fun” 🙈🤦♀️
@SnuggleBugFi my pictures portray my personality. I’m not going to post childish silly goofball pics like you did. It is simply not me. I’m a mature woman and not a kid. Literally, nobody agreed with you and I lost count of messages in my inbox and comments here by people saying that my pics couldn’t be more professional. So why would I listen to a person nobody agrees with? You don’t compel to me at all. You do not have credibility. Your ungrounded criticism and extreme nitpicking only indicates to me that you might be dealing with some insecurities that you project on others. I hope you can heal from whatever pains you. Good luck 🤗
I’d also have a problem with a picture of her laying down suggesting come lay on top of me let’s have some “fun” 🙈🤦♀️
If you read my original comment, I called your clothes tight fitting and I said that there are sex workers on here who do post suggestive images of themselves that might be similar to yours. I never directly said your photos were intentionally suggestive but I am letting you know the way they come across.
But, you directly sexualised me here. An innocent picture of me laying in my garden, which you created some really weird, creepy internal monologue for. Tatsy, you came to a forum, a place where a topic is picked and discussed, and I discussed the topic, and I am not the only one who thought that of your photos, which means there are more. Your comment regarding me on the other hand, I did not come to the forum with a topic and I did not ask for it and if you look closely I'm wearing my company uniform.
Good luck with your business I hope you find the answer that you're looking for on this forum and that you manage to find more genuine customers.
@snugglomaniac thanks for your thoughtful message. I honestly would never give my id to a stranger. It’s identity theft risk. Therefore, I wouldn’t ask for one. I might be new to this platform but how much do you know about me and my life and things I’ve been though and things I’ve done not to trust that I might practice even more rigorous safety measures than pros here. My safety was never an issue. Now back to the pics. @SnuggleBugFi looks like a teenager. I look like a mature woman. Now what’s more sexually appealing? 🤷♀️ 🤣 I do not believe that I need to not be myself, pretend to be someone I’m not and look like a dork and wear ugly clothes in fears of attracting the wrong kinds of guys. My tits are not falling out of my shirt, I do not have duck face, I do not even show any skin. How are my pictures suggestive? And how does “platonic cuddling only” on my profile not indicate that I will only engage in platonic activities only? I do not take responsibility that men cannot keep their hands and thoughts to themselves and cross clearly established boundaries. It is really not my issue. It’s on them.
I'm agreeing with the majority about @Tatsy's photos. I'm not seeing anything "sexually suggestive" in any of her photos. She's just smiling to me, and nothing more. 😊
Oh and she's just wearing clothes while standing still. Lol
That's basically all that I'm doing in my photos. 😆😁😄
@SnuggleBugFi you are the one who first made the suggestion that OP's photos might be at fault for the behavior of the men. You also drew direct comparison to sex workers and an (in your opinion) inappropriately "sultry" facial expressions and clothing. If your intent was not to imply that you thought OP was portraying herself similar to a sex worker, you failed and need to proof read your comments better, because that is the conclusion it appears most of us got from your words.
By comparison, OP was agreeing with @supadupa pointing out the hypocrisy of your comments on OP's photos, as at least one of yours could similarly be read as more sexually inclined if that were the viewer's intent. It's interesting that you seem to think only your definitions of professional and sexual matter, when they are clearly not the only way.
You do not have credibility. Your ungrounded criticism and extreme nitpicking only indicates to me that you might be dealing with some insecurities that you project on others. I hope you can heal from whatever pains you. Good luck 🤗
Tatsy, you are objectively more attractive than me and we both know an insecure person wouldn't admit that.
I think someone that comes to a forum with a topic and proceeds to get incredibly offended by the things discussed to the point where they insult the people trying to help them is possibly not the most secure person.
@snugglemaniac you may want to reread this thread, then, because thus far the only one victim blaming is SnuggleBugFi - and yet you agree with her. Others have already offered solutions-focused suggestions that did not rely upon claiming that OP's appearance was somehow at fault for men behaving poorly. Only the person you are backing has focused on OP's appearance, and then doubled down when their problematic stance and logical failures were pointed out.
I went back through my photos, aside from my platonic cuddling inspired memes...Yep, her photos are basically like mine. Standing and smiling! 😁
Of course, I do have a few Halloween photos there. 😊
But, so what? 😝
I like Halloween!🎃👻🤡😊
Now back to the pics. @SnuggleBugFi looks like a teenager. I look like a mature woman. Now what’s more sexually appealing? 🤷♀️ 🤣
Now that's a secure, kind woman.
I'm sure you'll do amazing at professional cuddling with your pleasant demeanour, all the best Tatsy.
I think we've tried and the rest is up to you if you wish to ever take sometime to reread the responses you got. Maybe you'll gain value from it. Anyway, all the best to you, @SnuggleBugFi .
Actually, she was quite kind. We were all having a civil discussion before she was put on blast.
@SnuggleBugFi if you believe that you are coming across as secure and kind through any of this, you need to work on your reading comprehension and social awareness. This whole doubling down and passive-aggressive insults thing is incredibly childish.
Impact>intent, and even if your intent was to be helpful, it should be abundantly clear that few of us find your suggestions helpful.
[Edit: I just realized I may have read Minestrone's last comment the wrong way, and if so I apologize. I am leaving my original comment up in case I was reading correctly, or to avoid deleting confusion.]
@Minestrone101 telling someone that how they look is the reason they are being treated disrespectfully is not being kind, nor accurate. She is not getting put on blast - she is being responded to. If we wanted to put her on blast we would be making a separate thread calling her out for victim blaming. Instead, multiple people have tried to explain why her comments were problematic and not received well, and she has chosen to ignore those in favor of doubling down and ignoring her own advice.
@cuddlefaery I was saying @Tatsy was being kind. And it's okay. I wasn't blaming her for anything. I was saying that what she was wearing does not affect her breached boundaries, and was more coming from the psychology of some men that if they view someone as conventionally attractive then they will make more attempts (by no fault of her own) - whether from a dating perspective or pursuing sex work. There's a certain population in CC that is predatory and even opportunistic, so in my eyes I was absolving her of blame and making social commentary (as to why so many men made passes at her: conventionally attractive and a new pro).
hmmm... personal attacks. this is certainly cuddly behavior.
You would think the girls who get the most compliments would be the ones bothered by it. Alas I fear it’s the ones who don’t get them that seem most upset?
@Katota you crack me up 🤣
@jplemmon 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂