There was a discussion about CONSENT around posting pictures etc. and it reminded me of this FABULOUS video I saw.
"Saying NO is a different experience than saying STOP."
In the consent world we often talk about no means no, it's important to respect to a no, all of that, but saying stop to an action requires something different of you than saying no to a question.
Like if someone says to you... "Can I kiss you?" or... "Would you like to do XYZ?" They're saying like... "Hey I don't know the answer, so here's a moment for you to pause and think through the options before you make a decision, cuz it's your decision to make
Now, saying no in a situation like that absolutely still comes with its challenges, but they are not the same challenges as when the person does not ask you first and they just go and do and you have to say stop.
That person has essentially already communicated to you NOT... "Do you want this? Do you like this? What's your... part in this decision?" They are saying
"You don't get a part in this decision, I am making all the decisions for us,"
So engaging in any kind of communication is going to be that much harder because they have not shown themselves to be someone who is open to hearing your say, and thinks that your say is important.
I had to write out her words because it was so impactful for me. The emphasis is mine and based on her voice, also... please don't judge me on the grammatical correctness of the transcript. 😁
Growing up I had always heard about CONSENT in a positive way regarding SEX or drugs, but not about the day to day aspects of life. After a few years of learning about this idea of consent (in a real way) through the cuddling world, I have a new perspective. EVEN AROUND NON-TOUCH ASPECTS like when someone tries to force me to do a job their way or eat what they're eating etc. etc.
I think I'll add a poll. Its sort of like a study, but only of a biased sub group of like-minded people because we're already on a Cuddle Comfort website that has TOS about Consent. 🌈🦋😊
Of course I love the sharing of stories if anyone would like, and as always... please be kind and mindful that we are all uniquely different individuals with different experiences.