In a non-pro setting, 100% deal breaker. I think one of the less-talked about reasons to hire a pro are "curiosities" like this. And although it is still cringe, its somehow less insulting when I'm working. I've been booked more than once for: never physically interacted with a white woman, always have been visually intrigued by large women, never interacted with 'alternative' types. Lol. It raises a caution flag, and I'm extra specific in emphasizing the platonic aspect... But truthfully I'd rather deal with this than it get put onto a non-pro. If I can help someone get over their weirdness and help them be less likely to objectify someone based on a trait I possess, I'm glad to do it. But 100% I have a ton of privilege here in that this happens far, far less to me. And you can quickly tell if its a fetish thing vs curiosity. And the fetish creeps = insta block/report.
@Katota
I don't know enough about posting to know how to tag people...
But- Minestrone101 - I'm always up for learning. If you are up for teaching... Can you let me know what it was in my post which inspired this response? I truly feel katona was 100% correct in her actions and fully support her choices. Not that she at all needs my agreement or opinion.
@Katota I think that cuddling people who have different backgrounds than you is a fine and good thing. But the way the guy approached it was pretty reductionist. A person's skin color is not their one and only most important defining trait. Not all people recognize this sadly, but a lot of great people do.
I talked to a lady once on here who said she kept her physical identity hidden until later because she felt she was being unfairly assessed based on her skintone.
@PinkMallo Just type the @ symbol followed by their name. Do you think that kind of reductionist (the most important thing is somebody's skin tone) type of approach doesn't feel quite as bad as a pro because as a pro you kind of feel an obligation to support your clients; vs as an enthusiast you're looking for an equal, mutual exchange of positive energy type thing?
@Katota To answer your question, I don't think it would bother me too much if that were the main reason they were contacting me for a cuddle, but I wouldn't expect very much of an emotional connection and we probably won't become best cuddle buddies. But then again I'm not a woman who often gets fetishized in ways I don't like. Maybe if it happened too often it would start to irk the crap out of me
@sunnysideup Ha! Thanks. It dosen't feel as bad because, at a very simplistic level, what I 'get' out of the cuddle isn't altered by a client objectifying me. Granted this is an emotional job- but for me, it is a job. My wants/needs/feelings are not inherently relevant to the experience. (Outside of safety concerns and boundary issues) I'm there to provide a service to someone- the session is solely focused what they need/like. If I'm not working, but cuddling a friend- it is a mutual exchange of comfort and care, not a transactional arrangement.
@Katota Yikes.... not sure where to start! First of all tho, sorry about any who make you feel as if you're nothing more than a curio or fetish....or even box to be checked off ✅ 😕 Not cool, even if he was being honest. BTW, being honest only wins someone points if they also have the awareness of what's NOT ok to be honest about. Think the classic situation of a wife/gf asking the husband if her pants make her look fat 😬🥴
Second, his response doesn't even make sense 🤔 Does your skin feel different due to the way your melanin cells work or something? Cuz if so....can I sign up for a session, since my melanin cells work the complete opposite of yours and we can compare?! 🤣🤣🤣 (That's a joke.....well, not the part about the way my melanin cells work 🤷🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️)
But seriously, you're allowed to feel how you feel about it....nobody else knows what life experiences you've had or what else you've dealt with in your life. You are awesome!! 😎❤️💕
reductionist
I haven't that one before.
A list of -ists was posted in the forums last summer, but it did not have reductionist on it. So I don't know if reductionist has always been part of a more comprehensive list, or was just added recently. But I do understand that new words are probably added as deemed [necessary].
Is there a recommended link that could be provided containing the most comprehensive, up-to-date list?
[edit]
I mean , not quite the same thing but people reach out to me at times because they are curious about what it's like to cuddle a chubby bearded smart ass...
@PinkMallo Hi. I wasn't directing anything in particular to you (especially since I wrote my response before you did), but I actually admire your ability to empathize or try to understand the other side. I'm definitely not in a position to teach or instruct, but I have strong opinions about equity across borders - why is it so difficult for some people or groups of people to see someone different as an equal and still a human being? That I find fascinating.
@Minestrone101 oh! I'm new to typing here, so I thought you were replying to me as your post was after mine (how it shows on my screen). Thanks, I appreciate you filling me in.
I very much do not understand the mental math behind 'different physical attribute = not the same degree of personhood'.
People are so strange. They act like a different race is a different species. A human body feels like a human body.
In today's world it seems there are so many ways that we find to divide ourselves. I appreciate when people are able to put aside their beliefs about what makes us different and each out to learn about "the other side".
As @Morpheus pointed out our lives can be enriched by these experiences. We learn about ourselves and what we have in common with people we didn't think we shared anything with.
I would like to think that this is what this man was actually looking for and just didn't express himself well when he said, "he is "curious" to know what it's "like" to cuddle with a black woman..." but I have a hard time giving him the benefit of the doubt.
I'm with @Katota on this and would have been offended that I had been reduced to such a triviality. People may have physical preferences but as an enthusiast I'm much more concerned with how well I get along with the person, can we have a decent conversation, and will they be respectful than anything physical.
We live in a hypersensitive and overly emotional society (and I'm really talking about the men). Every little thing offends or hurts somebody's feelings. Meanwhile in Ukraine and other war torn areas, people are just trying to survive. People also assume that they know your race by how you respond to questions? You may be surprised...lol (this is a crybaby generation)
@Minestrone101 That is bc they're looking at a person like a novelty or spectacle and not as a person.
THIS!^^^😁👍
I'm not a "cuddle go-round" just because my skin is a few shades darker then someone else's.🙄😁
Concerning my earlier post. I just did a search on the word "reductionist," and the earliest search result is March 2019. Only 4 threads, including this one.
You keep a good attitude during it all. lol
@Minestrone101 Lol! 😁 Thanks I do try to, other's responses here are expected. I'm active elsewhere on another site, where these kind of "hot topic discussions" occur often. So yeah, I'm good with the various "yay or nay" commentary.😁👍
And I appreciate your responses as well as others, YOU really get how one's "curiosities" towards another's skintone can be oftentimes insulting. 😊🫂
@Morpheus maybe you’ll have an opportunity to open someone’s eyes just a little bit more than they were before
Nah, it one hasnt figured out skin is skin BEFORE reaching the age of 44...Then there's nothing else to "open", it's best to leave it shut from here on out in my opinion. 😁
Appreciate your comment, thank you.👍
What the hell?? Why are people like this… I don’t understand. And for those who don’t understand - it’s like being fetishized in a supposedly nonsexual kind of way. It’s weird and makes you feel like an object to be “experienced” and not a human being.
So I agree. It would make me feel like an object to be ogled if I was told somebody wanted to meet me only because of ______ whatever physical characteristic box here. That’s just weird IMO. It has happened actually, now that I think about it, both here and in non-platonic spheres, and I don’t like it at all.
@TheMidnightOwl Should we eliminate profile photos? And perhaps the height and body type fields, too? Why have anything in a profile that gives an idea about anything of a physical nature?
@Katota Yeah. Very weird. I don't know it's so hard for a human being to say "I feel this way," and another human being then responds "Oh I understand, let me listen and try to learn more." It beats adding a label and judgement to your feeling or pretending it does not exist or telling you how to feel. That's me. Dunno how you do it.
@TxTom Honestly? Probably. I don’t understand why half the boxes in our profiles are on here when this isn’t a dating site. Many people don’t have profile photos on here either. But that wasn’t my point. It’s weird to tell someone you chose them to cuddle because of the color of their skin. Or body shape. But I’m extra touchy on that subject because I’ve been objectified so many times in this area.
always have been visually intrigued by large
@PinkMallo Lol! Yep, I have been messaged for that reason as well.😄
Cuz of the whole stereotype of fat women being "the easiest" to get then our fit, in shape size 5 counterparts. 😏
I have been messaged due to my age as well.
never interacted with 'alternative' types
Oh yes, I have had the "be my tour guide into alternative lifestyle"-Dudebros plenty of times in my inbox. Lol. 😆
People are so strange. They act like a different race is a different species.
@unsocial_bee OMG! Thank you for your comment...😆😆😆 And very true, very true indeed. I promise I am an Earthling same as other Earthlings on planet Earth.🌎
@Katota This is an interesting psychological phenomenon which I think is appropriate here and in many places.
@Minestrone101 Lol. 😁I am just now watching the first flick, and yes I have definitely been asked about my hair BUNCHA TIMES. And I'm fine telling them "it's a wig and you don't need to touch it to know it's a wig". Lol! Yes I agree, the word "ghetto" gets used inappropriately ALOT!😊🙄
It's not just one race using "ghetto" in idiotic fashions, it's been a lot of people (of all skintones) doing it. Smh. 😆
For example, elsewhere on another site, some silly twit (who is black) posted a status saying: "Being single is ghetto"
Lol. I responded with: "Well if your being single is that of a slum landlord...Perhaps you should consider moving!"
😄😄😄
Thank you for sharing that!😁
IMO - Wanting to cuddle someone BECAUSE of their skin color is just as racist as NOT wanting to cuddle someone because of their skin color. In both cases, the person’s desirability as a cuddle partner is being determined by their skin color.
Also, prejudging people (i.e. prejudice) is alive and well on this site. It normally isn’t as overtly related to race / ethnicity as the person described in the original post but prejudging people can take many forms, many of which seem to be perfectly acceptable on this site.
Here are the highlights of an article entitled You Never Know What Someone is Going Through But You Think You Know that I have linked below.
BEGIN EXCERPTS… We all think we know what’s really going on in other people’s lives. Our neighbors, coworkers, and friends on social media—we assume because we see snapshots of their existence that we have a pretty good sense of what their reality is actually like. But the truth is, we have no idea; you never know what someone is going through.
The struggles, hardships, heartbreaks, and daily battles that people face behind closed doors largely remain unseen. What we perceive as perfect lives are often far from them. As we go about our day, quick to judge and make assumptions, many around us are simply surviving, hoping for kind words and compassion…
We’ve all been guilty of it at some point. We see someone reacting in a way we don’t understand and immediately think, “If that were me, I’d handle it differently.” The truth is, we have no idea what that person has gone through or is currently facing.
We think we understand what others are going through because we can imagine how we might feel in their shoes. But the truth is, we have no idea. Our experiences shape us in profoundly personal ways. Even if we’ve gone through something similar, we can never fully grasp how another person perceives and processes the world.
We think we understand what others are going through based on what we see on the surface. The truth is, we never really know the full story. Pain and suffering are often invisible.
https://www.believeinmind.com/self-growth/you-never-know-what-someone-is-going-through/
@Katota Some pple might want to be single slum lords! So if you have a lot of casual activity, you're a renter? (Renters have rights! lol).
@JohnR1972 Quality post!
If it makes you uncomfortable then definitely don’t do it. I wouldn’t have any problem with it, because it takes a lot to bother me. I’ve had other situations being a first and it may or may not have been a curiosity but there was not an opportunity. As long as they like me it’s cool.
Wanting to cuddle someone BECAUSE of their skin color is just as racist as NOT wanting to cuddle someone because of their skin color.
It's only not racist to make policy because of skin color.
@TxTom that is true but whatever informs either decision is.