@pmvines Despite your earnest effort to be mean, you are definitely spot on. The clique would like to inform you that you have reached Platinum Snob status. Congratulations. Membership has its imaginary privileges. I guess one of them is easily identifying excessive wind baggery and self-indulgent dissertations on the nuances and complexities of cuddling that mere mortals will never comprehend in their lifetime. Your platinum BS detector will arrive in a week or two unless you paid me $150 for a Platinum Prime membership
@pmvines A lot of fetishes seem benign on the surface. But I do not believe that is at all the OP's motivation. Can't speak for others.
~ Sunset Snuggles
🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover
@Will564 I enjoyed your very thoughtful post. Your profile says you're organized, and it comes through in your writing.
You posted: "But even in those more “mutual” type of experiences, I really believe that it still has to be completely because the client truly wants that mutual experience, and that the pro is still serving the client by giving it to them."
Love this. An example would be if the Pro's back hurts and they would like a massage, but the client has arthritis or simply does not enjoy giving massages. Getting backed into giving one would not be right. But if the Pro loves head scritches and the client loves giving head scritches, wonderful! This really goes for any and all cuddle scenarios, it's simply the concept of enthusiastic consent.
I've had cuddle sessions with folks who requested running my hands through their hair while they relaxed on my lap. They loved it!
@CuddleStella 💯. Just don’t let the cuddle police find out. You might get a ticket for Excessive Fetish. Best defense against that is to argue common sense in court.
@CuddleStella was doing exactly what we've all been talking about...providing her client with what they platonically asked and paid for. 😊
Hair can absolutely be a fetish so that being said, what makes certain “fetishes” acceptable and others not acceptable?
@Morpheus Common sense. If someone is getting aroused from the activity it is a fetish. If they are not aroused it is a platonic pleasure. I have ran my hands through the hair of most pros—with permission—because I like to be reciprocal during a session as much as possible.
@BoomerSpooner they’re definitely not created equally. I think on average more women are going to be sceptical of a man asking to massage her feet then they would of him asking to brush her hair.
@Morpheus posted: "what makes certain “fetishes” acceptable and others not acceptable?"
Nothing? 🤔 I'm confused where it's been implied that some are okay.
From the ToS: "When communicating with another member, you agree to never indicate a desire to cuddle while doing any of the following: (1) being nude, (2) wearing only underwear, (3) kissing, (4) groping, (5) satisfying a fetish or kink, and (6) anything of a non-platonic nature."
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/terms/general
If I'm meeting someone whose actions or words indicate that they're sexually into something, it's a no-go. That could be a fetish for playing with hair, it could be a clothing request, it could be something more overt like a foot fetish...
What the fetish is doesn't matter to me; if someone appears to have a sexual link to an action, it's no longer on the table.
Example: A year or two ago, I chatted with and scheduled a coffee meet-up with a guy, here. Everything was fine, he was polite, then an hour before our scheduled meeting, he PM'd me, "Umm...would you do me a favor? Can you wear boots to meet me?" Instant cancel. The irony? I was already dressed and was wearing black boots. 😆 Because boots are not automatically a fetish, just as playing with someone's hair is not. But he made it a fetishized red flag by the way he asked me to wear boots. I'm not here to indulge some stranger's sub fantasy.
@Morpheus posted: "women are going to be sceptical of a man asking to massage her feet then they would of him asking to brush her hair."
💯 Guys like to touch my hair and many like to scruffle it, and I let them, as long as I get the impression that it's just an enjoyable sensation to them, and the tone remains friendly. But guys who frequently comment on hair or make a really big deal about it, eventually make themselves suspicious.
One might say, well, if the first group can play with your hair, why not the second, if you don't find it sexual? And I don't - I've never had my hair played with in a way that was arousing in any way. But it doesn't matter. If I find out it's arousing to him, we've stepped into territory I'm not here to support.
Lastly, regarding foot massages, that is such a common fetish that I do not accept foot massages from anyone in the cuddle world. I can't tell you how many group cuddles I've been to where the first question a guy asks me is if he can rub my feet. This is usually a brand new addition to the group, giving themselves away.
And for the Cuddle Police police...I do not automatically assume every such offer is a fetish...it's in the delivery...it's in the context. First meeting? First 30 seconds of that meeting? Red flag. 🚩 These types are usually the ones who also ask if kissing is platonic (true story), who ask if I'm into cuddling because my "boyfriend doesn't keep me satisfied" (true story), and other neon flashing signs of sexual intent. One comment or request doesn't sink someone...tone, context, and patterns do.
@SunsetSnuggles I understand and agree with the not satisfying a fetish thing. That’s not quite what I meant. I meant I am sure there are people on here satisfying fetishes and hiding it. Hair play and brushing can absolutely be a fetish but it will be more tolerated than foot play for example. People can be sexually stimulated inwardly by a fetish and you would never know it. You have have someone who appears to be very innocently brushing your hair but he’s very turned in inwardly and no one other than himself knows it.
@Morpheus Absolutely. There's nothing we can do about that. Similar to the substances thread, I mentioned that we can't necessarily know what people do before or during a break in the cuddle...we also can't always know what someone is thinking. All we can do is sit up and pay attention to the red flags thrown. If there aren't any...yes, absolutely nothing we can do.
This was a topic that caught my attention.
Prior to reading through all the comments, I never would have known there was a fetish for brushing or running fingers through hair.
For years I’ve paid extra for a scalp massage shampoo when getting my hair cut since feels nice.
In more recent years I’ve paid for a beard treatment that includes using a warm wet towel to clean off a product afterwards. A good beard scrub is vastly under appreciated. Once I discovered it, I pay extra for it when I go in for a haircut.
Earlier this year I was struggling with frequent and severe headaches as a result of a medical complication. I shared that at the start of a session, she suggested as a position to include laying back in an inclined position with my head in her lap. Was our last position of session. She gave me a wonderful scalp and temple massage. I left feeling much better.
With that same pro, I asked for permission to use my right hand to gently caress her back or arm depending on position. She said yes and later she told me felt very nice. I shared it was also therapeutic since I’ve had to do a lot of rehabilitation to regain strength and function in that hand.
Going back to the topic of the post, I don’t know how to go beyond what I did to do light enjoyable tickles on the back. When I think of being tickled, I’m reminded of being a little kid and my older brother sitting on me pinning my arms down so he could tickle me so hard I could hardly breathe. No aspect of that was a good experience and certainly would NOT be appropriate for anything on this site.
She stated in our first session she wasn’t comfortable with her face or hair being touched by hands. I respect that. I have only briefly touched her hair to move a portion that was awkwardly in my face. She understood that and wasn’t an issue.
My hair is fairly short and I’ve really trimmed down the beard from the pandemic lockdown peak. Only in recent years have found how nice attention to those areas feels. I believe cuddles should be mutually beneficial. So I would like the opportunity to return such a favor.
@TR23 I had a pro once who asked me to not touch her face. She said she breaks out easily. My wife and daughter who are both very touchy feely are kinda weird about their faces being touched for the same reason.
Those 2 things are both incredibly relaxing. This is something I usually do in every session (I always ask beforehand if it's alright) because of how nice it feels. Running my fingers through someone's hair is not only comforting to them, it is to ME as well. I'd definitely allow someone to brush my hair if they wanted to (with my own, unshared brush). I would oblige if they asked the same of me (with their own hairbrush).
Can you tell I'm squeamish about personal hygiene items?
🫂
@jasmine67 you are definitely not alone....or even in the minority Most people I cuddle with love hair brushing, scalp massage, back scratching/tickling.....all wonderful aspects of cuddling for those who have such preferences. I would suggest including such preferences in your profile description, as it may actually encourage interest. I for one made you a "favorite" after reading your post, though I have no immediate plans to visit the UK. However, if I do, I will definitely contact and schedule with you!