Am I wrong for having someone bring me to sessions?

[Deleted User]mercedesislove (deleted user)
edited May 2024 in General

I am a 5’1” girl and in order to feel safe going to strangers (usually men’s) houses or just meeting anywhere, I typically have a friend drop me off and sometimes walk me to the session. If I don’t do that I atleast share my location with someone. I’ve been cuddling regularly for some time and this hasn’t really seemed to be a problem for anyone until one particular person . I was walking to the cuddle client’s house with my friend while on the phone with my client. It was night time, pretty dark outside and it was not a short walk to the entrance so I did not want to walk alone. I said on the phone that my friend was walking with me because it was dark out. As soon as I said this the client hung up on me. I called him back and then he basically said he couldn’t do the session and that I was aggravating his anxiety. I tried to explain that the person was only walking me and was not staying or going to interrupt our session . I stood outside for about 5 minutes trying to talk to him. He was highly bothered by the fact that someone brought me. He ended up sending me money for my gas and the inconvenience. I understand that he may have been anxious but nothing about the situation was threatening or unreasonable. I don’t feel like it’s unreasonable to have someone to drop you off or wait for you outside when meeting random men as a woman. To me it seems like a red flag if they are uncomfortable with someone else knowing where you are or being close by. That has nothing to do with our session and so far most cuddles have been fine with it because tbh it shouldn’t be a big deal. Any thoughts? Am I in the wrong?

Update/edit: Thank You all for the Feedback🤍
A lot of people are saying that It was something I should say in the beginning and then I’m not in the wrong, and yes it’s something I usually say in consultation! This particular client had a consultation a while ago before I added that into consult info. I should have given a second consult.I am fully aware that people should be informed in advance out of courtesy but it’s definitely not a requirement to tell the person someone is bringing me.

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Comments

  • Bryan123Bryan123

    I agree that it is a red flag. I understand completely why you would want to have someone with you. As my sister always say, safety with numbers.

  • geobuggeobug

    You are not wrong for taking measures to protect yourself.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    Not wrong and best to meet somewhere in public before cuddling and getting their full name and contact info and even ID so you can pass that along to your loved ones .

  • walsh33walsh33

    Safety goes both ways. I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with 2 people showing up at my door, and u saying on the phone at the last second soneone is walking up with me. Now, if you said that would happen beforehand, maybe I would be cool with it. Meet ups are all about trust. Gotta inform in advance. Not as your are walking up.

  • [Deleted User]silver102 (deleted user)

    This is a blessing. You wouldn't want to get into a house with a man who behaves like that.

    He is totally wrong. It is completely reasonable for you to have a friend drop you off.

    He sounds like he wanted to try do "something more" - if he was looking for just cuddling, I feel as if he wouldn't have had a problem.

    Count this as a total blessing that you didn't get into that man house :)!

  • CuddleHugs01234CuddleHugs01234

    Safety first, and go with your gut! You did nothing wrong. If I’m meeting in private, I do require their ID be sent beforehand. Just pic and full name. This is for safety purposes, in case something happens, then I know who I was with. If they won’t do this, then we can have just a restaurant session, in complete public. Sometimes they don’t want to meet, and that’s perfectly fine with me. Safety is paramount!!

  • [Deleted User]zerogone40 (deleted user)
    edited May 2024

    I never even thought about this. It's absolutely right that safety is paramount in any situation where you're meeting someone for the first time. Feel no regret for looking after number one.

    @CuddleHugs01234 talks about getting a copy of the ID before the meet. I would say that's a good barometer for whether the person is trustworthy or not depending on the verification of the document in question. I would add my own little trick into the mix here, in the form of modern technology. There's all sorts of 'find my phone' and tracker apps you can download. Apple ID tags and so on. None of this comes from a place of paranoia you understand, it's just good personal security. Even when I'm on the Underground (Subway) here in London, I've got my hand over my wallet, I'm looking out for pickpockets, I'm scanning faces. The situations don't compare exactly but I'm trying to outlay the mindset. They used to call it keeping your wits about you.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    No, you didn't do anything wrong. If you had wanted your friend to come in the house with you and stand outside the bedroom door, then yes, advance notice would have been important. But just walking you to the house is not out of bounds. And as others have said, always have the name and address and picture of your client and give them to someone you trust. If they won't provide ID, kick them to the curb. Your safety is what's most important.

  • BearBear

    I see nothing wrong with this. I have had it twice that I know of. Once knowing beforehand and once when the person arrived. I never gave it a second thought to be honest. That's how they got their ride and that was fine to me.

    The other person didn't come into the house, so I didn't feel uncomfortable. They didn't request to meet in person beforehand so it was understandable to me. Considering the client paid a fee, I think they just had their own personal hang up. Yet better safe than sorry in this situation.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle

    Like walsh33 said, if you just sprung it on your client at the last minute that an unexpected second person was going to show up at his door along with you (even if they're just dropping you off), yes, you did something wrong. If you had communicated that in advance, that would have been ok. So in the future, you should communicate this before confirming a booking. It might even be something you may want to include in your profile writeup.

  • ShaneSchruteShaneSchrute

    You are certainly not in the wrong here. It’s completely reasonable for you to take measures to feel safe and have someone watching your back.

    This person was sent into a panicky downward spiral because you took precautions to protect yourself. That’s a bad sign. It’s not like last minute he had to go make snacks, drinks and hook up a PlayStation in the next room for your friend.

    It sounds like he had a hair trigger for anxiety and lacked basic coping skills. That’s not a recipe for safety for you.

    To avoid the people who would have a problem with this in the future you could make it clear you’re going to be dropped off by a friend but they won’t be coming in. It’ll save you a trip if they don’t like that.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    You are not in the wrong - it's important to feel and be safe. But you did do something wrong.

    The client is not a bad actor: a bad actor would not have given you gas and inconvenience money. A cuddle client is by definition a vulnerable person in some way, and two people turning up at his doorstep rather than the expected one is adequate justification for cancelling the session in my view. I'm an experienced and confident client and wouldn't cancel the session but I would be alarmed and on my guard, which is not a good start to a cuddle session.

    In any field, clients don't like surprises, and this is especially true in cuddling. It's completely fine to be walked up to the door by your friend, but it very definitely not fine not to tell the client about this well in advance. For a start you are compromising his confidentiality.

    To me it seems like a red flag if they are uncomfortable with someone else knowing where you are or being close by.

    It isn't. It's one of those difficult ones: possible red flag, possible green flag. Yes, the bad actors do behave in this way. But there are also good actors who are very lonely and vulnerable. Some suffer from severe anxiety. Some clients take a year or more to pluck up the courage to book a professional and a surprise like this could be way beyond their ability to cope.

    I would suggest that you contact the client, apologise, explain the situation, and offer another session. Count some or all of money he gave you for inconvience against the cost of the new session, or add some extra time, or something. (Not the gas money, that's a cost.) Explain that you will be walked up almost to the door by your friend: adding a brief detail of who the friend is (sister, flatmate, work colleage, college buddy, whatever) may help alleviate his anxiety. If all this works and you have a good session, the whole thing will have been a positive experience overall for you both.

  • SoosonSooson
    edited May 2024

    Safety goes both ways. I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with 2 people showing up at my door, and u saying on the phone at the last second someone is walking up with me. Now, if you said that would happen beforehand, maybe I would be cool with it. Meet ups are all about trust. Gotta informs in advance. Not as your are walking up.

    Correct, and I wouldn't even pay her for her expenses or inconvenience.

    it is also interesting that OP does not mention if the friend walking her into the house is a man or a woman (and since it wasn't mentioned let's assume it was a man). Since we all here seem to agree on how dangerous men are, why wont the client be concerned that he could potentially be robbed? or that the: friend might be Mister "P" supervising their employee you never know, right? and maybe he compensated for gas just to get the two of his back since they now know his location? we don't know what really took place during the conversation outside the client's house

    Its common curtesy to let a client know in advance that someone will be walking you in, and if you do so regularly why not mention that in the profile?

    the client's refusal to move forward with the session is to be considered a safety measure just as OP's actions were. tho it seems from the comments so far, that no matter who takes the safety messieurs, it is always the men's behavior that is the red flag....not supersizing

    He sounds like he wanted to try do "something more" - if he was looking for just cuddling, I feel as if he wouldn't have had a problem.

    @silver102 have you read OPs first Karma? any thought? or are we only going to be engaging in misinterpretation selectively and when it's convenient and fits the narrative? but besides that, any man that takes safety measures is now guilty of wanting to do "more?" two people walking into his house in the dark without notice and his refusal to open the door is a red flag? especially when it is likely that he realized the other person is a man (who are more dangerous than bears, right?) you got to be kidding me.

    and what does "more than cuddling" even mean? watching TV together? having a meal? what's wrong with that?

    If they won't provide ID, kick them to the curb. Your safety is what's most important.

    NO ID no meet? wow you gonna put a lot of pros out of business with that advice

    ****These comments were made on behalf of the silent majority

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    I agree with @walsh33
    Having someone drop you off is not an issue. Sharing your location with a friend is not only “OK” but a very smart move. Having a check in call or text planned with a friend with some code word to indicate everything is fine or that you are feeling unsafe is also a good idea. Having someone walk you to the door is perfectly fine if it is communicated IN ADVANCE.

    Let’s just reverse the situation and consider what would likely happen if a client was showing up at a pro’s home and as she sees him walking up the driveway she learns he has someone with him that he had never mentioned before. Is she going to feel comfortable opening the door? I am guessing most would not AND it would be viewed as a huge red flag that he showed up with someone he had never mentioned before.

    Just communicate in advance that someone is going to walk you to the door and everything should be fine. If you do and the client has a problem with that, then that is a big red flag for you to not go through with the cuddle.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @Sooson Maybe so, but worst case scenario, the client assaults the model. She calls the police and says, "Yes, I got into bed with this guy for money. No, I have no idea who he is." What do you think happens?

  • SoosonSooson
    edited May 2024

    @WriterGF I assume that a bunch of useless cops will giggle and dismiss her. I agree that your concern is legit. but both my statement and your concern are legit. it's an odds game and both sides choose which measures to take if any and then there is either a meet or there isn't. I was recently ghosted prior to a session by a pro that is now paused (and that never happens for a good reason).I don't think I would feel comfortable with her having my ID. I should stick to the advice I received from a good friend here and stay above a certain age.

    also, I am more on the side of legit pros then some shallow readers here can comprehend. but that's a very long conversation.

  • walsh33walsh33

    @sooson is absolutely right on all his point.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    It's perfectly ok to have someone walk you to the door if that's your choice. It makes good sense and nothing is wrong with that. Perfectly acceptable. I want to remind you that it's perfectly acceptable to not want an unexpected person at the door. That shouldn't be vilified. Remember that once a door is cracked it's less difficult to get it open and go inside. People of all shapes and sizes have pulled that off. Once it's open and accessible is gained to your home, it's easy to close the door behind. Now anything can happen. So a nice cuddle appointment is expected, but what you get is a cuddle appointment with a guy at the door.... I'd probably not open the door either. Size doesn't matter if it's a surprise so if something is unexpected or agreed upon deals off. He paid for gas and a little time, no harm no foul but next time discuss this before heading over.

    Hell I'd have an issue with someone sitting in the car outside my house if i didn't expect it. I've read enough and seen enough in life to know that it's these details that allow the biggest dangers in your world. There us a lot of trust being share between to strangers, you can't violate any of it.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I'd be interested to find out if a woman's chances of being assaulted go up if the other person knows they can't be identified. I don't know the answer, but it's an interesting question.

  • MorpheusMorpheus
    edited May 2024

    It’s not wrong for a girl to want to be safe. It’s not wrong for a girl to share her location with someone while she’s out on a session. It’s not wrong to have someone walk you to the door. It is wrong however to have someone walk you to the door and not tell the client or to tell him at the last minute. It’s also wrong to have someone stand outside of your clients home without letting him know. I would have done exactly what he did and cancel the session. Reverse the situation and say you are hosting as a female pro, what if your client showed up at your door with a friend and he didn’t tell you that he was doing that. You would be creeped out I’m sure. If any pro is going to have someone walk her to the door, they need to let the client know ahead of time and make sure that he is okay with this.

  • JohnR1972JohnR1972

    @WriterGF
    That is a good question and one that has been studied in detail. If a woman is raped, approximately 51% of the time it is by an intimate partner, 41% of the time by an acquaintance, and 8% of the time by a stranger.

    https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

    I would also add that while a pro may not have a photocopy of a client’s state issued ID, the client usually is not completely anonymous. The United States has a federal “Know Your Customer” that requires hotels (and banks, and rental car companies, and UPS Store, etc.) to check a photo ID before renting a room to someone. If a pro is assaulted in a hotel, it is a very simple matter for the police to ask the hotel who rented room ### last night.

    Likewise, if the pro is going to the clients home, it is very easy to find out who owns that house or apartment or who rented the AirBNB. There are also other digital breadcrumbs such as the client’s IP address which CC should be able to provide to law enforcement.

    The greatest risk to a cuddler (pro or enthusiast) is letting an unidentified person into their home or apartment. That can easily be avoided by simply not hosting.

    The ONLY time I was asked for a photo ID was my very first cuddle and it was with a pro who was hosting me at her home.

  • BrionCBrionC

    It really is no good reason for anyone to go to a stranger's house at night

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @mercedesislove I agree with all those who say that while your safety is paramount, you should have communicated your intent to show up with a second person, long before you did.

    You knew what time you booked the session, you knew it would be dark. You said having someone bring you is something you "typically" do, so there's no reason to surprise clients with this, last minute. Communication is key.

    To me, the other big issue here is that you said your friend was to wait outside the client's house, throughout your cuddle. I can't imagine any client being comfortable with that. How is the poor guy supposed to relax when he's worried there could be a peeping tom outside the living room window?

    Many members of this site are here because they have social anxiety or other similar issues...that's why they're hiring cuddlers. Try to put yourself in their position and imagine how stressed and awkward they already feel, then to find out there will be a person standing around outside the whole time. 😬 I feel bad for the client, and I think he was nice to have paid for gas and inconvenience.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @mercedesislove this quote is from your profile

    I usually have a few consultation questions to go over with new cuddles before booking!

    If you do this, why not disclose your intentions to have a friend walk you to the door at this time? This will give him the opportunity to let you know if he is okay with this or not.

  • [Deleted User]mercedesislove (deleted user)

    @walsh33 I get that point. It’s something I usually say in consultation! This particular client had a consultation a while ago before I added that into consult info. So yes in this case I was at fault as I should have given a second consultation. I am fully aware that people should be informed in advance.

  • [Deleted User]mercedesislove (deleted user)
    edited May 2024

    @SunsetSnuggles yes I usually say in consultation! This particular client had a consultation a while ago before I added that into consult info. So yes in this case I was at fault as I should have given a second consultation. I am fully aware that people should be informed in advance.
    I am curious however, about what you feel is appropriate , since you think It makes the client anxious to have someone waiting or dropping me off. To be honest we are both giving each other a certain level of trust meeting for the first time and if I put it into consultation info and the client agrees, what is the issue? Just because we are being hired as professionals, doesn’t mean we compromise safety. And location sharing seems to be the subpar option.

  • [Deleted User]mercedesislove (deleted user)

    @Sooson it’s something I usually say in consultation! This particular client had a consultation a while ago before I added that into consult info. So yes in this case I was at fault as I should have given a second consultation. I am fully aware that people should be informed in advance.
    Also, I usually bring women or men depending on who is available. No one is saying that men are intrinsically dangerous, I think that people are just saying that typically in a situation with a man vs a small woman, the man would have the upper hand. The person that brings me, regardless of who they are, NEVER comes up to the door. They always stand a distance away and make sure I get in safe, or they stay in the car and drive away.
    Also I’m not sure what you are insinuating in your comment about the first karma?! I don’t have control over what someone writes about me, he said nothing wrong actually. I appreciate the feedback but that part was a stretch :(

  • supadupasupadupa
    edited May 2024

    @mercedesislove you did nothing wrong. Anyone on the forum that says you’re in the wrong, well they are also a red flag. You didn’t say your friend was coming in just that your friend was walking you. People who think you’re in the wrong I would stay away from

  • [Deleted User]mercedesislove (deleted user)

    @supadupa thank you 🤍

  • [Deleted User]mercedesislove (deleted user)

    @WriterGF thank you I appreciate the feedback 🤍

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