Elephant in the Room

cuudledragoncuudledragon
edited July 2024 in General

🐘
Hey ya’ll I want to bring up a difficult discussion. It seems that this site has gone down hill since 2021 and the people I run into seem to want non-platonic services. I also hear all kinds of stories of sex workers on CC, which is frustrating because this is just NOT the platform for that.

I get frustrated when I am serious about the healing behind cuddling, and the first thing someone want to ask me is if I wear clothing during my session…..or if I do “massages”. It seems like the people who want massages the most, have the ulterior motives without admitting they are looking for a sex worker. There are also, literal people you can go to for a massage…..so then why waste time here? It just seems so much more tasking and its disheartening to the people who take this seriously.

Anyway, just wanted to bring up an uncomfortable topic, that has been frustrating me, but I have been very patient with. Just don’t know why these people don’t go to other platforms for sex workers. Because bringing that here is just making it harder for legitimate healing to occur.

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Comments

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    I get your frustration but there are some pros and enthusiast that mention massage in their profile. I mean I'd always appreciate a massage so i notice that. I haven't had the pleasure of having a massage/cuddle combo so i wouldn't know, but i never considered it a signal for sex. If it is someone let me know.

    As much as we talk about reporting and banning people it's fairly obvious we aren't doing it very much because a lot of the questions yall get asked deserve to be reported. Since i see a lot of guys in the forums that are clearly asking these questions they must not being reported.

    And to answer your question about why they'd look here rather than another site... it's here enough that makes this site the other site you are talking about. Also this gives the veil of innocence that makes them comfortable in their pursuits.

  • cuudledragoncuudledragon

    @BashfulLoner definently appreciate your input. And I understand the ability for massages to be platonic, its just that every time i have encountered it, it was a signal for something else.

    Also want to point out, that its not all on the men. It’s the pros saying they are platonic but then acting completely different behind closed doors. Which is such stupidity because that kind of behavior is messing up the ability for professionals to set a reasonable standard. Also, there are ways to advertise sex work and not use this site. I understand someone is trying to survive, but it’s dirty for some of the pros to use this site to actually offer sex work instead. There are strategies as to how people do this, and how people seek it. On top of that, it becomes confusing when there are legitimate sex workers claiming they are platonic, but then once they meet with a cuddler in person, they basically offer non-platonic touch. Sis, just go on a dating site…..or go on a platform for sex work, which does exist.

  • cuudledragoncuudledragon

    All I am trying to say is, if someone is a sex work, thats okay, but doing it here messes up the vibe and sends mixed signals to users on the site.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I read somewhere that the men looking for sex workers love the challenge of pushing convincing, etc., to get what they want. That’s why they are more likely to come here.
    Odds are pretty good that they don’t read this forum Anyway, so we’re just preaching to the choir.

  • cuudledragoncuudledragon
    edited July 2024

    @g_w_t_w haha true, but I do just generally wonder if people notice the same key words that I notice. But also, shoo to those people!

  • SolarisSolaris

    @theCuddleDrgn
    I 100% agree with you. I haven't experienced non-platonic offers here, but I'm sure you have. It's has to be disheartening to say the least. Like this could just be a beautiful thing. But the bad apples try and ruin it for everyone. I hope you have better luck going forward.

    Actually no, I did back in 2015 when I first started here. I had 2 great cuddles with a woman. Then on the 3rd, she crossed the line and ruined it. It ended and I left the site until 2022 I think is when I came back

  • cuudledragoncuudledragon

    @billiam i really believe trying to throw sexual experiences into the mix just complicates things and ruins the experience. I really think it can reverse someone’s healing process too. I just think its important to be clear and honest about your expectations and desires regardless if you’re a cuddler or a pro. I guess my main point is that the reason these people are finding me, isn’5 just because I am a pro. Its because there are pros who are actually sex workers on the site, which keeps people here. I think the requests and the offers have gone up since 2021 and inflation….i guess what I am trying to say, is that there are two groups of people involved in this problem. Its not as black and white as people normally mention on the forums where its just pros being harassed, its also pros pretending to be pros. Which is why I brought up the elephant in the room. Pros have a responsibility to uphold their standards and be consistent. The same way cuddlers have the responsibility to be receptive of boundaries.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @theCuddleDrgn
    I agree with what you are saying.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I have told men in the past when I was a pro to redirect - focus their attention on the feeling sensation from cuddling to the areas above the waist like their shoulders, chest, their arms, upper back, neck and head massage. This was all advised me when I first started by other experienced Pros here.
    But what the men want to do and seems overwhelming to them is to focus on the sensations between their legs lol (to put it carefully). When someone tried to get that way with me, I would usually talk to them about what they were feeling. Put in words where they need to focus. That usually worked. I didn’t freak out or get angry. I just tried to be reasonable with them.

  • cuudledragoncuudledragon

    @g_w_t_w i do the same, i think when that occurs its about your sensed being overloaded and then its time to tune into what the experience is for, which is psychological peace and balance. I also refer to the experience of touch going back to the experience of our inner child. When touch wasn’t so complicated, and we received and gave hugs with so many more people.

  • cuudledragoncuudledragon

    I dont mind feeling skin to skin on the legs! I think it facilitates affection and love! I do think the session can include platonic love, which again goes back to the inner child.

  • cuudledragoncuudledragon

    @g_w_t_w i guess my thing is, which is why i brought it up. How can we make it easier for the right people to find us! Because it seems that despite all the effort to be hyper specific on my profile, none of it matters. And its mostly because past cuddlers have told me that other pros will claim to be platonic but then not be in person. So how we as cuddlers, make it more efficient to weed people out who have different intentions.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    Pros or enthusiasts looking for something non-platonic need to be reported and banned. We hear a lot about pros reporting clients, less about clients reporting pros.

  • 87spoon8787spoon87

    Plus this puts it in everyone's head that us guys on here only want one thing and it's harder to connect for platonic cuddles

  • cde123cde123

    Think like a business owner and hire a virtual assistant to screen people for platonic intent, I guess. If that's the part you hate, why not outsource it?

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @theCuddleDrgn
    You're correct in everything you've brought up, thus far. 💯

    There are lots of men here (from my personal experience) seeking non-platonic encounters, and seeking outright sex workers.

    There are lots of Pro's here (from what I read and hear) seeking clients for sexual services, or outright sex.

    I've been here for two years, so I can't speak to if or when the site's vibe may have changed. I have received sexual messages from the very start, and continue to. Initially I didn't quite know how to handle them, but now I report without hesitation. These people who are asking you if you cuddle without clothes or do sexual massages - report them, all of them. 🙅🏻‍♀️

    I report both men and women - and honestly, I report far more women, for profiles that have questionable material (photos that appear to be naked; fetishwear; profile verbiage that has red flags), as well as straight-up ToS violations (untagged Pro's; sharing online payment info, business links, personal contact info; online wish lists, many of which include lingerie). I can't even think of all the things I come across...one of my favorites was a Pro who had a picture of her in her bedroom, with the wall behind her lined with sex toys and BDSM paraphernalia. ⛓️

    The men I report have typically solicited me directly through PM for something sexual. They are often brand new to the site.

    The women I report have typically visited my profile; when I click back, I find that they are breaking ToS in broad daylight. The women have often been here for years.

    So yes, as @BashfulLoner pointed out, there's a f^ckton of non-reporting going on...especially clients reporting Pro's, as @WriterGF pointed out. This has also been confirmed to me by numerous men that I have met in person, who have told me about ToS violations they have come across or been offered. None have reported them, when I asked. Not one. 😐

    From what I see, read, and have been directly told by friends and acquaintances, women are much more likely to report, men are quite unlikely to report, and when either is reporting, women seem to be believed by the mods, more often, and treated more leniently... 🫤

    This is a "Me Too" world we live in, so I understand that no one wants to be the a-hole who doesn't believe a woman or any victim, but men can 100% be victims, so it's a very, very tricky situation. I do not envy the mods having to try to sort out reports, but I will say that when I continuously hear that the men are insta-banned and the women remain unscathed, just based on he said/she said, it seems like a scary and unsupportive place, to be a man, here. 😬 Again, this bit is hearsay from what I have read and been told by friends and acquaintances; I have never had to report a man for in-person misconduct, thank God.

    Lots of good discourse in this thread. 🌱

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

    Happy summer vibes! 🐬 🎹

  • FalcoFalco

    or go on a platform for sex work, which does exist

    I guess that CC owners wouldn't be happy of affiliating with such sites or having a section of CC to redirect the non-platonic part of the users and weed them out. But in country in which sex work is legal, it could be a revenue to lower the fees of platonic pro cuddlers. I'm wondering about the CuddleComfort with the actual blue logo and ErosComfort with a red logo. 😈 😅

    Maybe some instructions (like "if you're looking for xxx, CC won't work for you; please Google for [...] or click here") on how to find those sites can be added to the sign up message and periodic platonic reminder?

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Falco - Non-platonic users are just banned. They know how to use Google to find such websites if that's what they're looking for. It isn't rocket science.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    I agree @Mike403.

  • hangingonhangingon
    edited July 2024

    When I see someone who is charging $200+ for a cuddle, I just assume they are likely an undercover sex worker. Maybe I'm wrong, I like cuddling as much as the next person but I just don't see any cuddle being worth $200.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @Mike403
    👍🏼💯🙏🏻

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Mike403
    💯

    @Falco
    There already are periodic "platonic reminders"...every 30 days, when clicking to message any Pro, it will pop up and you have to agree again.

    Problem is, the people here for that kind of thing are not stupid, they're manipulative. They know exactly what they're doing.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

    Happy summer vibes! 🐬 🎹

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    @HanShotFirst

    I don’t know if you’ve ever seen my stats but I keep track of any pro I see charging $200 or more and the vast majority end up banned.

  • BearBear

    What @BashfulLoner had to save resonates pretty well with me. Especially the part about since people are still doing it. It’s known as a psych to do it as well as people may not be reporting it. Every time I come across somebody who is an untagged pro I’ve reported it. A few of them have also offered extras. A while back I read that an escort site got shut down and a lot of them came to CC. Not that I think about it, in regards to not reporting it maybe they are being reported and banned. The mods and the owners are always trying to keep the site platonic. That’s a lot of work to go through all the messages and prove it. If I say pro cuddler Jane Doe offered to give me sexual favors, they have to make sure that that’s real and not somebody getting upset that they were not giving sexual favors when they were harassing the pro. There can be some pretty petty shenanigans on both sides. To do anything you have to make sure that the choice is supported. Every few days when I come on here, I see a few more profiles that are banned or such. I’ve even read about profiles that have been banned by people saying , they were on the up and up with them and can’t understand why. When you report somebody, I imagine it Doesn’t get taken care of overnight. Some people come out in the forum, air their dirty laundry, instead of contacting and reporting a person. Right now, I’m using speech to text so sorry for the extremely long paragraph. Plus, I am saying stuff that rattles in my mind as I read these different postings. Recently, unless somebody says something negative about me, I have stopped being negative or at least trying to. A lot of things I also see is People taking cheap shots at others and such. I don’t know if there’s that many people not getting banned or it’s just not happening In a timely manner since everything here is volunteer.

  • FalcoFalco

    @Mike403 In Physics there is a thing called "least resistance path". If somewhere there is what they want, shouldn't they be more happy to be there instead of here watching all profiles to find the exceptions to what they don't want?
    When I am on an e-commerce site and I don't find what I'm looking for even knowing that it exist, I get easily frustrated and search other sites.
    I know it's not difficult to google for what you want. But if you make them easier to go to another site, I think they are spending more time there and less here.
    The less time they spend here, the less they interact with platonic cuddlers. I think it would be a win/win.

    @SunsetSnuggles Yes, I was talking about them (the 30 days reminders). If non-platonic users can click on them to go on another (more enticing for them) site, they are more likely to search there and not here anymore. Am I wrong?

  • KamikaziNinja86KamikaziNinja86

    @HanShotFirst @billiam in my state (Utah) highest I've seen is $150 but they didn't last long, $100-$120 is average here. But if you look at higher COL place like NYC or Cali there are quiet a few that are over the $200 range AND have several karma left. Blows my mind that people will spend that much for 1 hour, I'll stick with my $100/hr cuddles, lol.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Falco
    Vintage items are easily obtained on Ebay, but some people enjoy the thrill of the hunt, and would rather search through dusty thrift shops and antique stores to find their treasure.

    In the same manner, it seems some guys get their rocks off by targeting the "girl next door". They don't want what's easily for sale. They want a challenge and a conquest. They're here because they choose this over other, faster options, because this is what appeals to them.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

    Happy summer vibes! 🐬 🎹

  • Mike403Mike403

    @Falco - The site owners wants to distance the site from anything non-platonic which includes mentioning non-platonic sites. Also, it will not solve the issue. Predators get a kick out of manipulating woman to do things they wouldn't normally do.

  • HoneylovesyouHoneylovesyou

    definitely only down to cuddle.

  • SolarisSolaris

    @SunsetSnuggles that makes a lot of sense. I never thought of that but I know some men feel that way.

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