My two favorites:
Why can’t dinosaurs talk? Because they’re dead 🤣
Why do ducks have tails? To hide their butt quacks 🤭
One of my colleagues accused me of stealing her thesaurus. Unbelievable! I was aghast, dismayed, and stupefied.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
What do you call a hippie with a haircut? The defendant
What do you call an old snowman? a puddle
What do you get when you cross a tarantula with a rose? I dunno, but don't try smelling it!
How many dancers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5,6,7,8!
Janet you’re a hoot! 😂
Hey man, if I can't make you happy with my hugs... might as well try another method! The giggles are gratis!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work!
I stayed awake all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
.
My neighbor asked me why I was pulling a chain across the road. Told him "I tried pushing it".
What's the last thing you take off before getting in the bed? . . . Your feet ...... off the floor.
How much does it cost to swim with sharks?
An arm and a leg!
@MajesticMango lol
@Auroradream 😂
If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots. Would they be called cellfies?
Where did the Killer whale get his braces?
At the Orca dontist.
Are these dad jokes or kindergarten jokes lol
A thief stole all the toilets from the police station.
Detectives have nothing to go on.
Why did the golfer bring 2 pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one
Did you hear about the bald guy who still carried a comb? He couldn't part with it. I'll see myself out.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. Wait for it…
I must have a weekend immune system.
I adopted a dog from a blacksmith.
As soon as I brought him home, he made a bolt for the door.
I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple!
Did you hear the one about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget
What about the constipated Mathematician?
Worked it out with a pencil
When I was a kindergarten teacher I had a joke of the day. No, really that's not a joke. Just the truth. This is my time to shine!
Wanna hear my joke about paper? Nevermind, it's tearable.
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