This is a long one...(That's what she said)
In the middle of the forest, exactly between two trees, a birch tree and a beech tree, was a little sapling. The two trees were arguing over which one of them it belonged to.
In the middle of their argument, a woodpecker flew along and the trees asked the woodpecker to fly down there, check the sapling out, and let them know who it belonged to.
So the woodpecker flew down to the sapling, flew around it and examined it and tapped it a few times with its beak and returned to the trees with its verdict.
"Which one of us does it belong to?" the trees asked.
The woodpecker replied...
"It's not a son of a birch or a son of a beech, it's the best piece of ash I ever stuck my pecker into!"
I am enjoying this silliness.
Why couldn’t the little boy go see the pirate movie?
Because it was rated “Arrrgh!”
Where do bad rainbows go? Prism. It’s a light sentence and gives them time to reflect.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.
President Biden keeps going into the hospital. Why? He just couldn't stop pootin' 😂
A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here?"
A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables under his arm.
Bartender looks up and says 'Don't go starting anything in here!"
I don't always wake up grumpy, sometimes I let her sleep.
🤣😁🤣
Works on a couple of levels! 😂
Did you hear about the peanut in the park?
It was a-salted.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The P is silent
There are two miners on a break. One asks "What's your favourite genre of music"?
The other replies "I really dig Hard Rock".
There was a recent survey that showed of all the different types of doctors that pediatricians tend to be the rudest.
It’s due to the fact they have little patients.
I had an ex-girlfriend that once gave me an ultimatum. She said I needed to stop pretending to be a flamingo.
I decided to put my foot down and left.
I met a famous Hispanic magician. He was known for an amazing disappearing act. I asked to see. He counted down uno, dos, and then vanished without a tres.
Where do pirates get their hooks?
At a second hand store.
How do you spot the blind man at a nude beach.
It isn’t hard.
🤣🤣🤣
Did you hear about the recent circus fire?
It was in-tents!
Recently a psychic little person escaped from jail.
Police have warned that there is a small medium at large.
Why is it impossible to run thru a campground?
You can only ran, because it's past tents.
A man went to the psychiatrist all stressed out. He said doctor, I've been having the weirdest dreams. Last night I dreamt I was a teepee and the night before I dreamt I was a wigwam. What's wrong with me?
The doctor replied, that's easy....you're two tents
What do you call a cow that has no milk?
An udder failure.
Why did the egg cross the road?
Because it had the inclination.
A guy ordered 12 bees in the mail but received 13. He called the company to complain about the extra bee and that he's not paying for it. The customer service rep. said, "Don't worry about the 13th...it's a freebie!" 😊
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. At least it does if you throw it hard enough.