Did you hear about what happened to the Energizer bunny recently?
Apparently, he was charged with battery.
How does Moses make tea?
Hebrews it
What do lawyers wear to work?
Law suits.
I asked my dog what's two minus two.
He said nothing
Why are elevators jokes so good?
They work on many levels
What does Jeff Bezos do before bed?
He puts his pjamazon
Dad: Look at that big woolly dog! Son: Dad, its a sheep! Dad: No, it's definitely awake, look, it's walking around.
A Weasel walks into a bar and the Bartender says "wow I never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?"
"Pop", goes the weasel
Did you know that before the invention of the crowbar, crows had to drink at home? lol
The crow sat on the telephone line, making a long distance caw.
Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side, of course!
What's the difference between an elephant and a mailbox?
I guess there's no point asking you to mail a letter.
What music do people in electric cars Listen to?
AC/DC
What do you call a sheep that can sing and dance?
Lady Bah Bah
The first French Fries weren't cooked in France. They were cooked in Greece.
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
Never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
I was going to try an all almond diet, but that's just nuts.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.
The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no word to describe how angry I am.
This morning a button fell off of my shirt as I put it on. I then picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off. As I opened the door the doorknob fell to the floor. Trying to get into my car the door handle fell off. Now I am afraid to pee.
Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter. I've seen them all. I guess you could call me a seasoned traveller. (I hope this joke isn't too spicy)
Did you hear about the Veteran that survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
He was a seasoned combat Vet.
A dog wearing a cowboy hat limped into a bar and said “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
My neighbor said her cat was rather vocal.
I started to pet her cat. I looked the cat in the eyes and told the cat I wanted to teach him to speak English.
The cat looked up at me and responded “Me, how?”
Can't use "beefstew" as a password.
It's not stroganoff.
I can’t put my finger on what’s causing my anxiety…
im not In touch with reality…
children simply refuse to eat vegetables. I have finally worked out what to replace them with.
Rabbits. Rabbits love eating vegetables.
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