What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed??
"Oh, sheet"
A lot of women say their husbands never listen to them.
I'm proud to say i've never heard my wife say something like that.
My wife turned to me yesterday and said "have you listened to a single word l've been saying?"
And I thought to myself, what a weird way to start a conversation.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
The door bell Repairman.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Predjdent in Sweden. He should have has cabinet built in two weeks.
Tis the season:
What has 15 actors, four settings, two writers, and one plot? 632 Hallmark movies.
@MenoPop 👏💯🔥💯😂🤣
What do you call a tired pea?
Sleep-pea
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A NECKtarine!
What type of bee can’t make up his mind?
A mayBEE???
Last night I had a dream that I was a muffler.
I woke up exhausted.
What do you call a reluctant potato?
A hesi-tater!
I asked my friend Sam to sing a song about the iphone. And then Sam-sung!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic!
What’s an octopus’s favorite love song?
“I Wanna Hold your Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand, Hand”
I went to the doctor today only to have him tell me I was going deaf. That was hard to hear.
A dentist married a manicurist They’ve been fighting tooth and nail
What do you call a cop with a skunk partner? Law and Odor
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Nevermind, I don't want to spread it
The couples next door seem perfect cause they never raised their voice arguing or quarreling with each other for over 10 years, I never knew they where both deaf and dumb
Since I do not have kids, are all my dad jokes considered ‘faux pas’?
@Kernow good one!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frost-bite
What is a reinder's least favorite dinosaur?
Comet
How do you eat a computer?
One byte at a time.
I love taking pictures of myself standing next to boiling water. My doctor says I've got selfie steam issues.
(Please note, I don’t keep good track of what I have and have not already seen or sent here. Apologies in advance, if I duplicate)
On Monday we start diarrhea awareness week.
Runs till Friday
@lonelytauros most of your jokes are quite funny. I have to be honest though, this one was just crap .... 😜
Two fish in a tank First one turns to the other and says "do you have any idea how to drive this thing?"
The only thing flat earthers fear is sphere itself
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