The limitations of this site

night_songsnight_songs
in General

So I'm going to be honest. I live in the UK and when using the search function, it is quick and simple to see that there are very few, perhaps zero, women on this site with active accounts, besides women requesting paid sessions.

Here is a very quick demonstration: A search for people "Last Active: Today" and location "Within 50 Miles". All the other options are set to any/all (the site automatically limits my results to women seeking men, based on my profile details).

The number of results is 3. Two of them are professional-only. Then we increase to "Within 100 Miles",

The number of results is 8 and six of them are professional-only. Now let's try "Within 300 Miles",

At this point, I can count 52 results as I reach the bottom of the page, so I suppose this would be the full range of women in the UK. But 34 of those results are from professional-only accounts.

Now as for myself, I noticed this months ago and I have been largely inactive since creating my account. I have no interest in paying real money for a professional session, this is my own preference and my findings on this site will simply be based on what I am looking for. I am also limited because, realistically, I can't travel more than about 30-40 miles to meet someone (and believe me, I have tried removing the "Last Active: Today" flag, but it results in nothing but people with very limited bios, who have been inactive for several months if not more).

So the question I face is, "Should I just give up, and seek a professional session"? In that case, I would immediately find a much larger range of people, who are more local, who have been active within the last 24 hours. They are highly likely to reply to a message, and... most of them have very appealing profile pics.

My answer is no, and my question now is, is this the reason men choose to stay on this site? Be honest.

    No results for this poll
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Comments

  • TxTomTxTom

    Your only 4 options:
    1. Leave the site.
    2. Hold out for an enthusiast.
    3. Give up and go Pro.
    4. Cuddle other dudes.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)

    Remember: If you state the obvious you will be shouted down, and quite likely suspended or banned.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    What @TxTom said.

    It is emphatically not the case that a cuddle with a professional is somehow less 'good' than one with a fellow enthusiast. It's just different, and in many ways better.

  • night_songsnight_songs

    @TxTom Please no troll replies, thank you

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited December 2024

    Is all the honest feedback you get from guys that decide to stay to cuddle pros going to change your mind? I don’t really understand what you are asking. Stay to make friends with people in an online community. Stay to meet people when traveling abroad. Stay to see if more local people join. You are not forced to cuddle pros. If there are no active enthusiasts in your area, perhaps spread the word. Complaining about it isn’t going to help and making comments criticizing others for cuddling pros certainly isn’t going to help.

  • TxTomTxTom

    Sorry, @night_songs

    I guess I read this

    Be honest

    and misunderstood.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I don't think that's a troll reply. Those are your options. Male enthusiasts outnumber females 16-1, so even if there were several active in your area, you might still have trouble connecting with one, especially with no picture and no profile description.

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited December 2024

    I disagree with the sentiment that you would be giving something up by hiring a cuddler. Sounds like you might benefit greatly from one especially since it seems to be causing you distress not having found a non pro nearby. Why not hire a cuddler.while continuing to work on yourself and searching out options for non pros ? Lots you could do to help your chances in terms of your profile,.attitude , and outlook. If doesnt have to be an either or situation

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited December 2024

    @night_songs, @TxTom's reply could not have been more helpful. Those are your basic options, although as @CharlieBear implies how you use the site is up to you.

    There are a far more reasons why men stay on the site than you, or I, or anybody, could possibly imagine.

    I live in London like you and I've cuddled with about ten enthusiast women that I met on this site, including one who is presently active. To be fair there are fewer here now than there used to be.

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
    edited December 2024

    @CharlesGrove who all is getting timed out/banned for expressing frustration with there not being enthusiasts local to them?

    Or are you referring to the banned members that keep making accounts and trolling the forums? They get banned, but not because they “state the obvious”.

  • night_songsnight_songs

    Hi. I just want to reassure the men in this thread that I do not believe that booking a professional session is "giving up", it is a perfectly valid thing to do! I did not mean to come across like that 😳I stated in my post that I, personally, am not looking for a professional session - I've only stated what I was hoping to find when using the features on this site.
    Helpful or good-natured replies are welcome as always, obviously replies advising me to "Cuddle guys instead" will be considered troll posts, since I have stated that I'm hetrosexual and it's clearly not practical or helpful advice.

    @WriterGF A ratio of 16-1 men to women on this site sounds extreme. Is that accurate? Even so, that should not make too much difference since the site can easily filter out search results to include only women. So it's still a case of using the site to find someone based on what I am looking for.

    I'm surprised at the overall negative response that I've had. There are no direct answers to my question yet, but it looks clear to me that a lot of men on here did, in fact, change their mind and begin seeking a professional session... again, I am not judging. That is fine ❤️

  • CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod

    @night_songs
    Suggesting a heterosexual guy to cuddle another guy isn’t trolling. Though it seems most are averse to the idea so one may have a hard time finding a guy to cuddle despite there being many more on the site. Cuddling another guy can be very fulfilling though and your sexuality doesn’t come into play unless someone is trying to make it non-platonic.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited December 2024

    @night_songs

    obviously replies advising me to "Cuddle guys instead" will be considered troll posts, since I have stated that I'm hetrosexual and it's clearly not practical or helpful advice.

    It is normal on this site for straight men to cuddle with other straight men (or indeed gay men) and while very much the exception it's more common than most people think. Such a reply is not 'trolling' as you suggest, it's just straightforward advice. Cuddling is a platonic activity and in principle sex and sexual orientation are irrelevant. Consider parents cuddling children, soldiers cuddling each other during or after combat, and sports players cuddling goal-scorers.

    Don't take the slightly negative response to your post personally. There is a relentless trickle of entitled or prejudiced men who post here whining about how they can't get a cuddle. Such people are usually new to the site, and heavily influenced by their ignorance of the cudding world. At first glance it is hard to tell the difference between them and those who are genuinely struggling.

    It is hard for everybody to find a cuddle, it's just that the difficulties are different for different groups. The site's sign up process, which implies that it is easy, is not helpful in this regard.

    Yes, in my opinion you would be wise for you to book one or more professional cuddling sessions.

    Yes, a large proportion of the men on the site stay because they use it to hire professional cuddlers. Most men never find a woman enthusiast to cuddle.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesGrove (deleted user)
    edited December 2024

    @CharlieBear Humanity is a large spectrum, but with the occasional outlier exempted, for the most part we stay in a fairly narrow range.

    Generally speaking, men have a greater need of physical contact (for our purposes here platonic affection) than women do, while simultaneously having far less opportunities to meet those needs.

    Hence, economy.

    I’m only referring to the need, and the opportunity to fill that need.

    I am not bothering with the limitless ways that need, and that pressure of opportunity scarcity, create various and terrible behavior and damage.

    But, as you know, Moderators exist for a lot of reasons, and none of those reasons are that humans are kind, patient, thoughtful, and respectful of others.

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    @CharlesGrove

    Generally speaking, men have a greater need of physical contact (for our purposes here platonic affection) than women do, while simultaneously having far less opportunities to meet those needs.

    I'll disagree with the first half of that. Men and women need physical contact equally, but it's a lot more socially acceptable for women to seek and engage in physical contact. I've never seen anyone comment on a woman hugging another woman, but if a man hugs a man, both risk being labelled as gay. Plus all the bad men who want and will try to sneakily or non-consensually get more than a hug makes it hard for good men to reach out without being viewed with suspicion.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    That's definitely a call back of discussions of old, i almost forgot about the option of men cuddling men. Not joking at all i just hadn't remembered reading it in a long time. The choice are very simple but the expectation has to be measured. Nothing is as easy as it would appear from the outside looking in here. Even hiring a pro isn't as easy as just clicking a pro, booking and that's it things just don't go that way. Enthusiasts are definitely more challenging to come by but they are available. Regions and areas vary as well. With in 20 miles of me there are maybe 50 enthusiasts 20 who have been active in the last year and 4 in the last month. I suspect they will be inactive very soon. But they do come and go maybe i get lucky and catch one before she gets creeped out and never visits the site again.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited December 2024

    I’m sorry but it seems like you’re not putting in much effort. No photo, no profile = no one will be inspired to respond to you even if there are some in your area. What do you have to offer? What would you give in a cuddle session? There are some great suggestions above that will help your chances.
    Also when talking about “cuddling” with other men - maybe substitute the word “hugging” in the examples given. Might seem less scary.
    Maybe you could try to be someone a woman might be interested in?
    Best of luck and this really is a great community for meeting others, once you get the hang of it.

  • night_songsnight_songs

    @g_w_t_w Hi. Thank you for the reply. I have not had any responses from women on this site, but I haven't sent any messages. I haven't spent much time on here or added much to my profile, because my findings on this site are as described above.
    People think I'm using this thread to complain that I'm not getting enough responses from women. You need to read what I said in the post 😄

  • Gwynne42Gwynne42
    1. Search does not show everyone in your area. People can set their profiles to not appear in searches. I have had numerous men contact me who live within 10 miles of me who never appear on a search. They saw something I said in a forum or browsed my profile and reached out.
    2. Many who hide their profiles do not bother filling them out entirely for personal reasons. Take that minute to reply and let them send you their picture privately and they may open up and share more than what most people put in a profile to begin with.
    3. Do not overlook the idea of a virtual cuddle. There are threads about how to do successful virtual cuddles. Make sure you emphasize that you are looking for companionship. If you are willing to be vulnerable and honest, women tend to be nurturers and will respond to that. The hurdle you have to overcome is the number of creepy guys who approach a virtual session as a chance for porn. One out of about 15 requests that I have received seemed genuine.
  • night_songsnight_songs

    @CharlieBear I really don't think the suggestion "Cuddle other dudes" was serious. This goes the same for any dating site - if you state in your profile that you're "Seeking Women", then an invitation from a Man is unsolicited. (I decided on my preferences before I joined this site, sorry! It's not a rejection 🤗)

  • Gwynne42Gwynne42

    LET'S DO A ZOOM COMMUNITY CUDDLE PARTY

    During covid, all of us were challenged with how to build and maintain human interaction over zoom. We played games and had virtual happy hours.

    I would love to see us as a community have a virtual community cuddle. It is winter here in the U.S. Let's set up a zoom date. Post a free meeting link. Get in our favorite holiday jammies. Grab a mug of hot chocolate or spiked egg nog. Bring on the popcorn. Grab your comfiest pillows. Play a few games.

    https://www.lumapps.com/employee-engagement/virtual-team-building-activities

  • CuddlesComfort8CuddlesComfort8

    @night_songs : You said you haven’t had any responses, but that you also haven’t sent any messages. I’m not sure how it is for enthusiasts, but for pros, we aren’t allowed to reach out to people without first being contacted in some manner (I want to say someone said we can send a message if a person views our profile but doesn’t reach out). So, that may be part of your issue in terms of not finding someone.

  • GuyverGordonGuyverGordon

    Bring on the popcorn.

    @Katota, that's your queue ... 😉

  • Vocalist100Vocalist100

    When I do any searches I tend to go with "Active in the last month" rather than day. Not everyone checks in on a daily basis, but if they haven't checked in within the last month, they're not likely to return.

  • SoosonSooson

    @Vocalist100 Have you had some success with getting responses from cuddlers that last visited the site 2-3 weeks ago or longer? I usually search for "active less than a week ago"

  • JubalJubal

    @TxTom Please no troll replies, thank you

    His response was about as non-troll as you could possibly get on here. He laid out the options that you have. If you're unable to find an enthusiast, then yes, you'll have to accept that it'll cost you the price tag for a pro.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod

    @night_songs firstly, this is not a dating site or anything like. If you consider it to be such you are on the fast track to a ban.

    Secondly, @CharlieBear is a longstanding and respected member of our community. If he makes a suggestion, it's worth considering. The suggestion that straight men should get their cuddles by cuddling straight men is an established piece of advice on this site and is entirely serious. As demonstrated by the fact that several people have made or supported it in this thread alone.

    Thirdly, this is a social media site. In general terms anybody is enitled to write to anybody - that's what the place is for. It is uncommon but not especially rare for the men who cuddle men to list themselves as straight/seeking women. It is also uncommon but not especially rare for men who list themselves as such to receive messages from other men with a view to cuddling. It happens to me about once a year. If you're not interested the conventional response is a polite and friendly 'thanks but no thanks'.

    The Search function does not show members who have Muted their account.

    Typically I search on 'last month' but rarely message anybody who has not been active in the 'last week'. And if I do, the reply rate is significantly lower than usual.

  • ReltvlyCanshesReltvlyCanshes

    Such dynamic responses, the intricacies of this site are really showing up fast. I wonder who could have expected this.

  • night_songsnight_songs

    @Vocalist100 I'd have to agree with this. If someone hasn't used the site for over a month it's highly unlikely they will respond to a message. I've used "Last Active: Today" as a rough guide to see how many women might be on the site overall (there were 18 results within 300 miles!) and even extending the "Last Active" setting does not increase this by much, and this doesn't look promising when you're new and considering sending your first message.
    As I said before, when you include professional cuddles, the results vastly increase 🤯

    This thread has given me some great insight. Not many people read my post properly - thanks for the well-meaning responses about not getting replies from women (I didn't send any 😅) but I started this thread to ask you all about the elephant in the room:

    A lot of men are joining this site, changing their minds about what they want, and instead responding to women who charge for professional sessions. I've got a lot of responses suggesting that I should do that myself (or that I should seek sessions with men 😳) instead of seeking the type of cuddling session I wanted.

    I just think it's unlikely that I'll find it, and that men are redirecting to payed sessions often enough that it's become normalised. Maybe people don't want to hear that (I've had professionals pretending that I'm having trouble finding payed sessions, for others to misinterpret me 🙃) but I guess there's no harm in trying. So these are my findings.

  • night_songsnight_songs

    @CharlieBear is a longstanding and respected member of our community. If he makes a suggestion, it's worth considering. The suggestion that straight men should get their cuddles by cuddling straight men is an established piece of advice on this site and is entirely serious. As demonstrated by the fact that several people have made or supported it in this thread alone.

    But I'm not looking for that? You could've looked at my profile and seen that I'm not looking for men.

    (Tbh I can kind of see that men are taking this pretty harshly...again, don't take it as a rejection. TY.)

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