Hello cuddlers,
If you've sent someone a message but have not received a response after a couple weeks, is it ok/advisable/frowned upon/stalkerish to send a follow up message?
Follow up! Not stalkerish. Pros especially can have a ton of messagss to go through and yours can slip into the cracks.
I think after a week it's ok, though I will rarely message back someone if they don't respond to me, I just assume they're not interested.
Thanks guys for your opinions.
Rule of Three!
If you reach out three times, and they don’t reach back, let them go.
And, try not to take it personally.
Everyone is self absorbed, stressed, busy beyond fatigue, and more than a little leery of new people.
If they don’t have the time, spoons, inclination, or desire for you in their lives it’s likely far more about them than you.
Excellent. Thank you.
Yes it's fine to do once and once only, providing the message is polite, obviously. Initial messages do indeed sometimes just get lost in high-volume inboxes.
I suggest waiting at least a week, and not doing it at all unless the recipient has logged in very recently i.e. last 24 hours. Even then follow up messages rarely receive a reply. In other words don't do it routinely because it's not worth it, in general just send one message and move on. But for special cases it's fine to do it as long as you put the effort in and do it right.
By the way, “Rule of Three” is simply my way of trying to fit in and not be too creepy.
But, between you and I, I am creepy.
I (shudders) actually like getting to know people.
I don’t mind (deep breath) actually telling someone that I like them and enjoy spending time with them.
I even (dry heaves) let people know that I admire them and feel that they are worth my attention and effort.
But, since I know that not everyone is like me, I limit my own earnest enthusiasm and curiosity to three tries.
And somewhat mitigates my spectrum self from wasting too much attention, enthusiasm, and time on someone that doesn’t want that, but can’t simply say that they don’t.
(Super super creepy.)
I must confess I have done three. But the third one was maybe a year or more later, when circumstances might have changed.
I have also been the recipient of second messages. I don't have inbox congestion, and if I haven't replied after a month it just means I've forgotten and a nudge is helpful.
I've had a few cuddlers who, despite exhibiting initial interest, would "ghost me" on subsequent messages. Then I would send a booking proposal instead of a message and they would soon reply. Maybe your follow-up message can be a booking proposal.
@hugsnotbugs98 this particular pattern of professional behaviour is a defense mechanism against a certain type of time-waster who wishes to chat indefinitely without making a booking. These are common.
Some professionals, and professionals in other industries such as the companionship industry, offer daily text message as a paid service. This is very easy to find and can be very useful. The time wasters are just not willing to pay for it.
Under ordinary circumstances a Booking should require no more than about 3 messages each way to arrange, plus the Booking request. Any more than this raises the possibility of creepy behaviour on the part of the client.
If, for example, you are brand new client who is very nervous and has a lot of questions, then say so. It may be helpful to suggest a telephone or video call, for which you should offer to pay. This offer may or may not be accepted. There are a variety of other potential problems associated with such calls and some professionals will not do them under any circumstances: they will answer your questions by message. (Communication off the site is obviously still prohibited at this stage.)
The keys are openness, honesty and respect towards the professional including for their time. Demonstrating those consistently from the beginning will usually result in a kind and helpful response. If they don't, this isn't the right professional for you, so thank them politely and move on.
It is also helpful, if you are an honest client who could be misconstrued as creepy or nefarious, to read the terms of service twice and stick to them fanatically. Both letter and spirit.
Thank you all for your responses. In general, I wasn't speaking about Professionals, but thank you for being complete with your opinions.
I would probably send 2 follow up messages at the most
@MarkT12 It's very common never to hear back from enthusiasts. They are buried in messages, as a rule.
Sometimes people are overwhelmed with many messages and may have missies yours. Try a second time a week later. A few times it took me three little messages until the person responded and it turned out really well
A reasonable response rate for a man enthusiast writing to women enthusiasts is 5%. You won't achieve that without a good profile and good messages. Sending any messages without those, never mind multiple ones, is just being annoying.
How to Create a Great Profile
I'm a non-pro woman on this site, and here's what I look for in a first message.
Understanding Boundaries & Etiquette
I second @CuddleDuncan’s forum recommendations.
I’m a female enthusiast and I get a lot of messages. Like a lot. And most of them are not worth responding to.
So having a blank profile and initiating with “hey beautiful, can I book a cuddle session with you?” is just not going to get a response from me. Following it up and still having a blank profile with “hey baby, i think we’d have a great time, got any pics” won’t encourage me to change that stance.
These are not exact copies of messages I’ve received but they are pretty encompassing of what I receive on an almost daily basis.
If you’re trying to connect with anyone, but especially with an enthusiast, fill out your profile, think about how to write a good introductory message where you actually share something about yourself and ask questions, and when people do respond, help them keep the conversation going. Don’t make them do all the work. 😁
Again, I'd like to thank everyone for your responses.
To clarify: My profile is complete, though truthfully, i could use a better pic.
I am not boorish. I work to treat everyone with respect and be polite to a fault.
I ask general questions about their profiles. I have never asked for pics, nor have I commented about their body. I try to comment about the scenery around them.
If I ever request to meet, it is for coffee somewhere.
I've received some good advice here and wanted to say I appreciate the responses and the level of help given.
@MarkT12 I just wanted to clarify I totally wasn’t meaning to say you do those things. 😁 You’ve been very receptive here. But I know others might read this so I just wanted to add more info than how many times one should message back or at what frequency. Cause some folks need all the help they can get. 😉
No, sometimes people view them and forget to respond later. There’s no feature of marking as unread to help us out.
@MarkT12 for the avoidance of doubt, from your responses in this thread - and indeed the posting of the question - it's obvious that you write decent messages. I haven't looked at your profile and wasn't commenting on it, I was just making general comments.
In truth, most of what I write on the forum is really directed at the lurkers and those who come after, not the people commenting in the thread.
@mauvefox and @CuddleDuncan, I was not inferring any negative implications on your part. I've learned to take advice in the spirit with which it was given, and both of you have been very helpful. All is well with us. 😀
As a Pro I’m not following up. I believe I am being protected from bad spirited/ill intentioned people when the convo drops off. I also value my time and have little of it to spare so I believe people weed themselves out for me when they don’t continue a convo. I think ghosting is rude; if I don’t think a someone and I are a good fit, I tell them. I think it’s okay for cuddlers to follow up but I wouldn’t want to give my hard earned money and time to someone that I have to struggle to communicate with when there are other communicative Pros out there.