What does Platonic mean to you?

FirechildFirechild
edited June 2025 in General

I'm wondering if this is me....I am having a hard time trying to find someone who gets what platonic to me means.

To me it means this isn't about physical attraction so my photo should not matter. This isn't about sexual gratification....so when I'm inviting you to cuddle this doesn't mean you should touch my breasts or try to put your hand down my shirt (which has already happened with someone I met up with). And it also doesn't mean I'm looking for this to be a jump off place for a more serious sexual relationship - there are DATING sites for that.

When I see platonic cuddling it means to me to be someone you feel comfortable to hug, lean on, touch (maybe head rubs or back rubs) all in a non-sexual way. Clothes on, in a comfortable safe space, which no hidden ulterior motives. This isn't foreplay, this is building a connection that might perhaps become a strong friendship at most.

Am I in the wrong here? Because so far I keep attracting dms from people who clearly don't see platonic as meaning the same thing to them and I wonder perhaps I'm just naive or wrong.

Mod edited the thread title [netrunner]

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Comments

  • MTexMTex
    edited June 2025

    You are not wrong. There are legit cuddlers on here it just takes time & effort to find them. A tip would be to connect with people who already have Karmas. This helps to vet potential cuddlers.

    Edit: I usually take my time in getting to know any potential cuddle partners beforehand & hopefully see any red flags ahead of time.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    @Firechild There have been topics before on part of your statement - a good number of people have said they prefer to cuddle with someone they find physically appealing. I can't say that's a big surprise. Look at the pros who come up on the main page - they are mostly young, attractive women.

  • AdentoAdento
    edited June 2025

    As far as the site rules, I'm assuming that it's not for dating or sexual contact. Those people broke the rules of CC and likely broke the rules of Canada. That said, as far as the percentage of people who cuddle "Women only" and "men only" it's impossible to say that attraction is entirely out of the equation. (There's valid reasons such as trauma and trust, but that is NOT what we are seeing here.)
    If this were the case, pictures from the neck down, age, body type, sexuality, and ethnicity would be virtually irrelevant yet they're very influential.

    It's nuanced, I guess. The un-nuanced bare minimum is "you agree to never indicate a desire to cuddle while doing any of the following: (1) being nude, (2) wearing only underwear, (3) kissing, (4) groping, (5) satisfying a fetish or kink, and (6) anything of a non-platonic nature.", but the site rules leave that last part open to interpretation. For some, if you follow 1-5 then 6 is just the catch-all. For others, they might not want any feelings of attraction during the cuddle.

  • cde123cde123

    Platonic certainly means non-sexual but it doesn't mean beauty can't be appreciated IMO. If anything Plato encouraged appreciation of beauty, physical certainly but also higher forms which are eternal, something like the beauty of the soul or moral beauty. It's never sexual but more like when a woman complements another woman on how well put together she is.

  • dennis22554dennis22554

    I just we rote a post that's sadly related to this topic...the demise b of social interaction..there seem to be an increasing number of posts where its fairly clear that the concept of respectful interaction is completely foreign. I recently had a conversation with a proffedional friend where he male client essentially showed up in a bathing suit and a beach towel for a dinner date. Fortunately he obeyed boundries but was obnoxious the entire evening ..and at thr end he told her he wanted to fkjccjcj he r the next time that had a session. She banned him and he subsequently deleted his profile. It's sick how some people believe deplorable behavior is acceptable.

  • TeddyBear4u2024TeddyBear4u2024

    First I'm sorry that has been your experience at all but especially since your profile indicates you just recently joined.

    Like so many things it can be complicated topic. What is not complicated is the site terms which were broken by your cuddle partner as Adento pointed out well and you should report him at minimum.

    Ultimately, you are meeting strangers from the Internet and you are responsible for ensuring your safety.

    I would keep communication on the site for as long as possible so that if you do have to report mods have access to the conversation leading up.

    Have a video call or meetup for coffee in public place for a vibe check and somewhere in there discuss your boundaries.

    You can't fully put your trust in Karma but it is a better than nothing indicator that the person you meet has had cuddle interactions that are mostly positive.

    In terms of what 'matters' in terms of selection, that is going to vary greatly. People have preferences and there is so much about attraction (includes sexual attraction, but I'm also talking about friendships, etc.) that we are still learning about from micro-expressions, etc. that make up how we initially perceive someone.

    This is kind of a restating only what Adento said but hopefully with a different angle. I think for many (not all) that why many people cuddle is seeking that feminine or masculine energy that is often sexual attraction adjacent. That is a broad generalization using a big brush.

    If you read through the forums you will see many likely discussions about same sex cuddles and my take away from those forums is it not a consideration for most (again not all) that leads me to think some form of sexual identity plays into the dynamics factors in...but that doesn't mean partners should not be respecting each others boundaries.

    You might also keep a look out for cuddle parties, I've never attended one myself, but my understanding is they are often facilitated and put into practice consent, boundaries, etc.

    Hope you find what you are looking soon.

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    Dictionary - (of love or friendship) intimate and affectionate but not sexual.
    So yeah. Don't be confused. They are taking advantage.

  • HoosCuddlingHoosCuddling

    To me, cuddling is an intimate service, even when totally platonic. It involves sharing your personal space with another person.

    Again, for me — this is why I’m only comfortable cuddling with women. I’m not comfortable sharing such a close space with another man. It’s probably something I could work on if I tried, but my free time is limited and it’s not a priority.

    Similarly, because my time (and money) is limited, I’d prefer to cuddle with someone I find attractive, at least to some extent. They don’t have to be the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, but if I’m sharing personal space with someone, I’d rather it be someone attractive.

    I know for some people, the physical appearance of their cuddle partner is irrelevant, and to each their own. But being honest, I have to say that physical appearance is an important factor for me, and I always appreciate when cuddlers (1) have multiple photos on their profile and (2) they actually look like those photos in person.

    CC is not a dating service, but it’s also not like choosing a doctor or a mechanic or a plumber, either.

  • KatotaKatota

    Am I in the wrong here?

    👍👍👍👍👍

    @Firechild Nope, you are not in the wrong. Boundary breaking Dudebros are in the wrong.
    😔

    Be careful out there! 😊

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    I have multiple male cuddle buddies who've told me of various times of sessions with other males who turned out to be closet homosexuals. It's definitely made me not want to cuddle women. My head just seems to fit differently on a males shoulder too. My thoughts quiet and my body relaxes faster and that's what I need in/from a cuddle buddy. It's really not THAT deep!!

  • CuddleBug02uCuddleBug02u
    edited June 2025

    @TeddyBear4u2024 well said my friend ❤️🤗

    @Firechild I'm a Pro and I require a video chat before I will meet with someone to discuss those boundaries and get a general feel of how we vibe. If they're not willing to video chat with me, I do not agree to keep the booking with them. If I get a weird vibe or feeling, I also do not meet. I'm definitely more comfortable booking with people with karma, but it doesn't always tell the truth unfortunately.

    I think it's also good to discuss boundaries before the session begins as well. I usually say something along the lines of don't touch me anywhere that a bikini would touch and if you have any questions just ask me. I got this great advice from my friend @Hollydollhugs ❤️🤗

  • AmalieAmalie

    A lot of pictures or cuddle names (“lengthnwidth”!) indicate strongly the person is either offering or soliciting sex. Creeps me out and makes it difficult for those of us who do want platonic cuddle friendships to feel safe on this site. I’m strongly considering taking down my profile.

  • CuddleBug02uCuddleBug02u

    @Amalie those accounts can be reported if you see that. I have seen some crazy ones myself! I would definitely love to see you give it some time and see if you can make some true connections on here because there are some amazing people on here for sure!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Firechild
    You are definitely here for the right reasons, with the correct understanding of "platonic". You are not "attracting" these messages from people with other intentions...that is, you're not doing anything wrong. They're in the wrong, and they'll do it to you or anyone else until they're reported and banned.

    @Amalie
    Your profile mentions being a Cuddle Party vet, so I don't need to tell you how rewarding safe and platonic cuddling can be.

    But being "out in the wild" is certainly very different from the facilitated environment of a group cuddle. Report anyone whose profile is sexual, and only meet up with people in public, after forming a friendship through messages.

    When I first joined, I was a lot more confused and concerned about the guys who would contact me with sexual intent. Now I just report and forget about them. The mods here are great about banning people who are here for the wrong reasons. I hope you stay. 🫂

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • FixerOfPewsFixerOfPews

    Friendly, non romantic, the kind of thing you wouldn't stop doing just because your grandmother or mother walked into the room. 🤷

  • ImmersedwarmthImmersedwarmth
    edited June 2025

    @Specialist_Log Why are you still living with your mom?

    Calm down everyone ... just a friendly joke. Actually a good visual to describe platonic.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    What does Platonic mean to you?

    @Specialist_Log posted: "the kind of thing you wouldn't stop doing just because your grandmother or mother walked into the room."

    This is an excellent example for those who do not, or pretend not to, know the meaning of "platonic".

    I also love the example someone on the board gave some time back, of, "Something you would do with a child you're related to, or a pet".

    If cuddles involve something you wouldn't do with a child, a pet, or with your grandma in the vicinity...they ain't platonic. 😈

    This is also why I love cuddling in parks under a beautiful shade tree...people are much less likely to attempt to turn things sexual with other park-goers around. 🌳 🐞 🪻🐦

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • ImmersedwarmthImmersedwarmth

    @SunsetSnuggles I completely agree. That said, one possible exception that immediately comes to mind, and was the theme of a previous post, was crying during a cuddle. Depending on how demonstrative the weeping, I personally would not feel comfortable/"safe" to open up like that in a public setting (i.e. park), in front of a child, or my grandmother (if she were still alive). My dog? Sure, but he's the exception.

  • AdentoAdento
    edited June 2025

    Yeah, while it's a great way to demonstrate how cuddling shouldn't feel like you're having a sensual/sexual moment - to @Immersedwarmth 's point, this might be a bit harsh if they have problems with shame, openness, or expression.

    If I took that approach, I wouldn't touch anyone at all other than a handshake or a 0.5 second standing hug lol.

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @Immersedwarmth
    @Adento
    😆 Indeed. The OP's post/my response are particularly talking about sexual versus platonic, but absolutely, one can share emotional vulnerability with a cuddler that wouldn't be appropriate with a child, or comfortable with a family member. Indeed, that is why many people are here...they can't share that physical or emotional vulnerability with their loved ones or friends.

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

    🫂 Enthusiast 🌄 Travel Junkie 📸 Shutter Bug

  • CarrieCACarrieCA

    (Too many) Men choose not to understand our consent because it doesn’t benefit their agenda. They absolutely understand consent when theirs is being violated. Maybe you could find ways to violate their consent if they ignore yours. Doesn’t have to big anything huge, just a small wake-up call to jolt them back to reality ❤️

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited June 2025

    Or maybe everybody could learn to understand and respect everybody's consent instead of making it tit for tat because that is a dangerous mindset to have and nobody regardless of gender should have their consent violated ?

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    Even for something that is platonic the inclination for most is to cuddle with someone they find pleasant to look at. You do, after all, look right at that person up close when you cuddle. Doesn't mean there's anything sexual there.

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    @CarrieCo curious, what would you consider to be an appropriate retalitory violation of consent?

    Reminds me of a conversation I was having at a party, a woman was talking about how guys will just come up and proceed to touch on her without asking, she demonstrates on a guy "how would you like it if we did this to you without asking" as she proceeds to rub the palm of her hands all along a dudes sides and back side. General consensus among all the dudes there was "we'd love it". Had a good laugh.

  • cde123cde123

    I think it's hardwired natural selection that makes women want to control who is allowed to touch them. It's similar to men wanting to control access to their money. Therefore a similar violation could be taking some of the man's money without consent. Both are very wrong of course and please don't do either.

  • wilderdudewilderdude

    @cde123 interesting, works though.

    You'd have guys like Bill Cosby drugging women to take advantage of them sexually, luring them in with promises of career advancement (money)

    On the flip side you'd have women like cardi b that would drug men and steal money from them, luring them in with promises of sexual acts.

  • Mare_BearMare_Bear

    Non-s*xual, non-erotic, non-romantic.

  • [Deleted User]WriterGF (deleted user)

    I wouldn't even go there in terms of retaliatory violation. Next thing you know, you're the one who's banned (or worse). Not worth it.

  • CarrieCACarrieCA
    edited June 2025 
     .
  • KatotaKatota

    Maybe you could find ways to violate their consent if they ignore yours. Doesn’t have to big anything huge, just a small wake-up call to jolt them back to reality ❤️

    @CarrieCo A jolt, eh? 🤔

    Ooh, like returning said unwanted touch by TOUCHING THEM BACK with a stun gun or a cattle prod, perhaps? 😁💡

    Those can cause jolts into reality, right? 😁👍

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