A very unfunny comedian was once caught telling very bad Adam-level ancient ancestral jokes to a group of elderly patriarchs
So when the police found him they told him to put his hands up Turn around And
"Drop your dad jokes"
Have you heard of the raspberry rapper’s latest hit?
It’s called Berry Me a G.
Have you heard of the spanish bodybuilder who gave up?
He wasn’t making gains anymore, so with a sigh, he said "no mas."
(I need to stop 🥲)
Why did the Cold Water feel insecure?
Because no one called it Hot.
I read Water as War
So here’s one:
Why was it called The Cold War?
Because neither side wanted to do what a polar bear’s weight would have been enough to do.
Why do people love elevator jokes?
Because they work on so many levels.
“Hey, I saw a deer on the way to work this morning.” “How did you know it was on its way to work?”
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
Are you going to see the new movie, Constipation??? It hasn't come out yet
Know why they named the last chinese parade ”Undateable“ ?
Yeah, that's right.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
What did the hill say to the mountain?? How's the weather up there
If two vegans were in an argument, is it still considered beef?
What do you call a bird who writes horror stories?
Edgar Allen Crow
I was going to say something funny about my stolen female sheep, but i got nothing for ewe.
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
@Rocket_Man Eggs are breakfast food. Chicken is dinner food. Therefore eggs (usually) come first.
🐓
Someone told me they liked eating calves.
I was like “Oh yeah you mean veal, not bad.”
Then they tried to bite my leg.
What did the football coach say to the vending machine?
Give me my quarter back!
A thief stole all the toilets from the local police station.
Detectives don't anything to go on.
A friend and I were discussing things we clean and don’t in our respective homes. He says that he doesn’t clean his own toilets. I tell him “That is something that I do do.”
A towing company put this on a billboard, "it won't cost an arm and a leg, just a toe"
Sometimes I think about swimming in a giant pool of orange soda.
I know it’s just a Fanta sea.
Do trees poop? . . . Of course they do. Where do you think #2 pencils come from??
@AnnieC123 I was just chewing on the end of a #2 pencil 🤢
The doctor said ny sugar was too high. When I got home, I moved it to a lower shelf; it's much more accessible now.
I don't have a dad bod, it's more of a father figure
The NWS has just completed a 4-year study on the actual weight of rainbows.
Turns out they're pretty light. 🌈
Do not challenge The Angel of Death to a pillow fight, unless you're prepared for The Reaper Cushions
What's Forrest Gump's password?
1forrest1