Enthusiast cuddling and the role attraction potentially plays in it

CharlieBearCharlieBear Mod
edited August 2025 in General

One topic that is repeatedly being brought up is the role attraction plays when choosing a cuddle buddy, especially among enthusiasts. Enthusiast men do outnumber enthusiast women here by quite a large margin, and as a result, many men can feel like finding a woman to cuddle on here that doesn’t charge a fee can be near impossible.

Anyone is free to participate (no pro bashing or incel-speak, please), but let’s discuss how attraction may or may not affect your desire to cuddle someone. You are, of course, allowed to cuddle someone you find yourself attracted to based on looks, though keep in mind this is not a dating/hookup site.

A few questions I’d like to ask (though this topic is not limited to these): Men, what qualities do you think make you an attractive cuddle buddy? Women, what qualities do you find attractive when considering a potential cuddle buddy or client?

For me, safety is the most important quality and trumps superficial qualities such as being tall/handsome/wealthy.

Please flag any other new threads on the matter as they are now redundant.

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Comments

  • pmvinespmvines
    edited August 2025

    For me personally, I would say to ask the folks I've spent time with here because I am not very good with this sort of thing. I have been told that I am safe, respectful, have good hygiene, attentive to their needs, present, communicative, relaxed, and authentic. I know there are loads of people who are younger, better looking, more fit, and wealthy, however I seem to have had pretty decent success making connections and spending time with people. So that leads me to believe that giving a crap about the other person's needs enough to make an effort and being a good human are much more important than superficial things like appearance and weight etc on the 1 to 10 scale of needs when it comes to making platonic connections here. Which is why I love the site, love the people, and why it generally is a good fit for me.

  • ladybug7ladybug7

    Ok I'm a pro so I don't know if this counts but if someone doesn't have a picture... I don't ask for one. I don't want any preconceived notion that my brain may knee jerk. Sometimes we can look at someone and get an idea or feeling about them and it can be so wrong. 😆 I like being surprised now that I've met so many cool people that look all different types of ways. I do understand the safety thing.... Sometimes people can look creepy or unsafe as a woman and I don't know how to explain it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

  • [Deleted User]LadyLapCat (deleted user)
    edited August 2025

    I will jump in! Great topic! I would say attraction is a huge part of my choice in who I cuddle. But looks are actually a very small part of that. I'm attracted to kindness, safety, respect, humor, honesty, and definitely intelligence.

    People who come on the forums and whine about how no one likes them are an IMMEDIATE hard pass. Folks who are well spoken and kind on the forums often interest me enough to look at their profile. I have two buddies that are far away that I met this way, and I adore them.

    Physical attraction doesn't really matter because I'm not looking for the buzz from a hookup. I want the oxytocin of care and closeness. Cleanliness is important though, as is grooming and self care.

    I'm excited that as an enthusiast I get to take time to get to know people first, and the ones I spark with will definitely be cuddlers of mine. I would feel so awkward laying next to someone I didn't know like two sides of beef in the same freezer.
    Connection doesn't have to equal romance.

  • [Deleted User]gem7 (deleted user)

    For me physical attraction is not high on the list. I am attracted to a fun personality, sense of humor, the ability to converse back and forth, and some common interests. I think I have those qualities. I know one cuddler who might disagree as she referred to me as a Bozo because I viewed her profile and didn't contact her.

  • PapaDeePapaDee

    I do agree with you both reminding anybody that's using this app that they are a human and more than just a tool is important. Communicate is key also I believe, in NO Judgments, NO Penalties. I'm sure everyone has their lives going on and the last thing we need to do is make it harder to cuddle think of it as a spa day. You just want to go and enjoy the person's company & the moments.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    I cuddle those who will join my cult and not doubt my unquestioned divinity.

    Everything else is just non-coconut icing on the cake.

  • MTexMTex
    edited August 2025

    @CharlieBear I love this thank you for making the thread. Physical attraction doesn't play a part in who I cuddle with as a female enthusiast. Many times when I'm getting to know someone I don't even know what they look like. And sometimes they don't know what I look like. If it doesn't say how tall they are on their profile I don't ask because it doesn't really matter. I have cuddled with someone that was my height.

    The qualities that I'm looking for in a potential cuddle partner is compatibility. For me that means that we have things in common that we can talk about.

    I have been messaged by several young, handsome, enthusiasts. From their messages I concluded we weren't the right fit. I prefer sentences as opposed to two word answers. If we don't have anything in common besides cuddling, I am moving on.

    I need to build trust before I can meet up with someone. That takes time for us to get to know one another. I prefer getting to know someone over a period of 4 to 6 weeks or more & that makes a huge difference for me. I have met up with a couple of people the same week and neither one of those worked out at all.

    I am at a point where I block ghosters. I don't want to be wasting my time on somebody that doesn't want to continue our conversation. If I ask a question, I expect a reply in a reasonable amount of time it's as simple as that.

    It definitely takes patience for any enthusiast that wants to cuddle with me because it's going to take time and effort to gain my trust. I'm looking for platonic relationships with partners who want repeat cuddles.

    Qualities: considerate, respectful, honest, personable, communicative, & patient.

    Edit: I was reminded of this!
    Good hygiene is very important!

    Edit Dos: I need a partner that's not too slim because I am extra. I prefer extra it's more cuddly that way.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    I haven’t been cuddling much lately but as an Enthusiast I would prefer to find just one cuddle buddy.

    Because I would cuddle regularly with the person, here’s my list in preferential order:

    1. Honesty and being able to trust and feel safe and respected are very important to me. Also being dependable/reliable.
    2. For Interesting conversation. a most important quality is intellectual connection. I have to add that I like to talk about a lot of different subjects, similar interests would be nice. Same taste in music is a plus but not deal-breaker! But complete silence is nice too.
    3. Hygiene personnel grooming and breath!!!!
    4. Body type is lower on my list but I definitely have preferences. Height is irrelevant.
    5. Re: Actual looks… Expression is really more important to me. A kind warm smile makes a big difference. I want a platonic cuddle buddy, so traditionally handsome would not be ideal!
  • BearBear

    Years ago, I used to cuddle more based on looks. Not so much anymore. I’ll reach out to people who don’t have a photo to ask if they want to cuddle. I’ve actually met a really cool person that I talk to every day who didn’t have a photo because they were shy.

    I also have issues still with my stomach with the way it is. So I won’t always cuddle somebody with a similar body style/size. That’s not based attract Personal issues.

    Then there is also quirks like maybe somebody had a voice style I didn’t like. I wouldn’t cuddle with somebody like that, but you wouldn’t know until you met them in person.

  • KatotaKatota
    edited August 2025

    Women, what qualities do you find attractive when considering a potential cuddle buddy or client?

    🤔🤔🤔

    Well USEFUL (I'm not really big on saying "attractive qualities"😏 here) qualities for cuddling with Me, are as follows...🫂😁

    -Must be a nonsmoker 🚭

    -Must have good body/oral hygiene practices 🧼
    🪥🚿

    -Be a good communicator, especially when getting acquainted with the hopes of cuddling with Me. 👍

    -Must know the definition of the word PLATONIC and said definition has to match up with Mine. 😁

    A cuddler's height, weight, age, race, gender are irrelevant to Me as a Cuddle Enthusiast. 🫂☺️

  • AlyLaurenAlyLauren

    @CharlieBear thank you so much for this post, especially given some recent ones that have come up. I think this is exactly the way to frame this and get the info that maybe some other posters were actually interested in (but communicated less effectively)

    As a pro, I look for clients that are respectful. Particularly that are respectful of any boundaries communicated. Communication is a big one too, and I need to see clear and honest discussion before a session. Maybe the most important is someone who is safe to spend time with.

    With cuddle buddies outside of paying clients, definitely still need respect, communication and safety to be there. But I would add that we share big values, and common interests. If it's my free time, I want to fill it with people I can talk openly with and have an engaging conversation. Sense of humor is important too!

    No where in my cuddling life do physical attributes really matter a whole lot. As long as someone is clean and smells nice, I don't really care. I guess I enjoy being held by someone bigger than me sometimes? But I'm 5'2" so that's almost everyone. Lol

  • MorpheusMorpheus

    The main quality that makes me an attractive cuddle buddy is that I am absolutely a safe space. From my experience with cuddlers and women in general, being a safe space seems to always be near the top.

  • CuddlingforlifeCuddlingforlife

    As an enthusiest ..safety is my top priority. Being able to build a steady friendship is fundamental in beginning. And consistently after.. to maintain a guinine connection.

    Which leads me into my 2nd quality. Consistency. If we are only aquanted. We will not be getting far. Consistency even if it's small banter helps build the framework of trust.

    If ppl message me once and fade away.. I'm not chasing. Or begging. I am moving on. As It only takes 2 seconds to say..."I've been busy but your on my mind".

    1. Hygeine. VERY important. Smokers. It doesn't matter if you showered. It still lingers in the hair, hands and clothes. And it gives me instant headaches.

    2. Following boundries discussed prior too and sticking to it. I can't tell you how many times I was offered a "massage" only to be grabbed in nappropriate ways. I will end it, and report it.

  • MrPaulMrPaul

    I think the number one attractive quality I seek is mutual respect. Clear and timely communication is second. Good hygiene is also important. Maturity in behavior is critical too.

    Those are the fundamentals. Beyond that I seek cuddle partners that have mutual interests and can have intelligent conversation.

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    Because cuddling is, for me, an energetic recharge, conventional attractiveness is of far less importance than a person's personality, presentation, and Presence.. I ain't trying to have anyone's babies!!! Are you willing? Are you happy to be here? Can we share stories about Life Experiences and Lessons while we adjust the numb arm?

    I LOVE that the mods keep this place from becoming a "hook up" site. The easy, ugly, tawdry, useless, throw-away nonsense can be had allll the time, anywhere---this, Cuddling, is kind of beautiful, sacred.. And I'm GRATEFUL it exists!! Does my Cuddle Buddy have to be conventionally attractive? No. Why let society tell us what's good and worthwhile? Does my Cuddle Partner need to be willing to squeeze me, laugh with me, mutually respect one another's boundaries, be hygenic, and just as excited about being touched as I am? ABSOLUTELY!!! lol

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @Homesteader
    I love what you wrote!

  • [Deleted User]Homesteader (deleted user)

    Thanks, @g_w_t_w ! :) Just being real, you know? Cuddling just hits different.. In here, where we've both agreed to be, the societal, familial, racial, historical, political nonsense ALLLL gets to fall away as being just as UNNECESSARY TO LIFE as it is...

    And for just these few hours, we get to gently remind one another that we have the right to exist, to be held, to be cuddled, gently, and to be celebrated JUST FOR LIVING. That, to me, is sacred. And I'm glad this site exists! :)

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male

    @Katota
    What do you think about me?

  • supadupasupadupa

    I would say with enthusiasts I would look for a kind face :-) and some attraction but not as important as if I were booking a pro.
    Booking a pro definitely number 1 would be attraction, price too.
    For me I think I’m funny and respectful to my cuddle partners.
    I wil say I remember in the past when topics of cuddle buddies came up and people were saying attraction does not and should never play a part in choosing a cuddle partner paid or not. And one person in particular was very adamant and passionate and yelling at guys for even considering looks.
    When I looked at his karma every single pro that left karma was gorgeous! When I pointed it out he blocked me 😂😂😂😂😂

  • KatotaKatota

    @Katota
    What do you think about me?

    😁

    @Dance_Culture I don't know, I have never thought about YOU before... Should I? 😆

    Oh come on, you left yourself open with that question. HA! 😆

    But if you are referring to cuddling and willing to make the trip to Gainesville, sure we can acquainted and work something out. 😊👍

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08
    edited August 2025

    I feel more comfortable with fellas that have bright smiles and "warm" eyes (they're a window to the soul, people!). It's not an attractive thing to me in like, a "looking for a relationship" type sense. I'm one of the "odd" ones who can keep such things separate. I'm honestly emotionally unavailable at this point in life so the thought doesn't even occur to me. I met a potential new cuddle buddy for coffee yesterday and all he could say was, "Gosh, you're pretty" and it was more than a little uncomfortable at first, but once conversation started flowing, it was much less awkward. I think it's some level of a "comfort" when you find someone to be attractive. I honestly just trust my gut and hope and pray to God we're all ACTUAL adults in control of our hormones and can respect the basic boundaries as stated on the home page. I need safe shoulders to shut my head off on, not more ex boyfriends. I imagine it's possible to go back to just "cuddle buddies", but that's not a risk I'm willing to take. Some of you fellas are more cherished than you know and it blows my mind how you can be single, but that's not the purpose we met under so that's not a line I feel exists to cross- And in realizing I'm emotionally unavailable and acknowledging I have an over active conscience, I couldn't live with that if I were to unintentionally lead someone on and hurt them. I CAN NOT STRESS ENOUGH: Speaking for myself: I need safe shoulders to shut my head off on, N-O-T the stress, and "strings", and drama of a relationship.

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    @TheFunCartel I ALMOST hate to admit it, but I'd more than half endorse you seeing yourself as some level of a "god" at this. I think of you often and wish you were in my area more!! 😢

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai
    edited August 2025

    I only book with pros. If you take a look at your average pro’s profile vs your average enthusiast’s profile, the difference is night and day. Attraction does play a part, it definitely gets my attention, but I also pay attention to things like a well written profile, a good variety of pictures, and most importantly what others are saying via karma. I feel like pros take cuddling with someone way more seriously at least where I live. By that I mean they’re way more committed to cuddling with someone. I try to look for enthusiasts to cuddle with every now and then but most profiles only have one picture (if that), no karma, nothing written on their profile let alone anything that really tells you about them.

    As an enthusiast though, what I like to do is make the experience as comfortable, relaxing and enjoyable for the pro as they do for me. I always like to take drink/snack requests and do what I can to be a great host.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne

    @disneysamurai

    I try to look for enthusiasts to cuddle with every now and then but most profiles only have one picture (if that), no karma, nothing written on their profile let alone anything that really tells you about them.

    What you describe is exactly what most men’s profiles show here. This is why women are so hesitant to put themselves into a risky situation. Pros are being compensated for taking that risk, putting time and effort in vetting someone they will cuddle with.

  • disneysamuraidisneysamurai

    @g_w_t_w which baffles me especially among the guys who complain that no one messages them back. You’d think they’d want to put their best foot forward for that reason. It’s the same with dog sitting. Most of my recent prospective clients made the decision to book with me mainly based on the reviews, which I know can be hard to get at first but I think a solid profile can make up what you lack in reviews at first.

  • Darkeyed_maleDarkeyed_male
    edited August 2025

    @Katota

    Awww that was a sweet reply,

    I sometimes just shake things up... it's a curse :) but one day I will make an effort to head that way, I'm spending my time lately writing, creating music and exploring what motivates others.

    Hope you are stating cool.

  • Carrie_AnneCarrie_Anne
    edited August 2025

    @disneysamurai
    💯 agree. Just adding that that in the forum your profile pic doesn’t show so it looks like you don’t have one. (It’s a glitch here)
    You have a great profile btw!.
    Lately I think about the difference between CC and dating sites. I feel that mostly people understand the difference and come here because it’s NOT a relationship and requires no commitment. NOT dating and meant to be a temporary fix. Some people want instant gratification while making no effort.

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @great_pillow08 I turned my “god” card in. I am merely a cult leader with bigger aspirations now. 😉 And yes, we will have to carve out some time to connect soon.

  • RunawaycuddlesRunawaycuddles
    edited August 2025

    @Morpheus nailed it. As a fem, both as an enthusiast and in everyday life, safety, genuine safety that can be relied on, even in the most basic ways is rare for women and fems. Soul-crushingly so.
    If that lack of basic safety was not the norm, how I functionally engage with men and male cuddlers would look vastly different, but what can break that mould is cuddle enthusiasts that prioritize being safe people to cuddle with.

    As for what attracts me to a potential cuddle partner, the biggest factors are:
    - Active safety
    - Openness and honesty
    - Healthy communication
    - Respecting boundaries (esp. my health related ones)
    - Emotional maturity
    - Good hygiene
    - Shared values
    - Effort
    - Vulnerability
    - Fun & humor
    - Self awareness

    The kind of cuddlers I enjoy are the ones that are comfortable being actually good friends long term! Getting to know each other and spending time together because it's fun and you connect well is such an awesome experience. Personally, I want cuddle connections that build friendships and aren't afraid of the platonic emotional connection that naturally comes with that. 🤘🏻

    In my experience, physical attraction among healthy connections is rarely a concern because both people involved are managing their own experiences realistically and honestly, and communicating as needed without making their experiences something the other person needs to "fix".
    Any connection made in good faith with healthy communication skills can navigate just about anything respectfully and safely, even if it just turns out to be a mismatch because you want different things.

    In my opinion, the thing that is the most dangerous when it comes to physical attraction is when people either aren't honest with themselves or with their cuddle partner about how much physical attraction is affecting their desire to break consent.
    Which is why I value openness, honesty and emotional maturity so much 🤷🏼

  • Anthony404Anthony404

    Sorry but Looks rank #1…

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