Enthusiasts Responding To Message: Ignore or Engage?

lindacuddlelovelindacuddlelove
edited November 2025 in General

Looking for some advice . . . I went the enthusiast route because I am looking for certain emotional/mental/therapy needs, so I need to select those members that I feel meet that. To me it's not about looks, more of the overall vibe from profile. But most of the time the profile is not detailed and almost no lifestyle pics.

So for the benefit of the doubt (and wanting to be polite) I respond to most message to see if the convo will help me understand if it fits what i am looking for. I love chatting with new people. . . .unfortunately, some are very low effort convo's and asking for a session right away. In my mind I'm like, uhm i'm not a pro, i'm here for me, not to only provide for you. In the future I might like pro, when i feel i can be a better provider, in which case it's more straight forward, just book.

**So the Question: **Is it better to ignore msg completely if feel like not a real match for my needs based on profile, or to respond, maybe something sparks, but at the very least you are not being rude and ignoring them.

And I know it's not a dating site, so when I say match, i mean the experience i am looking for, kinda like when you are visiting with different doc's to see with one you are comfortable with.

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Comments

  • MTexMTex
    edited November 2025

    Welcome to CC! I'm also an enthusiast. I normally respond to all messages unless they are blatantly not platonic. Then I just report. My account is Muted right now for that reason.

    When I was getting messages I would respond to see where the conversation goes & to see if we are a good fit. It usually takes me about a month of getting to know someone before I meet them in person.

    You can also ask to meet someone in a public place before cuddling just to see how the vibe is before you decide if you want to cuddle with them.

    I put a link to threads about red flags so that you can be aware of possible dangers. I hope you can make some good connections. Be safe. 🤗

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/19038/red-and-pink-flags

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/23360/non-platonic-talk-offsite-about-cc

    These are the red flags I've noticed:
    1) Focused on appearance or your relationship status
    2) Make sure to take every word they say seriously & don't assume they are joking
    3) They won't give you their full name &/or ID
    4) Ask you to wear something like lingerie or underwear, etc. Or they want to wear boxers
    5) Taking communication off site too quickly
    6)During a cuddle they get handsy. Trying to touch private areas or under clothes. -End session immediately.
    7) They ask for or try to do non-platonic things like kissing etc.

  • Mike403Mike403

    No need to respond to anyone you're not interested in. Some guys don't take rejection well and will lash out. Save your sanity.

  • lindacuddlelovelindacuddlelove

    Yeah i get that, i love to have a quick chat with someone, but when the convo runs it's course, they take it as a rejection, not as just an end of the conversation.

  • [Deleted User]onerelaxedguy (deleted user)

    I know some enthusiast who because of the sheer number of messages, address them in two ways:
    1. Write a general message and keep in their notes file on their phone that says “thank you so much for the message. Things are very busy with family and work. I am stepping back at the moment and will be back soon.” On your profile say - Hi - as an enthusiast, I receive a high number of messages and try my best to write. I am not a professional and not always here. If I miss you message or one is not returned, please accept my apologies in advance.” Setting expectations.
    2. Block those where there may be something inappropriate, they may be aggressive in their requests or responses to your boundaries, or their general tone and nature of emails are disconcerting. .

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    I’m an enthusiast. I generally respond with the same effort they initiated with. If they say “hi” I say “hi”.
    If they’re inappropriate right of the gate, I report.

    If they treat me like I’m a pro and want a “session” right away and they are new, I have a written response educating them on cc and the difference between pros and enthusiasts.

    If they write with a thoughtful intro that indicates they have read my profile and gives a reason why they are messaging me specifically, then I will do the same.

    If they start replying with a bunch of conversation nonstarters, things that don’t really give me a bouncing off point, and I find I’m doing all the mental effort of keeping something going, then I have to stop.

    I’ve enjoyed some of my conversations on here so much. And made some true friends in the process.

    Once I realized this way of managing the messages, it got a lot easier to let people weed themselves out as a bad fit for me.

  • lindacuddlelovelindacuddlelove

    oh i like that profile message, wll add that, to my rediculas long bio lol, thanks!!

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    @lindavixenlove I honestly just ignore them. As an enthusiast, I get so many messages that I SWEAR are from bots that it's not even worth your time to think twice about. If their profile doesn't have a photo and their first message doesn't explain why not or automatically have one attached to it- I'd ignore it. The ones who type "hi" with 5 blank spaces afterwards just so it'll send are a waste of our time too! Good luck!!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    @great_pillow08 You’ve never ignored my messages over the years. You are very prompt as a matter of fact.

  • AmberUKAmberUK

    yeah the low effort and wanna meet up almost immediately. This is really draining.

    I have been lucky on this site and no one has been non platonic. Reddit, on the other half has just been a nightmare.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    Echoing what others have said: you have to protect your own time, energy, and peace. You are not obligated to respond in full to every low effort message or poor match any more than people are obligated to respond to spam mail that just gets tossed the moment it's received.

    If it feels right to you, you can put something in your profile or have a copy paste message to send, but overall a large portion of people are here precisely because they have low social-emotional skills. It's not your job as an enthusiast to have to educate them or do the emotional labor for them. Block & report are invaluable, as well as firm boundaries you set for yourself. On the opposite end of the spectrum, a lot of high empathy, high social-emotionally skilled people also get drawn to cuddling and as such get taken advantage of.

    At the end of the day, you can only control your own actions, not the feelings and behaviors of others. We can only do so much without unreasonable costs to ourselves, particularly if the other person is not willing to do the work.

  • TheDave90TheDave90

    Yes in my own limited experience any hints of something non-platonic gets insta-blocked. Probably for the best.

    @AmberUK Ugh agreed on Reddit. Been on and off there for years and I've met one normal person there. So many creeps...

  • AmberUKAmberUK

    @TheDave90 met my current cb on reddit, so not a complete waste of time

  • PeopleLikeUsPeopleLikeUs

    It’s clear you’re craving genuine emotional safety, and it’s great that you’re self-aware about what you need, but it also sounds like you might benefit from support that isn’t tied to strangers’ expectations. If traditional therapy isn’t affordable, you might look into low-cost options like community clinics or even co-counseling/peer-support groups, where two people trade time listening to each other in a structured, healthy way. Those spaces can give you the grounding you’re looking for without draining your energy or bank account. As for messages, you never have to respond out of politeness. Protect your bandwidth and only engage with people who feel aligned with what you’re truly seeking.

  • TheDave90TheDave90

    @AmberUK ah, that's a little encouraging :) , maybe I'll try again sometime

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    @TheFunCartel I could send you screen shots of messages I have ignored!! ANYONE would be a complete idiot to ignore one of YOUR messages though! I've been getting a lot of them lately. I seriously laugh at the fellas who send me messages and then go to the message boards and complain that no one replies. I message them privately with what they just sent M-E and explain why no one's gonna respond to THAT. Having to explain basic communication to someone of adult age gets old. Once we "see the signs", we're done! If I think I'm possibly messaging an actual person, I'll log in more often, but I've gone close to a year without logging in even once.

  • BearBear

    @lindavixenlove

    Do what feels right for you. You don’t owe anyone anything. You come across as a pretty sincere person. Plus your P.S gives the heads up of why you may not reply.

    Plus a lot of new women enthusiasts get bombarded with messages. Go with your intuition. You know what you’re looking for what works for you.

  • IrishGypsyIrishGypsy

    I’m new and been so overwhelmed that i became paralyzed. Like OP, I have needs I’m looking to meet and need to feel safe and comfortable with someone first. Good thread.

  • SoosonSooson
    edited November 2025

    This comment breaks the forum rules [netrunner]

  • KatotaKatota

    Enthusiasts Responding To Message: Ignore or Engage?

    As an Enthusiast myself, I choose to do BOTH ignore and engage. 😄👍

  • KatotaKatota
    edited November 2025

    Comment was off topic [netrunner]

  • SoosonSooson
    edited November 2025

    Comment was off topic [netrunner]

  • LetsCuddle44LetsCuddle44

    If I notice they've actually taken the time to read my profile and/or my karma and made a specific comment or question, I'll reply. But if it's just a generic "Hi" or something like that, I usually don't.

    Good luck!

  • AXoshijuacAXoshijuac
    edited November 2025

    I would prefer a response from the people I've messaged. It appears that they just ignore my messages. I can handle a no thanks. But leaving me completely unread or no response is mind boggling to me. I think I have a nice profile and several real life pictures. I just don't understand why people don't reply.

    I reply to all messages I get .

  • KatotaKatota
    edited November 2025

    Comment was off topic [netrunner]

  • KatotaKatota

    No need to respond to anyone you're not interested in. Some guys don't take rejection well and will lash out. Save your sanity.

    👍👍👍👍

    @Mike403 Very true, Mike! 😁

  • Chris_CuddlezChris_Cuddlez

    @lindavixenlove I’m in the same situation. I would love to chat with and get to know an enthusiast. I don’t receive many messages, but that may be because of where I live, in the Traverse City area. I haven’t had much luck in getting responses back either, but that’s okay. I don’t want to be rude and ignore anyone, so I do respond to any messages I receive, whether it’s from a Pro or in the rare instance it’s a fellow enthusiast like yourself ;) I would very much like to build a relationship built on trust before meeting. Sometimes when I meet with a pro, I feel like the initial interaction is rushed, not being able to build much of a rapport, but I get it. But I do wish there was more of a connection between myself and the lady I’m cuddling/communicating with. It would make it feel more personal, and that’s what I’m looking for.

  • MTexMTex

    @Chris_Cuddlez I agree with you. When you build a connection before a cuddle it makes it easier when you meet.

    I don't usually respond to someone after they've ghosted over weeks or months of time because obviously they aren't serious about connecting. I don't have time for wishy-washy people.

  • Chris_CuddlezChris_Cuddlez

    @MTex I feel that if I and the other person are making an effort to connect, the least I can do is show that I’m serious. Otherwise, why even bother? Time is precious.

  • MTexMTex

    @Chris_Cuddlez Agreed. 💯

  • [Deleted User]Henry1371 (deleted user)
    edited January 1

    Personally, i find that if you don't feel you would be a match and truly interested in cuddling with someone that you aren't obligated to respond to them and explain why you don't. I also think they might take it personal and it would hurt their feelings if you do tell them why you don't.

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