What is Reasonable info to request?

Comments

• TheFunCartel

  January 4

  The minimum amount of info is the amount that makes you feel secure and comfortable about meeting them.
• pmvines

  January 4 edited January 4

  I ask for a DNA swab as well as 3 hair follicles from their next of kin
• Huggycatbear

  January 4

  @pmvines don't lie, I know you be asking for a stool sample.
• pmvines

  January 4

  @Huggycatbear

  That is only for the in person meeting . The swab and hair are all done via UPS
• Morpheus

  January 4

  Did the guy you were going to meet, have karma? I think the information that you asked for is reasonable but it’s their choice whether they want to supply that information or not.
• TheFunCartel

  January 4

  I think you also need to have a healthy relationship with the word no, especially when prompted by your gut or intuition.
• Bear

  January 4

  Ask what ever makes you feel comfortable. It’s your safety. Also great job in using your intuition. Follow your gut.
  At work we use to do monthly DL checks to verify they had them and were valid. One women would tape out her birth date and address. They can do the same.
• pmbinmd (deleted user)

  January 4

  Be careful. If you're not comfortable, it's a no.
• TheFunCartel

  January 4

  Requesting their colonoscopy results is a fair request. If they care about an asshole they will care for you.
• MucStefan

  January 4

  If you would ask me for a social media platform profile, I would decline, because I don't have one - and you wouldn't trust me, because you assume everybody has one and I want to hide it from you for some unknown reason.

  I even met a girl I didn't have a picture from. I'm not sure if we even phoned before. It was one of the most intense "cuddling at the first meetup" experiences. I'm open to that...

  You have to decide on what information you request - but that might make you incompatible with some cuddlers. It's your decision.
• Mare_Bear

  January 5

  Do whatever you need to do to feel safe, you are meeting a stranger and you're going to be alone with them. Get some training through Cuddlist or Cuddle Sanctuary, they may have free materials on the website without having to take the whole course.
• MTex

  January 5 edited January 5

  I'm also an enthusiast & I ask for ID. I have exchanged IDs with potential partners before meeting up. We just black out our home address & ID#. I want to make sure the pic matches their full name. If they don't want to exchange last names & ID, then I won't meet up with them.

  I do a search on the national sex offenders registry with their first & last name. After a bad incident I also now check county arrest records & warrants too. It sucks that I have to do this but it's been a live & learn unfortunately.

  When I first started cuddling I didn't ask for ID but because of bad experiences I have found it's important for my own safety. Although that's still not fool-proof but it helps.

  Like others have said, follow your gut. If you have a feeling something is off don't put yourself in a compromising situation. Check the "red flag" threads also. Listen to what a potential partner says & believe them. I have found that when you think they are joking they are most certainly not. Safe cuddling. 🤗

  Edit: I don't have social media accounts so that's not something I ask for.
• RedFox16

  January 5 edited January 5

  OMG @SoftnSmiley It's absolutely reasonable to AT LEAST want to have a short phone call or video chat before going to their hotel room ALONE! 😯 Esp as a woman meeting a strange man!! WTF? Even a last name is more than reasonable in this case!! And getting a recent selfie is a great idea too. Anyone who acts like these things are unreasonable or cancels because you ask, it's a good thing ....because that is SUPER sketchy 🤨

  As a pro, if anyone ever refuses to give me very reasonable requests like those....for my safety....then we don't cuddle. 😕 My life is not worth them turning down extremely reasonable and valid requests. There's no logical reason this should be seen as a bad thing or a breach of privacy by them 🧐 @MTex is 💯 correct about needing to be safe!

  I know a lot of cops and they have ALL told me that it's important to have something to identify them with, in case you need to file a police report ....or heaven forbid....someone needs to file one because you went missing 🫣

  Also, I see that you're in my city, so if you ever want to meet up for coffee to chat.... I'm totally down! I've met with lots of new pros near me (I know you're not a pro....but still) to at least give whatever knowledge I've gained while here. Just message and we'll do it! ☺️🤗
• SoftnSmiley

  January 5

  Thank you!
  The confirmations feel good, and yes, I am also very glad we did not actually meet up. I’m mad about the time invested beforehand, but not sad about losing that squirmy pit in my stomach 👏👏

  It seems I just need some more easy clear policies for this situation - such as:

  If we are considering sharing private space, then we should be able to share last names, a phone call, and a redacted drivers license photo. Perhaps some poppin socials can be an alternative to a DL if they’d prefer.

  Clear policies have allowed me to have a good experience here so far, so thank you all for your playful and affirming responses 😃 I quite enjoyed the spoonful of sugar you offered with the good medicine too 🤣🤣

  Next question:
  Is this something I report somehow?
  Is there a “yellow flag” or “possibly not who he claims” category 🙈 it seems too innocuous to report, and I don’t know what the actual info was that he was protecting. Location? Relationship status? Squeaky little mouse voice? 🤷🏻‍♀️
• SoftnSmiley

  January 5

  And hi @RedFox16!

  Seeing your karma around my area really helped me feel safe in getting started and going here in Foco - thank you for paving the cuddle path and for your offer to connect! Let’s do that sometime 😃😍🥳 I’ve got my DL ready to send ya! 😜
• SqueezeBuddy

  January 5 edited January 5

  Security should be first, if you are receiving stranger to your home or you going to someone’s place, the more you know, the better
• SqueezeBuddy

  January 5 edited January 5

  When arranging a session, both sides should prioritize safety and transparency. Using a phone number and legal name to conduct a background check is a practical way to ensure "peace of mind" before meeting in person.

  How to Proceed:
  Verify Credentials: Use a reputable background check service to look for public records, including criminal history or significant legal issues.

  Mutual Responsibility: Safety is a two-way street. Both parties should be willing to share enough information to verify their identity. If one party is hesitant to provide basic verification details, consider it a red flag.

  Vetting Resources: You can compare the top-rated background check services here to find one that fits your needs:

  https://www.top10.com/background-check/comparison

  Not free but an affordable subscription fee, best to be safe.

  Key Safety Tips:

  Start with a Video Call: Before a first session, a quick "meet and greet" via video can confirm the person matches their profile.

  Share Your Location: Always let a trusted friend know the address and time of the appointment.

  Trust Your Gut: If something feels off during the screening process, you have every right to decline the session.
• DaveLaughs

  January 5 edited January 5

  I dunno, I guess “reasonable” can change with time and from person to person. I offer video calls / phone calls or meeting in a public place first.

  I am totally Not comfortable with giving ID, that’s personally too much for me. But it is what it is. If that makes you feel safer, go for it. Worst case, the other person says no, and you are still safe.
• TheFunCartel

  January 5

  And adding on to what @DaveLaughs said, do not be surprised if the person you are requesting the info from requests the same info from you. Quid pro quo is only fair if you are asking them to entrust you with very personal information.
• great_pillow08

  January 5 edited January 5

  @pmvines OMG I needed that laugh just then- THANK YOU!!!

  I always ask for a photo of their full face (minus sunglasses) and I have to be able to tell which person in the photo is them. Looking up their social media account is useless because most people use filters and you can use ANY photo you want to. Asking for their drivers license is an invasion of privacy! That gives ANYONE enough information to steal someone's identity..

  I'd say you dodged a bullet. If you suspect ANYTHING is up, R-U-N! DO NOT doubt yourself!! NOTHING is more important than Y-O-U'R safety- You've GOT to have "thick skin" to be in this realm, but you also have to trust your instincts! I'm not really a fan of blocking, but if someone won't give you the initial info you need, but they're still messaging to you- I see nothing wrong with that! Good luck and stay safe!!
• CurioDrift

  January 5

  There is a lot of solid info, but @TheFunCartel think said it best: the minimum is what makes you feel comfortable. If I can add, if someone isn't comfortable with sharing personal info, that's a sign of a lack of trust, which is understandable if the person is new, but it can also be a sign of a lack of respect. If they didn't share any personal info before asking to meet up, then it might be a lack of respect. I'll be bolting out of there!

  In my opinion, a genuine person will naturally give you personal information because it shows that they are comfortable having you in their life, and like, Why not?!!, I would call every day because, for me, I would want have you be a bit involved with my life. Wether I'm in a good mood or not!

  Apologies if my advice isn't concrete and is kinda philosophical, but I think understanding the way a genuine relationship is supposed to work can also be handy.

  Scammers, for example, don't usually comfort you as you're chatting with them because the goal for them is money, so they'll eventually say something that feels off-tone.
• SpaceGoat

  January 6

  If I'm trusting my safety with a random internet man in a private space, you bet I'm asking for first/last name and real phone number. I've gotten a few cancellations because they think I'm asking too much but again they are asking me to trust a stranger in a private space? hell no I'm going to take precautions to keep myself safe! If they aren't comfortable sharing then we aren't compatible and we go our separate ways.

  and with that so far I've only had one bad experience and I reported him right after I left his house. Stay safe everyone a cuddle or extra cash in your pocket is not more valuable than your safety.
• Jubal

  January 6

  In my opinion, Social Security number is NOT reasonable, but full name and a copy of ID (with certain info redacted) is reasonable.

  Stool samples only for @pmvines
• LetsCuddle44

  January 6

  I had a pro not want to communicate until the day of, and only then so I could give her the address of the session. Didn't want to give a "real" name either. Red flags to me, felt uncomfortable with the lack of information, so I canceled.
• pmvines

  January 6

  @Jubal

  I got your plastic tube and swab right here buddy