How to respond to the "How do you like to cuddle" question

RebeccaKeRebeccaKe
in General

I know I'm probably a silly, awkward goose that belongs in a pond filled with other silly, awkward, maybe neurodivergent geese but... Does anyone else just have absolutely no idea how to respond to the "How do you like to cuddle?" question that's so frequently asked? I feel like people expect me to have some sort of platonic kama sutra handbook of cuddles and I just don't. It's like they expect me to say "yes, let's try the flying lotus cuddle position" and instead I just tell them I like to cuddle normally (my head on the guys chest, spooning, etc). Am I missing something here? How do you guys usually respond to this? 🤣🙈

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Comments

  • CuddlesWithCatCuddlesWithCat

    I feeeeel this 🤣🤣

    I guess I tell them the position, the contact. Maybe it’s a good idea to enforce boundaries as well

  • PixiePassionsPixiePassions

    I have had several clients look like a deer in headlights when I ask them this question. 🤣 I tried switching it up to "Do you have a preferred cuddle position?" and I sometimes still get the "Ummm...uh...". Lol

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe
    edited April 12

    I feel like a dear in headlights too 🤣🤣 I just usually say "the normal positions" and I feel like that's not the response they want to hear but I really have no idea what answer they're looking for. I didn't take expert cuddle classes. I don't know some sort of rare cuddle position that no one else has tried already.

  • pmvinespmvines

    I like to cuddle while I cuddle

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg
    edited April 12

    THIS JUST HAPPENED!

    I was like, "Just like to lay there really."

    EDIT

    "But dont worry.. this isn't even my final form!" cuddles up

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    I like to cuddle while rap battling. If that's not relaxing to you, so be it.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    Silly, awkward, definitely neurodivergent goose over here. We can make our own little pond full of us. And there will be waterslides. And maybe ice cream.

    It’s a tough question and I think a lot about it. And I don’t think I’ve found the best way to answer it yet.

    @RebeccaKe are we talking loud aggressive rap battling? Because if it was still quiet, I think that might actually be a good time.

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe

    @mauvefox now I'm trying so hard to picture how quiet rap battling would play out. Am I going to whisper some disses about their mother right in their ear? 🤣 and I would love to go down a waterslide holding a chocolate ice cream cone right about now.

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay
    edited April 12


    I try to include something like this when I ask that question

  • tacpmurgtacpmurg

    @MeltMyWay ima call "The Mirror" cuddlebutts .. and no one can stop me

  • RebeccaKeRebeccaKe
    edited April 12

    @tacpmurg "I just like to lay there really" 🤣🤣 I love the honesty lol. @MeltMyWay I'm cracking up at "the mirror" - imagine booking a cuddle session and they just say "ok bye" and turn directly away from you 🤣 I love the pretzel though, definitely a comfy one

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    @tacpmurg lmao I love it 😂

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    @RebeccaKe lol pretzel is Def a fav of most cuddle experiences I had

  • PixiePassionsPixiePassions

    @RebeccaKe 🤣🤣🤣

    🫳🎤

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @pmvines
    Cuddling while cuddling is my fav. 😁

  • zoeloveshugszoeloveshugs

    I feel this! Yes I get asked this question a lot too! I’m another silly goose in your pond .. birds of the same feather flock together.. lol 😂
    In addition to articulating the common cuddling positions I add “ I’m happy to cuddle in silence or with music or we can talk or watch a movie or a combo of all .. you take the lead.”

    I think what it also comes down to is being “ active” or “ passive “… for ex: stroking someone’s hair or being stroked. Initiating hand holding or receiving someone’s hand. I let ppl know I’m
    comfortable with both.

    I have experienced this question as a way for the guy to see if he can push boundaries ( have you?) so I make sure to reiterate them when we speak prior to meeting ( as there are social miscues in texts) .. “ cuddling with no sex, nudity, touching of genitalia or my breasts & no kissing . I always add “ Cuddling is intimate but platonic n when done correctly it’s very therapeutic.” 🤗

  • BriblossomBriblossom
    edited April 12

    I think it depends on the angle you're coming from. I tell them that I'm a somatic touch practitioner that specializes in That phrase means something else to many here. -BlueIris touch meant to alleviate stress. I learned how to read body signals and work with brain chemistry TMI - BlueIris. While I do ask them what positions they like, I guide my sessions a certain way so I can read how they are responding on a progressive basis throughout the session.

  • summersonsummerson

    Me: lately I have been doing too many cuddles and high on dopamine. So I decided to slow it down.

    Friend: oh..you are in dopamine detox!!? So you give cuddling a break?

    Me: no, I do "the mirror" cuddle 🤗

  • PixiePassionsPixiePassions
    edited April 12

    @Briblossom - That's such a great space to learn reading body language, too! TMI - BlueIris

  • happybearhappybear
    edited April 12

    There is a Cuddle-Sutra book floating out there and a few other books on cuddle positions. their was links in the forum discussions a while back. cuddling should be fun, and playful, its a good way to explore what positions you like, try a bunch and settle into the favorites, i have a few go to's and each person yields different energy to it, each person is different, each cuddle is different ( size, shape, energy, temperature, energy, experience, and cuddly comfort, make your own list, make sure you check in on your cuddle partner with each one.

  • PixiePassionsPixiePassions

    @happybear - You would definitely know, mister! Hope you've been well. I enjoyed our session and appreciated you teaching me new cuddle positions. 😄 Even if my ADHD a$$ forgot them. 🤣

  • happybearhappybear

    @PixiePassions
    It take two, it takes two being present, the cuddle comfort container created holds space for both cuddlers.
    @PixiePassions hugs and warmest of embraces. You are amazing.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan Mod
    edited April 12

    I've never understood that question. Presently I take it as a form of bullying or aggression because it's an obscure demand for an intimate response without providing context or any information on how the questioner would cuddle. (It's a bit like those nasty, "Are you free on Friday?" type questions.) I feel it's all about trying to put the other person on the back foot. As the film School for Scoundrels puts it, "He who is not one-up, is of necessity, one-down."

    To those that ask it, please provide a few specimen answers that demonstrate the kind of response your are looking for. What are you getting at?

  • BearBear

    This is a wonderful topic and I just experienced it today and in the heat of the moment I was that proverbial deer in the headlights.

    I’ve looked at the Cuddle sutra book. I’ve got the Cuddle positions memes in my photo stash. No matter how many times I’ve looked or read them. I can’t remember them when I seem to be blindsided by the person I’m going to cuddle with.

    I don’t have expectations when I have a platonic cuddle buddy, because I’ve been with some superb people who Cuddle as well as some not so superb. So I just hope for the best and go from there. So when I’m asked, I kind of go blank, lol.

    There have been some great comments on here and I just learned vocabulary for the way I am, which is passive or active. I can be both, yet being a caregiver by nature tend to be more active and taking care of the person. I’m with regardless, if there are a professional or not.

    It’s interesting because some words I have a problem, retaining what they mean like somatic. Not to veer off too far but the same thing with mindfulness. It usually means that something I’m doing so I can’t quite comprehend the word,
    When I cuddle, I am very much into active and caretaking mode. Caressing and positive positive touch. Usually I’m doing something that I appreciate which is the positive touch and such.

    I like going to sleep doing the Cuddle butts. Especially since I still like to stay in touch with my partner yet I tend to move in such so I don’t like being locked in place. When I’m with a professional, I’ll usually do face-to-face or really like the pretzel. The majority of professionals usually like the pretzel or at least having their head on my chest. There’s times I just like to spoon. I’m still looking for somebody that is either taller or projects a protective energy to be the big spoon for me.

    Thank you for for giving me things to think about as well as putting a smile on my face. I list in no particular order the people who made a positive impact on what I read.

    @RebeccaKe
    @zoeloveshugs
    @Briblossom
    @mauvefox
    @tacpmurg
    @MeltMyWay
    @PixiePassions

    @pmvines I always look forward to what you’re gonna say. Kind of expecting some kind of fart or poop reference lol. Yet then again that’s probably when you’re being more facetious. This thread has nothing negative in it and it’s a good one.

  • entwineentwine

    I don't think it has to be just down to the positions, but also environment.

    What kind of lighting (sunlight, lamp light, those really neat space disco balls)
    What kind of sounds (music, movie, silence)
    What kind of space to lay on (bed, floor, mattress, couch)

  • great_pillow08great_pillow08

    @entwine Lighting is SUPER important. My eyes become really sensitive at times and can quickly give me a headache. I don’t need a dimmer, but the ability to switch from an overhead light to a lamp is nifty!

  • TheFunCartelTheFunCartel

    The Mirror is the cuddle position gastroenterologists suggest when doing pre-colonoscopy prep.

  • mauvefoxmauvefox

    @entwine
    Yes definitely. And don’t forget temperature!! 🤣
    For me, I need it cool in the room.
    And I definitely go through a room turning lights on and off until I get it right. 😁

  • [Deleted User]Adam_Prof (deleted user)

    I think when they ask about that, they expect you to explain it literally rather than saying the name of that position which I don't like. I wouldn't ask that question at all and wouldn't take time to think about an answer if someone asks me. What I would do instead is answering: I will surprise you once we meet and will make sure that we will both feel comfortable and safe.

  • entwineentwine

    agree @great_pillow08

    Yes @mauvefox Temperature is a really good one too. Everyone can differ in that, as I have met people who needed much higher as well. I for one, get cold pretty easily myself. But if need the space cold, that can take time and good to know in advanced.

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