@CuddleDuncan I often get asked this by pros. My answers tend to revolve around "active" vs "idle". One pro who I've met is very active in that she likes to change cuddle positions very frequently. But have also met some who like to get into a comfortable position and stay that way for an extended amount of time.
When someone asks me the question about cuddle positions, I will name a few favorites but I really use it as an opportunity to weed out the creeps by asking them what they want, expect, hope for, etc. And the answers I sometimes get tell me whether or not I want a cuddle session with him. A few shocked me and it takes a lot to shock me. Reported and banned and thanks for making it easy.
@happybear - No, you. 🥹 Hugs! 🫂 💜
@Bear - Aw, yay! Happy to help. 😄
Is it possible its just asked to break the ice, start a conversation, and really doesn't mean anything.
Yeah, as others commented, that question makes me think more along lines of environment or perhaps general order of operations. Positions wise, I pretty much enjoy them all with the right partner and environment 🤷🏻♀️ my environmental preferences tend to vary based off my health symptoms, mental state, dynamic with partner(s), and location. Some days I like dark and silence, and sometimes I like light background noise, and sometimes I want all the sensory stimulation. And unfortunately it's unpredictable, so I've learned to adapt on the fly, but that also means I've learned how to adapt for other peoples' needs and problem solve.
@BlueIris I see you marked the part of my comment about my past position as TMI. I went to business grad school and then took the operations position at the nonprofit I learned from, can you clarify for me why that job is considered TMI? I'm happy to stay within the rules, but it was a legal position at an organization that's almost 30 years old, so I'm just not sure what was TMI about what I said or what I should avoid saying in the future.
@Briblossom I'll message you.
@ByTorandSnowDog lol, kinda the point of the thread.. us awkward ducks are bad at icebreakers
I love these kind of threads. I’ve never heard of the book that you mentioned and just googled it and found that book the cuddle Sutra
Here is a link to it:https://nurturetherapeutics.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/cuddle-sutra-revised.pdf
I have received this question quite a bit and honestly, since this (cuddling with strangers) is such a false sense of intimacy, this question is not an easy question to answer. I don’t meet people at their homes. I don’t feel comfortable with that. I am in enthusiast and it has been different at a movie theater, but I make it work. I feel It is an odd question because you can’t really answer that until you know the person and understand their energy. Every session is so different. It really depends on who they are what their body type is how you connect, what your mood is like that day, what you personally need, what they need. Just my two cents.
I usually tell people "I have no idea, let's try some things until we find something we like."
I know what my favorite is, but you might not like it, and what works now might not work in a half hour, or we might get too hot, or my feet might be too cold. Who knows? Why must I have a favorite?
Of course, just when we both get totally comfortable and settle in, my nose will get itchy...
Always with the itchy nose at the worst time
I’m just going to say do you have a chart like @MeltMyWay does. I need a chart.
To me what's more annoying is responding to a question with a question. So when they ask just ask them what their favorite casserole recipe is.
There is a fun cuddle sutra book on Amazon. I encourage you to buy it and add to your sessions when you don’t know what to do, or as something you can pick, to answer the question asked.
Also you can say, while watching tv, while talking, on the need, couch, face to face, head on chest etc whatever speaks to you
Cuddle positions and can be a prompt into introducing new ones!
Kind of like how some sleep on their stomach, or side, or on their back.
@pmvines What is your favorite casserole recipe?
@TheFunCartel
I'm a sucker for a good chicken tetrazzini or quiche (yes quiche can be considered a casserole much like a hot dog can also be a sandwich )
@pmvines Thank you for answering. I will now answer your question. Face-to-face with intense, severe eye gazing intended to assert dominion over anyone in the safe space. Just like you like it.
I respond by making a thread called how do you like to cuddle
Thanks for the picture @MeltMyWay . Seeing that, I'd say I'd enjoy every cuddle position on there except mirror. I like to be able to see my cuddle partner's head. I always like trying different and new positions, I just usually can't remember what most of them are called besides spooning and mama bear. There might be a few I know that I can't think of at the moment.
Also I do ask this sometimes to pros I haven't cuddled with yet to see if they know any positions I haven't tried or heard of (which I'll ask to try during a session) or to find out their preferences and keep them in mind so we're both comfortable. I do like switching it up during a session.
When someone asks me this, which has not happened yet, I will reply with i like to cuddle while both of us are comfortable. If they have more specific follow up questions then I will address them, i.e do I wear socks or no socks type of stuff.
I dont know, I feel like when those questions are asked and not by someone who seems friendly, that their trying to push boundaries or fishing for something sexual. But thats my opinion on that matter.
I've asked pro cuddlers this question, or a variant of it. When I ask, I'm trying to get at two things:
Will she suggest changing to a different cuddle position, or is that entirely up to me? Especially in the beginning, I didn't know many different positions and always like to learn!
Is she an "active" or "passive" cuddler. What I mean by "active" is -- will she possibly play with my hair, rub my neck a little bit, stroke my arms? Will we just lie there quietly in each other's arms, not moving? That can be lovely, but sometimes I want something a bit more active.
A pro cuddler that's been doing this for a while generally doesn't have a problem defining her "cuddle style." Now if the person is brand new, that's a little different.
@RebeccaKe
I like the face to face Embrace that @MeltMyWay shared in the pictures. Other books call it the sweetheart pretzel.
That said, I usually tell people when asked the same question that positions really depend on who you're cuddling with, how comfortable you are, and that you feel safe.
Yes, I can relate to this feeling while at the same time having some idea as to how to respond to this question if asked, or a variant of it — "How would you like to cuddle?"
Maybe presumptuous for me to say, Like Most People, I prefer to intuitively feel-grasp my way with the other into a mutually enjoyable click, including just enough check-in's here and there.
I do not find it surprising that people think this question odd. It's not something we are used to thinking very much about. I myself find it strange.
If this is coming up, it could be about variation in people's specific needs, consent, boundaries, concepts, expectations, ways of communicating around cuddling, as much as it could be what has already been mentioned by others.
Even the degree of seriousness and the intent behind the question can have as many possibilities.
I have no issue with it, have never asked it, but my preference is always to go with the flow.
And when asked, it does make one pause and then imagine. But this itself is not intuitive to me.
As to whether one should, or not, discuss specifics beforehand for something as simple as a cuddle, can potentially be a real topic for debate, which frankly I would not have a straight answer to...
But interesting nonetheless.
@bunnygirlfl On your April 13 post you said that cuddling is a false sense of intimacy, and while I agree to some extent, I also disagree to another. I have had a few cuddles that in my opinion were very intimate. Not in a sexual way, but in a highly personal way. Maybe for the pro or enthusiast it isn't intimate, but for me the client, it felt pretty intimate and meaningful.
I think my answer tends to be something like let me know what you like and we can do that. But when they add the question what will you wear, I feel like It’s a red flag and they’re looking for a SW. I mean sure, it could be a legit question, and I answer honestly, you know comfy clothes, but that’s how it makes me feel.
Yes! I was like what do you mean???? LOL
There is a book on how to cuddle. I always say it’s mama bear where I sit behind you. You get to lay back and relax. Especially a great way with new clients.