Is being married a dealbreaker for platonic cuddling?

random_guy80random_guy80
in General

I'm curious about something, particularly from the women on here. Is a man being married usually a dealbreaker when it comes to platonic cuddling?

I'm married and a family man, but that doesn't mean I don't miss affection and closeness. Sometimes you just want to be held, feel safe in someone's arms and switch off from the world for a while. There's something quite comforting about that kind of connection, and how much better it can leave you feeling afterwards.

I have my own personal reasons for being here, which I'd rather not get into publicly, but I know I'm not the only married man who feels this way.

I'm talking about genuine, platonic cuddling, with clear boundaries and no expectation of anything sexual. I appreciate that some women might feel uncomfortable with the idea, and I'm not suggesting anyone should feel differently.

I'd genuinely like to understand, though. Is it the fact that a man is married that puts you off, perhaps concerns about his relationship or the possibility of things getting complicated? Or is it something else entirely?

I'm interested in hearing your honest thoughts, not arguing with anyone's preferences.

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Comments

  • GroundingLightGroundingLight
    edited October 16

    Personally, I believe everyone is on here in their own right. Judgement free zone.

    The being married isn’t an issue….

    However, I absolutely would NOT go to someone’s home for a session if they are married.
    Too uncomfortable for me personally and could potentially end up being a not so favorable situation for many reasons I think would be obvious here….
    MY Opinion of course…

  • CuddleTherapy70CuddleTherapy70

    I've cuddled married men. If it's truly platonic, there is no issue for me. So far I have not had issues now or as an enthusiast.

    However, often individuals choose not to disclose to SOs for whatever reason. That can get messy.

  • random_guy80random_guy80

    @GroundingLight So is it mainly the idea of going to a married man's home that makes you uncomfortable, or would you be open to platonic cuddling with a married man in a more neutral setting?

  • GroundingLightGroundingLight

    @random_guy80 Neutral setting is preferred. I’ve had many sessions with those who are married and everything is great. Not opposed to that at all, prefer to not be in their home is all… 🤷🏽‍♀️

  • TxTomTxTom

    Is being married a dealbreaker for platonic cuddling?

    Yes.

  • LizSunshineLizSunshine

    I have found most of my clients are in some form of relationship. I do not judge. I'm here to provide a safe space for platonic comfort. It is a service.

    I am ENM and married and have the full support and consent from my spouse to cuddle. Would it bother you if your cuddler was married?

    I think you will find the perfect cuddle match for you, no matter your stance on this. There are cuddlers on both sides of this.

    It is my goal to provide authentic acceptance for exactly where you are in the moment.

  • ksb30ksb30

    Depends on the people involved.. I wont cuddle a married person

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    I do believe that if you cuddle a married person, they will spontaneously explode. There is good information on the internet on about this. Personally, I have strict guidelines about this, such as their partner has to know about it and be okay with it and I have to know them ahead of time through the site. Normally, I don't. Everyone's situation is different, but I think transparency is one of the most important parts.

  • IronicMaidenIronicMaiden

    It depends on if they're being honest with their partner and about their partner.

  • DavidLeeRDavidLeeR

    Ya, idk about that. Had a girl who would have been her first time cuddling who was a Pro. She was married and told me. Problem is he worked from home and would be in the other room. I know it is platonic, but it would feel weird. Another was married who offered at a neutral site which sounded better. To each their own tho

  • MeltMyWayMeltMyWay

    As a pro your personal life is non of my business. I've had clients have to take calls from an S.Om during a session. I simply mute the music and doom scroll.wirh no sound.

    What has made me nervous was a client did not disclose if he was or was not married and I still am unsure. But he had me pull up and park in his garage. The house has lots of kids stuff around I couldn't quite tell if there was a wife or not ... But it made me uncomfortable enough that every nosie unheard during our session my mind went to what if he is married and wife came home sick from work. Being a female I know a lot of women have a tendency to attack the other woman not their partner. And laying in bed with soemines husband I can't believe there would be anything one he could say in that moment to get her to understand.

    I have had other married clients whom their wives knew and 2 that I had even spoken to the wife before so I knew she was cool with things. I've also cuddled with 2 couples in the past.

    So as I understand someone wanting to not disclose they have a S.O. because some are not ok with it .... For my safety I would want to know.

  • Sunrise_SnuggleSunrise_Snuggle
    edited October 16

    @MeltMyWay

    "Being a female I know a lot of women have a tendency to attack the other woman not their partner."

    Not surprising at all. Men also have a tendency to be violent towards the other man.

    @random_guy80

    Everyone is entitled to their own dealbreakers. For some people, the other person being married is a dealbreaker for cuddling. One person wrote on their profile that being in a relationship is a dealbreaker, even open or poly.

  • MKultra79MKultra79

    It's definitely not a deal breaker for me. My favorite sessions that I've had so far were with married people. It's not my place to judge. We have clear boundaries and as long as they are respected I have no problem. But, like some others have commented, I wouldn't be comfortable going to their home they share with their partner.

  • LadyVelLadyVel

    Not a deal breaker. I have no problem platonic cuddling with people who are married or in a relationship and a lot of people I've cuddled have been married. 🤷‍♀️

  • KatotaKatota

    Is being married a dealbreaker for platonic cuddling?

    For some cuddlers it is, for others it's not. 😊

  • TenderEmbracesTenderEmbraces

    I'm always curious about why married petsons cuddle here because when I was in a relationship I wouldn't rely on anyone else for a cuddle. I've learned that some married couples don't have touchy feely relationships. Makes me sad.

  • Myah_98Myah_98

    Honestly do you. Married or not you’re here for a reason we all are. No judgement get it how you want yolo

  • SolSuiteStudioSolSuiteStudio

    All of the married men I have cuddled desired more than platonic cuddling. Every one of them needed the kind of touch I couldn't give. Marriage can be just as lonely as being single. I haven't seen any difference.

  • JessAZJessAZ

    For some married cuddlers it is, and for others it is not.
    Most married men want more than platonic cuddling even if they don't say that they do.
    Most actually have not had openness and transparency with their wife.
    So that leads to a safety issue for me. I'm not okay with another woman getting angry towards me where my safety is compromised or she knows my address then from his phone and comes after me in some way.
    I have one married cuddler that I feel good about though and everything is kosher.

  • SqueezeBuddySqueezeBuddy

    If your partner is ok, then go ahead

  • CaramelNotesCaramelNotes

    I don't cuddle married men. Most men in these situations (that I've come across) aren't being honest with their partner (lying by omission) about them being here. They will say oh my wife knows and is ok with it but they actually don't know and aren't ok with it. I wouldn't be ok with my husband getting his physical (platonic touch) or emotional needs melt elsewhere so I wouldn't want to contribute to that. I believe in karma and the golden rule, do unto others...

  • AtrueOGAtrueOG

    I have a new term, it's " married without a wife". There have always been marriages that lack affection and intimacy( physical,emotional and spiritual). There are so many reasons why a man would stay in such a bad marriage.
    He like most enthusiasts on this site have recognized an unfulfilled need that cuddling can soothe.
    No he is not going to include his nagging,demeaning invalidating wife in his plans to platonically cuddle. That would just make his bad situation worse.

  • random_guy80random_guy80

    @Sunrise_Snuggle Can't argue with that, everyone's entitled to their own preferences. I'm just trying to understand the thinking behind it, that's all.

  • marcustanakamarcustanaka

    @random_guy80 - At the time of reading, every comment (except one) was a pro. The majority of men who pay for intimacy (of any kind) are married or in relationships. Every true professional has heard it all before. Remember negative thing said about your wife and the relationship will always say more about YOUR character and are red flags.

    Just keep things simple. Be honest and up front about your expectations and respect a cuddler's boundaries.

  • cuddlefaerycuddlefaery

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/21244/why-is-relationship-status-a-thing/p1

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/25987/boundaries-for-significant-others/p1

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/24988/married-pro-cuddle/p1

    https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/23467/cuddling-while-in-a-relationship

  • CaramelNotesCaramelNotes

    @marcustanaka did you read it right before you commented or a while ago? Because prior to your comments there are several enthusiasts who commented, not just one.

  • Cuddle_with_CatCuddle_with_Cat
    edited October 17

    I’m a fairly new Pro, so pls take this as a beginner’s view rather than wisdom! This is my first post after lurking in the forum for a while. After some time reflecting, I felt compelled to reply to this one, sorry it is quite an essay!

    In my personal life, I cuddle friends who are partnered and have no issues with that, but my circle is very open about non-monogamy, so everyone knows where they stand, and it feels safe. I do have strong personal boundaries about not getting romantically involved with anyone in a monogamous relationship. That’s quite different from cuddling through this site, which is platonic, so being married in principle should be a non-issue for both sides.

    So I’d say, from the dizzy heights of my one CuddleComfort session, that a client being married isn’t a dealbreaker for me personally. I have real compassion for people of any gender who are missing touch and affection at home, whatever the reason. From experience, I know how hard and sad that is. Wanting to be held and to switch off for a while is very human.

    I also agree with @Minestrone101 that transparency is the most important part of this dilemma. Ideally, everyone involved would know, but I know that isn’t always realistic in our monogamous society. Still, in my ideal world, people would be at least upfront with me, including about whether their partner knows. Then I can make an informed decision about whether the booking feels right. Having said that, I also know trust is earned, especially in such a delicate situation.

    What makes me uneasy is being asked for more than platonic cuddles. A married client who is clear and respectful of boundaries feels much safer to me than a single one who isn’t. I have also been thinking about the safety point raised by @JessAZ . I would be scared if any blame or anger landed on me, and my address was disclosed.

    So being told before booking that the person is married/partnered and meeting in a neutral place is probably where my boundaries would currently lie in this situation.

    Sooo...thank you @random_guy80 for asking this so openly. You don’t owe the forum your personal reasons, but sharing them privately with a cuddler before you book will probably make it much easier for them to say yes or no (in which case they would not be a good match to you).

  • joyouscuddlistjoyouscuddlist

    I’ve learned to block any male visitor who is married or has left the status block blank because too many read my profile, change their status, then write me. Don’t need the drama or the lies.

  • jonnyquestjonnyquest

    Yes it is a deal breaker.. I've had similar conversations with Pros over the years but usually it was about a boyfriend girlfriend type relationship instead of a marriage.. And I always gave them this example to try to explain a point of view.. Imagine your mother or your father, an aunt and uncle or one of your grandparents.. Now imagine one of them telling the other that there's this thing called platonic cuddling and it's something they want to try.. Even though nothing romantic/ sexual will happen it's still something they want to try.. Do you think they would be accepting of that or do you think they would be heading straight to divorce? For the majority of people out there men and women this would definitely be a deal breaker if they found out that their spouse was cuddling...I personally don't know if anyone that I've had sessions with was in a relationship or even married.. I never asked and I never will but I can't lie in the back of my mind I'm hoping that if they are in a relationship that whoever they're with is okay with it.. Cuz the absolute last thing I want to happen is to have someone walk in unexpectedly and both of us get a very big surprise..

  • BriblossomBriblossom

    Platonic cuddling is completely different than romantic cuddling, and I see no issue platonically cuddling with people in romantic relationships. It's a very different energy exchange.