Do any of you ever get attached emotionally to your cuddler? Especially the pro cuddler? I find it difficult not to after close contact. Any suggestions as to how to not get emotionally wrapped up?
You are describing “trAnsferance”
Try a different cuddler
@JoeBesser1 This article is helpful:
Help! I've fallen in love with my professional cuddler
I think a certain level of attachment to someone you cuddle a lot is normal, but just keep in mind what the relationship actually is. I liked this quote from @quietman775:
A pro is providing a paid service. Does she make me feel appreciated? Valued? Loved? Yes. That's part of the service. Just don't confuse "she makes me feel loved" with "she loves me."
Edit: And here's a related video:
What if I have feelings for my Cuddlist?
There's also an older thread on the topic of attachment.
I would say remember that it’s therapy and a Business.
I would imagine that feeling loved is natural to this. I would even say that falling in love is something that I hope is there. I think the struggle comes in when the thoughts drift to the sexual nature of love. Having a trust is beautiful to me and I find it sad that the word love often times gets associated to the amorous side rather than the platonic. Though maybe I'm on the controversial opinion since I'm not a pro and that does change up the rules a bit.
I think it’s natural to have some level of affectionate feelings with someone you cuddle with over time, even a professional cuddler. If you can keep in mind the context of the arrangement and can feel a level of affection or love that you would for a friend, and not expect more then you’re probably fine.
If you find yourself feeling like you’re falling in love, you might consider diversifying and seeing other cuddlers in addition to the one you have the connection with. If the feelings are overwhelming then you either just see a different cuddler, or discuss it with the cuddler you’ve developed feelings for knowing this might end the arrangement. I only suggest the latter if you think you’ll always be wondering “what if?” I’m sure it’s very rare, but not impossible for two people to meet in that context and develop feelings for the other. I think most would require you no longer be a client if they were interested in pursuing something. Again, I think this is highly unlikely.
Oh @JoeBesser1 I think that your Brain needs to have a very serious conversation with your heart.. This is going to ruins your economy. You better start looking for a nice affectionate girlfriend. Pros are for recharge your happy mood and continue with your life, they do this for living, they don't falling in love with customers. Wake Up, no matter how sweet your dreams are... The Odds here are against you.
@laylanie I am with you. Love is many things and has a whole plethora of contexts and meanings depending on the relationship with the person. I have always felt there is not enough love in me to be directed to only one person. And the act of sex does not even have to enter the picture. Platonic love of a best friend, a soul mate, or even an acquaintance can be a very powerful thing .
@JoeBesser1 For you, the solution is easy since you live in LA with plenty of pro cuddlers. Simply cuddle with someone else next time. I had feelings of emotional attachment after my first pro cuddle and found that seeing others dissipated those rapidly. My solution doesn't work well for those with fewer pros nearby however.
I've seen 1 pro more times than others n also total time with her is more than others added up.!. Certainly sounds like attachment I've said we can await 2 months til next time of togetherness...
Anyone who lets you know that time is up is not romantically in love with you. I do not understand people who cannot wrap their minds around that. I had a hot teacher in high school who I did a make-up test on and she said time is up—not in love with me no matter how much I was in lust with her as a 16 year-old. Real love is not constrained by time.
I think in these situations it is best to take a break from that particular Pro and schedule cuddle sessions with other Pro's. You have to remember that many Pro's on here, while we do meet some people who we can genuinely care about in a friend way, it is still a business relationship. Should a Pro reciprocate those feelings then you are both adults and can choose to pursue whatever you wish, but if not, then that could make things awkward between you two.
@JoeBesser1 I over came it by making sure that I am totally in love with all of my friends. I am in love with a good 80% of my 500 Facebook friends and all of the people I choose to hang out with. So... becoming attached to a cuddler is just normal for me. I like it better that way and I never settle for less.
I think this is not the thing to do if you are just getting out of a relationship and looking for some companionship. Take it from someone who is dealing with being to attached to my cuddler. I did not expect that I would fall for my cuddler. I have been dealing with loneliness a lot so I decided give this a try. Bad move. I contacted my cuddler with only intentions of maybe some conversation however when I met her I was blown away. It was almost Love at First sight. I thought maybe it was just a man thing but I really felt something in which I have not felt in a long time. She has been constantly on my mind. I’ve tried to take my mind off of her. I texted her my feelings and She responded in a way that Made me feel worse. I canceled our session today because I couldn’t deal with this just being a business. Here’s the kicker: She wasn’t Even A PROFESSIONAL CUDDLER!! Damn. This is getting the best of me!!!!
@calhounave i am sorry to hear that, loss has a way of emotionally intensifying things. I hope you find peace. This is an example of how cuddling can blur lines and cause more harm than good. Close emotional contact might not be something you are ready for.
While transference is a real phenomenon, your feelings could also be authentic. I experienced this a few years back with a massage therapist. I tried other therapist, didn't see her professionally or at all for a year, and followed the other professional recommendations. At the end of the day we dated a few years and then went our separate ways. So don't simply write things off as transference because it could be real.
I’m a romantic. Love is blind and strike any moment. Have an open heart and be honest and open with your feelings. Allow yourself to be heard and be hurt. It’s tough.
However, if you don’t communicate your feelings, what’s to say the .01% chance the other person feels the same way will be lost forever? We have only one trip around the planet. Live it!
For all of us, CC is a plantonic cuddling site. However, we’re all human and not perfect with our best emotions and intentions. Why be quick to judge?
Love is blind.
Bro. I’m going through this now!!!!!!!!!!’
Well if is mutual... Why not?
If it's mutual, I'd say, "Take it off the site and forget you met here."
We don't need that kind of precedent. Leads to unfortunate expectations.
@DarrenWalker Correct.
We're all adults. Romantic feelings happen, and that's totally fine--but it's how we react to them, how we express them, how respectful we are of others and aware of our situation and theirs that really makes a difference here. I'd rather have a client be up front with me, should such a thing take place, and ask if I was receptive to the idea. If I was, then we could stop our professional relationship and start a normal, casual dating one. If I wasn't, then we should go our separate ways.
It's so funny to think how some people are trying to establish their own rules to human nature. If that emotional attach works for both yeah it is going to happen, no matter what others could say. If that makes you both happy, nothing is going to stop that to happen. If these feelings are making someone to suffer... then, Yup they need to terminate this feelings.
I believe love is a decision we make, whether we are conscious of it or not.
@Esquire yes love is a decision, you can decide to love anyone... But you can not decided with which one your going to have a good chemistry. And that's what makes you feel something special with that person.
Echoing the same thing most folks have said already on here -- I think it would be best to diversify especially since you're in LA.. there's plenty of us out here who are available to cuddle. But if that's not what you'd like to do, some time apart may help, some time socializing out with folks who are looking for the same may help, or talking with yourself (and maybe even the pro) to sort out a list of best steps. Often some folks would rather set aside their feelings and work on them to change the nature of what they feel into something that is more fitting for the circumstance... for example, when one has feelings that are not reciprocated, it's better to apply those feelings into a new context. Maybe you have an attachment to this pro, but you keep the attachment as a professional one. The best way to keep it that way is to refrain from engaging too personally with the pro and keep communication at a minimum, on a necessary basis. Not saying you can't check up on them casually, but refrain from building a more romantic relationship and I use the term "romantic" as in "romanticizing them" so if you do not see this person for more than what they are, you would not romanticize the relationship you have with them.
Touch is Devine!
@cuddlygirlhugs: Which one? There are many. Adam Devine, Alexander Devine, Andy Devine, Betsy Devine, Christine Devine, Danny Devine....
If any of these people are on this website, I'd advise trying your best to avoid getting romantically attached to them, even if they are an anthropomorphic personification of touch itself. If it happens despite your best efforts, well... bye! Maybe we'll see you later, if you and Touch decide extra-relationship cuddles are a good thing.
So, is "getting emotionally attached" chemistry, or is a a step on the road to love? To me, totally different experiences. Granted, it's wonderful when they overlap.
Chemistry, once recognized for what it is, surely can be dealt with. Admit it's lust and compartmentalize it. If it's is love, we are back to making a decision.
The first person I ever cuddled with called me a few days after our cuddle and asked me to have dinner with him the following week and asked me when/where I’d like to go. I said that I had a boyfriend to which he said “I know you felt the connection. I felt it. I’ve never had a woman hold me the way you did.” I told him it’s normal to feel that way but we were not going to act upon it outside of cuddling. He was insistent that “we” had a connection and I said no, it was just a nice cuddling session. I told him I would be available to cuddle with him again if he could accept that what we have is a cuddler/cuddlist relationship.
I'd recommend this for tips on how to avoid getting attached:
"If cuddles are comforting and affectionate touch is good for you, how do you explore platonic cuddling with as little > drama and as much health and wellbeing as possible? Implementing my Casual Cuddling Protocols might help! Casual Cuddling Protocols is the phrase I coined to categorize my advice on how we can mitigate emotional imprinting and falling in love unconsciously when having non-exclusive cuddles with people. Falling in love is not a bad thing; however, falling in love unconsciously, especially when you’re actively trying to “not have a relationship with a capital R,” usually creates unnecessary drama and upset for all involved."
"If cuddles are comforting and affectionate touch is good for you, how do you explore platonic cuddling with as little > drama and as much health and wellbeing as possible? Implementing my Casual Cuddling Protocols might help!
Casual Cuddling Protocols is the phrase I coined to categorize my advice on how we can mitigate emotional imprinting and falling in love unconsciously when having non-exclusive cuddles with people. Falling in love is not a bad thing; however, falling in love unconsciously, especially when you’re actively trying to “not have a relationship with a capital R,” usually creates unnecessary drama and upset for all involved."
Source: The Casual Cuddling Protocol
Very insightful.