You can't be yourself until you know who you are.
The secret to getting away with lying is believing with all your heart. That goes for lying to yourself even moreso than lying to another.
~Elizabeth Bear
“We are entitled to our informed opinions. Without research, without background, without understanding, it’s nothing. It’s just bibble-babble. A fart in a wind tunnel, folks.”
— Harlan Ellison
A little late, but-
“I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.”
“Considering how often I was coached to, ‘Stop, drop, and roll”, as a kid I thought I would spend a lot more time being set on fire once I grew up.”
I like Stephen Wright. But I love Demetri Martin:
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
I think it’s interesting that ’cologne’ rhymes with ’alone.’
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
Trees are like good people who care for others. They have to keep standing in the sun but they give shade to others. Whatever fruits they bear they do not eat themselves, but give them to others. How kind they are.” – Vikramaditya
Real life quote: "I can guarantee a book, but I can't guarantee a cat" -Proprietor of bookstore when a customer attempted to pet the store's cat.
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough."
~Frank Crane
We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions
“My toilet is a wishing well where my wishes turn to s#%t.”
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“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do or say is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
~ Don Miguel Ruiz
“I don’t have to be anything at all. I don’t even have to be myself, because there is no such thing as not being myself. I am inescapably myself.” -Mooji
“Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.” -Mooji
@MissAdventurous - I love the dandelion one.
Dandelion tea is a diuretic, so the wish is to stop peeing.
“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Bernard Baruch
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” – Dave Barry
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@Lovely_94: Ha! My dad says the second one all the time! (I kinda miss him, being in Japan and all. Nice to see stuff that reminds me of him.)
That Camus quote, though. So on the nose.
@FunCartel - https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/herbs-and-spices/health-benefits-of-dandelion.html
@UKGuy Yes I know all about those. I owned a small chain of health food stores for awhile until I sold them off at the perfect time as big box retailers got into the game.
Given that tickling yourself doesn't work the same as someone else tickling you we really lucked out with masturbation
"Things have no hold on the soul. They stand there unmoving, outside it. Disturbance comes only from within — from our own perceptions." ... "Everything you see will soon alter and cease to exist. Think of how many changes you've already seen."
—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, book IV.3
@pmvines I believe Earth’s first man discovered that on day one, hour one. Then when he was through he probably wondered if he broke his new discovery.