What it says in the title.
I tell more or less anybody who will listen. They do tend to give me a slightly funny look, but that's it. Some are quite interested.
I’ve told everybody. Except my very old fashioned Christian grandmother who has leukaemia. I don’t think she could take that info. But my parents, siblings, work colleagues and friends all know that I’m a professional cuddler. It’s liberating. Before I started this, I asked my husband what he thought and if he approved. He supports me 100%. I would not have done this if he didn’t support me. I feel bad that it isn’t this accepting for other people in their certain situations. Makes me sad.
Frankly, I don't talk to people except online (and, recently, to say things like ”would you like a bag?" and ”I'm sorry, this is not a bank; you cannot withdraw [insert large amount of money] from your account through my register," "you have to pay for things before you take them; no, you didn't pay," and so on).
Believe it or not, I'm not much of a talker in person! I'd tell anyone who asked, but if I'm not asked then I don't tell, well, anything. And thus far "Do you cuddle?" isn't a question I get asked, so....
Majority keeps it a secret! Why???
I am a private person . What I do with my friends and people I meet is my business. I dont tell everyone the ins and outs of my personal interactions. Sane goes for cuddling. Unless we are cuddling, its none of your business
@HUGGGGGG I have a relatively good marriage other than the affection desert the relationship dwells in. If I start telling people, the "Why's" start building up. And I don't want to have to paint the wife in a negative light amongst the people we come in contact with on a daily basis. Everyone thinks she is a wonderful sweet amazing person. Why would I want to taint their perspective over a little selfish need for touch? I have told 3 people IRL about my search for cuddles. Two of them have never met her, and one because she opened up to me first about her touch deficit. (Unfortunately the third would be uncomfortable doing a cuddle session. She settles for a 5 minute tight hug from me once a week.)
I, too, am a private person in a relatively calm, peaceful relationship, that I wish to keep. I see no reason to go about reporting my activities to others! I am GRATEFUL to have found such an A.MA.ZING outlet for getting my legitimate human need for Touch filled, so I keep it to myself--for the most part--- and keep it moving!
I have to add, though, that on the few occasions when I've chosen to share, there have been SUPER POSITIVE REACTIONS to the idea that someone, somewhere, would be willing to cuddle, squeeze, and giggle with you, without any strings attached. One asked, with feeling, "Where was this when I was Single???" lol I know, right? lol
@creedhands many thanks, makes sense. I think when I saw the response I felt if people genuinely take cuddling as platonic with maturity then it is only any other thing about your personality and nothing else so why hide. Thank you again for a fair perspective.
Seeing as they obviously know I’ve had romantic relationships in the past I think it’s fair to assume that they figured I’ve cuddled someone in the past at some point in my life. It’s like asking “ Does your family know you’ve had sex before ? “ when you’re married with 2 kids lol !!! The more accurate question is do your family & friends know that you cuddle what essentially amounts to complete strangers off the internet and the answer is absolutely not nor will they ever if I can help it !
Been doing this work for five years. I didn't tell anyone for the first year except my room mates, SO and one friend. I was still grappling with how I felt about the work because I had some real awful clients that first year along with the few amazing ones that kept me going. Then Penny Hoarder wanted to do an article about me in August/September 2016 so I figured I should tell my Roman Catholic, Neorepublican parents that this was how I was saving money and paying down debt outside of my fulltime job so people wouldn't email them saying "Did you know your daughter does this work?!" and they'd be surprised. I also wrote about it on Medium before the Penny Hoarder article went public so it wouldn't be a surprise to all my friends.
Not gonna lie, of everyone I've talked to about coming out to their family as professional cuddlers I think my parents took it the absolute worst they could have. A week after I broke the news to them they asked me to come home and they literally yelled at me for 45 minutes straight about how I'm putting myself in danger, my life is out of control and I need to get my shit together. My dad's plan for me to do that was to move out of the city, pay down all my debt, and then go get an MBA. He even gave me Atlas Shrugged to read and told me to "Read it and then take a good hard look in the mirror." Ooof.
My mom's come around since then and is very supportive, but my dad still refuses to talk about it especially since I've been fulltime doing it since 2017. He's also someone that values hard STEM fields over anything else and I was the first woman engineer in my family, so I think he's still bitter about that and it really has nothing to do with me.
Overall, while certain situations have been difficult and awkward about being a professional cuddler, I'd much rather be the "Friendly Neighborhood Professional Cuddler" than be secretive about it. It helps to be open about it when I travel too so hotel staff don't think I'm a sex worker/trafficked woman. When I have several men and women coming into my home for sessions and my neighbors noticed, I had to go to their doors and explain what I do and send them to my website because I didn't want them to think I was offering a more... legally questionable kind of service.
My favorite moment being out was when my boyfriend asked me to be part of a "small business interview" improv show where they interviewed me and they did bits about the interview. He was my "agent" if you will and made sure the performers knew what was considered low blows with my work and to try to get more creative about it. It was such a great show! And it was one that the theater usually struggled to fill 10 seats with... they had 87 presells that night! It was fun for me to do, I got locally famous-ish for about a week, and the theater got an injection of cash from the show they didn't expect. Everyone won
While I keep my clients' confidentiality always and it's up to them how open they are, one marketer told me that dating sites were normalized when celebrities became open and honest about using dating sites to find partners in a non-creepy way, and he thought that it would take a few big names (CEO's, actors, musicians) to actively come out as a client of professional cuddling before it would become normalized. Knowing that a few have done so for brief periods, I hope more attention comes to it post-pandemic because a lot of people are going to need cuddles after this!
@hugonehugall that's the part that makes me sad. Why wouldn't you tell them? I have only ever had good (or neutral) reactions when I've told people, never had a bad one.
I go on dates with complete strangers off the internet. Nobody thinks that's strange. People buy moon cups - one of the most personal items you can imagine - from complete strangers off the internet, and nobody thinks that's strange either.
Everybody knows that modern society is emotionally dysfunctional. It's a trade we made for safety, comfort, convenience and and all the benefits endowed upon us by smart watches. All of us who can, do things to try and restore the inbalances created by that dysfunctionality.
It's not embarrasing to want a cuddle, it's just normal. And it's not embarrassing to find a way to have one.
@creedhands and @ImajenMoon I completely understand why you would not want to tell people. That is a completely different thing - you are not telling people in order to care for your partner.
My friends and family already know that I’m queer and polyamorous. They’ll be okay lol. I choose to live my life unapologetically because we only have so much time. Plus, I see nothing to be ashamed of. ☺️
@TheaLadiosa7 There is indeed nothing to be ashamed of. The notion of shame in this context comes from the old idea that not being married was somehow shameful. It never was of course, but it made you 'different' and therefore a target for a certain type of bully.
The idea of it being shameful to be single in the modern world is of course ridiculous. And there is a worse problem: locating the shame at the point of cuddling is simply incorrect. The non-existant shame lies in the state of being single, and therefore having nobody to cuddle. Not in doing something about it.
In other words, being ashamed of being a cuddler means a) you are wrong in principle and b) your thinking is at least fifty years out of date and c) you are making a mistake in logic
That is why bad reactions from the people we tell are rare to non-existant. The people we tell are mostly no more than twenty years out of date, get their principles right most of the time, and bolt the logic together in the correct order once they understand what is going on.
(The bad reaction from a parent described above was nothing to do with cuddling: it was to do with things like parental hopes and expectations, and attitudes about what constitues a 'proper job'. The reaction would have been same for any of a hundred freelance jobs.)
I've told a few close friends, but not family. My conservative family tends to be judgmental and they would be too concerned for my safety.
I got into cuddling thinking it was going to be a part-time job but before cuddle comfort accepted me onto the website I got fired and I got a lot of demand so I became a full-time cuddler almost overnight. In the beginning it was very strange I don’t think I fully had a grasp of what the world of professional cuddling was and it took me a little while to come to terms with it. Thankfully the fact that I was making good money doing it made it much easier for my family to accept it. I like @Sheena123 I chose not to tell my grandmother because she is crazy and doesn’t take many things very well. Also my mother begged me not to tell my grandmother because she knew she wouldn’t hear the end of it from her. It’s honestly getting to the point now where I feel bad because I’ve had to keep myself at a distance from my grandmother in order to avoid her finding out the truth because I’m not really a good liar or secret keeper And the fact that I may have to be avoidant of my grandmother for the rest of her life if I continue to cuddle has dawned on me so I’m thinking I might need to tell her sooner than later. I haven’t really told my extended family because I hardly ever see them and I know that if extended family members find out my grandmother will find out. My immediate family knows besides her, friends know and my boyfriend knows and his family knows. I used to be really awkward and sheepish when I explained what I did but now I am confident about it. Overall I have gotten a lot of positive reactions. I still occasionally get an a**hole who will accuse me of being a prostitute but I honestly think some are just trying to piss me off.
To clarify, I dont tell people because I think there is somehow something wrong with it. I think it is seen as that when you don't talk about something. I just am really a private person. I dont even do social media , never have and sure I never will . This is about as out there as I am and it is because you are all cuddlers too so it is a place to talk about it. But other than that I just dont like people all up in my business.
@CuddleDuncan besides from being a relatively private person about those sorts of things I think the main reason most of the cuddlers I meet up with are pros and there will be assumption by most people there’s no way I’m paying someone for simply platonic companionship. Also yes there is still a % of people who think it’s strange or even dangerous to go on dates with strangers off the internet. I’m by no means one of those people that think that but that person still exist !!
I've only told those who are directly impacted by my involvement here/my absence from home and those who are closest to me and I know want the best for me. They have all had a mix of reactions but all of them were positive.
Co-workers... I mean if it came up I would, but I don't advertise. Though if I did... maybe I'd see that one I'm too shy to approach about this on here (I only have cuddle designs on him because he"s funny, seems well grounded, is strong and looks perfectly squishable!) but I could see how he might think my asking meant I was interested in him beyond just snuggling (which I'm not) and I don't want to damage our currently casual/friendly banter dynamic.
I'm feel for those who can't tell others/their loved ones. 💓 I started by telling the one I thought would be the most judgmental and apprehensive about it, but she was delighted for me and impressed that I was so "brave!" ~ For sure a reaction most unexpected, but lovely to receive nonetheless.
I told Fred and he told my other 26 personalities. Of those, Rita put up the biggest stink because she is a floozy and I only let her out at a frat party thirty years ago.
I have only told one close friend. As others, I’m private by nature. But there’s more to it than that. I think if I were cuddling with enthusiasts it would be easier to talk about. I would tell many of my friends. After all, I put up with hearing about their adventures on the dating websites. My stories would be tame and sweet by comparison. But I think there’s a societal stigma attached to paying for cuddling. And a whole lot of assumptions that aren’t true. So even though I’m truly thankful for the professional cuddlers, I keep that part of my life to myself. I do love to share with family and friends. But I’m also comfortable only disclosing what I need to disclose.
It wasn't too long ago when I discovered this site and realized other people would be interested in this. I'd heard of pro cuddlers before (someone who started a cuddle business locally was in the news here about 6-7 years ago) but wasn't aware of this.
Usually I tend to be fairly private and don't tell everyone everything, but if someone gave hints about being accepting about it, I might mention it. I enjoy talking about things I have in common with other people, but I've never really heard people talk about this much, so I'd be concerned that many people would think it's weird and might be judgmental about it.
@cualtzin I think the fact that this is even a question about this is a sign that there may be a stigma about platonic cuddling in general, not just paying for it from a pro.
I've known people who greet people with hugs, and I hug back, but it seems that's about more or less the extent of socially acceptable platonic affection (at least in the US).
I'm with @pmvines: I don't like people all up in my business. I tell people when it's relevant to tell them. My close friends know. I wouldn't have a problem telling anyone in my family, but the topic hasn't come up. Most people I've told are fascinated, and many want to know the URL of the website. Like, "Cool!"
Close friends know my opinions on platonic physical affection in general. But only two know that i’m actually meeting people.
I only tell my safety buddies, the open-minded friends i check in with before, during, and after sessions to confirm i haven’t been murdered. I mentioned it to another friend and she was less than positive. My family would freak lol.
But i’m honestly fine with keeping it quiet. It’s a way for me to regain some sense of control and autonomy in my life. An activity that’s just for myself, with no one’s expectations on it.
@littermate exactly! Alll simeone needs to know is that you are hanging out with your friend . People dont talk about the ins and outs of what they do with their affections while with their friends and frankly most people dont really care to hear about it . Wow , you cuddle with so and so , yay , awesome , who cares
I haven't told anyone about this, and am just exploring it myself. This is a safe and thoughtful outlet in response to changes in my marital relationship. I like what @CreedHands says about a desert of affection in an otherwise very satisfying relationship. Suffice to say that two years ago a significant change occurred with her. She enacted an abrupt evolution, and we now sleep in separate rooms and rarely touch with affection. I am hoping that this can be a means of giving and receiving some caring contact in a way that is within my moral bounds, and yet still is deeply connective and warm, and delivers some soulful release and peace of mind. Sometimes, all it takes is a deep breath, and a re-centering of heart and mind. Sharing that goal with another miraculous human being may be just the thing. I have so much to learn .... Thank you to the Cuddlers!
@FunCartel
Thank you everybody who has voted or posted. Time to collate the results. And the winner is ..... Yes! I tell people!
Yes 48% No 44% n/a 8%
So more people tell somebody, than tell nobody. Reading through the thread, the most common reasons given for telling nobody are to protect loved ones in some way, or just a sheer sense of privacy.
The prevalence of the second of these makes me sad. Human beings are meant to live socially. Not telling a single soul about a thing that you do is a very lonely way to live. I know, I've done it, partly because I didn't really have anybody to tell at that time, and partly because of ... well actually I probably need to think about that in my therapy group.
Another thing we've learned is that bad reactions are rare, and are mostly likely to occur when Professionals inform their ancestors. And that the reasons for the poor reaction are little or nothing to do with cuddling, and everything to do with the attitudes of the ancestor in question.
Oh, and that good reactions - really good, happy reactions - are common.
Human relationships are created, and strengthened, when information is exchanged. Because cuddling like this is new, and everybody loves cuddles, it's a really good nugget of information to give out.
@CuddleDuncan If cuddling or a similar topic happens to come up in conversation with someone, I might feel more comfortable talking about it
@pmvines Exactly.
@FlyingToaster I am very happy to hear it. 🙂
Yeah ~ Though they might know it's code (because I told them before my first meet-up about the site and my intentions, and we've since started our separation talks), I don't want them to feel like my "stepping out for affection" is being rubbed in their face. So I've just been saying, "Hey, heads up, you're on your own on this day/starting at this time. I'll be going on a drive and probably visiting a friend for a few hours." Then when I'm heading out the door, I remind them that right then is a great time to start playing all the music they like (that I don't) and at a volume that's way too loud. It's basically an invitation to celebrate my absence. Because, why not...? I will be 😉
I have no friends and family