This is an interesting question. From my perspective, there's a great deal of of unpleasantness on the forum. However, my criteria for what constitutes "unpleasant" likely differs considerably from what the typical user might consider unpleasant.
For instance, I find the puerile regurgitating of shallow positivity to be unpleasant. The large amount of self-congratulatory nonsense on the forum is unpleasant to me. The seemingly endless asking of questions with simple answers that could be reached if the poster had stopped to think about the matter for longer than two seconds (Ex: "am I the only one who experiences _____?") is also unpleasant to me.
And regarding rudeness? I think it's moderately rude when people act as if words can mean anything they like, whenever it suits them. Of course, language constantly shifts over time, but a sizable portion of the community seems to earnestly believe that words are things cut from fog. Or perhaps they believe that they're pioneers of sorts, able to mold whatever assemblage of letters they choose to express whatever got their synapses firing. Whatever the case, I feel that that's rude to the point of being contemptuous.
Also: there are many users who struggle with sarcasm and satire. While I don't find this rude, or unpleasant, I find it slightly absurd that the failure to pick up on those things results in fault being placed on the person being sarcastic or satirical—not the reader who fails to recognize those communicative tools.
@FlyingToaster ~ So true!!!
Me :
Considering the dark side :
@DarrenWalker & @UltimateChungus :
🐾 Not sure it's what the meme meant... But they are being 'pawsitive'...
@quixotic_life Yes
Oh, well said, @UltimateChungus. My opinions differ slightly from yours (for instance, I find the constant "happyhappyhappy" more unsettling than obnoxious, and the lack of thought on the part of some posters typically gives rise to tolerant amusement rather than annoyance), but the way you phrased that! It was a pleasure to read.
@quixotic_life: Ha! Still better than being clawsitive. (Assuming that first cat wasn't being more clawful than pawful. Ah, toddlers and cats.)
I voted "too much" because the unpleasant vibes nearly outweigh the pleasant lately. I don't post very often for that very reason. I don't feel like it is worth it for me to put myself out there with my thoughts and opinions if it's only going to result in someone being rude or cruel. All of this having been said, I have always been very outspoken (alpha female here), so please don't think me a mouse for keeping my mouth shut. I just don't want to feed into the negativity on here....even if what I am reading makes me want to scream.
** I will PM people occasionally to give them kudos for something that they have posted...or to say something nice and supportive if they have taken an unnecessary beating...that is the cheerleader in me.
@EGio @xelda I’m sorry it’s not just the men coming to the forums with negative and the combative attitudes. There are and have been women that have done their fair share of trolling , S stirring, bullying & baiting. Why does this always have to turn into a gender vs gender issue where the men are immediately portrayed as the villain. That is one thing that definitely has to change.
Often we scream for acceptance while bashing our points of view over peoples.heads and not allowing for disagreement, and scream lack of empathy when people.dont blissfully agree with every word.uttered from our mouths holes .
Or to put it another way, 1+1=3 for large values of 1.
Folks I'm a little under the weather and I'm going to take a day or two away from the forum. I have one of the commonest illness in the world at the moment, Nodunwhidenoc (non-declared unwellness which is definitely not covid).
@DarrenWalker ~ Dan's bedtime cannot be at both eleven and nine, on the same night (no matter what anyone may believe).
I get your point, but when one has two parents... both times can be true... 😉
This, you may note, has nothing to do with theology, arithmetic or logic... It'a just a reality.
@quixotic_life: They really can't. Either Dan will go to bed at nine or he'll go to bed at eleven. And if he can get up and go down whenever he likes then, frankly, he has no bedtime.
@hugonehugall
I did not say women are never negative, bullying, or the like. That happens, too. Women aren’t all saints. What doesn’t happen is women routinely using the boards to incessantly kvetch about men not giving them what they want, immediately when they want it. That is a major distinction. If you can’t see this, then I can’t help you. Nor can I help anyone understand who is committed to not understanding.
@EGio @hugonehugall - The only complaints I ever see from women is about men pushing boundaries which is not even close to the same level as just ignoring them.
@EGio I don’t need your help for anything. @Mike403 that’s not 100% accurate
@hugonehugall - You recently was bullying someone because they created a thread you didn't like instead of ignoring it and moving on like an adult.
@Mike403 in the thread you speak of the OP was not 100% innocent in that exchange and I know for a fact they were admonished by admin ... and if you consider any of what I said bullying I’m glad I didn’t say what I really wanted to but then again I would like to maintain my membership here.
I can NOT believe I'm about to say this but... I find myself agreeing with @DarrenWalker on certain points.
I'll take cold brutal honesty any day. Like me? great, hate me? That's fine too just say so and we go about life without wasting eachothers time.
I'm not known for tact or diplomacy, and frankly find it beyond tiring to go about life trying not to offend.. well just about everyone these days. Why is it supposed to be my problem if my world views offend you? Am I asking you to agree with me? No, do I care you don't agree with me? Honestly probably not. I have other things on my mind like how many diced pineapples would I need to dissolve a body? And I've gone horribly off topic sigh stupid squirrels just infest my think meat these days.
As for the state of the forums I don't have enough data yet, from what I've read they seem to represent a VERY small fraction of the community here and I'd stake my life on most of the real issues being far worse and buried in the dm portion of communications anyways.
@EGio
What doesn’t happen is women routinely using the boards to incessantly kvetch about men not giving them what they want, immediately when they want it.
Really? I see quite a bit of nonsense from women like that. See for instance this thread, where a man asked a simple question and the thread was hijacked by a woman to complain about a bunch of irrelevant nonsense, to insult the asker and to make a bunch of inane generalizations based on race.
Or check out this thread, where the (female) poster starts out with semi-reasonable complaints, and then quickly devolves into irrational nonsense, personal attacks, and generalized emotional vomit about the fact that she has not found a cuddle-monogamous partner in the brief time she was on the site.
I've always hated the term "white knight." I think often it's used to put down men who are nice to women. But goddamn it's the term that applies in a lot of cases on this forum: there are a lot of white knights here. If a man says, "It really sucks that nobody will reply to me; I feel so lonely," a pile of people will jump out of the woodwork shouting, "Women don't owe you anything!" But if a woman demands that men deliver her the world on a silver platter, blatantly insulting and generalizing about groups of people, those same people are silent or defend her. It's ridiculous.
@Mike403
The only complaints I ever see from women is about men pushing boundaries
I find it hard to believe someone could read this forum and come to that conclusion. There are tons of complaints from women. See for instance the two threads I linked to in my last comment.
@CuddleMeLater - I would be sympathetic to a guy who said he's feeling lonely and can't find a cuddle partner. What I see from time to time is s complaints about a specific woman because things didn't go exactly like he wanted.
Back on the original topic, I don't find this forum to be a particularly negative place as far as Internet forums go. Occasionally people go over the line, but the mods seem to be reasonably on top of that.
Moreover, along the lines of what some others have said, the slightly more contentious topics are the ones that are actually worth talking about! That doesn't actually mean people should be rude, of course, but some back-and-forth is fine.
Personally, I've had some great experiences cuddling and some terrible experiences cuddling. The great experiences are mostly private and probably not very interesting to others. Do you really want to hear about the great connection I made with some cuddler and what a special time I had? Really? On the other hand, the cuddlers who stole from me, the ones who lied, that kind of thing... now that's something somebody might actually be interested in.
Beyond that, I think many people find this site very frustrating. There's a continual influx of people to the site who have hope for the site and quickly get disillusioned. It's only natural that some negative emotion is going to be found on the forum.
I've totally seen people interpret posts from certain people as offensive when I detected no offense whatsoever. And I have a sensitive shite-detector. Tricky to legislate. I like the wild and woolly nature of the forum, but I also feel for those with thin skin who might not be as sturdy as some who feel reticent to post because of the potential for ridicule, nastiness, bullying and projection.
Ah, life. This isn't a therapy room. But it's nice when people respond with kindness and understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt, on both sides.
Mercy! Human.
@littermate: I had a conversation with the OP of the following thread(via PM) before she deleted her account:
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/9297/i-am-a-cuddle-enthusiast#latest
She told me she felt attacked and misunderstood when it was meant to be a thread discussing what she is looking for. I've been there. I try not to judge too harshly because we don't know their way of thinking.
I wish I had more time to try and temper my delight a bit and could eloquently sum up my thoughts... But I don't, so here is a mess of lovin warm fuzzies 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 for the following comnenters to divide up amongst themselves...
In no particular order: @littermate @EGio @CuddleMeLater @pmvines @hugonehugall @Mike403 @DarrenWalker @lonelybutmaybe @NightShift39 @MelanieL @FlyingToaster @Sashamcgee @xelda @ElleCuddleMi @FunCartel @cricket26 @JLM and @sunnysideup for coming in with the thumbs up!
You all are contributing to what is such a huge part of why I love it here! The diversity in users, why people are here and what is meaningful to them, the varied depths within post contents, lurkers stepping in to share their view, others just popping by to see what's up, disagreements, statements picked apart, the various knights galloping through, opinions I fully agree with, some I wish I understood and others I'm glad feel safe in sharing their unpopular points of view. I just loving how this thread alone is a perfect snap shot of the entire CC gen forum community!!!
All we're missing on this one is a moderator needing to step in, a user getting banned or someone losing it and deleting their account... but we're barely over 24 hours in yet... so who knows...
Anywho ~ Thank you all for being here and being a part of what truly makes this a dynamic community!!! 🥰🥰🥰
edit : Opps and Ack!! In my haste I forgot to give a warm fuzzy to our Thread Creator ~ @CuddleDuncan ~ Good job rolling with the punches, and though there have been a couple of things I don't agree with you on, or that just baffle me, for the most part I've enjoyed your jumping in involvement! But even if I didn't, you sir are also one who makes this community a joy to be a part of! So thank you!!! 🥰 (That one is just for you ~ No need to share unless you want to)
@quixotic_life It's good to see you here as well. 🥰 And others who post good thoughts & fun things here
Lol aww I like you too @quixotic_life 🥰
I'm stepping in, but as a participant, not a moderator, @quixotic_life
I do find it slightly gratifying that a thread on rudeness hasn't devolved into such. Contrary to popular belief, but I'm not some Pollyanna and all rainbows and sparkles, but neither am I a Sith lord. I think there is more fullness and awareness in acknowledging negative aspects of things. Nothing wrong with being critical and wanting to improve things. Pardon the phrase, but it doesn't mean I have to be a jerk in HOW I share my truth or experience, which is where rudeness comes into play. Truth and facts are one thing, but wielding them like a sledgehammer to belittle, criticize, or ostracize IS rude, in my book. Do I expect every statement to be weighed against the assumption that we're all delicate little petals? No. But I do ask again that people look at HOW one shares their truth or experience. Sharing one's experience versus denigrating someone else and using "truth" as an excuse to do so isn't warranted or necessary, in my opinion.
As far as rudeness , attacks , and all the other negativity lately this is nothing compared to a few years ago pre- moderator forum .
Its funny how the ones most likely to be rude and condescending etc are the ones victim blaming here....quite expected but amazing how blatant. oh its because you're so easily offended..its not because i'm a jerk. that's what they prefer to believe.
@Mike403 Thanks for seeing, knowing, and understanding. We tried. I appreciate your levelheadedness.
To the two or three who keep stirring the pot to create arguments where there weren’t any, particularly with me (and if you supposedly don’t know who I’m talking to, it’s you) - I’m here to have healthy connections with kind, safe humans who seek viable solutions to issues. I’m not here to continually defend my evidence-based stances against crotchety man-children.
Thanks for the love, @quixotic_life
Good day, everyone!