chokes on coffee lmao oh by the shadows you need to warn a guy before spouting that kind of lunacy! @cuddlerforu24
Just wow, there are whole threads of women saying the treatment they receive is exactly the issue, even the pros get sick of it they just deal with it as professionally as possible and move on to keep their livelihood intact. Smdh and people wonder why things are so skewed.
No , it’s not a new one . It’s a regular one .🙄🙄
@CuddleMeLater ok you do you since you prefer to not try anything different . It's like bringing a dehydrated horse to water. So many people giving decent advice and perspectives. If you dont want to drink that's fine . Like I said , you do you.
@pmvines
Whatever.
@NightShift39 no , no lunacy that’s my observation . Also it’s what I’ve read on this very forum and I quote” women are not inclined to cuddle outside of a romantic relationship “ and that is from a pro cuddler
Hi guys. Y’all want to know why enthusiast women are so hesitant to meet you on this site? @pmvines nailed it in his first comment. And every comment since, along with @xelda while we’re on the subject.
Here’s just one story (from a list) that I’ve personally experienced since joining only four months ago:
I received a message from a man in NorCal (very far from my location). We chatted a bit and he wanted to meet, so we video chatted first. His profile was scant and he has no photos and refuses to share any of himself. I don’t know this man from Adam. Body language, verbal communication skills, and presentation are aspects of us that inform others of whether we’ll get long but also various red flags we may present. Video chatting is my second round of vetting whether someone is a good match to actually meet. Most don’t even make it to this second round.
He talked so fast and asked one question after another with hardly a chance for me to ask him anything in return - which he then complained about as if this was my fault. Other than asking how I found the site, his focus was exclusively on my sexual orientation and past relationships, and whether I prefer men or women in dating, and if I’m on CC for platonic reasons. (Uh, yeah, obviously. That’s the agreement, dumbdumb.) He then ended the call pretty abruptly and says he expects that I didn’t take any photos of him during the call. (Uh, did you even read my profile? I am clear that I’m all about consent and this would be outside his consent.) Super awkward and unsettling encounter. I got a notification saying he left karma on my page the next day (which he shouldn’t have done since we didn’t meet in person), but when I went to see what was posted, it wasn’t there. So I go to message him to ask what happened, and I’ve been blocked. Really? Ok. Aaaand we circle back to @pmvines original comment on this thread. Some of y’all are 🤯
Again. This is just one of several moments (via messages, video, and in person) that were totally wrong and disrespectful to me personally, and exactly why women are so increasingly hesitant of meeting men anywhere - not just here.
It’s sad that the decent men get grouped in with the indecent ones, but like any healthy relationships with other humans, trust must be built and demonstrated over time. You must prove to us you are one of the decent, respectful men. So many men here are unwilling to do that and blame women for not immediately catering to their needs. That mindset is so unhealthy and a major red flag that you are in fact not trustworthy. Because you lack empathy, patience, and respect for others’ limits.
@cuddlerforu24 The opinions you’ve expressed are so completely out of touch with reality. I am on this site precisely because it is designed to be platonic and non-romantic, and the mutual understanding and agreement is that it is only to be exactly that. I’m here because I’m tired of being treated as a sexual object for men’s pleasure and want closeness without immediate sexual expectations. I’m not the only woman with this desire and rationale for joining here.
As for men outnumbering women here, social psychology informs us on some of why that is. Seek and you’ll find.
@cuddlerforu24
You misunderstood what that pro cuddler was saying. She was saying most women don’t want to cuddle outside a romantic relationship, and that’s why there aren’t many women here. She was not saying that the women who are here are looking for a romantic relationship.
Well I can only speak from my own experience, but I find that not to be the case as often as people seem to claim. There are plenty of women who like to cuddle outside of romantic relationships I've met dozens over the last 20 years. Hell I didn't even know this was a common thing with active communities till a few weeks ago.
Ya know what I'm not here to argue, and there are plenty of threads on how one might better approach potential cuddlers so I'm just gonna end my interaction with this. If your current approach isn't and hasn't been working, at least give some thought to reading some of the advice posted by others and maybe changing it up guys.
I wish y'all the best of luck be safe and be well.
@EGio my opinion is based on the count of men vs women in an area. Last time I check my area there were / are 601 men versus 79 women. That tells me there are more men looking for Platonic cuddling then there are women.
That tells me there are more men looking for Platonic cuddling then there are women.
But that wasn't what you said before. Before you said the women on this site are looking for romantic relationships, and leave because they can't find any. Which is delusional.
@NightShift39
Well I can only speak from my own experience, but I find that not to be the case as often as people seem to claim.
As far as I can tell you're arguing with someone who isn't even in this thread (the pro cuddler who made that statement).
@EGio
OK, I read your comment, that seems like a bad experience. I'm going to ask a question which may come off as victim-blamey, but that isn't my intent. Why did you return this man's message and agree to video chat with him?
I read frequently here, and occasionally on forums about app dating, that women find that upwards of 90% of men on the site/app have profiles and behaviors that are just completely unappealing. Bad or absent pictures, bad/sparse profiles, inane messages and creepy behavior. But that sounds like it would give the other 10% of men a huge advantage. If I can just provide a decent picture, fill out my profile, send a reasonable opening message, and not behave like a total creep, then I'm automatically a better prospect than 90% of men? Well that's a pretty low bar! It should be easy to get replies from women! And yet it's not.
So I would honestly like to understand how it is that so many creeps are at least making it a few steps into the process with women, and so many non-creeps are not.
@cuddlerforu24 - How many of those men are here for the right reasons? Men complain that they aren't getting any responses from women while women complain that many of the guys who message them turn out to be creeps.
Then when told many are creeps they reply well no actually this is why and by the way this is what you are doing wrong .....
My entry into this discussion was to disagree with why women quickly leave after signing Up . 25 per cent of the time i have been told men are creepy . The other 75 per cent was .. “ website with rules” , “‘cuddles were dull”, “ my husband found out about my profile “ @ mike403 how about the ban hammer comes swiftly , reactionary to compliants , banishments are first then website asks questions later , . So how about my count are 601 men are compliant . I’m not saying that the 79 women are non compliant . I’m saying the 79 are compliant with that TOS because those looking for more quickly leave
You must prove to us you are one of the decent, respectful men. So many men here are unwilling to do that and blame women for not immediately catering to their needs. That mindset is so unhealthy and a major red flag that you are in fact not trustworthy. Because you lack empathy, patience, and respect for others’ limits.
I appreciate that women are more concerned with meeting men than vice versa, but it's gotten to a point that I don't know what else to do to be more respectful or patient. Additionally, it's hard to prove you're decent when you just get ghosted or don't even get a single response, time after time when you reach out to someone. What's worse is when I hear stories of guys being very creepy with women they meet up with (on here, and also on dating apps as well), and I wonder, how the heck did they get a chance, and not me?
@CuddleMeLater
Yes, I am wondering this too. I have a couple of theories but they are only very basic.
@CuddleMeLater i never said women on the site are looking for romance . I said if they are they sign up , look around , and quickly leave
@sunnysideup
I'd be interested to hear your theories.
In the dating world, there exists the idea that "women like assholes"; or, contrarily, that women don't like nice guys. This isn't completely true, but I do think there is a grain of truth to it, and it serves as a convenient explanation for men who fail with women and see women repeatedly date the same kinds of men they always complain about.
I don't think that's what's going on here at all though.
Word @xelda! My experience too @pmvines. @Cuddlemelater I'll just go on public record as saying I've rarely read one of your posts that has struck me with its blinding truth and insight. Some humility might look good on you.
@littermate LOL. We've corresponded before, on my old account. You seemed to like me pretty well then. Edited - removed personal attack. That was 100% unnecessary, @CuddleMeLater. [-Sid]
What if it just as simple as men and women, generally speaking, want different things or even need different things out of their relationships— platonic or otherwise?
@CuddleMeLater Whoa, whoa, there is no need for such language. I get that you're frustrated, I am too. What you say resonates with me quite well. To make matters worse, there does not seem to be a whole lot of sympathy for people in our plight on the forums. It's been pointed out before but threads like these tend to scathe men for being too creepy or not communicating well enough, however, I don't think all of us struggling men fit in that category. The ratio does not help either. The ratio makes it such that it will be impossible for many men to find a cuddling partner if they seek a female even if they are doing the right things.
I don't have all the answers, I can only tell people what I've done, and what my experiences have been thus far. I'm sure I'm doing something wrong, but I do not know concretely what it is. If it were made aware to me I would change it.
Folks. Keep it respectful and on-topic. Thanks. [-Sid]
I've met four people through this site: three men and one woman. I've been here over five years. Now, I joined hoping to get lots of cuddles (of course I did). Reality, as it so often does, foiled me.
That's okay.
No website on earth is going to be able to overcome the social problems that make it safest to cuddle people well known to you—friends, family, romantic partners—and most acceptable to cuddle only those you're expected to be attracted to in a sexual way.
This website does all right. At the very least, I think it gives people the practice talking about platonic affection they need to be more comfortable bringing it up in everyday life. It's something of a training ground.
I think it's worth the time I put into it.
Wow-wuh-wow. I see the kind of responses every dude who complains about not getting replies receives. That’s why I don’t complain about not getting replies. I got people OFFline calling me out about every little thing. I’d rather not be called out online in addition to offline.
Men on this site are not responsible for the behavior of other men, they are only responsible for their own behavior.
"Why did you return this man's message and agree to video chat with him?"
Haven't you been one of the ones who have been constantly bemoaning how enthusiast women don't respond and thus don't give men a chance? Yes. Yes, you were.
I returned his messages because - unlike your theory that enthusiast women are all ghosts - I give everyone a chance. It is my policy to respond to every. single. initial. contact. from everyone because that's how conversations work. And our chatting via message before the video meeting had been totally fine and gave me zero indication I shouldn't video chat with him. I also respect people's boundaries, including about not posting public photos of themselves for whatever reason, so that isn't an automatic disqualification to me.
So, your question makes no sense to even ask. I am not to blame for a man's stupidity, apparently nefarious goals, and mistreatment because I responded to previously benign messages from him and then did a video chat where his real intentions began to show. 🙄
As an aside, your response to Cuddler4u24:
"But that wasn't what you said before. Before you said the women on this site are looking for romantic relationships, and leave because they can't find any. Which is delusional."
Finally, something we can 100% agree upon.
Darn, I didn't even get ro read the insult. Alas.
@littermate - He just used a naughty four letter word toward you.
As I’ve stated in the past I don’t reach out to a lot of enthusiast women due too the lack of them in my area and the lack of time & energy I have to go through extra vetting processes. But of course if given the option of getting something for free as opposed to paying for it who wouldn’t want it for free ?? But is anything really ever free 🤔🤔 I don’t know ... I guess my investment has paid off fine.
@OhioMike nobody dislikes you lol you have like 20000 friends 😂 seriously though I find it interesting how the internet can fuel so much contempt for people you dont even know . I admit that I'm prob not always the most likable person but it's just words . I would happily help out any fellow human in need. And even though I might have personality conflicts with some folks here and argue from time to time I don't have any hate for them . There have been maybe 4 people in 4 going on 5 yrs here who I truly disliked and it is because of a demonstrated pattern of bullying or slimy behavior. Otherwise its just a little bickering here and there but doesnt mean I dont respect or appreciate them.