Feeling like you been rejected because of your race..

jabraham96jabraham96
in General

Idk if it’s just me but sometimes I do feel like I do get rejected or ignored because of my race. Whether I’m DM a regular cuddler or even a pro, it sometimes feels like that, even when I have karma from other cuddlers . I know not everyone is entitled to get laid up with me or respond to a message but idk it just feels like that. I hate that I have to play the race card too because I don’t want to come off as bratty either. I mean I don’t my profile makes me come off threatening or menace. But it just be in my head. Has anyone else ever felt like that?

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Comments

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    @jabraham96 On this site, I have meet and or cuddled many people that were very accepting of me in general. Sadly in everyday life (outside of this site), there are times when people chose to unfairly judge or treat me due to race. I chose to love life happy, persevere through obstacles, educate and love positive people (while continuing to be successful). As far as this site, no matter who you are there will always be incompatible, ghosters, time wasters or people that don’t a answers messages. What I do or message many people, meet positive connection ones and forget about the ones that did not work out. I wish you well bro 😎

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    For sure people some have racial preferences on here. Many people are much more open, but you will encounter folks like these everywhere in life. In my mind, they are helping me filter out against a bad cuddle so it works for me. I don’t want to cuddle with someone who’s uncomfortable around me or may act condescendingly.

    Sometimes I think I get more responses if I don’t send a picture of myself. But I’d rather send a picture first to get that out of the way.

    Life isn’t fair in many ways for different people for different reasons. And many have it much harder than me.

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    That really sucks 😓 I honestly don’t understand how skin color can be something someone cares about.., it blows my mind…. I’m sure they are missing out on an amazing cuddle.

    I’m sure there aren’t too many pros that make it obvious but if you ever do come across a pro that actually messages you declining a cuddle because of race, you can report that. Pros are not allowed to deny sessions based off of race or age. So if you ever have proof, report that. They don’t belong here.

    I don’t know if it’s any consolation, but if I had a public meeting with you and found you respectful, I would cuddle you 🌸🌸

  • JBearzJBearz
    edited November 2022

    I understand the sentiment, but no I have never felt my race is the reason why someone rejects me. Mostly because I only cuddle with pros and most pros are open minded (and they like money)

    With enthusiasts, I just assume they reject me because I'm also an enthusiast and male🤷‍♂️

    but at the end of the day, people have their preferences and you shouldnt take it personally

    Like my bro @SuperManCuddles said, focus on the ones who accept you, not the ones who reject you

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @JBearz

    (and they like money)

    Are you hinting that you don't?? 😆

  • JBearzJBearz

    @CuddleDuncan No lol I'm saying money will often change someone's usual preferences

  • cuddles_ndreamcuddles_ndream
    edited November 2022

    @jabraham96 oh trust me don’t feel that way, like at all! If you look at prior threads throughout the months, years, you’ll see the equal opportunity in rejections lol 😂 cheers.

    Edit: everything @SuperManCuddles said 💯!

  • SunsetSnugglesSunsetSnuggles

    @jabraham96 Not getting responses back is a huge frustration for many, here.

    What I would offer is this perspective...

    If you don't receive a response, you figure it's due to your race.

    If I don't receive a response, I figure it's due to my weight.

    If someone is going bald, they figure it's due to that.

    I've seen this over and over in myself and others and the common denominator is that whatever we feel insecure about, we project as the reason we are being treated a certain way. It is, of course, possible that it may be the reason, but it could also be a myriad of other reasons that may or may not have anything to do with us, or our physical appearance.

    So it's interesting to consider that anyone feeling rejected will usually ascribe it to something very specific about themselves, but if we could ask the rejector, odds would be pretty high that it wasn't that one very specific thing. Just some food for thought. 😊

    ~ Sunset Snuggles

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle

    @jabraham96 can I ask what "Laid up with" means to you? That term may be your problem. I read it and didn't think cuddling. I may be mistaken about the context. It just strikes me as maybe not the right word choice.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101
    edited November 2022

    Sorry you feel that way. It might be an issue that's done but not spoken about. Also, not sure what the demographics are. I took the liberty to check:

    "The 5 largest ethnic groups in Randolph, MA are Black or African American (Non-Hispanic) (39.7%), White (Non-Hispanic) (33.8%), Asian (Non-Hispanic) (12%), White (Hispanic) (4.26%), and Other (Hispanic) (3%)."

    In a town of about 32,000...I'm surprised it's so diverse - esp with my generalizations about New England.

    I wonder if the cuddle community up there
    is equally diverse.

    From my perspective, you seem like a upright young man with clear pictures, a well fleshed out summary that included vetting and consent. And you have karma.

    Are you near any big cities? Anything going on in the local or racial environment that we don't know about? Whats the racial demographics of local cuddlers? Actually, in the city, African Americans are the majority. That's why I find it peculiar .

    Thanks for bringing up am interesting topic for discussion. Also, I'd like to say participation in forums will help you make new connections.

  • jabraham96jabraham96

    @stormydaycuddle when I hit someone up whether it’s a regular or pro cuddled, I never say laid up, I just said it here. And laid up means to me is cuddling and vibing with someone

  • stormydaycuddlestormydaycuddle

    Okay, just checking. :)

  • CozyWolfyCozyWolfy
    edited November 2022

    I can only speak for myself but maybe adding a pic of you smiling and or with a cuddly pet might help.
    I know it can be obnoxious when people say you should smile but with online stuff like this it can make you more approachable and have better luck finding cuddles.

  • [Deleted User]rightshoelace (deleted user)

    I don’t feel like what I’m about to say is directly answering your question, but it is within the realms of being in this space and being a poc. In other aspects of my life, definitely— but from my experience in a cuddle group, there’s a huge sense of it being an accepting, no judgement zone. I haven’t taken on any one-on-one offers yet, but I would assume if I were in my 30s, there wouldn’t be as many requests. There’s a multitude of factors that go into people reaching out. Age, race, location etc. and we can’t control it. I think once the subject starts eating away at you, it’s a sign to adjust your focus to something that’s reassuring.

  • TruePowerTruePower

    @SunsetSnuggles <-----
    @jabraham96 Your pictures may not be intimidating, but they aren't inviting/comforting either.
    Also, imho, perspective shots (hip to face) of you lying down aren't too flattering for a girl when browsing / Pro reviewing a booking.
    Gives off a very snapchat-ty allure...

  • supadupasupadupa

    @jabraham96 I would suggest for your photos to be smiling and less just close ups. I think most people want a friendly face.
    And not so serious! And good luck meeting cuddlers!

  • homeboyhomeboy

    Tough subject since there are so many perspectives and nuances.

    First off, while some people might reject a black cuddler for racial reasons—grounded in either racism or simple preference—others might seek out a black cuddler—based on physical stereotypes or simple preference. Since, either way, you have no way to know how race figures in people's decision-making, in this non-legal, non-workplace situation, I wouldn't give it a second thought. Plus, people might not be making decisions on the basis of race. It might be body type or any of the other facts in your profile.

    That said, as others have suggested, I'd post better, more inviting, color photos quick, fast, and in a hurry.

  • teachmecuddlezteachmecuddlez

    It's certainly a thing. There are lady pro pages I've seen on this site that straightforwardly tell you not to send a message to them if you're of a certain race. I don't personally get bent out of shape about it, but I've seen it on here with my own eyes

  • Sheena123Sheena123

    @teachmecuddlez those “pros” need to be reported. That’s just straight up not allowed 🚫

  • WriterGFWriterGF

    @teachmecuddlez You should probably report that. I believe it's against site policy.

  • sunnysideupsunnysideup

    @teachmecuddlez Wow, I haven't encountered that yet but report them.

    There was a female enthusiast on here who I was speaking with that said that she didn't put up her picture or race before meeting because she felt so many people judged her on race without giving a chance to meet her.

  • CuddleDuncanCuddleDuncan

    @teachmecuddlez this website is based in the UK. Such discrimination is straight up breaking the law here. And the judge is very unlikely to be sympathetic. (In some crimes a racial element is an aggravating factor which will result in a higher sentence.)

    And yes, it's an blatent breach of the terms of service. And the ethos of the cuddling community. Report.

  • achetocuddleachetocuddle

    What homeboy, TruePower, supadupa and CozyWolfy said.

    It might be age. Many people here are between 30 and 55 and they may not be looking for someone in their 20s. I'm under the impression that very young guys here tend to not meet very many people. Best wishes on your cuddle quest.

  • Jova114Jova114

    Ive been rejected because of my face

  • BlackKalelBlackKalel

    Yes I know I have had a harder time in most things becuase of race but I do feel this site is the best place in that regard.

    Cuddlers have been very accepting.

  • HathorHathor

    I’m really sorry you’re having that experience. I don’t think you’re playing a “race card.” If that’s your experience, that’s your experience and it’s valid. Also, feel free to direct message me if you want some tips to make your profile look more approachable to potential cuddlers! I have some ideas that might help 😇

  • SuperManCuddlesSuperManCuddles

    Thank you @JBearz and @cuddles_ndream for the shout outs!💯 Also I 💯agree with @Hathor too! 😇

  • WarmlyheartedWarmlyhearted

    My principle is that skin colour does not matter, we are all pink inside... Meaning that we are all made of the same stuff, both physically and emotionally.

    Black lives don't matter - ALL lives matter, regardless of ones colour we all share the same basic needs and desires.

  • Minestrone101Minestrone101

    @Warmlyhearted Gonna have to disagree with that last part - bc there IS inequity in the system but I won't get into it here bc its not the time and place.

    My one small point is to look at the skin color and gender distribution of Marvel heroes vs. the general populace and you see where the bias or preference lies.

  • WarmlyheartedWarmlyhearted

    It was only intended as a single viewpoint, not as an indication of equality (or lack thereof), I have observed racism go both ways - to and from the minority.

    It is sad that it exists, even today.

    I just believe that we as human beings are all important.

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