…
Boundaries are boundaries but it was so rude the way she phrased it . plus I do not waste time . When I want to book I want to book .
@jimboslice5014 I’ve been gone a while and am not sure I remember you so I’ll hold off with my snark for now. I dislike pro bashing to an extreme in a public format because it is usually people being mean but idk kinda believe you in this case. I will say that pro bashing is a way to get rude responses from pros later down the line. In such a public format. If they remember it. So hopefully it wasn’t also another instance that led to this reply. Hope you find a pro you mesh with.
I never insulted the pros. I have booked before and loved my experience. However, I did not like being spoken to as if I were a creep as I like to get a vibe . All I said was hi and she was behaving very rudely.
I understand your time is your time but dont be rude when someone wants to be your client
So normally with these types of threads we usually get one side and it ends up that a lot of information was omitted from the OP. I checked on this and really, I personally wouldn’t fault @jimboslice5014 for taking the response as being rude, but I also wouldn’t really fault the pro for responding the way they did. It’s something that I think enthusiasts may lean towards Jimbo’s side while pros may lean towards the pro’s side. If this was reported, it’s not something that I personally would take action on against either of them. But just to be clear, Jimbo was not rude or inappropriate in his messaging. This is just a case of instructions in a profile not being observed as closely as one would have wanted. I think the topic is appropriate to be discussed and I appreciate both parties not posting screenshots or really going after one another, so thank you for that.
@Charlie_Bear Good work, as usual. Maybe a name change to Columbo_Bear?
People are rude sometimes, and it’s usually never about you. They’ve basically filtered themselves out of seeing you, which is a blessing in disguise. Any pro can choose not to engage with any client, even if the reason is crappy.
If you feel you’ve been treated unfairly, you can report to the mods. Edit: oops, didn’t see @Charlie_Bear response. Some pros like to chat a bit before scheduling something, some have a strict protocol to follow before you can book, others prefer doing a video chat, some like getting straight to business apparently.
Out with the trash, and in with the good. There are plenty of great pros around!
@jimboslice5014 I hope being validated lets you move on. Just imagine that being magnanimous now is a plus on your cosmic permanent record that will pay dividends down the road.
I don't actually believe that, but we all need our fictions to function in this world.
While people can undoubtedly be rude, understand that pros get many messages that are just idle chatter or from people who’ve not even taken the time to read their profiles. A pro’s profile will often explicitly state if they require deposits, a travel fee, minimum booking times, screening, etc.
I have had several potential clients send booking requests and when I ask for how far they are from me—my profile clearly states that I require a minimum 2 hour booking for locations that require more than 40 minutes driving round trip—they get their panties in a bunch. Mind you, in one such situation, I had not even said I would not see this individual yet, just asking as he requested a one hour booking. His reply was something trite along the lines of, “I’m all about the connection, not money.” 😑 Sir, I’m about connections too, but you couldn’t even take the time to read my bio before contacting me. Apparently my photos were enough, which is flattering, but you could have saved us both a lot of time.
While I’ve met some awesome people on this site, it’s worth mentioning that time wasters abound. I also find that there is a type of person who seeks cuddling specifically who expects much more free emotional labor than the average person who might contact you online. However, I do think that this is a combination of the expectations around here and the standard set by other female pro cuddlers. I have found that some do not have firm boundaries. I remember one woman in the forums mentioning she messaged back and forth with a client for four months…four MONTHS…before he even booked and was then swiftly ghosted after she had paid for a room. When a precedent is set by others that pros who are on this site working are essentially free pen pals, the lines become blurred.
While I’m sure it’s completely possible that your intentions were good, @jimboslice5014 , it’s important to have a purpose when contacting someone who is trying to run a business. I’m with you that being rude is never acceptable…though being curt and rude are two different things. When I get the feeling someone is farting around in my inbox with no actual intention of booking, I will usually ask them if they plan to book, or stop responding altogether. It sounds like she may have been direct and establishing her boundaries versus rude…though intentions are often difficult to gauge without vocal tone, intonation, and facial expressions. A downfall of online communication, to be sure. 🙂
@Mman Hahaha perhaps so 😇
I know there have been times where I got frustrated with people ignoring my profile, and I would get bitter and had to check myself. It’s frustrating having your boundaries ignored, but it’s also easy to forget to read or skim over instructions especially if you’re looking at multiple profiles. I’ve re-written, and re-organize my profile many times to try and convey the necessary information while still making it skim-able enough so that people can just read the parts that are pertinent to them. These days I have the most important information in a bullet list at the very top of my profile for people who aren’t going to read my entire profile and I still have people ignore my short bullet list which is frustrating but I just take that as a sign that we are not meant to work together.
Yours is easily states and those rules are so easy to follow
@xandriarain If they skip out on the basic bullet point list, that is pretty frustrating! Are those types generally the ones to misbehave more?
This was parara graphs . Not bullet points
@sunnysideup generally, they aren’t willing to cooperate with my booking process, so they never get the opportunity to misbehave. I am happy to explain things to people, even if it’s in my profile, but if they can’t follow my basic directions like doing a consultation call, I can’t trust them to be so close and personal with my body.
@xandriarain they are filtering themselves out and saving you a lot of trouble for sure.
I made a deal with myself to keep my mouth shut when i see foolishness and to keep my opinions about things that are not roses and sunshine to myself but ... You are making an entire thread about how an interwebs stranger said something other than what you would have liked for them to say and are now demanding appeasement and sympathy because you thought somebody dared to be rude to you ? Gotta say it my guy , it's time to grow up.
Rant over. Back to roses and what not
@pmvines keep your rants to yourself nobody cares what you think
Now I think you should grow up Jimbo, yeesh.
Roses and sunshine
@Everybody
It can be frustrating navigating life. Interpersonal issues, communications, conflicts. Each of us is at a different point in our own evolutions. It’s a complex science, this “growing & becoming” who we are, who we can be, meant to be. Somebody comes along & tries to tweak our formulas & messes it all up.
One person may be truly exceptional in one area but abysmal in another… but that’s okay because in the evolution of them…. That’s right where they need to be for the next ingredients.
We may call ourselves the Chef, the Chemist, the Chief of others…. We’re not.
It’s okay if for one, their way of processing a frustration is to talk it out. For another, it’s okay that they gotta set those boundaries. Could they improve? Sure. Do it better? Sure. Lil more finesse, lil more smooth & adult? Sure.
But we’re all screwy & we all can be a total mess.
Let’s be kind to one another. Cut a break. Leave each other a lil elbow room to screw up & keep learning.
Otherwise, we may all get pie on our face. Personally, I’m hoping for some good apple with nutmeg & cinnamon. Yep, I said cinnamon. It’s ok in a small dose. I’ll dilute it with vanilla bean.
Better days ahead.
The best thing about this site is all the peace, love, and harmony shown by cuddlers…
I usually just ignore a simple message. If there’s no subject or point, why am I then forced to make conversation with someone that could be trying to be a pen pal? If someone is interested in booking a session with me, they’ll make that known. The whole back and forth “Hi, how are you?” Formalities are time wasters.
I do engage in “How are you?” To those I actually have met and care about, or those I respect due to their comments in the forums. Personally, if I have to carry a conversation, and also ask if you want to book a session with me, I’d rather not. I like to get to the main point of conversation. That’s how I’ve always been. I am not a fan of small talk, in the slightest. Even recently, someone on another social account reached out to me with “Hey” And my response was “Nope” And they called me rude and mentioned how they went to school with me and they know I wasn’t raised to be rude. But that’s the thing-I don’t owe anyone. Anything. Including a response. Or justification for a lack of response.
I am also openly admitting that I have told a variety of predators on this site to F*ck off as their conversations were laced with sexually suggestive themes and undertones. I’m not saying that everyone should do that, but deliberate rudeness typically has a reason for its reaction.
A lot of pros that don’t bother replying back to messages get frustrated with those same messages because the individual didn’t bother to read the profile before messaging. It’s a test, of respect, and it eliminates the hassle of time wasters
I mostly do my best to be patient, be kind, and to remember that everyone is currently suffering from, and hopefully getting help with, PTSD.
Me included.
Folks, it helps to remember that people have different communication styles. Direct communication is not the same thing as rude or impolite. Some people prefer very direct, concise communication. Others prefer having the "social niceties" like small talk and filler language that conveys a particular cultural meaning. Neither is wrong.
With text communication it can be difficult to convey tone (which is one reason why I throw in a ton of emojis and use emphatic text formatting). It can pay to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially if this is your first time communicating with them and you haven't learned their communication style yet. And perhaps a communication mismatch is enough to point towards incompatibility in general, and that is ok... But that still doesn't mean the other person is somehow morally wrong for having a different way of communicating. This becomes even more at issue when dealing with people who are neurodivergent, have social anxiety, or were raised culturally different from you.
Also, I'd like to point out there is a difference between being polite, nice, and kind...and of the 3 I would much rather someone be kind even if they are not polite nor nice.
@jimboslice5014 I don't remember exactly what got you in timeout last time, but I do know lashing out at other members because you don't like how they respond to your open post is a great way to head right back to the corner. If you didn't want public commentary, you shouldn't have posted publicly. @pmvines can absolutely chime in with his opinion, just as everyone else has, because you opened the door.
@cuddlefaery Hard agree on the polite/nice/kind power ladder. Some of the kindest people have a brusque manner, and politeness and niceness are often deliberate camouflage for problematic character traits.
I'm relatively new to this but I believe the first thing, the LEAST thing, you should do before contacting someone to book is just read their bio and understand how they work, boundaries or personal work ethics.
Despite being new, I'd get a ton of messages with wanna be penpals with about 5% success rate and even worse 50% of the 5 canceling down the line. I'd assume this is a seasoned pro and probably had to deal with things like this ALL THE TIME, hence the need to specify it in their bio.
In my understanding, you didn't read it, and sent over a generic "hi" that's on you, and the least you can do is take accountability before making a thread about how people should be nice to you. Look inwards and ask yourself if you actually extended such courtesy by doing your due diligence. I find it extremely petty to drag someone publicly because they just didn't say something palatable to you.
Yes they should have been nicer, but they weren't to you, move on rather than threatening to tank their reputation over something you contributed to.
Another thing I found ironic is how you reacted to someone who disagreed with you, you literally demanded them to shut it while dragging a conversation about someone not being nice to you. Look in the mirror!
Speak for yourself, I care what @pmvines thinks, and most folks here do. He’s a valuable community member, and he’s right.