Why there are so few women enthusiasts

AliOops

I don't owe him a thing. I didn't swipe, like, tag, wink, wave, NOTHING. I viewed his profile and he thinks I am obligated to give him my time.

My entire life is like this, not just here. But the IDEA of here had me cautiously optimistic that if the idea of intimacy were truly removed from cuddling I could maybe enjoy my life a little as a whole entire well rounded human being and not just some cog in a story line to a man's wants or worse a fetish. There is no right answer to ANYTHING a woman does.

Good luck fellas, the handful of TRULY good guys out there? Y'all have wankers like this representing you.

Reported and reviewed. Removing screenshot of convo since identifiable parts were not obscured. For context, a male pro reached out offering free cuddles. Later in the day he followed up by objecting to her not responding after he saw she had viewed his profile. [CharlieBear]

Mike403

FYI, it's against the rules to post screenshots of private conversations.

AliOops

Cool, I'm out 😎

BashfulLoner

He felt rejected and maybe hurt. You have a great point but he has a perspective even if it's wrong. I'm sure

Minestrone101

Sorry to hear about your experience ! I think with time you can connect with some consistent cuddlers and avoid the bs. gl on your journey !

And, this is why I do not approach women, nor reach out.

Not online, not in person.

If a woman is interested in me she has to approach me.

Which means, of course, that I will be alone.

RedFox16

Getting this "hurt" from feeling rejected from a complete stranger online is not a reasonable reaction. Especially since this is not even technically an actual rejection.

She only had not responded to his message after less than 12 hours....and never even met nor messaged him beforehand. Despite her going and viewing his profile. She probably was waiting till she had time to craft a response (yes, it does take time to craft responses to messages).

Even if she wasn't going to respond....this is STILL an unreasonable reaction to not hearing back from a total stranger online. She has no obligation to respond to anyone who messages her....and I'm willing to bet, she was receiving tons of messages as a female enthusiast.

And as a pro....it makes his response even MORE unreasonable and unprofessional. Like, what the heck dude ...why so fast to freak out about such an innocuous situation? She, and anyone, does not OWE some random internet stranger their time, effort and energy if she (or anyone) doesn't want to.

Period. Stop being so freaking sensitive.

This is why....there's hardly any female enthusiasts. This. And the people defending him....that's why. Because people have the attitude that others (females) owe them their time and energy. She wasn't even rude to him UNTIL he freaked out on her first. Like, what's wrong with this guy?

I don't have people freak out on me if I'm not super fast to respond but probably because I'm a pro and others don't feel "entitled" to my free time. This just reenforces that I made the correct choice to not be an enthusiast. Sorry, but it's just true....and proven over and over again 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

BashfulLoner

It may not be reasonable but it's still a feeling. Just like the reaction to his message may not be reasonable (in my mind) but she's entitled to it. I mean he didn't freak out, he just made a little unnecessary comment. I'm sure she was unindated with messages and probably tired of dealing with all the wastes of time or people she wasn't interested in. But he may be getting. Rejected the same amount,( i think he was wrong btw but i don't think it warranted a response at all).

My point is consider perspective.

TxTom

@RedFox16

Stop being so freaking sensitive.

Amen.

simsaddict

Unfortunately, there are some entitled individuals on this website. As a pro cuddler, I have encountered numerous people who believe I’m a robot here for their needs. Each of those individuals I reported for being gross, demanding of my time and energy, and/or their lack of accountability in demanding immediate responses.

So you are encountering a pro cuddler who is offering you free cuddles-that situation is fishy. It could potentially be someone who isn’t having luck with booking sessions and they, themselves require physical touch. However, he is in the wrong.
100%. And I’m so sorry for the entitlement you have experienced in this interaction.

You already know it but just to reiterate:
You don’t owe anyone anything. Ever.
You are not required to explain yourself.

The experience you should be having, is not this. And I’m so sorry that this one person is potentially ruining that for you. I do think, if you haven’t already, and this is just my personal opinion…perhaps you would benefit from cuddling with a female? The females I’ve cuddled have always made me feel safe, at peace & cared for naturally.
I’m not sure of the availability of cuddlers and pros in your area but please don’t allow one entitled person to ruin this for you.
Truthfully, it took some sifting through messages for me to figure out who was genuinely on this website for the right reasons versus those who believe they can be inappropriate.

Mike403

The OP deleted her account.

stormydaycuddle

@BashfulLoner the comment he made was rude and implied he was owed something. It wasn’t a simple comment. He was being mean.

RedFox16

Sadly, @simsaddict as @Mike403 said, OP deleted their account.... So there goes another female enthusiast. Who was simply wanting cuddles....for free.... So next time someone asks that question here, about why there's so few female enthusiasts ....or why people charge for cuddle sessions (I've seen it posed several times in the year I've been on here), this is why.

And yes @BashfulLoner feelings are valid....but that's not the topic here. You can literally apply that logic to any situation....ever. But does that mean you should hop on here and insist that feelings are valid....and distract from the actual subject for every guy on here who behaves badly? 🤷🏻‍♀️

edited to add
Feelings are one thing, and no one can control those. BUT we can control our reactions to the feelings we have. Choosing to act on our feelings is why we have these types of discussions....not to discuss the fact that every human being has feelings. That's a discussion for philosophy.

Canadiancowboy

I understand her point of view. Feeling like someone has something over you. Hes point of view he was hurt i get it but you cant act or say stuff like that. We just need to show respect and love to each other

Mike403

I never understood getting hurt over not being responded to by some internet stranger they never met before.

HumbleBaron

Ciao

CharlieBear

I am late to the party but the person that messaged her would be in the wrong here, especially as a pro; regardless if they intended to charge or not.

cuddlefaery

Here's a thought: his over reaction to her viewing his profile and not responding is the flip side of the coin of those pros who over react to being viewed multiple times without being contacted. Not saying his response is an appropriate one, but it's an interesting dichotomy I've observed. The profile visitors page can be a great tool, but it can get twisted when people make assumptions about the intent of their viewers without talking to them.

But as for his entitlement towards her attention: it's part of a larger systemic problem, unfortunately. The cult of "the customer is always right" stems from the majority of service workers being women and the expectation that men's needs will always supercede those of women's. We're expected to drop everything to answer in their time frame, in a way they deem acceptable, with answers that agreeable to them, and if we don't then we are failing both morally and professionally. The reality is that service workers, and women, absolutely can maintain healthy boundaries and provide excellent service. One does not have to be submissive nor mimicking servitude of old in order to be professional.

BashfulLoner

I understand her position and I'm not trying to justify his behavior. But i do feel rejected or bad or unsure when not responded to. I hate that feeling but i don't try and strike back, i wallow in my own self doubt and lack of confidence, so i know there is a feeling attached to what he said. That's all. He may be an a-hole, I'm not sure he isn't, but a-holes have feelings too. I know I'm a sensitive a-hole myself.

Mike403

@BashfulLoner - Rejection is part of life. You give the attention to people who wants it.

bobadevotee

Dang, wish she was still here. Wanted to chat with her. She hit the nail on the head. Women can’t win.

Literally there is a comment on here turning OPs awful experience as an excuse to victimize men, as some bs of “this is why I don’t talk to women” shit

All y’all tell on yourselves when you say that crap. It’s a huge red flag and indicates that you are so consistently creepy that you’ve probably scared every woman you’ve spoken to, but rather than reflect and change for the better, you blame women implicitly with “THIS is why I don’t approach women”, blaming us for reacting appropriately to your creepiness. Sorry, but after hearing constant rhetoric that “a woman’s safety is her responsibility “, yeah we’re gonna act cautious!!! Men criticize us for not being “cautious enough” or “asking for it” when we get assaulted, then they STILL CRITICIZE US when we do take safety precautions by avoiding creeps, like “oh women are scared of everything, so we can’t even approach them!” When it’s the MEN who have been telling us to be cautious in the first place! Christ.

Meanwhile, as a woman, I have to constantly reflect on my behavior and how it impacts others. We are socialized to consider how we make people feel and people-please. Yet you guys can’t do the same and fix your creepy actions. Gotta blame the women instead.

Exhausting.

Lovelight

The OP's account shows deleted.

RadiantHugs

The only enthusiasts I’ve cuddled with on this site were friends well before I ever approached them in a cuddle context. It’s naturally that way for women, the concept of “let’s meet and cuddle even though I don’t know you” is just too bizzare for almost all women I have met. Heck, it’s bizzare for men, though less so.

If a new enthusiast comes online in my area, I might send them a message to introduce and say hello, but then I just hit shift+delete on that interaction from my memory. If I ever hear back, great, if not, no harm no foul. Sometimes I’ll see them appear a few days later as pros, so that tells me why they never reached back out. Other times I don’t know and have trained myself not to care. Because people read too much into profile visits, I don’t usually visit them again, save for those people I’ve met or am friends with.

When I really need touch, I message a pro and book a paid session. I’m glad to be in a place where I can afford that every once in a while, but for free cuddles, this site is no different than a dating app. For men, the chances of getting a free cuddle with a woman enthusiast are almost zero, and the chances of coming out of it with serious damage to your psyche is high. Speaking just for myself, I’ve decided it’s just not worth it to me to play that game unless it’s with someone who is already a friend of mine.

Mike403

It's incredibly selfish behavior to get mad at somebody just for not responding on behaving the way you want. How do you think she feels?

BashfulLoner

Well ladies I'm sorry i shared that i can relate to feelings of rejection. I'd never defend bad behavior and i didn't. I just shared my thought, i didn't mean to bring feelings that i blame women. I often blame myself for feeling certain ways, i do hate to feel that way. But as a man maybe i should keep it to myself.

I'll try and refrain. Nuff said

@bobadevotee

So, let me be sure I understand.

If someone approaches you, that’s entitled, invasive, and creepy, right?

If they don’t approach you, it’s because they know they are creepy and are “telling on themselves”?

I freely admit that I don’t understand the rules here.

Which is why I prefer to avoid the game entirely.

My intentions are respectful, and I tend to leave people alone.

I mean, I know why it is this way, but our culture is at a point where there is no correct answer anymore.

And maybe that is for the best. Maybe humans should simply learn to live alone and limit the damage we do to one another.

@BashfulLoner I think the point is that it's irrational to feel rejected, because 1) they don't know you in the first place, and 2) mathematics. There's not enough time in the day to reply to all the messages they get. Would you get angry at a pop concert if you screamed and the pop star didn't single you out? The point is not to blame yourself or anyone else. It's to deal with the unequal situation as it exists. We all feel the same thing you do, and none of us like it, but we understand it and deal with it.

BashfulLoner

As we all should, understand and deal. Kind what my original point was. She has feelings of the interaction as he did. Did either deal with it the best, no, in my humble opinion. But it is what it is neither spent as much time discussing it as the rest of us.

pmvines

Nobody owes you anything and that especially goes for interwebs strangers

bobadevotee

@CharlesInWI

The fact that you came onto this post of a woman sharing her distress at a man being VERY RUDE and entitled because she committed the crime of… not replying immediately to an online stranger??? And then made it about yourself, made it about “this is why I don’t approach women”—That tells me all I need to know about you.

I’m approached by men all the time. Unattractive men, even. And I never have any issues, I am not upset at them, as long as they approach me with respect. I’ve become friends with most of them.

I literally just spent 3 days at a video game event, a veritable “virgin convention” as my friends joked, and I got approached by “low quality men” every day. I was polite and nice to all of the ones who were polite to me. I even hung out with some of them if we had similar interests! They knew how to show respect.

You clearly lack respect.

Stop blaming others like a child, throwing a tantrum and saying “I’m not gonna play anymore” like a brat getting mad he lost a game. Maybe grow up and reflect on yourself rather than blaming women for how they react to your “approach”.

Removed first paragraph for level of insult/disrespect. bobadevotee is currently in a forum-timeout. - Mark

bobadevotee

@BashfulLoner the point is time and place. Read the room.

If you came to me saying “oh no someone stole my car”, would you want me saying “hey think about how the thief feels… maybe he’s really broke and needs your car for money. We can all relate to feeling desperate during bad financial times. I mean, I don’t condone stealing!!! But think about how the robber feeeeeels”

Yeah, no. Not appropriate when someone needs support.