Edited for content [netrunner]
There is a huge difference between being angry and passionate and fighting for a cause, and attacking anyone who doesn't whole heartedly agree with everything you say. I am not someone who thinks we need to wear kid gloves and offer spoons of sugar to convince people to agree with us. But I do draw the line at name calling and acting out our traumas on people who have done nothing but support our point. If we attack our own and our allies, then we will end up standing alone as individuals while the rest of the community moves on. Several of the people involved in this forum have repeatedly attacked other women and other pros, blaming THEM for the behavior of the men (edit for clarity: attacked in other threads). The cognitive dissonance shown in this thread by those people is one part hilarious, two parts frustrating as they present a completely different narrative to gain sympathy.
A lot of women have trauma from growing up in this society and having to deal with men. A lot of people have trauma inflicted from patriarchal fall out, period. Being angry about that is completely normal and valid. Inflicting your trauma on others because you haven't yet worked through it is not. Hurt people hurt people, and the cycle has to stop somewhere.
@cuddlefaery going back to my original 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I’ve been trying to say this all day. Thank you for the eloquence. 🤗🤗🤗
@cuddlefaery I agree! That's my same stance except wanted to point out my own experiences. I do wanna say though that our own and our allies can be wrong sometimes and it's okay to call them out for it. Obviously without any jabs or rude comments.
As for the "caucasian persuasion" comment being edited out. @netrunner Can we not say white people? Why was @Katota 's comment edited from that to "people of a particular race". My mom's white so I'm half caucasian persuasion. It was funny. 🙃
I have to agree that the term “Caucasian persuasion” has been around since the 1970s and has been used by just about every racial group and is not meant as a demeaning remark. I am white and not offended at all because I am Caucasian. There is no slur attached to it whatsoever.
I believe it was censored to be on the safe side. Some of us may find it funny and not find it offensive, but there could be those who feel it's a targeted statement towards a certain race.
I don't find it offensive but I understand the censorship
Hey @AliOops. Sorry you feel this way in your life and interactions with men. It’s nice to see you back and I know what you mean since I’ve gotten similar messages in the past. When asked “if I could at least respond if I’m not interested” I simply responded “I’m not interested.” Since the whole reason for not replying in the first place was to guard their feelings. But if they’re asking for it, I don’t mind actually giving it to them at that point. In two instances though, I recall being prodded for a more self-deprecating reason as to “why” I wasn’t interested. One I didn’t bother responding any further. The other, I remember it progressing into me telling him exactly why and us working on revamping his profile instead to make it more appealing.
But yea, either way, you shouldn’t feel coerced to respond.
@avebae
I do wanna say though that our own and our allies can be wrong sometimes and it's okay to call them out for it.
Agreed, some people can inflict their own trauma on others in an attempt to silence those experiencing the trauma around them. Highly important to call that out when you see it. Just because someone is a victim of said trauma doesn’t mean everyone is suddenly in lockstep agreement in their response to it.
Wow! Thank you ladies for providing view points on how you have to navigate on here. I often suspected most women chose pro on here to weed out some of the weirdness.
Your safety is paramount and the warmth and platonic energy you provide to strangers is a great needed service. I can't imagine why someone would want to ruin something like this.
You ladies expressed yourselves intelligently and others who don't agree, misunderstand. A person's perspective is their reality. If they are wrong don't dismiss their perspective show them positive actions and attitudes. Maybe this allows them to gain a new perspective on their own.
Stay safe everyone and give a warm hug to someone who appreciates it 💗
I, too, am white and not offended by the term Caucasian persuasion.
Though it would be a groovy name for a band.
@TxTom
Coming to a town near you!
@RedFox16 I appreciate your thoughtful, compassionate, and reasoned responses here. Clearly others are emotionally triggered and responding as such, either to the OPs post or to comments left by others. I'm sad that she deleted her account. My hope after reading her post was that she would receive comfort and reassurance from caring members of this community.
Weighing in because all of this hurts my soul to read. I’ve encountered issues like this in not just my cuddle profession but in life in general. No one is entitled to your time; this is a fact of life. While I do not understand the second party’s feelings, I do agree that everyone is entitled to their feelings. This is a part of being human : feeling. That’s kind of why we are all here, right? Because cuddling and being close to someone makes us feel something . . . I digress.
There is a very big difference in being entitled to your feelings and being free to express them and expressing them in a way that is disingenuous, deceitful, over-demanding, or harmful to another person. I have received a good deal of messages from (CIS men, especially) men that assume that I owe them a response, my time, a returned compliment, or a thank you. I have received them on here, on Cuddlist, on Facebook, on every platform that exists simply because I exist on them. (Snapchat is the absolute worst. Good heavens! I have literally started responding to people with, “I know.”) Unfortunately, that is par for the course and there are going to be members that misuse the system. For a pro, that’s the cost of doing business. For an enthusiast - I can understand why that would sour them to the idea of being a part of a cuddle platform, especially if they are in a life situation that has caused them the desire to seek out platonic cuddles. It can be hard to put yourself out there for any gender after/during a hardship.
As far as assumptions on why someone is viewing your profile : you have no idea what their intentions are. I’ve been told that they want to a refresher on who I am/my intake rules. I have been told they were looking to see if I have changed my rules to be less stringent. I have been told they were printscreening my information for when they were in the same state. I’ve also been told that they were printscreening my photos for “later.” That last part is an immediate report and block for a number of reasons. If you want to know why someone repeatedly views your profile, ask them. This should not be considered rude or awkward if we are all here for the same reason - platonic touch.
I absolutely agree that it takes time to craft a response. Many of my clients speak to me about very intimate parts of their lives (intimate meaning things you would tell someone you trust - not sexual) like their divorces or miscarriages. It takes time to find the emotional space to reply to some of the conversations - so I let them know! Sending a small message explaining that you will respond when you feel you are at a place to give emotional feedback or safety can go a huge way of bridging the gap between “are you ghosting me in my time of need,” and being present. Some people are going to be rude and nasty. Some people are going to take their bad day or bad way out on you. It sucks and I wish we could stop that, but it’s an epidemic in our world today. At the end of the day, we have to remember that we are all human. We are all people with thoughts and feelings, dealing with the hand life has dealt.
If men want to see more female cuddle companions, perhaps consider rephrasing how you speak to us. Step outside of your message and consider if you would send those words to your grandma or your daughter. How would you feel if someone sent them to you? There is a really big difference in the questions you ask or comments you make to a platonic cuddle partner and the questions you ask/comments you make to someone you find sexually stimulating. I cannot speak for all females, but I can say that if you hit my inbox telling me how attractive you find me or write me poetry about how you yearn for my touch after seeing photos of my eyes - chances are, I’m going to be weirded out. If you’re a person that just likes eyes and they are the first thing you notice - SAY THAT. No one else is in your head. We have no idea what you are thinking or what your personal experiences or intentions are. Be upfront and most times, you will receive a better result. This is not just an on this platform lesson but something we should apply to all communication. I can respect the dudes looking for X,y, or z for saying that rather than someone trying to manipulate me. To the dudes butt hurt about rejection : if you are old enough to take part in a cuddle platform, you are old enough to be responsible for your actions and feelings. Grow up and stop projecting; seek out therapy if you are that off balance. There is no shame in therapy! Treating a stranger like dirt because they did not respond fast enough is something we did when AIM first dropped. We all have lives, jobs, family, health, etc. to attend to. Be mindful of someone else’s time and energy.
All in all : Be kind. Don’t harass people. If you’re looking for more, this is not the platform for you. ✌🏻
Welcome back @AliOops!! I think it's fair to say every woman who has ever had to deal with men like that has had at least one "fuck it, I'm out" moment, I know I have, so I feel that! I'm glad you're back though, the more women there are on sites like this the safer this community gets for us. 🤘🏻 I hope that you have many more positive experiences!
Update- CharlesWI deleted his account. SMH. There’s a line. Beating people down like that is not okay. And that’s what I’m upset about. Those who did it and those who defended those who did.
No one said don’t speak your truth or not to speak your truth in a forceful or even passionate way but that was one of the worst cases of verbal abuse I’ve seen in a long time.
Defend it if you will but know you’re part of the problem.
I’m not wrong in calling for people to stop personally tearing into others.
For the people still thinking somehow I’m trying to silence their voice it’s not your voice that’s the problem. Scream, be passionate, do whatever you must but don’t degrade another human with cruelty and your own trauma.
@cuddlefaery the cognitive dissonance is insane you’re right. The justification based on personal experiences that had absolutely nothing to do with CharlesWI.
@stormydaycuddle and @cuddlefaery thank you for your voices of reason. I hope one day we can not be so quick to anger and judgement.
@stormydaycuddle - Agreed. I thought this was supposed to be a non-judgmental and supportive community.
@everyone: If you believe that somebody is exhibiting red flags of breaking TOS, report them and let the mods investigate.
@stormydaycuddle, right on! @Mike403, 110% yes!
@stormydaycuddle Exactly! There is no need to degrade someone else. That's not how one should strive to get their point across.
Spot on @stormydaycuddle @lonelytauros @Mike403 - The only thing I saw that Charles was "guilty" of was letting himself be vulnerable and expressing his fears about approaching women because he felt unsure and insecure about the right way to go about it. And for this, he got absolutely browbeaten and "taken to task". So then he (somewhat awkwardly) tried to defend himself which is what we all do when we feel attacked or taken out of context. And that's when things got inexcusably ugly.
The damage is done, but could we all please remember that this site is supposed to provide a "safe space" for people to heal and receive emotional support. Some of the people that come on here have a lot of insecurities and baggage that we'll never understand because we haven't walked a mile in their shoes. And that's no excuse for anyone to misbehave. But that's also no excuse to rip into someone's character either.
@CharlesInWI I hope he comes back. There’s no reason for him to have left.
Charles will be back he has deleted at least two times before and come back. He deals with pretty extreme depression and did not deserve to be attacked like that.
I’m confused, I don’t think anyone was supporting abusive comments made towards CharlesInWI. It was repeatedly noted by everyone that was either for or against @bobadevotee’s comments that they don’t agree with any verbal attacks made against him. I don’t know why it’s being spun as if people were in support of that here. I think people were discussing the premise of the topic at hand which became about Charles’ response and women’s voices and then about social dynamics in general but even then, there was no one I see actively supporting direct verbal attacks on him.
So where is this “silencing of the trauma based ripping into his character to degrade him support group” reference coming from exactly?
….. I can’t someone else point to it.
Hmm…
I'm too literally sick and tired, @stormydaycuddle 😪 sinus infections suck. No spoons, only knives left 😈
@PrettyLuv I only read the first half of this thread and a few other posts at the end but I think it’s that those who were in support of bobadevotee’s original comments were essentially supporting abusive comments toward Charles
@cuddlefaery you can check the quirky health foods thread to feel better !
Then did some admirable tap dancing
@sunnysideup I think the second half of the thread clarifies their views pretty well in not supporting abusive comments made towards him. Some people outright stated that even as a disclaimer in their responses just so it was clear.