How did you feel after hiring your first pro?

newcuddler2024

Hey there! I'm new to this platform, and I love the idea when I browse here online but I've just been trying to get an understanding of everything and understand how I'm feeling about it in practice for myself in real life.

I initially wanted to find an enthusiast, but it seems like there's not many in my area.

I'm thinking maybe I'll hire a pro, but I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to feel some kind of way about myself having gone with a pro instead of an eventually finding an enthusiast, or even finding someone through the friends and social circle grapevine somehow. My worry is if I'm gonna feel like it's not a real mutually enjoyed relationship, so I'm trying to understand this all from other people's experiences first.

How did you feel after your first pro session?

lonelytauros

It’s not a real mutual relationship it’s a provider client relationship You are paying for a service, not a relationship

newcuddler2024

@lonelytauros I mean mutually enjoyed relationship. I've very big on how others feel, as well as myself. When it comes to people I am not self centered. Even though it's professional, I'd hope anyone I'm spending time with would be happy we're sharing time together.

BoomerSpooner

@newcuddler2024 Don’t think of it as a client-pro relationship. It is but if you fixate on that you will lessen your enjoyment. I have done both enthusiast and pro and I can tell you that while different, it often is mutually enjoyable. Just ask for consent on where you touch regardless if paid or not.

hey_nikky

Can we agree it's a cuddleship? 😂

thearcher

@newcuddler2024 It can be hard for some as a first-time client to separate the service from feelings of friendship or whatnot. A good Pro is going to be friendly, attentive, and caring (provided you are respecting boundaries, etc) and some folks tend to misconstrue that. That's not to say that you or any other client might not be perfectly pleasant and fun to hang out with, but its just important to keep in mind that while a Pro you cuddle with can potentially become a friend, the friendliness in the session shouldn't give that automatic assumption.

As far as it being 'mutually enjoyed', that's really entirely up to the Pro and how they're feeling. A client could be perfectly nice but maybe the Pro is just going through a bad day or had a less than respectful client before you, so they might not be in the mindset of anything outside of providing good service for the client, and that's totally okay. My regular therapist is friendly, helpful, reliable, etc but we don't hang out and I wouldn't expect them to see our sessions as fun or enjoyable, and this being therapy in itself, is very much the same.

Best advice is that having the comfort of the Pro in mind is a really good idea and there are things you can do to support that, but to focus on what's respectful and reasonable without going over-the-top to try to make the session 'about the Pro'. Have proper hygiene, wear appropriate clothing, respect boundaries, generally be polite. Ask for consent to change cuddle positions or to lay your hand/arm somewhere, and don't ask things outside of the ToS or overreaching boundaries. If you're hosting, make sure your place is clean, have water or other things available, those types of things. Just do your best to be a good host/guest as you would outside of a cuddle scenario and those things generally apply to being a good Client, which in turn can often help the Pro feel more at ease, and that's really the goal you should shoot for.

Outside of that, its up to the Pro to decide for themselves how they feel and that's entirely fair. Do the things you can do to be a good Client without trying to force enjoyment out of the Pro and if they did enjoy themselves or appreciate your efforts to be a good Client, they'll tell you or may want to schedule more sessions in the future.

Bear

As @hey_nikky mentioned I have had multiple cuddleships. When I met my first pro, I asked questions and got a feel for the person.

I have been with subsequent pros since then. As well as the occasional enthusiast. Sometimes the pros can be better because there are there to take care of you so to speak. They are there to make sure that you are enjoying yourself. I would put your expectations aside and just go forward and enjoy yourself.

SunshineHug

New and very articulate thus far in the threads.

🏃‍♂️ Starter Pack Cuddle 🤗 FAQ’s… I dub “CC Forum University” free and full of great advice while being featured exclusively on CC.👇🔗
Start here on section 1.
https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/forum/discussion/4232/frequently-asked-questions/p1

Another Beautiful Quote …

"People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other."

Martin Luther King Jr.

Be sure to know your own boundaries, limitations and expectations of this platonic cuddling site.

“I’m thinking maybe I'll hire a pro, but I'm honestly not sure if I'm going to feel some kind of way about myself having gone with a pro instead of an eventually finding an enthusiast, or even finding someone through the friends and social circle grapevine somehow. My worry is if I'm gonna feel like it's not a real mutually enjoyed relationship, so I'm trying to understand this all from other people's experiences first.”

Wondering how your life experiences are going to play out based off of other peoples life experiences and how they’re able to articulate those is really not going to help you understand why you would feel “some kind of way” hiring a pro you have to answer these inner questions yourself.

If you want cuddles 🥰 attain them from an enthusiast as you stated you already feel off put paying for a service that you cannot attain for free.

Hone those emotional intelligence skillset. And you’ll do just fine; enthusiast, or pro.

ATemporaryUser0

if I'm gonna feel like it's not a real mutually enjoyed relationship

It usually is, in my experience. It’s basically up to you. The way I see it is this: you’re paying for her to be there. This is pretty much a necessity due to the extremely skewed gender ratio on this site. But how the experience goes between you is up to the two of you, just as it would be if she were an enthusiast.

There’s no guarantee you’ll really click with any given pro, but if you don’t, you probably wouldn’t have even if she hadn’t been a pro.

However, this is one of the reasons I sometimes tend to see the pros with less polished and professional profiles. I don’t want her to treat it like some kind of formal therapy session. Just come over and let’s hang out and cuddle.

Anyway, just give it a try. It’s not like you’re taking some huge risk. If you don’t like it, you’re out maybe $200.

interalia626

@thearcher has written imo the best answer in this thread.

I'd add that if there are a good number of pros who are local enough to you, then browse around, read profiles, and trust your gut feeling of who is most right for you. And notice how recently they were last online; Some pros are around for a while and then disappear from this website, sometimes for good. So don't be disappointed if you reach out and never hear back from a pro who hasn't been online for a year plus.

I was debating between two pros the first time I went that route and chose the one I did because, while they both seemed like all around fantastic pros, she had a little bit extra appeal in the way she described having a very loving and whole hearted cuddling style. It was a phenomenal, outstanding cuddle experience and she seemed to enjoy me also. Getting into seeing pros in the cuddling world is one of the best things I've done for myself.

CuddleHugs01234

As an enthusiast, I feel cuddling is more 50/50.
If it’s with a pro, they are the ones that are the working party in the equation. Yes, they may enjoy it, and no, they may not. Depends on the pro. Look for pros in your area that have great karma and where the client was really satisfied.
I do feel that if a person I see has only been to pros before, they may expect me to act as a pro, meaning focus on him the whole time. No, for me, it needs to be more around 50/50. I’m not a caretaker, I’m there for the cuddle too.

WiserGuy3000

Depending on your geographic area (and assuming you're a man looking to cuddle a woman) -- you're very unlikely to find an enthusiast in any reasonable period of time. In my experience, the choice between a pro and an enthusiast has not existed -- if I want to cuddle, I'm paying a pro.

But in almost all of my pro sessions (there's been just one exception), I've felt like the pro cuddler really wanted to be there and really enjoyed the experience. Maybe not as much as I did, but still. Now -- maybe some pro cuddlers are really good actors, and they pretend to have a good time while secretly waiting for the session to be over. But honestly, I wouldn't know the difference. If they can fake it well enough, perception is reality.

To answer your question: I felt AMAZING after my first pro session. I was a little over a year out of a terrible marriage, and I'd had very little physical contact with anyone during that time. My pro was kind, communicative, and we had a marvelous session -- I've since repeated with her a few times. I didn't feel guilty about paying for cuddles, didn't feel worse about myself because I paid for a session. At that time, I wasn't anywhere near ready to start dating again, to try and get into another relationship. So cuddling filled (and still fills) an important need for me, and I'm perfectly fine paying qualified people for self-care!

IsMeArrggh

It’s thanks to a pro that I discovered this amazing and incredible world, and I will forever be grateful! I met @lovelacecc in a completely different platform and she guided me here. She was my first cuddle and it was a life altering experience! I can’t even imagine what my life was like before and I could never see it without cuddling again. As some have mentioned, don’t fixate on relations or specific titles or designations. Simply find someone that makes you feel how you want to feel. I hope you find someone that understands your cuddling needs and you have many wonderful cuddles!

TxTom

How did you feel after hiring your first pro?

Addicted.

WestsideMarc

I’m gonna sorta echo what @TxTom said. I have been on this site for a long time and have always had major objections to the concept of actually “paying” someone to cuddle me! It just hasn’t feel right …(for me).

Let me be clear: This is MY OWN PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY and is not a dig on pros. Not one bit.

And while I absolutely do NOT feel entitled in any way whatsoever to enthusiast cuddles just because of a nice profile and good karma reviews, one would think that that, coupled with living in Los Angeles with a population of only 10,000,000 people, literally, that it shouldn’t have to be so few and far between, or otherwise stated, that I shouldn’t have to or need to (resort to using pros).

On top of that, I probably have to message at least 100+ enthusiasts to even get ONE single organic meet. The flipside of that is that I am fortunate to live in such a large city where there are so many members. (I may have mentioned this all in other posts in the past, so please forgive me if you’re reading it again).

Anyhooooo……., I finallllllly decided to acquiesce to my objections, and use a pro and boy I’m glad I did!!! My sessions have been great!

And yes @TxTom it IS (or can be addicting)! It still takes a bit of time finding a nice fit but it’s definitely a more efficient process. And exponentially more enjoyable to boot. And now that I have broken through my own self-imposed barricade, its opened up a whole
new world!

(The 2 other trepidations I’ve had were the money- but not worth making this response any longer than it already is, and the hesitation that the cuddles would feel too transactional, if that makes sense. I’ve chosen well and enjoyed wonderful chemistry with the few pros I have booked with so it hasn’t felt that way fortunately).

On an additional note, I’ve also experienced that a profile/karma set that is appealing positively sets the stage for a really nice session with pros too. And maybe that contributes to it being less transactional and more organic for them? - IDK I’m just throwing out my hypothesis here. I’m new in this realm.

And I guess where all of that lands me now is (relative to the the OPs topic) is that although I will always strongly prefer to meet someone organically, I’ve now been seduced into the convenience, accessibility and efficiency of using a professional cuddler. So there it is….

newcuddler2024

@WestsideMarc sounds like we've had similar objections. I just really don't want it to feel transactional. And ended up coing to the same conclusions you did. Thank you for your personal insights

@BoomerSpooner thanks I'll remember that

@hey_nikky I guess so

@thearcher thank you for the advice

@Bear yeah guess you just gotta go with the flow of it.

@SunshineHug thanks for your reply, overall I'm just trying to get an understanding of what to expect from this in practice so I can understand if this is right for me. It's not the payment itself, I Just don't want it to feel transactional. I would hope it would feel like both people are having a positive experience. So I'm trying to hear how other people's first experiences went so I can interpret it.

@ATemporaryUser0 Yeah I think everything you said is really spot on actually. When you said "There’s no guarantee you’ll really click with any given pro, but if you don’t, you probably wouldn’t have even if she hadn’t been a pro." that resonated with me actually. No point in thinking about it too much.

@interalia626 Good stuff, thank you for sharing with me

@CuddleHugs01234 Yeah I agree. It's not fun one sided! If the other person isn't enjoying the experience, it's hard to enjoy it myself.

@WiserGuy3000 Thanks that makes sense, it's helpful to hear your advice, and how the experiences have been for you.

@IsMeArrggh wow that sounds incredible. I hope to have an experience like you did

@TxTom I guess that sums it up nicely haha

CuddlesToGo

Hi @newcuddler2024,

I don't see the two pursuits (looking for an enthusiast and a pro cuddler) as being mutually exclusive. Rather, I see it as the difference between a short-term and long-term (or maybe medium-term) goal.

As others have mentioned, finding an enthusiast willing to meet with you takes a lot of time, effort and patience, whereas finding a pro is typically much easier.

My recollection is that when I first looked at the site several years ago, there were about an equal number of pro and enthusiast women in a given geographical area. Now it seems like about 90% of female profiles are pro. My interpretation is that many women might join the site initially looking for a cuddle buddy, but then once they discover they can make money at it, they decide to go pro.

What I have found is that among pros there is a whole spectrum of personalities, just as there is among enthusiasts. Some are clock-watchers who want to charge for every minute spent together, even when you're not cuddling, whereas others are happy to go out to lunch or dinner or a movie or other activities without charging for time spent outside a cuddle session. Reading profiles and Karma reviews and even talking on the phone before meeting are all important, but you can't really know if you're going to click with someone until you meet in person.

My experience is that almost all pro cuddlers enjoy what they're doing, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it. But there have been a small number that were so bad at cuddling, in spite of numerous great Karma reviews, that I thought they should not be professional cuddlers at all!

So my advice would be:
(1) Be prepared to meet several pro cuddlers in order to find one you really like.
(2) Be realistic about how much money you want to spend.
(3) Don't give up entirely on finding a non-pro cuddle buddy. If there are any group cuddle events in your area, that can be a good place to look.

SunshineHug

@newcuddler2024
Yes the only way to desensitize yourself to reviewing all aspects of any cuddling ….. pro or enthusiast in feeling transactional is to partake.
Small steps in. Be patient and consciously vulnerable.
What will it cost someone in time, energy and effort to do something (even give someone a hug) and what will they get in return.
The inescapable fact is that we are hardwired to seek a Return-On-Investment (ROI) in everything we do because our survival demands it.

I deeply appreciate the slower moments in life and that’s where I shine on my abilities to connect and practice nurturing methods to exist as a cuddled grain of sand in the bigger busy universe while sharing peaceful happiness of these beautiful “slow moments” that recharge our base foundations for connection AND more.

Forget LinkedIn (haha)…. This is MUCH better.

Ripley54566

Empty and sad. I felt like I wasn't good enough to cuddle with anyone without paying them first. Yet I kept doing it. Like an addiction.

My honest opinion? I don't recommend anyone hire a pro. It's not going to provide you with anything other than some level of comfort in the moment and perhaps a little bit after but treating an intimate act like cuddling as a business transaction is generally unhealthy in my experience and I have had several mental health professionals advise me on why this is in the past. Genuine affection also just hits different in a way that pros aren't able to deliver on.

You definitely should continue to look for enthusiasts or someone else in the real world who wants to cuddle you who isn't looking for payment. They exist. Just remember it takes some time and nurturing to build intimacy between two people so don't give in to a desire for instant gratification. The goal here is connection, and that doesn't always need to take the form of cuddling.

4TheSnugs

I feel that they appreciate that I’m a good client and that feels like a kind of relationship in itself. And over time if there’s a connection a friendship can form. It totally depends on the person.

newcuddler2024

@CuddlesToGo thanks man, good advice

newcuddler2024

@SunshineHugs thanks, yeah I feel ya

newcuddler2024

@Ripley54566 sorry to hear that man. I'll definitely look for an enthusiast.

newcuddler2024

@4TheSnugs that sounds nice. Thanks for sharing.

HarleyGirlKate

I haven't hired a pro cuddler, though I imagine it would feel like going to my massage therapist does. 🙂

SunsetSnuggles

@CuddleHugs01234 posted: "I do feel that if a person I see has only been to pros before, they may expect me to act as a pro, meaning focus on him the whole time. No, for me, it needs to be more around 50/50. I’m not a caretaker, I’m there for the cuddle too."

I've experienced this, thankfully only twice. Not pleasant. I am, by nature, a caretaker, and that's why it's important for me to be on the receiving end for at least part of the cuddle. I've been working on figuring out what to ask for, and finding the courage to ask for it.

~ Sunset Snuggles

🦄 Enthusiast 🏞 Travel Fiend 🐘 Animal Lover

"Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man." ~ Benjamin Franklin

HarleyGirlKate

Interesting. I do have to admit, if I were paying for a session I'd probably want to be the focus of most of my partner's attentions. On the other hand, if I were meeting up with a like-minded enthusiast I would do my best to meet their cuddling needs as well as my own.

I think it might be fun and interesting to try a pro session and compare in my own mind how it feels compared to going to a cmt, who I see quite often. I have several different ones I go to depending on what I'm looking for.

Emoyeni_Clouds

I'm kind of astonished that the newcuddler2024 (who initiated this post) didn't manage to make it a month on this site before getting banned..... 😳😐 He got so much helpful advice and tips from just this forum thread alone, I thought for sure he was going to do ok. He appeared genuinely interested in gathering the information to make his experience here successful.
I can't understand how he could have gone south like that and misinterpreted such clear guidance on top of the rules and regulations he "agreed to" on the way in. 😐 It's a strange world. 😵‍💫

Mike403

@Emoyeni_Clouds - Must people who get banned have tried steering things into non-platonic territory and got reported.

NickWk

Lil’ sweaty. It was hot. I think I had a long sleeve hoodie on. Learned a valuable lesson about cuddle attire.

panda619

Frigging amazing.