Hello all, so my question is about people who are Pros that talk someone’s ear off the whole time. I don’t pay to listen to someone vent, so in those situations how do I tell them to stop talking so much about themselves?
Might not be the most subtle way but works most of the time
@Notacat1 Maybe try mentioning ahead of time, when you are discussing cuddle preferences before you actually start cuddling, that you prefer cuddling in silence or with minimal talking, and/or that you are most comfortable when you are leading whatever conversations may arise.
That way you have that prior discussion to reference if they direct things in a manner that is not consistent with your preferences and it’s less awkward since it was already agreed upon.
For your next session bring it up in the beginning 😊 I always ask as a pro what my cuddlers preferences are. Quiet soothing cuddles, Deep talk cuddles or a mix of both 😃
If still, just give a gentle reminder what your preferences are for your cuddle experience.
If you want quiet:
"Hey [Pro's name], I'm really enjoying this, but I find that I'm able to relax more with a little less conversation. Could we just enjoy the quiet for the rest of the session? Thank you."
Is this one particular cuddler? If so, maybe switch professionals. Is this the majority of people? That's when you would probably be better discussing terms that you're comfortable with ahead of time. Emphasize quietness. If you ask them nicely for quiet and it doesn't help right away, you could always say do I get a discount for being your therapist.
Fake that you are hard of hearing
Honesty is always the best approach. Even something as simple as "I'd prefer quiet right now." Lies not only show a certain lack of character, they also cause problems when you forget to keep up the lie.
You could also put it in your profile.
Wow that would annoy me.
@NYCLatnGuy and @CuddleHugs01234 have the right idea. If someone's talking and you tell them you want quiet, you'll probably hurt their feelings a bit even if you try to say it politely. Way better to prevent that from happening in the first place by stating your preference beforehand.
Pretty please with a cherry on top communicate those preferences before and during if need be. I would hate for my cuddlers to be uncomfortable bc I don't stfu lol
Tell them before hand that to much talking is overwhelming. I would think they would understand and cooperate. It’s nice if they ask first if you like silence, music, talking. It’s best to communicate that in the beginning to avoid this.
Will update my bio to say “stfu please” and a nice smiley face to show that it’s a friendly tone
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@pmvines sometimes a period says more words than words ever could.. a simple “.” so… deep
Let’s take a little talk break
For someone who is very empathic the intensity of emotions that I get from others gets taken on as my own. So if someone is expressing anger towards a coworker, I’m left with anger. If someone is annoyed with their friend, I’m left being annoyed. Cuddling is about relaxing so I need peace and calm during it. So for me it’s about managing my level of sensitivity which I know is really high.
So you should communicate your needs with equal parts kindness and clarity.
When I’m not sure exactly how to word something to make it not come across as angry (often I don’t feel very focused and express myself easily when my emotions are high) I use ChatGPT. I go there and say, “Hi lover! First of all, call me lover,” I do this because it’s funny to me. Then I type in my angry response and ask it to reword it to sound more gentle and not hurtful. I don’t just copy and paste; I use it as a jumping off point. Often times a phrase is in there that will work. Sometimes it’s just a good exercise that helps me realize I do know what I want to say; I just didn’t realize it.
Try that.
@ShaneSchrute that was very thoughtful and well said. See my intention for this post was not to say that I don’t want someone to talk about themselves, but that it’s something that can happen if a person doesn’t have the self awareness to stop. It’s in those situations that I want to say what I said in the title of this post. Even though that is a very specific situation, the consensus is that it’s something I should just state from the beginning either on my profile or in person. I just would not want to hurt anyone’s feels
Honesty is generally best, but saying "When your mind tells you to speak, instead you must listen with your heart" sounds deep when it's really just a nice way to tell someone to stfu 🤣