Hey there! I’m curious to hear from some other male enthusiasts who aren’t able to afford pros. Are you happy with your experience overall? I personally feel like it’s hurt my mental health more than helped 😅.
I found it a huge headache to even get enthusiasts to respond to my messages, and when I did eventually cuddle with a couple of them, it was a pretty terrible experience. Very unlikely I'll ever do it again. Pros only for me.
@ATemporaryUser0 That’s been my experience as well, unfortunately. I’ve been on the site for about a year now and have only cuddled with one person. It was a good experience, but outside of that no one ever responds to any messages. The vast majority of the time they don’t even check out my profile after I message them. I joined this site to help with being touch starved and feeling lonely. I thought this site would be a great place to find likeminded people who were just looking for platonic interactions to fill that need, but it’s instead just been yet another place where I feel ignored and not worthy of attention. I’m planning to step away from the site for that reason, but I wanted to put some feelers out to see how others felt first. I wish there was a way to encourage more enthusiast women to join to balance it a bit more or even if pros were just more affordable, but it just feels like it’s impossible as a guy to get any attention unless you’re willing to pay.
I would concur that in my time on the site, this has been my general experience with “Enthusiasts”:
1 - In most cases, they do not respond at all. (Perhaps the massive flood of messages.) 2 - When they do respond, communication is sporadic and hasn’t led to making plans. 3 - Many “enthusiasts” are just Pros who aren’t listed that way. (Very new or cheating,)
So for anyone who has had a successful Enthusiast response and meeting, you’re still way ahead of me.
@MRyanNYC yeah that sums it up pretty well. I think the third point you mentioned is the most problematic. Of the few enthusiasts that have responded to me, they were all in that category. I think the site does a decent job of dealing with those situations (I report them and they’re usually banned pretty quickly), but it can still be disappointing when you’ve exchanged a few good messages back and forth then they say something like “by the way I do charge. Just haven’t gotten marked as a pro yet” 😅
Pretty much points 1+2 above apply for me. Most just blanked me, one stopped responding after forming an initial meetup plan, and one I met up in person but sadly they closed their account before anything further happened.
My rural location probably isn't helping to be fair too 😅 I rely on meeting professionals when I'm travelling to London or elsewhere (assuming I can actually afford it) and I guess that's fine.
@DaveFromSussex Yeah I live in a densely populated area and still have these issues. I imagine it’s even worse if you’re in a rural area unfortunately
I have been very fortunate that my experience of cuddling with women enthusiasts has been excellent. It is true that I live in a place (London) with at least a few such women. However, my first attempt at 'doing' Cuddle Comfort was a failure and I gave up and left.
It was only the second lockdown that brought me back, with an unshakeable determination to succeed. And I did, in spite of the unfavourable ratio of women to men: there are 7-20 women for each man on this site, depending on the area. This disparity is what gives rise to much of the disappointment. Most women are swamped with messages. Many leave shortly after joining, sometimes simply because of the volume of messages.
Between a third and a quarter of my Karma is from enthusiasts, so it can be done. Some of these women approached me first. Note that I am not tall, handsome or wealthy: but I am thoughtful, caring and platonic.
These threads contain many useful hints, tips, advice and inspiration:
How to Create a Great Profile
I'm a non-pro woman on this site, and here's what I look for in a first message.
Understanding Boundaries & Etiquette
How I found happiness on Cuddle Comfort (man seeking enthusiast women)
How I Found Happiness on CC Part 2: The First Meeting
It is easier to believe
The key point that is largely missing from these threads is cuddle workshops/parties. These are an excellent entry into the cuddling world. I've been to several and I recommend them highly. They are not discussed on Cuddle Comfort except in passing, so get onto Google and see what you can find near you.
@BigAndCuddly27 if someone is charging for cuddles while not being designated an official pro, is that a violation of the terms of service here?
I’ve had a mixed experience. Here’s what I think helps bend the arc toward positive:
First, be clear about roles. The presence of “pros” on the site can lead to erroneously thinking you are in the “buyer” role looking for a “seller” (nothing derogatory implied). I think it’s helpful to mentally flip that script. Think of yourself as the “seller”.
Then, recognize that as a seller on a website you are engaged in a marketing campaign - whether you want to be or not. Buyers (people you want to cuddle with) have choices. You need to build a brand and make it a reality, not just an empty promise.
You need an attractive brand. Good news: Plenty of information here about what others are seeking. Read it, digest it, and use it to build your profile. One basic example: recent, accurate photos are key. Karma also helps.
Then consider “investing” in some genuine brand building. Have some cuddles with pros that match your desired “customer” and invite them to leave reviews (karma) after your cuddles. But also ask them what you could have done to make the experience better. Listen. Accept the feedback. Don’t get defensive. Change.
Accept that the “enthusiast” market is very crowded. Lots of other sellers like you chasing very few “customers”. This is especially true if your “target market” is younger, more attractive enthusiasts. Very few of them here. I think most turn pro quickly. And it’s clear from reading comments that they are often quite overwhelmed with approaches from other “sellers” like you.
So, you may need to consider casting a wider net as you seek “customers”. It is up to you to find them. So, think about widening the age range or geographic area you are considering. Read the info that’s available here on the “ideal” first note to send to a pro. Create your message. Then tailor it into another version that’s appropriate for enthusiasts. If people decline, pay attention to why. Maybe you need to adjust your brand. So adjust it.
If you travel, consider using that as an opportunity to find “customers” in a new area. Even if it’s only going to be a one time cuddle, it can help you build your brand (and learn how to deliver a desirable “customer” experience for those who choose to cuddle with you.) I have had some very good experiences by contacting many people in an area I’m heading to about 2-3 weeks before I go there. You can use the same message to contact them all. Let them know you’ll be in the area. Some will not be interested at all (may feel unsafe to them) while others may be delightfully intrigued by the idea. On the plus side, you’re likely already in a hotel, so no added cost for hosting.
Finally, and this is important, if you do find one or two local cuddlers you really enjoyed cuddling with (enthusiast or pro) invest more time and energy building those relationships rather than looking for new “customers.” Keep your eye on the “market” because you never know when your regular cuddle buddy is going to stop cuddling or move away (as my regular, enthusiast, cuddle buddy of 2+ years just did 🙁). But there’s a lot to be said for many cuddles with the same partner rather than many one time cuddles with many partners—in my opinion. Over time you build trust, understanding, and knowledge of how to care for the other in ways that resonate with them.
I have found that “flipping the script” mentally, and recognizing that I am going to have to put in some work to make my profile and my “in person experience” attractive to other Cuddlers. Do not be lulled into complacency by thinking you are the “buyer” here. If you want to find more enjoyment, especially with enthusiasts (which are as rare as pixie dust) you need to behave like a seller. Create a great product and a super marketing campaign for an experience “customers” will want. You have to make sure the reality matches the rhetoric.
It’s work, but it’s worth it. 🙂
@SeekerInVA yes, if a person is attempting to charge for cuddles they must be registered as a professional, easily identifiable by the pink P, Pro or Professional tag (depending on context).
If somebody is attempting to charge without having the pink Professional tag, please Report them.
@BigAndCuddly27 @MRyanNYC
Excellent advice from @TD1964RGK above.
Every enthusiast except one that I have contacted, easily over a dozen but not counting, has not responded. The one who positively responded was very nice, and we had a good cuddle, but I was very uncomfortable going into it. I am a married man and a gentleman. Since pros cuddle for a fee and tend to rely on that income, I feel better protected against a random "he-said/she-said" misunderstanding. A pro is not likely to put her own status or reputation into question by reporting a false accusation of impropriety. Yes, it's more expensive (generally only accounting for a cuddle every few months), but at least most pros respond to an introductory message, and my experiences with them have all been above board and worthwhile.
@TD1964RGK Amazing Post, great advice, and clear way of spelling it out. I hope this helps some of the others here who are having a problem with finding a Cuddler.
I was a Pro but now am an enthusiast. I am feeling very different about who I will or will not cuddle with. (I used to cuddle “everyone” as a Pro.) Now I am very selective and I would only consider cuddling someone who I feel I would have things in common with, relatable to myself, etc. Someone who I would want to even be next to for a couple of hours. And that is not just anyone. So those who reveal things about themselves to me are the ones I might be more interested in.
I do also try to answer every message, unless it’s an inappropriate one (which I will then ignore and report). But clearly some people (women) don’t have the time/interest/focus/patience to answer every message they get. To someone new who has just joined, the overwhelming amount of messages we first get is just too much and could lead to shut this whole idea down.
I will also add that sometimes I get on the site just to read the forum (and to comment). I have messages sitting in my mailbox, but I just don’t have the energy to open them and read them all and then send a thoughtful answer. I do answer the ones that seem interesting though I’m on the site, but I’m not always in the mood to start up personal conversations.
@UncleDave You brought up a very good point about Pros that I have mentioned before, but others don’t seem to understand.
It is meant to be a professional interaction, only meaning that there is a boundary in the type of Communication you have. She will Not be your BFF and a lot of men like that idea, they want the benefits of the cuddling without some kind of obligation or commitment attached. Whereas, with an enthusiast - sometimes an equal, friendship connection, platonic relationship interaction is mutually hoped for. Pros provide a needed boundary, especially for someone who is married or in a relationship. Now within that boundary, during the session, the type of cuddling and CARING platonic touch Should be no different whether you are with a Pro or an Enthusiast. Except that the Pro will be more of a giver, and not expect much in return.
I've been on this site over 5 years or so. What you're experiencing is very common. Now keep in mind you'll get people who will blame you and tell you its your profile, or you're just not putting in enough effort etc and that they have no problem finding non pros to cuddle with.
I've just gotten use to the fact that most enthusiast (ladies) that sign up in my area are just curious because of something they've read. Some may be trying to see if making a buck is possible and some a genuine in their cuddle quest. For whatever reason, most who just leave after a few days after they experience a few messages or read the forums a few times. I think most here know how ladies get bombarded with a varying type of conversation initially. I imagine that's hard to get past. Those that get to the forums probably run soon after because of the tone of the important subjects they'd search. That's all assumptions, but I'm sure quite accurate.
Those curious to make few dollars probably assume the risk isn't worth the reward quickly before they learn how to even become a pro.
Then there are those determined to make a buck. They stick around a little longer until they either learn or break the TOS.
The only hope i think is to catch one of the few who will respond near you early before the become disinterested. But there are few that will respond, probably because they have enough connections. If you don't have the right profile, words or pic is off.
I live a little bit of a distance from many that respond. I think in the time I've been on I've interacted with maybe 12 with in 25 miles of me more than once. And of those 11, all just stop using the site all together after a week. Probably no interaction from 35 or more.
@CuddleDuncan Thanks for the links. I do think they contain good advice. Unfortunately part of the problem is that I’ve read through those before and tried utilizing the advice with no success (until a week or so ago my profile had a lot more info on it telling a bit about myself and what I was looking for. I changed it last week to try something different). The main thing I haven’t done (iirc from those links) is hire some pros to get initial karma. I’m not able to afford that unfortunately. The reason I’ve found myself in this position is because after nearly a year of putting in a lot of effort, I have nothing to show for it. I message every new person I see in my area when they join (as long as they have a bio) with a short message just saying hi, introducing myself, and making a comment relevant to their profile if I can. I’ve tried changing the photos I have on my profile, I’ve updated my bio many times, and I participate in forum threads occasionally. After a year of putting in all this effort, I can’t even get a response back to my messages lol. That’s what’s ultimately led to this post because instead of finding solace here, it’s just been a year of being completely ignored by the people in my area despite my best efforts. I’ll be clear and say that the interactions I’ve had on the forums have been great, and there are some awesome people here. In fact I’ve had several people from the forums message me in the year I’ve been on the site and say they’d be willing to cuddle if I’m ever in their area or if they visit where I live. So this thread is definitely not intended to attack anyone or even blame anyone. It’s largely just to bring some attention to what people face on this website. It’s a real struggle, and in my case (and many others it seems) it’s just doubled down on the issues we were hoping this site would aid with.
It's been mostly hot garbage and a money pit. There's been a few really good pros that I've very great sessions with, but it's really just a quick fix that keeps getting more expensive. Zero non-pro action, not even message wise. I think that's the majority all men unfortunately.
I've contacted maybe 6 over a few years. I provide a picture. Never a response.
@BigAndCuddly27 thank you for starting this conversation. I joined about four months ago and only today had my first experience. When I joined I sent messages to several people in my area who looked they might be compatible matches, and have done the same as I've noticed new people join locally. In most cases I didn't receive a response. I understand that being a 63 year-old gay guy looking for other guys to cuddle with, preferably straight, limits my pool considerably. Still, a response is always appreciated. I was surprised to read you've gone a year now with only one experience. Your profile is terrific and if we were in the same city I would totally be down for cuddling with you. I hope you'll stay on the site but support and respect whatever you decide.
I assume "enthusiast" means someone who does not charge, i.e. not a pro. If I'm missing something here, please someone set me straight. I've decided for now to forego pro cuddlers. I just want the vibe to be spontaneous and based on chemistry rather than a business transaction.
I don’t suppose being completely blanked and ignored like you’re insignificant and unworthy of speaking to is good for anyone’s mental health.
I'm sorry it's been so tough @BigAndCuddly27 . I know what it feels like.
So my answer lies on 2 levels.
In the physical world, my non-experiences with enthusiasts has resulted in more feelings of hurt than of happiness.
More importantly, in the spiritual plane/ subconscious, I'm here to learn. I believe that suffering (not pain) comes from misunderstanding. And this experience is helping me to learn, and hopefully end some of my suffering.
So it's ultimately worth it to me, I think. Though by the end of my life, if I haven't learned enough to find more happiness, I may change my mind.
You got me thinking though. I might start a new thread..
@texzenguy You nailed entirely why I’m looking for Enthusiasts! (And yes, Pro is for a fee and Enthusiasts are free.)
For some of us, a -paid- cuddle will never satisfy the reasons why we are here looking for cuddles in the first place. A paid cuddle, however lovely the Pro may be in personality and skill, is still essentially a -business- transaction.
Cuddles are meant to satisfy many emotional and physical needs. But for me, one of those needs is the feeling of being “desired” by my cuddle partner. Not sexually (though I’d not be offended by that), but at least real human attraction.
So finding an enthusiast who sees my profile, looks at my photos, and wants to engage in tender physical and emotional connection for no reason -other- than their wish to spend time with -me- personally is vital. I don’t want to be “just another job” to a Pro. That would simply taint the experience I am looking for.
Very difficult sometimes…as I’ve chatted with many Pros who I would totally be into if not for the payment issue. 😉
I believe the cuddling experience is 90 percent mental. What does that mean? It means the images and feelings that you have produced, internally decide your experience. It is you who decide. The other 10 percent is the reality. Our job is to do that 90 percent. Sounds like work. But if you are smiling actively 90 percent of the time, perception is that guy is happy. So if a photo in front of a boat makes you happy...do it. Show yourself on stage being happy..get what I'm saying?
@g_w_t_w You had me right up to the end when you said, "Should be no different whether you are with a Pro or an Enthusiast. Except that the Pro will be more of a giver, and not expect much in return." Whether the pro expects little in return, she'll get equal measure from me. I do look for an emotional connection with my pro partners, and I guess up-front communication has paid off in that regard because with very few exceptions, I'd love to cuddle with them again if time, mutual availability and funds permit. I believe they'd be happy to see me again, too, if that's not too presumptuous on my part, and not just for my money. Yes, it's a business relationship, but it's built on trust and confidence. It's extremely important to me to give compassionate touch, not to just receive it. If I'm only receiving, I might as well book a massage therapy appointment. Sincere thanks for weighing in and helping to clarify an issue that's hard to put clearly into words.
Each person has a unique perspective, experience, expectations etc. So my point might only apply to some people.. But when I was a Pro, I expected to be 100% the giver. I look forward (when I can start cuddling again) to being an Enthusiast & always feel more in return. ⭐️I’ve had one session as an Enthusiast and the Cuddler was Amazing! Even better than I had hoped and I felt so cared for! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I will add that there have been MANY cuddle sessions as a Pro that I felt also extremely cared for, karma reflects that.
@UncleDave FYI The way You are in a cuddle session is Not the way Everyone is.
Not getting a response from an enthusiast makes me slightly disappointed for all of 30 seconds.
Being ghosted by someone I've seen more than once is puzzling and slightly annoying. This too lasts under a minute.
I've been stood up by pros and totally ignored by enthusiasts. Seeking platonic cuddles as a married person just gets judgement from those who scream platonic as their mantra.
Misery loves company, which is rampant on the site . Anybody who tries to instill their positive experiences tend to be met with resentfulness. Try to not be drawn to the misery and the there there pity parties and you're already a stand out . Strangely enough, a decent attitude and a little bit of self confidence is actually kinda appealing. Good luck .
@pmvines i really don’t know if anything else can be messaged here other than what you stated 👍
We are all having different experiences here … some good , some not so good , I sympathize with those that find the site challenging. I personally find CC a great way to meet folks , but my experiences in the community don’t always seem to follow the forum narratives .
I find it challenging to see peeps leave the site frustrated, but I don’t know what more can be done to get people together here .
@pmvines Does talking about an issue make it a pity party? You do not have to participate if you don’t want to, but comments like this are part of the reason men are afraid to discuss what they’re struggling with. The problem that this thread addresses is a real one. I just wanted to bring some attention to it. Mental health is a big issue, and it’s clear that many others here are in a similar boat.