Pretty sure it's the "honor" part of "love, honor and cherish" ...
Omg @pmvines Pretty much sums it up for some married men here. But they will defend their behavior because they don’t want to feel guilty. There are different situations of course.
@g_w_t_w Often the very same excuses and justifications given for cheating are also the same ones that people give for cuddling outside of their relationship in secret
There are relationships where partners feel an obligation to share, and a need to know, about things like this. There are also relationships where they do not. As long as both partners are okay with the structure, neither kind is right or wrong. It's when one thinks they are in Column A and the other thinks they are in Column B that there's trouble. If your preference is no obligations, find a partner who feels the same way, but also respect that not everyone wants that kind of relationship.
People here purposely sounding like the only options are being a lying piece of shit, or accepting some toxic codependent nonsense, where one person gets to micromanage the other’s interactions outside the relationship.
@WriterGF You point out a couple of possible scenarios, among many.
But you fall into the same binary thinking, if you ask me. Phrasing relationship choices as if there are only two options. One has obligations (including honesty, decency, fairness). But the other has none.
It’s a false dichotomy. That’s my point.
@MonkeyNeedsAHug From what I could see, no one was suggesting or supporting a false dichotomy like that.
Oh, crap!
I was shooting at the wrong target. Sorry everyone.
Four pages into the comments, I’d lost track of the fact that the OP specifically asked about someone who is married and whose partner doesn’t know they’re on here.
I misread so many comments above as if they were condemning married people for being affectionate with someone besides their spouse!
Whoopsies.
Thanks, @lemon
Is cuddling cheating? Depends on what you and your partner consider cheating and the agreements within your given relationship.
@HoosCuddling Unless you get named in the divorce or her partner decides to beat you up
@WriterGF LOL. I mean being named in the divorce would be sort of silly, no laws were violated. Can’t imagine any judge would see cuddling as adultery!!
And yeah, if I get beat up, that would suck. But that’s a criminal matter at that point!!
All jokes aside, the real answer is that I can never know the true relationship status of a cuddler. I can ask, but she’s just going to tell me what I want to hear. Either “I’m single,” or “I have a partner but he’s okay with me doing this.” I have no way to verify.
Even if I ask to chat with him ahead of a session (which I would never do in a million years), how do I know that’s really her partner? Am I asking for photo ID, marriage licenses, etc?
Someone else’s vows and relationship are none of my business, and there’s nothing I can do to verify someone’s status anyway. Pointless to even think about. I know I’m not cheating (because I’m single!) and that’s the only part that’s my responsibility.
If cuddling is really platonic, then no.
Practically speaking, cheating is what your partner considers cheating.
@HoosCuddling Yeah, the problem is that a lot of people outside the cuddling community never heard of it. And some automatically assume it's a cover for sex work (which is why CC works so hard not to lend any credence to that). It's very hard to prove a negative ... how are you going to prove you got into bed with someone and it was just platonic?
Point is, without knowing what you are dealing with, it's a risk. You could cuddle with A and then find out A's partner is enormously jealous or vindictive or violent..Even if it would make no sense at all to blame you for anything, that doesn't mean an enraged partner won't do it.
@WriterGF sure. To your point, people do make that assumption re. cuddling. And, there are some cuddlers (no idea what the percentage is, I hope it's low) that use cuddling as a front for sex work. Same as with massage therapists. A few bad apples kind of ruin for everyone.
And yes, your point is well taken: "without knowing what you are dealing with, it's a risk." But that risk is always inherent when meeting with a stranger, whether for a date, a cuddle session, or something else. My point is that I can't really KNOW, because if the person wants to lie to me, they easily can.
So I either have to (1) take a leap of faith and trust the person; or (2) not engage in these sort of activities. And there's some grey area in the middle -- I can only cuddle with people who have good karma, we can have a video session or a public meet and greet ahead of time, etc. I can lower the risk, but I can't ever bring it down to zero.
@HoosCuddling You are right that you can't ever really know. The best you can do is minimize risk where you can. For example, I heard from an enthusiast recently who told me she was in a relationship and her partner didn't know she was here, but she would tell him if she met someone she wanted to cuddle with. I wished her well and exited stage right. That has "don't get involved with people who have more troubles than you do" written all over it.
"Hi honey Im home. Sorry I'm late, after work without your knowledge or consent I met a woman from the internet who I've been chatting with behind your back when you're asleep and while at work for a while for coffee. After that we went to a hotel, changed into our sleep wear, and snuggled up. Things got really cozy while we hugged petted and squeezed each other, laying all over the bed and being super close and all. Sorry I didn't tell you but really it's because of you that I'm doing this because after all, you just don't give me the kind of attention I want and desire so it's essentially your fault. Oh and another thing, you know the money we've been setting aside for juniors college fund? Yeah, I paid her a few hundred from it. But it was totally worth it because she was extremely attractive, more so than you have ever been or will be so she made a great surrogate partner to make up for all the things that you're not. Touched me in ways you don't. But hey, it's only cuddling so it's not cheating so you really have nothing at all to be upset over. That's just you being insecure so deal with it."
@pmvines
Nailed it! 👍
Yes. If one’s spouse is disabled (paralyzed or otherwise incapacitated) or absent (deployed or imprisoned), it may be understandable, but Cuddling (even platonically) is undoubtedly cheating.
Oh, thanks for this, @benjamingrimm
Now my diatribe above doesn’t need to go to waste.
People keep trying to overcomplicate this. Relationships are about communication, boundaries, and consent. If you talk to your partner(s) and agree that platonic cuddling is allowed, then it is not cheating. Otherwise, it is cheating. And if you don't talk about it, it is definitely cheating.
And no one gets to decide for anyone else's relationships.
A mildly interesting twist on this question and I'm genuinely curious about people's thoughts. Does a pro female cuddler have the right to be upset if her significant other logs onto the cuddle site to talk to girls? Even though she is meeting up with several guys regularly including overnights and doesn't want to divulge any details of identity or what is going on during sessions? Does the fact of who is giving or receiving money change the guilt factor? Like is the guy guilty of cheating if he pays to be with another girl or even just chats with them, but the girl is innocent (even though she is doing much more) because she is getting paid for it? I've seen this happen recently and it was some interesting logic. Seems extremely hypocritical to me.
I'm not saying it's the same thing so don't get me in trouble but there is an old philosophical question that's similar. Should a stripper allow their boyfriend to go to the strip club? I've seen wildly varying responses, some say absolutely not, while some have fun with it and they make sure their friends give the guy better dances than usual.
@hoosierdan76 Does her partner know she's a pro? Did he tell her beforehand he was going on the site, or did she find out on her own?
@hoosierdan interesting. I would say that a pro cuddler getting upset at her SO for hiring another pro cuddler would be hypocritical, yes. Assuming that they're both being up front about it, no one is lying or hiding things.
I think it's slightly different than the stripper analogy. For a stripper, if she's on stage performing with no physical contact with the customers (let's assume) I think it's easier to say "that's just a job" and she's not getting anything out of it. Her experience is vastly different than the customers'.
With cuddlers, the pro and the client are essentially getting the same experience. Yes, one party is paying for it. But still, the pro is getting the benefits of a cuddle, too.
So I think I'd be less sympathetic to a pro cuddler telling her SO "no paying for cuddles!" than I would be to a stripper telling her SO "no strip clubs." But it's an interesting thought experiment.
@HoosCuddling Replying to one part of your comment… I couldn’t say that in every case the Pro and the Client are having the same experience.
@g_w_t_w Fair. But in the majority of scenarios, isn't it closer to the same experience than an exotic dancer on stage & her customer?
People keep trying to overcomplicate this. >Relationships are about communication, boundaries, and consent. If you talk to your partner(s) and agree that platonic cuddling is allowed, then it is not cheating. Otherwise, it is cheating. And if you don't talk about it, it is definitely cheating.
👍👍👍👍👍
@IronLemon Lol! 😆Boy, don't they keep trying with the "overcomplicating", like I said before "there's nothing complicated about being married". If you are married or attached, and looking to cuddle behind your partner's back (without their knowledge and permission) then you are a CHEATER! A lying, rotten low down cheater, it is what it is...🤷😁
Not complicated at all. 😁👍
@Katota I'd clarify that as "without their knowledge and permission"
"But I don't want someone telling me what to do!" Then don't be in a relationship. A relationship is an agreement, and if you can't abide by the terms, don't do it. (this bit responding to other things I've seen here)
Ahh! You're right, I updated it. ☝️😌
@IronLemon Thank you. 🙏
"But I don't want someone telling me what to do!" Then don't be in a relationship.
Yep! 👍
This MEME is a good reminder of what marriages and LONG-TERM relationships are. 😁👍
People are far better at breaking promises than at keeping them.
@HoosCuddling No, that’s a strange comparison. Since you’re not a female Pro, can you claim to know what her experience is?
Re: the stripper scenario. I don’t know what a stripper feels. I don’t know (example) what a man at the strip club feels. But I cannot imagine making an analogy between that and cuddling. So this is interesting. Maybe it’s something about the way men feel that I don’t know? 🤔 if so, that just feels off to me.
“ I cannot imagine making an analogy between that and cuddling”
The biggest point is that it’s entirely hypocritical in both scenarios. If you make a living by getting paid to give somewhat intimate company to men on a regular basis, it’s super hypocritical to consider it to be cheating if your significant other partakes at all in those same exact activities. If it’s not cheating for you then it shouldn’t be for him, otherwise it’s a double standard. Who exactly is getting paid should have no bearing on this. But that’s not how some people see it, which I found to be a strange and surprising outlook that’s worthy of a thought exercise.
If a girl is bothered that much that her man is even flirting with participating in any particular activity with the opposite sex outside of their relationship, it’s rude at best to not consider how he feels while she does the same thing constantly, and entirely hypocritical to charge him with cheating while on the way out the door to do the exact same thing she’s mad about. The exact activity in question doesn’t really matter. Major double standard.