Men who don't cuddle men, why not?

Hi guys! Honest question - I understand many of you are looking for female cuddle friends only. That's fine! It's just, I personally can't really relate, could you help me understand?

(And women who don't want to cuddle women, what's your perspective?)

Thanks a lot!



  • I find that a lot of people only cuddle with the sex they're sexually attracted to, i.e. straight women will only cuddle men and vice versa, gays will only cuddle their own sex, I guess some people despite the non-sexual interaction may just not feel right being intimate with anyone outside of this. I certainly don't myself anyway, can't really explain it aside from just not feeling right about it.

  • I only cuddle my guy friends that I've had before this site existed. Had bad experiences cuddling men from this site so never again. Haha.

  • [Deleted User]gaygramps (deleted user)

    I'm an older gay man. I have a good sense of boundaries, and I accept that this is not a site for sexual hookups. I'm completely comfortable cuddling women. I've never cuddled a straight man, so we would need to discuss boundaries, clothing choice, positions and such. I've had a little experience with other gay men. I have to say, gay man on gay man is most challenging. If the rules aren't clear to both going in, anything can and does happen. Maybe for everyone then, the key is, set the boundaries, the rules, up front.

  • I don't cuddle men intimately (not sexual, but cuddling is still quite intimate in nature regardless of context), as I am simply not interested in it. I have no problem at all hugging, embracing, momentarily holding a hand, etc of a man, however that is different than lounging for long term cuddle session holding, playing with hair, back rubbing, etc, and other things that may happen between platonic cuddle pals. For the record, I don't really cuddle women either, however that is more due to lack of cuddle pals than by choice lol.

  • edited August 2017

    I am fine with giving prolonged hugs to men, especially my friends, and cuddles in a group situations with men and women there. I am not okay with cuddling a man in a one on one situation. My opinion of men in general is pretty low, so I guess I just don't trust them.
    <3 Jim

  • Well My two penny worth, I cuddle everyone, Men, Women, Plants and animals. Then I see Cuddling/Touch contact/ Therapy as simply a way of exchanging energy, As in may of my posts, so many of my young friends go to sleep in my arms and dare I say it like Children even though they are 70 to 90 years+.
    I do not see holding another being, romantic/intimate it is a simple gift of my energy/Life sauce to help another feel better. May be I am strange or just experienced.
    Love peace and happiness John and his trees, Auckland NZ.

  • I only cuddle fish.

  • I think @funandadventure is an anomaly because he is cuddling in a very structured formalized situation as a part of official work duties to frail elderly who are formal institutional residents, whereas the rest of us are interfacing with complete strangers in private and privatized one-on-one situations who are neither frail nor elderly nor at the end of their lifespans. I don't think the two situations are comparable. Fish, on the other hand.....

    I was talking to another woman over coffee today and musing why New Zealand can create such a nurturing program for its institutionalize during elderly but the U.S. has not.

  • @funandadventure would also undoubtedly hug a shark! In a good way, god love him

  • Cuttlefish. I see what you did there.

    I'm with @sometimes on this one. I really appreciate what John (@funaandadventure) does. I just think it probably bears little resemblance to what most of us are doing.

  • [Deleted User]chococuddles (deleted user)

    Same reason some women won't cuddle married men.

    Same reason some people won't cuddle with those in a certain age bracket, height or race.

    Same reason some people will cuddle men and women but not transsexuals.

    Personal preference.

  • I second the personal preference reason!
    <3 Jim

  • I see - it may be difficult (and unnecessary) to explain one's preferences, I get that. (I personally wouldn't cuddle the second shark, for example :-D)

  • Men are often raised not to show much physical affection for one another. You might hug your female friends and relatives, but you shake hands with or fist bump their male counterparts. So a prolonged intimate physical contact with another man is often going against decades of habit.

    Plus, dudes don't hide their farts women aren't around. So it could get disruptive real fast.

  • Maybe that's just you who does that.

  • Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. In the case that two men could set up and experience a cuddle, then why not? The double-standards are amusing: men can sleep indiscriminately with others (men or women or both), but gawd forbid men being open to PLATONIC cuddling with other men without needing

    1) medication
    2) alcohol
    3) lots and lots of therapy.

    Strength isn't about muscles, swag, or testosterone. Strength is vulnerability - and those are the guys I admire.

  • I don't care what other men do. They have their own personal preferences just like I have mine

  • @Mike403 You've made that clear. Enjoy your sharks.

  • As mentioned earlier, people prefer to cuddle with the gender they are sexually attracted to even platonic cuddling. Straight men cuddle women. Gay men cuddle other men.

  • Thanks for mansplaining. Maybe you missed the title and intention of the thread, because the question is still legit. YOU don't cuddle guys and I'm so glad that works for you.

  • The thread was asking why some guys only cuddle women. I think my explaination is sufficent. Your profile says you only cuddle other men so you are equally discriminating against women.

  • edited August 2017

    I'm pretty new to the site and while I haven't had any cuddles sessions with anyone on here yet, I'm open to cuddling all genders. Main thing to keep in mind, like one of the others said, is no matter who you're cuddling you should be aware of your own and as well as their boundaries and comfort zones. As long as those are respected then I think that could make all the difference.

    Personal preference is fine too but one other thing I think to keep in mind is that social norms and what we're taught from a young age is factor that shapes that.

  • Subtle difference, but the thread's title is "men who don't cuddle men, why not?" I cuddled women in my life, and it will happen again. I prefer to cuddle men who want to cuddle with men and you've explained at-length your stance on not cuddling with men - but with fish. Thanks!

  • I respect that. This site is all about being comfortable with someone.

  • I was joking about the fish.

  • @jT1980 you bring up a valid point about men being raised to not show affection for one another. Which brings to the larger issue of affection and cuddling, etc as having sexual or romantic connotations when it does not. I think if more people saw it as being something socially accepted in the platonic sense and nature, then less people would have an issue with showing affection toward someone they are not romantically inclined toward. I still don't do close, intimate, and lengthy cuddling with men, but am totally comfortable with showing affection and what not. However that comfort for affection does not necessarily extend to something more intimate or lengthy as stated before that its not an interest of mine.


  • @Sideon, I think you have turned the intent of OP's question on its ear. He asked what he called an "honest question," meaning he just wanted to know why certain people feel as they do. But you've framed it as if those same people need to defend their preferences rather than merely explain them. You make the assertion that men who don't cuddle other men are guilty of hypocrisy -- "double standards."

    This topic has been discussed before in other threads, and I usually stay out of it, because it always ends up with one or more enlightened folk suggesting that everyone else has a problem --- they're haters, or homophobes, or as you alluded, just not strong enough (as you define strength) to be admirable people. In the Age of Social Media, we rarely think there is a valid reason for someone's perspective to differ from our own; differences of opinion must be explained by character deficiencies in the other person.

    I don't view the sexes as randomly interchangeable for all activities. I like kickboxing, but I don't spar with women. I like cuddling, but I don't cuddle men. And I don't sleep indiscriminately with anyone. Neither "medication, alcohol, nor lots and lots of therapy" would change any of that. :-)

    Bowing out now. Peace.

  • @quietman775 Mike correctly pointed out my double-standard in snuggling women, but I volunteered my own history: I can, do, and will. I'm not 100% correct, but nor am I wrong in anything I've alluded to and snarked about on here (cf: medication, alcohol, therapy). Whether I or anyone defend or explain, the outcome on this thread is still the same and no one's mind is or will be changed. Thanks for bowing in, and out.

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