Cuddling or sex?

Every guy I've met from here and all but one I've chatted with seems to be looking for hookups or FWB. Every chat starts out asking "what do you wear when cuddling" and eventually they admit they want to be naked, and then they want to get laid. I get that it's an unmet need, but am I completely wrong about what this site is for?

meh87

No some guys just don't understand the need to just cuddle, but not all guys are like that

MrPsychic

Those guys are idiotic, that's not the point of the site. The point of the site is to find someone to cuddle up with while doing something, not sex.

I love cuddling. That's what it's all about.

drew_cuddle

Maybe I am the exception but I joined this site because I wanted someone to cuddle with without the expectation of sex and all the complications that go with sex. At least the guys who are looking for sex make their expectations obvious right away.

Mark

If anyone is stating in their messages that they want sex, please report them. It breaches the rules.

thalo

I just want cuddling too - and I'm a guy. Not everyone wants sex.

Colourful

It's definitely a cuddling-only website. If they're after sex they're on the wrong kind of site and need to be reported. The whole point of this site is to have platonic, innocent cuddles with no pressure or even option of anything else. Because simple platonic physical touch is a human need and sex is something completely different and can find its fulfilment elsewhere, but NOT HERE. Out those dodgy bastards!!!

I fully agree with and abide by the ethos of the site, but don't believe that we should be trying to regulate the kind of relationships that people form on here. Hypothetically, if two people meet up for platonic cuddles and end up deciding that they want to take things further, that's their own business.

I agree with Lukestar. I just was starting to think maybe I was wrong about the site, there were so many people assuming sex was part of the deal. And telling me I was the crazy one for thinking otherwise.

Mark

Print out the T&Cs and shove it in their face!

Relationship potential should never be mentioned or insinuated when coming to an arrangement and meeting the first time. However, ultimately if two people become close as a result of their meet-ups then everything that path entails should be seen independent of this website.

JoyceH

I agree they need to be reported and booted out.

CNYMike

I find the cuddle buddy concept liberating: Think of all the things you DON'T have to worry about it you're just going to cuddle and not have sex. But by the same token, it's a radical idea in our culture and some people just won't accept it.

ceebee001

I'm not surprised that guys would expect sex when they cuddle because they are hardwired differently than women are. I personally am hoping that I can meet someone who loves to cuddle & who is also looking for a partner. If two people meet to cuddle & do have a connection it's really none of anyone's business!

docgatorb

The drive for sex is natural and so is the need for touch. Some folks just haven't pursued them as separate experiences, so they don't see the point or may not even believe it is possible. I prefer interaction with those who are comfortable with both rather than only being comfortable with one or the other. That said, communication is critical, and yet this is something that many people have difficulty talking about. I think that being open to understanding that people can be very different from each other on this topic is a good starting place. Acceptance of our differences, oddly enough, leads one to a point where one sees how much we are alike.

BigMan

I'm a man and actually all the women i met here were looking for more than just cuddle and that is why i have not met anyone in real yet. We are innocents

cyndylu

Hey soooo I am In the bay area and I am thick and love to cuddle but everyone seems to have expectations of sex. I would say that I want a guy that will just let me be me in my tee and my boy shorts. And cuddle me. Thats it no more no less. I understand the what do you wear question.I wear Undies and a tee. So for some that might be too sexual so maybe a quick hey wear some pants will suffice and that way the comfort level can grow. Just my thoughts.

I agree with most of what's been said here. Almost everyone has a strong desire for physical touch and sex. And there are some people who will invariably conflate the ideas of cuddling and sex. Some people simply cannot separate these ideas in practice. There may be many reasons for this that I could guess about, but that's not my reason for writing.

I wanted to add my voice to what's already been shared here by other men. My reason for being here has nothing to do with sex. I am here because I want to find a woman who desires to have some kind of simple and lighthearted shared tactile experience WITHOUT the complications of a sexual relationship. I thought that wouldn't have been too hard to find, but since this site hasn't gained much awareness yet, and because other means of trying to reach such an audience are simply not very effective, it's proven to be much more difficult than I anticipated!

Ironically, nearly half of the women I've met outside of this site who I intended only to cuddle with eventually expressed some interest (either verbally or non-verbally) in some kind of shared sexual experience. I'm not saying that's either positive or negative; that's just how it was. But that wasn't my intention at all. I find that ironic because I'm accustomed to women expressing a reluctance to share in something as physically intimate as cuddling because they don't want to be pressured to do something that may be unwelcome (such as men trying to advance their sexual agendas).

Contrast that with my experience here. The one and only woman I've met through this site so far was awesome! She was kind and respectful and she graciously and generously received and gave cuddles. We were both mutually good with one anothers' personal limits/boundaries, because we both understand and agree how things work here. It was perfect! I'd love to meet someone else just like that!

I'm MUCH more comfortable seeking a cuddle partner here, because I know -- or at least have strong reason to believe -- that women here know how things are *supposed* to work here. (http://www.cuddlecomfort.com/how-it-works) Now, if this site would only catch on a little more here in the Austin, TX area...

docgatorb

It sounds like everyone should get off of the Internet and go somewhere where people understand this. Burning Man events are happening all over the country. If you go to one, you will find a high percentage of people who understand this. Sometimes it feels like everyone is so isolated on here.

docgatorb

p.s. If i have to put up with sex for a good cuddle, so be it.

JoeSomebody2

"Sometimes it feels like everyone is so isolated on here."
A scattered collection of people round the world talking upon a message board on the Internet. Sounds about right. :P But communities of all kinds are coming together because of the Internet, allowing a collective voice to grow. Soon Cuddlecon's will be a thing...well, it already is, but you know what I mean.
http://cuddlecon.com

docgatorb

Keep the baby, Faith

croft

cuddles allways cuddles

Diablo

Not all men or women, seek a romance. Some actually prefer to have company. I have some female friends, that come over, lye down next to me, and we chat for ours. No sex. That Is not our relationship. & to be honest, I would not want to lose them as friends. Has a sexual encounter happened? Sure! A couple of time. However, we were fine with It. Look. For me, I enjoy company as much as sex. However good company Is harder to find.  In regards to sex. That's easy. So please. Grow up. If you can't handle being a man's friend. Then go away. So you have a crystal clear understanding. Cuddeling means many things. A day trip to the cape. Bike Riding. Walking. Dinner, prepared by both of you. Does not mean, we have to have sex? Jesus. lol Only Insecure women feel the way of this post. Ladies! Trust me. You should consider other means of friendship. this concept seems to be way over your head.

JoeSomebody2

@Diablo I think your writing should be seen though gender neutral glasses, because observation has shown those words should be aimed at men, and playing the blame game in regard to the sexes just makes everyone lose.

Diablo

Boo

AcePrideGirl

I am asexual, so sex is def not what I am after. I am not super into cuddling but I could possibly if i were to get to know someone better. Please message me if anyone is interested

MikeAC

I'm not looking for casual sex from this site, although psychologically I can understand how others might hope for the cuddling to turn into something more, be it a relationship or casual sex. That said, I'm not inherently against the possibility; I'm just not seeking it. If things were ever to move further for me, my cuddle buddy would have to be the one to make a move and it would have to be after I've cuddled with her at least a few times (depending on how long and how well each session went). I'm typically a bit shy and awkward around women, so I can't see myself being the one to ask or try to take it further under such circumstances.

One other reason that I think there's an inherent possibility of it eventually leading to something more, is that being that physically close to someone, eapecially for repeated, prolonged periods, feels really intimate, at least in my opinion, so for me personally, and I'm sure others as well, I wouldn't want to cuddle with someone I'm not attracted to at all, chiefly because if they happen to want more, I don't want to hurt their feelings by turning them down just because I'm not attracted to them. For me personally, if I feel like I'm compatible and comfortable enough with a cuddle buddy to meet with her for cuddles multiple times, then I feel like that's the same type of comfort, trust and compatibility as I would want to base any friendship or romantic relationship on. So if I get that comfortable with a cuddle buddy and she asks for something more, I would feel terrible for not giving her a chance just because I'm not attracted to her.

So bottom line, even though I'm only looking for platonic cuddles on this site, I feel it's important I keep an open mind, because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings because of my closed mindedness if they happen to develop feelings for me that go beyond platonic cuddling.

From my experience you'd be surprised that most of the time it's the girl who wants it.

MrMountainLion

Why is it that the overwhelming majority of (local) women on this site do not view men as fellow human beings? Oh right: it is because they view men as utility objects, and ultimately as sex objects.

willmott2k10

I joined this site purely to cuddle, I was happy to take it further if we were both comfortable with that but only under that condition. I'm happy to say I've not broken that objective after meeting 2 girls from this site so far, in actual fact the first came on to me, although it didn't end up going that far, and the second has feelings for me. Neither gender is better than the other when it comes to keeping things platonic.