How common is it for cuddlers to try and make it sexual?

Completely new to this, as well as cuddling in general. I've genuinely never hugged anyone besides family and my guy friends.

You might think I want to try my luck and make a move, but no it's the complete opposite. I really don't want anything sexual to happen even if we're comfortable with eachother and there's mutual attraction. I fear booking a session with someone and she makes a move, I want my first time to be meaningful. Do I have nothing to worry about?

I also don't want to explicitly mention this before booking, because most people already say this on their profile. Don't want to make it awkward.

wilderdude

You have nothing to worry about.

Generally it's women who deal with unwanted advanced, and the advice there is end session at first instance of a violation.

MindTherapy

@Ash_1997 I agree with @wilderdude. I really don’t think you have anything to worry about. It’s usually the other way around. Just find someone you connect with and have your first session. Don’t overthink it.

coolrunnings12

I would have lots of communication before your first cuddle, stating you are new and anxious about how it will go. If you have good conversations, you can really get a feel for making a safe connection with the person before you even meet in real life. You could do a little video call too and test the waters

MTex

I don't think there's anything wrong with you bringing up your concerns to the Pro. If they are legit you won't have to worry about anything non-platonic. You can talk about boundaries & consent before your session to make sure you both are on the same page. Happy cuddles! 🤗

Solaris

Women break the rules too. It's happened to me more than once where the woman crossed the line. Just have a plan if it does and leave. It probably won't happen, but be prepared.

My first cuddle here in 2015, she crossed the line. If i had been prepared, I would have just left. But i froze, it went badly, and I didn't cuddle again until 2023.

And not on this site, I had a pro proposition an upsell to me that was not platonic. It was upsetting and I didn't feel safe, again, and didn't cuddle for another 9 months (though this time there was other stuff going on too- it wasn't just her).

And many many pros get banned here.

Pick a good pro, have a plan, and leave if something happens. It'll probably be fine, but be honest with yourself about this. People telling you it'll be fine is not enough of you are vulnerable. If you are not vulnerable, can say no, and put up good boundaries, nothing bad will happen. But if you are vulnerable and don't have a plan you can follow, then it might not be good.

DesiCat

Honestly, I've only ever had messages sent to me that had that kind of energy around it. My real clients they don't ever make sexual advances so the people with ill intention always make themselves very well known right off the bat. 😅

MTex

@billiam Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

It is true that when you are vulnerable it makes it difficult to react to protect yourself in the moment that someone is crossing your boundaries. A freeze or fawn response is very common. I've been there myself.

It's definitely good to be aware of that & have a plan in place to say "no" &/or "stop" & leave. It can be harder when the person is in your space, getting them to leave.

Again talking about consent & boundaries ahead of time is very important.

@Ash_1997 You may want to try a cuddle group before an individual session to learn about consent in a safe setting.

CuddleDuncan

@Ash_1997 yes, you do have something to worry about, and you are right to be concerned. However, it is unusual and by being properly prepared you can reduce the risk to functionally zero. Do not let it stop you from cuddling because that would be a serious over-reaction: do let it encourage you to approach things in the right way.

Sexual assault by women on men is a very serious problem in the cuddle world. Part of the problem is that it is rarely discussed, not least because it is overshadowed by the more common problem of sexual advances towards women by men. Yes it has happened to me, although in my case I was able to deal with it and all was well. But I am fortunate in not having a difficult history in this area.

This is such a big problem that I know one experienced and highly respected professional who temporarly left the profession because of it. She was emotionally exhausted from dealing with the trauma of vulnerable men who had been subjected to aggressive sexual advances from women. Sometimes it took them years to recover and find the strength to try cuddling again. (@billiam's experiences are not unique.)

There are two entirely different scenarios which can occur, Firstly, when the professional is really a kind of sex worker and expects to be paid an additional amount for non-platonic services. Some can be very insistent. Secondly, the person (whether professional or enthusiast) turns the session non-platonic for personal reasons. The correct response in either case involves firm, decisive action, with an early exit if the matter cannot be resolved immediately.

The key defence is to choose your professional carefully. This is particularly important for your first session. These threads will help.

• How To Choose Your Professional Cuddler

• The Perfect Opening Message (to a professional)

• Ten Things Your Professional Cuddler Wants You to Know

• How to Save Money on Professional Cuddling

• Understanding Boundaries & Etiquette

The second defence is to discuss the situation with the professional before booking the session. Anybody who is any good will be understanding and helpful. It's not awkward: there is absolutely no shortage of men out there who have histories of trauma around touch and/or sex, or shyness, or inexperience, or whatever it is. The top professionals deal with this kind of thing all the time.

The third defence is to have a plan of what you will do. If you've done the first two right you almost certainly won't need it.

As an aside, in my view there is nothing wrong with your pictures (many men don't post any at all). Why not post a couple of your nature pictures? Nothing wrong with doing that either.

Sheena123

A good pro will want to hear any concerns you have to make sure you’re comfortable. Have some good back and forth with a pro to create a connection and make sure it’s understood that you don’t want any funny business.

123Cuddles321

I would advise you to be upfront with your female pro cuddler.
Two things happen:
A: if she is a strictly platonic pro then she won't be offended and may be appreciative of your honesty.
B: if she is a pro who is interested in offering "extras" then she will find a way to back out of the session because she doesn't simply want to make her base rate.

Note: Obviously I am not female pro so this is simply male intuition. (Which could easily be worthless!!) Maybe listen to the female pros above. ^^^

sagantyson

As a female enthusiast who is also fairly new, I can say I haven’t had a situation where my cuddle partner didn’t try to make it sexual. I’ve had four cuddle partners so far and it always goes that way, even though for the last one I mentioned the issue and said that if I wanted fwb, I’d be on Tinder. I’m considering going pro so I can feel more confident that my boundaries will be respected. I’m frustrated. I’m not a prude but I just don’t feel that’s what this site is for.

Huggycatbear

This has happened to me and I didn't know what to do either. Especially since I was hosting.

I don't know how to deal with this, since men are taught to stay silent, or shamed because we are supposed to "enjoy" it or since we are physically stronger we are expected to be able to handle this.

I've also had this happen at massage places. Not even the shady ones. At least the setup of the place didn't seem shady until it happened.

And I've been sexually harrassed at my workplace by my manager when I had a call center job.

There are predators on both sides.

JayCee007

I also thought that female cuddles didn’t try anything non platonic. However, It happened to me once, a long time ago with a fellow cuddle enthusiast. I stopped cuddling for a while, thinking I made a mistake with this site.
I started cuddling again a few years ago, updating my profile. I found a few good professional cuddlers and things worked out for a while. Again, I was propositioned during a session and I calmly turned her down and there were no issues.

Lesson learned… there’s no guarantee that she might try something, but I can politely turn her down with no issues.

MTex

I know there are plenty of threads on what red flags to look for with male partners. Are there any threads or lists of red flags for females? This could be some red flags to look for in female cuddlers:

1) Taking communication off site too quickly
2) Inappropriate & revealing selfies
2) They offer "extras" non-platonic activities

Report if you encounter someone offering non-platonic sessions.

Morpheus

You’re probably not going to get very accurate answers to this question in the forum since non platonic activities are not allowed.

That being said, I am quite sure if you’re up front with your cuddle buddy about not wanting anything sexual, you will be just fine.

Maverick07

It happened to me once, and I wasn't expecting it... probably because it happens more frequently to females. Still, as @billiam said, be prepared - just in case.

supadupa

I agree it’s possible that women pros may make advances towards a client, but I can’t say I would be in fear for myself physically or feel in danger as a man because Im generally taller, weigh more and stronger. Now if it’s Rhonda Rousey or comparable MMA fighter then yes.
I may not be seeking any advances from the pro, I can politely decline and that would be the end of the story, but the reverse is something that would be a dangerous situation.
So I would say 99.99% of th time they will not make an advance on you. You can breathe way. Pros are just here trying to provide a platonic service. They have their own personal lives for intimacy.
That being said a good pro will ask what your boundaries are or ask for consent

Cuddlesofcuddle

Be open with your boundaries I'll mirror that comment that a real pro will appreciate and respect that for sure

PeopleLikeUs

You are more apt to come across attachment issues. If they are serious about becoming cuddlers, they will work through it. A lot of that is learned behavior that can be unlearned.

Rocket_Man

You don't have to try it if you are concerned. You shouldn't do anything to make you uncomfortable.

TheMidnightOwl

@sagantyson

As a female enthusiast who is also fairly new, I can say I haven’t had a situation where my cuddle partner didn’t try to make it sexual. I’ve had four cuddle partners so far and it always goes that way, even though for the last one I mentioned the issue and said that if I wanted fwb, I’d be on Tinder. I’m considering going pro so I can feel more confident that my boundaries will be respected. I’m frustrated. I’m not a prude but I just don’t feel that’s what this site is for.

Yep. Literally all of that. Have said these exact things so many times. One word of caution on thinking going pro will help this problem, though. Many men will feel even more entitled to your body in this way since they’re paying you for it. That won’t be a ticket to bodily safety. Many offered good screening advice but none are a totally sure bet.

To the OP @Ash_1997
Direct communication around your expectations and boundaries will be highly appreciated by healthy people. Being passive and not communicating clearly is a recipe for things going awry at some point. But yeah the chance of a woman pushing sexual boundaries is much, much less likely than the opposite, but it doesn’t mean it won’t potentially happen at some point. Also, your third photo looks like a mugshot, so that may send the wrong message to potentials. Lol Nature photos are nice. Feel free to add any you want to share on your profile.

NatsWarmEmbrace

Never meet a pro who doesn't have a screening process. A phone call or video to lay out boundaries is 100% necessary. Even with that some people still try to push in person. If a Pro is not trying to screen and is just open to meeting without much background talk there usually is an "extras" situation. People end up canceling after calls who are trying to get more. It's been a great screening process to feel each other out. They find it easier to push the girls on here who have less experience.

HoosCuddling

Pro cuddlers hinting or trying to test boundaries to include sexual activity definitely happens. Here's my two cents, which you can ignore at your pleasure!!

• What they say on their CC profile is meaningless. Cuddlers that want to push the boundaries won't say anything like that on their profile, because it would get them banned. "I'm 100% platonic" on a profile isn't always true.
• Similarly, what they say on CC messaging doesn't tell you anything, because messages can get them banned too.
• If you have a phone call or video chat, you can say something like "I'm looking for a 100% platonic session, is that what you provide?" That's decently useful.
• Text messaging (once a session is booked) can be helpful too, but clever people trying to bring sex work into the picture won't necessarily put anything in writing.
• In the session itself, it's not likely that you would be directly touched or assaulted. Not that woman-on-man sexual assault is impossible, but it's so rare as to not even worry about it.
• What you would be more likely to see is her changing into a cuddling outfit possibly a little more revealing than her photos, and/or an invitation for you to wear less clothing than CC rules would permit.
• During the session, you might get a few touches in places that aren't exactly platonic, and/or she might invite you to touch her in places like that. You can simply say no thank you, or redirect her hands to other places, or if she won't take those hints (most will) you can end the session.

I don't think this is super common with female pros. But I know from experience that it does happen. So you're smart to think about it in advance, and be prepared.

Katota

How common is it for cuddlers to try and make it sexual?

Very common, many just can't cuddle and be done with it...Shrugs 🤷

cuddlefaery

Anyone of any gender, no matter whether an enthusiast, pro, or client, needs to vet, vet, VET their cuddle partners. Don't ever assume that the other person has the same goals, boundaries, and ethics as yourself. The best way to have a comfortable and enjoyable cuddle session is as much honest and direct communication as possible before even thinking of scheduling.

And my second suggestion for everyone is know your boundaries, communicate them, and don't budge. Anyone who doesn't gladly accept them and support you in keeping even the simplest of boundaries is not a good fit. Anyone who tries to test those simple boundaries is far more likely to try to test larger ones as well. Boundaries are to control your own behavior and what treatment you will accept - own your own worth and hold to it!

If you need tips on how to vet partners, there's lots of suggestions on the pro forums that can apply to anyone.