Question for the Professional Cuddlers!! Trauma

StephTheWriter

Hello Everyone,

I'm currently actively seeking a professional cuddler in my area. There are quite a few to choose from which is nice. But I've had a few reservations and I was hoping other professional cuddlers could chime in!

First off, I'm not the typical clientele. I'm a 33 year old married woman. I've been in therapy for two years now working through a very long and very early history of trauma. A lot of the reason I want to find a professional cuddler is because I need containment for the experience I'm looking for. I really need someone who feels like a mom in the sense that they're attentive, caring, thoughtful, and compassionate. I guess I'm worried that it might feel weird for a professional who's possibly used to a lot of male clients to have someone like me requesting services? I'm also concerned about how comfortable a professional might be with the fact that this is a part of my healing journey with my normal therapist to heal my attachment wounds and developmental trauma. I don't need the professional cuddler to have any experience with this type of trauma. In fact I anticipate that no matter who I choose they most likely won't. And that's why I'm concerned about their comfort level. I really just need them to listen attentively, believe me, react compassionately, and affirm my need to feel held. And I find myself worrying that the general population might not know how to react.

I don't really expect to go into too much detail about my trauma with the professional I choose, I really just need them to be capable of hearing what does come up. Especially since I have a very long history of being touch averse as a result of some of that early childhood trauma. I've been working in therapy for months and months to just feel comfortable with my therapist putting her hand on my forearm, and reaching out to a professional cuddler is both a huge milestone for me but also a very vulnerable position to be in.

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that the professionals are capable of hearing my explanation for why I'm looking for services while maintaining a compassionate and attentive atmosphere. And that they won't be put off by the fact that I need to connect with them as like a mom in order for the cuddling to be healing in the way I need it to be. I've only reached out to one profile and to be honest, I think I reached out incorrectly since it was my first time ever trying to reach out to a profile at all let alone a professional. Her account is on mute, and I submitted a proposal without realizing that you typically message first to introduce yourself and chat.

cuddlefaery

I'm no longer a pro, but my own experience first with seeing pros was similar. I had a lot of touch trauma I was working through and a therapist suggested a cuddle party as a safe container for practicing touch, boundaries, and consent. From there, I met a couple pros and tried one-on-one and was hooked.

It absolutely is imperative to find professionals with trauma-informed training. I cannot stress that enough. Getting a solid vetting system figured out before you ever reach out to a pro is a good idea; knowing your need to haves and nice to haves. Sure, it means the pool of compatible professionals shrinks, but it's far better that than to backslide on progress due to ill prepared cuddle partners.

It can take a while to find a solid option. You'll likely send quite a few messages, weed out some people, get ghosted a lot. It's an exercise in perseverance and handling rejection. You may have better luck if you can connect with a pro through a referral. Some will partner with local massage therapists, mental health professionals, etc. Attending cuddle events and interacting on the forums also can help.

Hang in there! Getting started can be hard, but in my experience it is abso-freakin-lutely worth it to find a solid pro who can help you work through the touch side of therapy.

DaveLaughs

It’s good to be selective when choosing your cuddler. Try to find one who is trauma-informed. Ideally you want one who respects boundaries and consent, who understands that if no touching or cuddles take place during the session because of your discomfort, that it would still be okay.

MissAdventurous

As someone who has female clients with similar trauma issues, I respect where you're coming from, just do some research and take time with communication with your local pros about your boundaries/needs and you will find a good fit.

CuddleDuncan

Women clients are a little uncommon but completely normal. I've met several.

• How To Choose Your Professional Cuddler

• The Perfect Opening Message (to a professional)

• Ten Things Your Professional Cuddler Wants You to Know

• How to Save Money on Professional Cuddling

• Understanding Boundaries & Etiquette

sillysassy

@StephTheWriter

First of all welcome to the community!!

I love that you are on a journey and it sounds like, taking care of you.

There are some big things that we as adult women have to delve into and you are certainly not the only one. I’m not a pro.

I want to echo what @cuddlefaery said… finding someone who is trauma trained/informed will help on your path of healing. Kudos to you for being so brave and aware of what’s going on in your internal experience.

I know that out here in CO we have quite a network of women who would be thrilled to be of assistance with this kind of thing. It’s actually pretty common with some women in my circle.

ISO t know anyone specifically in Oregon, but letting a Pro know some of your back story and a clear depiction of what you’re hopeful to gain from the session should give you a chance to weed out some that don’t have that kind of capacity.

I’ll send you a big hug from here and all sorts of Mom vibes that tell you how brave and amazing you are.