Do you feel sad after your cuddling session is over?

Ironically, despite experiencing wonderful times with wonderful people, when left back to my own thoughts I think I feel even sadder than usual and it seems irrational and illogical. At a physical level I suppose chemicals have been released (dopamine? Seratonin? Is that right?) and then that time of elation is over and it all comes crashing down.

It makes me feel like a drug addict experiencing withdrawal symptoms !!

At least I am more conscious of my “stinking thinking” now than when younger and know it is not right or healthy. And maybe I have a chemical imbalance in the brain, and on the one hand perhaps I should not inflict myself on others, particularly if it makes me sad when it ends, but on the other hand I guess maybe it’s why I am here at all!

This is very rambling and even crazy sounding! My apologies! I don’t mean it to be.

However, the big question is, is this unusual? Am I being really odd or do others have this same experience of being really down after being so comforted and warm? How do you handle it?

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Comments

  • Yep. This stuff is like a drug for me. I remember after my first session I broke down and cried the next day. The dopamine crash is real.

  • Sorry to hear that but thanks for the confirmation it happens to others.

    :(

  • That deep emotional body.... the body getting use to warmth of anther.

    Truth being more easy to go with out it... if you can not have it regularly.

    Or if the session was a tease and not long enough... I would act strong and understanding, but likely braking down crying later.

    Pets can make good supplement to cuddle with... or body pillow and electric blanket for little more warmth.

  • I was thinkin the same, what if u really enjoy cuddling with the person....the purpose is to know the boundaries of what ur doing as an adult, right? and know it comes to an end for the moment n will continue again another time. u build a relationship n it continues. mayb try less cuddle contact til u can manage the feelings better.

  • My favourite cuddle buddy is in a different country to me so it is not a regular occurrence as it is. We have the dual tyrannies of time and distance.

  • This is a very interesting thread. Is there anything that the other person can do to ease the pain? I am a pro and I cuddle a lot but I do think about my cuddle partners frequently. I guess I just want you to know that just because you get up and leave our house or we leave yours doesn't mean our feelings for you end. Speaking for myself, I also develop a bond with my cuddle partners, especially with a longer cuddle. I think about them and miss them. As a professional, I do try to keep the line drawn between giving my partner the support they need and becoming a best friend. While I realize that emotional support via phone call or text is in no way the same as curling up next to someone, does it help? I would really like to learn more about the aftercare of a cuddle. Thank you @OzVisitor for starting this thread.

  • I feel a little sad at times when something I enjoy ends. Whether it be the end of sharing time and space when somebody I enjoy or care for, or looking at my plate only to realize my delicious dinner is all gone. So yes, I can see why that might make one sad.

  • @OzVisitor What you describe is exactly right. A pro cuddler explained it the same way to me. He said that the next day some people will feel depressed as the oxytocin clears itself from the system. He told me if I feel sad or depressed the day after a cuddle, "don't worry. It's only chemicals." I did not experience it, but I was glad to have that information.

    @Scarlette I think your idea of a follow-up call or text is very kind and a good idea. I emailed my pro cuddler the day after to let him know I was fine, but I think he would have contacted me if I hadn't, and I would have been happy to hear from him.

  • If you're dealing with something like depression, loneliness, or lack of affection (emotional or physical) in your daily life, I think it's a deeper type of sadness than when a regular part of life ends. A way that I manage this is communicate my needs and hear out the other persons' so the cuddling session is most fulfilling.

  • I have discussed it with my special friend and I am working on enjoying the time together, as rare and precious as it is, rather than lamenting the loss.

    I will see her again and that’s exciting.

  • I have a favorite cuddle buddy, yes, and I cry every time I leave (not around him). I agree it’s a like a drug that I want more of and, knowing he lives a long way away makes it hard. Sometimes I think it would be better not to know as someone pointed out above. But! There is enough love and cuddles in this world!! And there will be more cuddles to come! And there may be a new cuddle to come into your life. So keep the door open!

  • @Scarlette I really like what you said; it is nice and touching to think the pro cuddler thinks about their clientele outside the session and is interested in their general well-being. The client is certainly thinking of them!

  • [Deleted User]FlowerofLife (deleted user)

    I would have to agree with Scarlette! I miss some of my clients back in Cali, so I may drop them a line from time to time:-) just to say hi, or how they are doing.

  • When I found my first cuddle buddy, I would experience a blissful feeling for about 5-10 minutes but then would go back to being touch hungry and missed them. Over a period of several months of spending lots of cuddle time together, my touch hunger started to go away and that feeling left me.

  • @OzVisitor I actually get the same way even after my pro sessions. It's definitely all chemical.

  • Yes I feel sad. In particular when I know she might not be able to see me again for weeks or at all. That closeness during cuddling sessions is very addictive because I crave it every day.

  • Cuddle crash :<

  • I’m dealing with an upcoming separation and quite possibly a divorce. Our marriage has not been physically affectionate for a long time. My two pro cuddle sessions so far have helped me realized what I was missing and need from a relationship. Emotionally, my tank was very empty. After both sessions I have felt better both emotionally and physically and more able to cope with everything life throws at me day to day. I am bummed when my session ends because time seems to fly, but I have not experienced a major crash. I guess just finally feeling open and connected to another human being again is enough to sustain me for a few weeks before another session. Thanks to everyone for sharing and I hope it gets easier for those who are struggling.

  • [Deleted User]ivlegend (deleted user)

    It's real:( feels like whole system crash .

  • edited April 2018

    I think its probably sadder not to have found a cuddle buddy at all than to have found one and to be experiencing the after effects.

  • @UKGuy I send virtual cuddles from across the ocean =(

  • edited April 2018

    @ubergigglefritz I admit geography is not my strong suit, but I don't think there is an ocean between Virginia and Tempe, Arizona where @UKGuy is. ;-) As to the original question, I suspect that the "big crash syndrome" might be partly chemical and partly psychological. I have never experienced it, and I've cuddled a lot. But I make a point not to get too emotionally invested in a cuddle: I don't view it as therapy for what ails me, or a cure for loneliness, or any such thing. I see it as a fun activity, a pleasant, enjoyable interlude, a hobby, even --- but that's all. When it ends, I know there will be other sessions. By not blowing it up into An Event of Cosmic Significance in my mind, I think I help myself avoid any emotional pendulum swings when it ends.

  • Lol, there is if you go the long way ;-) But seriously, I guess his username gave me temporary amnesia ;-) Whoops. A little more feasible than the UK, but still quite the distance O:-)

  • [Deleted User]lilredmage (deleted user)

    @quietman775 That pretty much sums up my thoughts on the matter, as well. (And I, too, had no idea that @UKGuy was in Arizona. :P )

  • I think a crash being chemical or psychological is much like depression vs feeling sad. Hard to distinguish unless you've really felt it. A crash is also much more likely if you are very touch deprived or touch starved. It's very real though. Maybe the psychological you're thinking of is right after it's done, feeling sad to leave. A crash usually comes up the following day after you're body has absorbed all the oxytocin from the session.

  • [Deleted User]salsaoma (deleted user)

    @OzVisitor thank you for posting this; I have been calling it "cuddle hangover". I haven't felt sad yet but maybe a little emotionally murky. I get the feeling that finding several partners helps to keep the risk of OVERattachment (vs normal attachment) down, if possible to find others. @Scarlette thanks for answering because I imagined that cuddlers feel the same about clients.

  • @ubergigglefritz You're absolutely right - It's a very similar feeling to what I get the day after I come back from an event. I used to call it "Con Crash" and just put it down to backlash from an overwhelmingly good time. Emotions are crazy things, and if you don't regularly experience something, the sudden withdrawal afterwards can be really rough.

  • Having just had my first session, I was bummed that the time was over, I probably could have laid their forever, but at the same time, I was in a good bit of a blissful stupor and walked back to my car with pep in my step and a smile on my face.

  • I have experienced this. I think... when I’m cuddling or getting a massage, I go into a very body-oriented space. My thoughts are less pressing and not my main focus.

    As someone with anxiety, once I return to my normal, always thinking mode, I think it can feel a little overwhelming. Maybe a good analogy would be like taking a cold shower right after waking up!

    Sometimes touch therapy can even release buried memories/feelings, or even trauma. I think this usually ends up being a healing response, but that doesn’t mean it’s pleasant.

    I do think it’s normal (at least most of the time), even if it’s not common. And, for me, I think repeated exposure helps me re-adjust much more quickly.

    Hth. :)

  • I have high functioning autism, often referred to as asperger syndrome. I agree that cuddling is addicting, although I also know lack of feeling connected is a symptom of being on the autism spectrum, so I'm feeling the blues when I am not connected a lot, regardless. I find that there is anxiety connected to the feeling and learned that low dosing hemp oil is very helpful to reduce anxiety, as well as a plant based diet. Also more people are on the autism spectrum than most would imagine. Not always a bad thing because many gifts come with it, mostly in the arts, music, computers, often the ability to hyper focus and lots more. With the gifts also comes anxiety, all too often. I suggest if you even consider you may be on the spectrum, to go to Netflix and type in autism and hear what others have to say. This may create more questions than answers although it is an opportunity to self diagnose. If you fit the symptoms, do your best to get a diagnosis. Knowing what you have is knowing who you are and a diagnosis will open doors for opportunities and answers. Questions in private (as I changed the subject a little) feel free to ask me any question in an email.

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