Anyone else asexual?

docgatorb

Since no one addressed your question, I will suggest an answer. Although asexuals could not reproduce without having  sex, there are many orphans in the world and there would be a species survival advantage to having a group of people who adopted children. Although the particular combination of genes would not be passed on to the adopted children, the parents aren't being hunted down and killed, so they are able to have an impact on the society in which they are born. Thus, even though there is no generational force promoting the gene combination there is also no generational force inhibiting the gene combination. In short, you would expect that the trait expression rate would remain constant and neither increase or decrease.
Consider that at this time in history, we would probably benefit if the population would decrease. Is it surprising that a gene combination would come out that allowed couples to enjoy relationships without the drive to produce more children? Is it just a coincidence that so many orphanages are run by religious communities that do not allow marriage?

Naz

I'm also an ace based in sunny South Africa

Rew

@Crispin: Asexuality refers specifically to a lack of sexual attraction more than anything else. It's not quite the same thing as low sex drive or lack of testosterone/estrogen (although those with a low sex drive might be asexual--it's not their low sex drive that makes them asexual, if that makes sense). Asexuals are perfectly capable of having sex (just as a homosexual is capable of having intercourse with someone of the opposite sex and vice versa for heterosexuals) and thus of reproducing. In short, all of the "parts" and "plumbing" are there. It's just that we're not attracted to people in a sexual way. Does this makes sense? I hope I helped!

Also, I want to say something to a couple folks in this thread who are saying there aren't actually any asexuals on this board: Hi! I'm definitely asexual, and not faking it. I've always been this way, just as you've always been hetero. No need to judge. I'll happily answer any questions anyone has.

And finally a shout-out to some non-asexual people in this thread who stood up for us and sought to make us feel welcome--I noticed and I thank you!

Themsivey

Yep! 

mustlovehugs

I only heard about asexuality a year or so ago, and even then it took a while for me to realize it was a label I could apply to myself. I'm still not 100% comfortable identifying as ace, but I think that's partly because so many people don't understand/accept/know about asexuality, and it's easier to say "I'm fine with being single" than to say "I have literally no interest in having sex with anyone ever again" and then feeling forced to explain why.

And now forgive me because I'm gonna get real nerdy. From an evolutionary standpoint, asexuality is probably like any other non-hetero sexuality, which is to say that it doesn't necessarily have an evolutionary benefit, nor is it possible to pinpoint with absolute certainty what causes it. Evolution is a series of accidental genetic mutations. Mutations that help a species survive and reproduce usually stick around; mutations that impede a species's ability to survive or reproduce usually die out; but mutations that neither help nor hurt the species may or may not stick around. Asexuality doesn't directly affect our ability to survive or reproduce, so there's no reason for it to not exist.

In fact, from my understanding of it, variations in sexuality may be the byproduct of a totally unrelated mutation. The human genome contains an ENORMOUS amount of data crammed into 46 measly chromosomes. Changing one piece of the code may very well change another piece, and if the first mutation sticks around, the second mutation will stick around too. Consider the domestication of dogs: our ancestors kept around the wolves that were the least aggressive and bred them with one another to produce more not-so-aggressive wolves. As each generation of wolves was bred to be more submissive, they began to exhibit the traits we now associate with dogs, like floppy ears, a more juvenile appearance, and greater variation in coloring. This is because the genes that controlled the wolves' temperament also controlled certain aspects of their appearance. Check out the decades-long experimental domestication of foxes for more info. This is all to say that asexuality (and sexuality in general) may not have a specific evolutionary purpose. It could just be a coincidence, and like most traits it could very likely be attributed to a combination of factors. There might be tons of people who have a mutation that could theoretically make them asexual, but the trait hasn't expressed itself because the person didn't get a certain hormonal surge in utero, or they have a different mutation that inhibits the creation of the proteins that would lead to asexuality. If your curiosity is piqued by this, there's an awesome podcast you can listen to that articulates this waaaaay more clearly than I could.

docgatorb

@mustlovehugs Your observations are very interesting as you point out that there doesn't need to be any evolutionary benefit, although I suspect that there is one. Either way, it is an orientation that is hard to understand for those with a sexual orientation. Describing yourself as asexual alerts other potential mates. I see this as a very considerate action in order to reduce conflict. Although this site is about non-sexual touch, it doesn't mean that everyone here is comfortable with their own sexuality or the sexuality of others. So much so, there have been statements where members have questioned whether the designation is being used honestly. This attitude is disrespectful of other members. If someone states in their profile that they don't travel a greater radius of 10 miles from their home, does it mean that they would never travel further or that they are afraid of traveling further or that they are in some way odd. No, it just means that if you are 20 miles away it is less likely to happen. I appreciate how well some members can describe themselves in their profile. To me, this reflects how well they know themselves. I find that people who have come to know themselves well are the people who can set boundaries and stick to commitments.. Thanks for your comments.

Windchime

Not too sure what asexual means, anyone pls elaborate for me?

I'm straight female here. Never got sexually aroused by just viewing a guy, naked or not. And I think I only potentially get romantic feelings towards guys I finally develop emotion connections with..but no sexual attraction. Am I asexual? Someone help?

But I definitely would prefer to have a guy cuddle me than a female..just for the feeling of security of wide shoulders enveloping me hahhaha

mustlovehugs

@gerdanni An asexual person is someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction (i.e. a desire to have sex with someone based on their appearance). Just like straight men don't usually experience sexual attraction to other men, and straight women don't usually experience sexual attraction to other women, asexual people don't usually experience sexual attraction to anyone.

It's entirely possible for asexual folks to have romantic feelings for another person. There are also people who identify as demisexual, which means they don't usually experience sexual attraction or a desire to have sex unless they've developed an emotional connection.

Every since I had my son it seems as though I am asexual.

I do not feel the need for sexual relationship and am perfectly fine with that.
It is difficult because I do desire touch from an adult.

CuddleJAY

Cool....look at all of us ACES on here!

Also an asexual guy - cuddling is my thing :-) 

RainbowSpoonie

California ace here. It's really difficult in this over sexualized time to find an accepting partner or someone who even knows what asexuality is. I really miss the feeling of someone next to me, just for the bond with another person. My husband cheated on me due to asexuality and my disabilities so I left him. I really miss cuddling next to someone while watching a movie or curled in bed and listening to music.

Everything is a spectrum, no? I tend to be on the far left.. which is the less-than-sexual side.  

This is a very interesting topic and I have always been interested in the dynamics of human sexuality.  I was described as a lap baby (always wanting to be held) but grew up in a non-touch family.  I remember having attractions to mother figures (some of my teachers) as early as five.  I'm wondering if some of my social "challenges" are a result of my touch deprived upbringing.  This is my theory.  If most types of touch are considered sexual then the deep inward desire for touch is expressed sexually.  If hugging and cuddling and even kissing (how some cultures great each other) are normalized and considered non-sexual then the deep inward desire for touch can be filled without sexual arousal.  I believe the latter describes the upbringing of the asexual.  Please correct me if I'm wrong.

areli

I'm asexual outside of a committed relationship. I do love cuddling and snuggling though, which have led to a few discussions about how those activities were supposed to be a prelude to full on sex. (rolls eyes) but I'm so glad to see that this thread exists, and that I'm not alone in they way I feel. lol 

simon74

I would describe myself as gray asexual as i do have some sexual attraction towards women but is of an intensity so low that it can be ignored.I would have liked to have put my own description in the orientation section or left it blank .I had described myself as straight in my profile for a while but after finding out about asexuality thought that might better represent the experience another cuddler would have with me.

KanaraKazen

This is awesome! I love affection and have no attraction to anything sexual so I was wondering where the other asexuals that love to cuddle are. And here we are! I love it here so far.

rykia

Biromantic Ace here!

First of all, major props to the CC administration team. They have always been johnny on the spot for any issue I have had and they did likewise accomodating the asexual folks here. Well done, CC. Again, light years ahead of the many online dating/meetup sites that have degenerated into the internet abyss.

As for me, definitely not asexual; but very much heterosexual. However, I do find I go in waves where for a duration of time I have barely any sexual drive at all while during other times I find I can't get enough. Sometimes it is stress related, other times work related, and one former girlfriend assumed I was homosexual because I was just happy and content to fall asleep with her. But overall I have found that the warmth of another can be offered in so many ways, regardless of category and CC is a great place to be to enjoy great opportunities.

All the best!
-PJ

anymeaddict

Aromantic Asexual here!!! There are so many aces!!! Its great!

C8H7N3O2

BiRo Ace here and I'm new to this place!

what does ace mean?

Morpheus

Means asexual 

ohhh ok thanks! I though it meant asexual cuddler something beginning with e lol

NickTWriter

Asexual here from Seattle! Hoping to find some positive, cuddling. 

C8H7N3O2

Welcome aboard Nick!

CuddleJAY

Hello to all my fellow ACES!  How awesome, I just updated my profile.   I really appreciate this site!  Thank you!

NinjaPandas

Hey everyone, glad to see so many aces on here drop me a line

izkanti

Also asexual checking in

wolfdude

I think I might be asexual.  I am definitely drawn towards cuddling and hand holding with women.  I like other forms of sex but when it comes to intercourse it does nothing for me.  In fact I have never had an had a release during intercourse.  I do get aroused by women's hands.  Strange I know.

itsdevo

Me here, again, first post since 2015, still asexual lol!