@Darrenwalker Yes, definer of all life. As you wish
@Fairbutfirm: I know you're joking, but this pleases me immensely. Talk to me like this more.
@DarrenWalker I actually wonder what percentage of the WOMEN here aren't actually hoping to find their soul mate, to eventually have …..yes.....sex with! And I also wonder how that differs to the percentage who would actually admit it. Sounds like another poll perhaps. : )
@Fairbutfirm: ...I actually wonder that, too. Purely platonic intentions are so difficult to find. I know it's impossible to filter this site down to only those who really are only looking for cuddles and a kind of deep non-sexual non-romantic comfort—but at least we can try for that.
And maybe those with sexual and romantic urges can redirect them elsewhere, and not look for that kind of partner here.
Polls are informational. They are supposed to measure public sentiment without judging it or trying to sway it. But OP asked this question to prove a point. He's not looking to take a neutral measurement of public opinion. Nor is he seeking to learn about other people and their preferences. He has already concluded that men who only cuddle women are part of what's wrong with our culture. Now he just needs the "guilty" to out themselves. Once they do, they can expect the inevitable drubbing, just like they got on all the other myriad "why don't men cuddle other men" threads. [Honestly, these used to be as ubiquitous as arousal threads.]
The motivation behind your questions is likely to distort your poll results. Many of the men you are targeting won't respond, because they know what's coming: "you're culturally brainwashed, " "you're insecure in your manhood," "you're a closet homophobe," ... and now, add "you're partly to blame for the loneliness in our culture." Funny, women who only cuddle women don't seem to get saddled with that baggage. @2dogmom I know you're watching this one with interest. But if you do a ten-minute forum search, I can all but promise you there will be nothing new to see here. :-/
If we're being honest, it probably wouldn't be much different from the ratio of platonic to non-platonic men, just a significantly lesser volume given that men way outnumber women. CC doesn't exist to be a dating site nor does it make any attempt to actively facilitate dating scenarios, but unfortunately we're all aware that this concept falls on deaf ears for a large number of users. The official stance on it as far as I've read is that once two people decide to go in that direction whether it be romantic or sexual, it doesn't matter as long as a pro is not involved and both parties discontinue use of the site. People get banned on here for using it with the sole intent of finding relationships, or for being serial daters. Policy doesn't extend to innocent serendipity, but even then, how common do you actually think it is to link up with someone like that around here?
@DarrenWalker My non scientific estimation is 10-20% who aren't at least open to finding the one. (10-20% of non pros that is, pros, or course, may just need the money...you never know. So with money involved I couldn't or wouldn't begin to try to guess about motivation and percentages). I imagine the majority look at this site much the same as I looked at Craigslist's "strictly platonic" category. It was refreshing to me to have the pre agreed rules so that there was no misunderstandings or disappointed party. But there was always the possibility that lighting could strike (stole that from Meet Joe Black). So personally, if I agree to do something completely platonic, I have every intension of being true to my word. But the heart will never stop hoping for happiness, will it?
@quietman775 Lol. I dub thee Opener of a Can of Worms to the King.
@Fairbutfirm: I admit I'd be a lot more comfortable cuddling people if I could be reasonably sure there wasn't a little voice in the back of their heads, whispering, "Maybe this person will have sex with me," or "Maybe this person will let me touch their private places / touch mine," or "Maybe this person will bring me roses and chocolates and tell me I'm the most wonderfulest, specialest person on the planet to them."
A site of nothing but aro aces would be great. Not likely to happen, though, so I'd at least like to keep out the people who insist that they need to be sexually/romantically attracted to me, otherwise they wouldn't be on my couch right now. Terrible thing to find out after it's too late.
@quietman775 - the OP, @halnatoy , is female.
@DarrEnWalker Your taking things out of context and misinterpreting the previous comments by others.
@DarrenWalker If there were a way to achieve that (insert fantasy about a world of only honest people) I don't think you'd HAVE a CC site. You'd have pros with a fraction of their business, equaling a fraction of the site's income, and from what I learned when I joined, that would not come close to being able to support the domain. So unless it was run by a philanthropist, it would be gone quickly.
@quietman775: You're right—this poll was created with an obvious agenda.
Women who only cuddle women aren't blamed for exacerbating the loneliness in our culture because men are seen as sexually dangerous, and women as sexually vulnerable. A woman cuddling a man could be seen as asking for rape. A man cuddling a man could be seen as gay, but men aren't considered vulnerable to rape—so no risk is seen.
"Of course women prefer to cuddle women," someone might say. "Cuddling a man is risky for a woman!"
But not for a man. So what's wrong with men, that they're so scared of the one and only risk of cuddling another man: being seen as gay? How pathetic, people say.
They have a point. The lie that men can only touch someone if they're sexually (or at least romantically) attracted to them is a problem. But the "danger" of being perceived as homosexual should you decide to cuddle another man is only one of the things this lie leads to.
@Fairbutfirm: In a world full of people who genuinely only want platonic cuddles... a website allowing them to conveniently connect with one another wouldn't get enough business to survive?
What an odd conclusion.
@DarrenWalker "In a world full of people who genuinely only want platonic cuddles" Was that based on a poll? lol
We can agree that we do, indeed have a world full of people. I somehow doubt we'd agree on the percentage of those people who genuinely only want platonic cuddles. You working on a clone fantasy or something?
@Fairbutfirm: Thought we were talking about my fantasy world. "If there were a way to achieve that (insert fantasy about a world of only honest people)," you said, "I don't think you'd HAVE a CC site."
Well, I thought, but... why not? A world full of only honest aro aces—what a wonderful fantasy. I don't see how it would put CC out of business at all.
@DarrenWalker No, I imagine cc would do just fine in that case : )
@Fairbutfirm: So now all I have to do is take over the world and clone myself!
...Nah, too much trouble.
@Fairbutfirm: I get what you were saying now, though—without changing anything else, just make people honest about what they want out of the site, right? Yeah... in that case I think you're right: the site would definitely collapse. This is one of those cynically realistic views of humanity, isn't it?
Not only are most people not aro aces, they're also lousy at not hoping to get the things they want from people who've agreed to a TOS saying they're not giving them.
be careful : )
Im a straight male and i do not like most other guys. I dont see why its a problem if I only want to cuddle with women. Its got nothing to do with sex. I also prefer female friends and female doctors. Even my primary doctor is a woman.
@melancholy it's not man. It's perfectly normal. Well, in life at least. Maybe not so for some of the super liberals who preach acceptance and tolerance yet don't exercise much of either.
@melancholy, @Fairbutfirm: As someone who's been labeled one of those hypocritical super-liberals before, gotta say: I'm suspicious of anyone who puts people into arbitrary categories and decides category X is mostly not likable (smart, educated, trustworthy, etc).
It's one thing to say "I don't like most rice-based desserts." It's another thing to say "I don't like most men."
It's possible to have tried most rice-based desserts. It's a little bit more impossible to have met most men. There are, in case you hadn't noticed, a lot of men in the world (and not all of them are male-bodied).
@DarrenWalker once again......he used the word "most", and it's certainly fair to say that if he doesn't like a very high percentage of men THAT HE HAS MET, that he doesn't like most men. Most.....does not mean all. And he gets to choose who he wants to take a chance with , does he not?
I also at one time preferred male friends, male doctors, and interacting by and large with males rather than females. There's usually always some underlying reason for gendered/sexed preferences however, no matter what they are in life. For me, it's because I was sexually abused by a female family member, which translated into a fear of women. I was also abused by her father as well as her boyfriend a decade later (for a lesser length of time), but why didn't this translate into a fear of men? Well, partly because I'm sexually attracted to both, (possibly) romantically attracted to only one, and I let that get in the way of my perception of who is and is not okay to come into my personal space. I've done work since then. Still, I'm more comfortable as it relates to men than with women, mainly because I have more experience with men than women. That could largely also be part of the fact that my mother hates hugs. I've managed to share close physical company with a female by now, and I'll be honest - it scared the bajeesus out of me. I had to do a lot of mental prep over a few months in order to prepare for it.
So, in many cases, I think there's a bit of "why" to be asked past "I don't like cuddling with my same sex, but it has nothing to do with sexuality", and a lot of denial to be let go of. Somewhere, somehow, there is a reason somebody thinks they don't like or want to interact with "most X".
@Catloaf I'm very sorry that happened to you. It's life changing.
@Fairbutfirm: Most men that he's met, rather than most men in the world. Well. All right. What is a man, anyway? What characteristic/s of manliness is he disliking?
Maybe he's using the word 'men' as shorthand for 'people who feel the need to be tough and stoic'. I kind of like that type of person, myself. I'd say I don't like people who feel the need to be sexually aggressive—but I wouldn't say I don't like most men, even if most men I've met do feel the need to be sexually aggressive, because I don't like the idea that sexual aggression is a part of manliness.
I don't see why it should be. Maybe most people with the label "man" do have certain negative characteristics—but are those characteristics intrinsic to the label? If most squares are red, is red an intrinsic part of being a square?
I don't tend to get along with people who get all weepy over romance films. But that doesn't mean I dislike most women.
Why not separate the characteristic from the category?
@DarrenWalker that's not really a conversation I care to get into with someone born one gender but "identifying" with another. I don't claim to understand nor do I care to take that on at this stage in my life. I'll just say I hope you and others like you find happiness.
@Fairbutfirm: Eh. Being as I was raised Christian, I always figured sex was a body thing, while gender was a soul thing. Since my soul's been the same since the day I was born, so has my gender. The doctors just looked at the sex of my body and assumed my gender matched.
So I was born one gender. I'm still that gender. I was assigned a different one, but who a person is isn't really something you can assign. So it didn't work out.
Any road, that has nothing to do with this idea that it's possible to dislike most men just because they're men. There's obviously something about most men that @melancholy doesn't like, but whatever that something is, it obviously isn't an intrinsic part of the category "man," or there wouldn't be exceptions.
Edit: Oh, and a side note. Happiness? Already found it. Well worth wishing for. Thanks!
Huh ill cuddle a trans man lol pre-op