@Navyman1010: So with you it's clearly the body that matters, not the person.
Edit: ...Or maybe it's not. Would you cuddle a transwoman post-op?
I like to cuddle with folks who I feel a connection with. Not a sexual thing, more a cuddle chemistry thing. I don't feel as relaxed and open with men as I do women. My best friends are and pretty much always have been women. Not sure why, just is what it is. So it stands to reason that I feel more comfortable cuddling women. Not a ooh no I couldn't possibly touch a guy thing. There are a few guys I have spoken with on here who I might be open to trying that with though, however I still don't think I would be able to get in that cuddle coma space one needs to truly be able to shut off and be in the moment.
@DarrenWalker Yes absolutely there is something about them. Only @melancholy can say what that thing is for him, if he is able to put into words. It's possible a person could be put off by most or all of a gender and not even be aware of why. For me, I think it's any traditional masculine behavior. So in theory, I wouldn't be turned off by a feminine acting male, if only I could get past the lifelong conditioning. That's in theory. I never tried it. Here's something I would like to discuss. All theories and opinions welcome. How come with lesbians, who want nothing to do with men. There is VERY often (won't speculate on percentage) a feminine looking and acting lesbian with a partner who wears hair like a man, dresses like a man, often even walks like a guy with the shoulders going side to side, and.....(wait for it)...in the bedroom....uses a strap on or other penetrating phallic like toy on the feminine partner??? Inquiring minds want to know. They can't say they don't like the equipment when their toy is an exact replica. They can't say they dislike manly attitudes when their partner is more masculine than many males. It's always mystified me.
@Darrenwalker: If being on a couch with twelve guys watching TV while passing snacks around is considered cuddling then I'm about get all the cuddling I need. Sunday, Monday and Thursday Football will be starting soon. However, that's not my definition of cuddling; otherwise I wouldn't be paying cuddlers. If that's cuddling for you and you get your touch needs met from that, then I'm jealous or you need to invite me over to see what I'm missing.
@Fairbutfirm: Sexual fetishes are a strange thing. Some women like their husbands in lace and prefer oral to penetrative—but they'll still insist they're straight. And apparently they are. They want the male body, acting like a female one. So I'd say a lesbian who wants a female body acting like a male one is still gay.
For platonic stuff, though, none of this matters. It's down to who you want to be friends with—good friends, who can curl up together on a couch and talk about stuff.
For a platonic connection, all you really need from your buddy is a personality that meshes well with yours and a body that it doesn't disgust you to be on the same couch with. So the physical aspect of "man" ought to pretty much go straight out the window for most people... right? And the personality will be what really counts. So which part of the "man" personality is so distasteful? And is it really an inseparable part of "man"?
@CaliCuddlingGuy: Hey, I'm down. I'm going through Stargate SG1 at the moment—hit me up and maybe we can watch it together! (If I had a car, I'd almost prefer to join you. Sounds awesome.)
@CaliCuddlingGuy HAha, no a packed living room watching the game is not cuddling. Your mind is on the game, and the food. No room for anything else
@DarrenWalker Never really tried to break a guy's personality down into parts. Let's just say I didn't coin the term "opposites attract", but there is something to it. I don't want to cuddle with myself. So please don't clone me. The world doesn't need that anyway.
@Fairbutfirm: You're obviously the type who never falls asleep or reads a book or watches a movie or anything else during a cuddle. Gotta keep your mind on the cuddle, or it's not a cuddle at all! It's like you're not touching anyone. No serotonin boost. You might as well be completely alone.
@Fairbutfirm: Many people have tried over the years. It's tricky, because what's considered a male personality has shifted over the years. A quick Google search turns up plenty of stuff like this:
What do you think?
@DarrenWalker why did you say that? because of my comment about the football game? that was a football rules joke. I have fallen asleep, watched movies (maaaany times) while cuddling. Reading a book.....nope.
@DarrenWalker pretty good chart....funny too. Must have been made by a male. Vices? lol Not flaws?
@Fairbutfirm: Yeah, the football thing. Admittedly my dad's never been much of a football fan—we watched Star Wars instead—but concentrating on some other fun thing has never made a cuddle feel less cuddly to me.
Lucky me, I guess?
[Note: Heading off to work now. Bye, guys! See you all in a few hours.]
@DarrenWalker yeah but also I don't consider being wedged between two guys "cuddling" anyway so I just figured I'd make a football joke out of it, being the season is about to start. But I like Luke too
My answer Yes, If it is platonic, I feel safe & my boundaries are respected. For platonic cuddling don’t mind other person different gender/sexuality than me. (Define platonic: non-romantic, non-erotic, and non-sexual)
===== watching this this thread as well
===== +1 for: @CharlesTwisted Like your perspective @Catloaf I appreciate your point of view @pmvines “feel a connection“ Definitely important for me Feel connection aka in my case mutually understanding @DarrenWalker You know how to debate
Two men cuddling is called gay sex.
I find it fascinating, if grotesque, how many of the respondents here, such as @boomerang86, consider cuddling to be sex.
If I were seeking platonic cuddle partners, these threads seem a great way of sorting the respectful from the scheming.
@CharlesTwisted The guy can't even give his opinion (which by the way was asked for by OP) without you singling him out for a personal attack? So I guess I'm one of the "scheming" type as well since I also think it's creepy and gay, and it gives me the shivers to think about it. But to each his own. Can't people just have a different opinion than yours?
@DarrenWalker naw
I don't think so.
@DarrenWalker People have all different types of reasons on why they would choose a specific person to cuddle with. If someone is abiding by all the rules and is respectful, should their thought process on why they chose a specific cuddler even matter to anyone else? Telling people that they must “think” a certain way when cuddling someone in order to be on this site is ridiculous. Basically, you want every man on this site who cuddles a woman, to be in the same mindset as if they were cuddling their mom or best male friend?
@luv2cudl2 speaking the truth lol
@luv2cudl2: I think it'd be great if everyone on this site—male, female, or otherwise—had no sexual or romantic thoughts whatsoever while cuddling whoever they met through this site. That would be so awesome. Imagine: totally platonic cuddles! No temptation, even! No danger, no risk of rape... yeah, I think that'd be great.
@Navyman1010: So you'll cuddle a man so long as he's not got a penis... but you won't cuddle a woman if she ever, ever in her life had a penis.
You're that repulsed by your own equipment? Dude. That must suck.
@CharlesTwisted: You're so right. If two men cuddling is called "gay sex," then the word "cuddling" must actually mean "having sex." It's a good thing we have the forums, so people who're looking for platonic cuddles can avoid people like @boomerang86. I encourage this kind of honesty! Anyone else on here want to declare the fact that they consider cuddling a sexual activity?
There is nothing wrong with preferring the company of one gender over another. Think daddy's girl or momma's boy. Many people are indeed born preferring one over the other for company. I have always preferred the company of men. It's not restricted to one type of man or gender roles or stereotypes. Around the world, regardless of culture, gay men/straight men/men in drag, I prefer mostly men for company and camaraderie.
I like women, but most have habits that rub me the wrong way if I spend too much time with them. This is true even of my best female friends. 2 days straight of their company is as much as I can take. Men do not have those same habits. I can be around men non stop and never be sick of their company.
When I was a tomboy kid I would argue that there was no real difference between the sexes, but I learned what animal behavioralists already know. There are definite differences. Even with some exceptions to the rule, most do still follow the rule. They follow their instinctual urges.
If a person says they dislike most men, then trust their judgement about their own feelings. It's not sexist, it's not ignorance or even trauma necessarily. It is what it is. Everything doesn't have to be political or PC. Nature doesn't care about PC. People can't help the way they are born wired.
@RaindropSweetie: [fascinated] What habits?
sigh Your sarcasm in the face of anything that doesn't agree with how you want the world to be is noted.
Let's ask the experts:
https://stanmed.stanford.edu/2017spring/how-mens-and-womens-brains-are-different.html
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201711/the-truth-about-sex-differences?amp
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/274956064_Gender_Differences_in_Personality_and_Social_Behavior
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3030621/
@RaindropSweetie: No, no—I just wondered what habits only women have, which rub you so much the wrong way. Do your best female friends, I don't know, chew their nails or something?
Edit: Also, I am legitimately fascinated by the idea that men don't have these habits, whatever they are. I wanna know if I have them or not. I'm too tired for sarcasm right now; it's practically 11 pm by my internal clock and I usually go to sleep at 9.
No, communication is a major issue. Women don't communicate in the same way as men. It's hard to describe, but it's glaring if you watch long enough.
Have you ever seen someone try to speak to a group of women, and the women all look at the person strangely and then shut them out? It happens so fast. It's like watching a herd reject a newcomer. Most people can't even tell you why they do it. The women will say it was a feeling or have some illogical reason. Women react instinctually to threats whether real or imagined. If men do the same thing, they usually have a concrete answer for why. They don't usually do it on a whim or as quickly.
Women know about this, so many women have a fear of challenging the herd. They've seen how quickly they can be turned on and comply more. It's so common a trait that it must be important. Women survive better in groups, so they respect group rules. Men are more likely to do what they want in spite of guidelines. They don't need a herd to survive. I watched women sit back and watch other women do insane things with no real response. Why? It would cause disharmony within the group. So, they pretend that they don't care and try to just get along. Men are more likely to talk about it, react, or leave.
Often, women listen to respond, listen for entertainment, or listen to get to their turn to speak.
If you ask a guy why he likes a person's company, his answer won't match a girl's answer to the same question. I know because I've asked both many questions for years. Men tend to have similar answer styles and thought processes while women are in an entirely different head space when they choose companions.
Women speak about theirselves differently than men do.
Women tend to do this weird self degrading build the other up dance to build inter-female relationships. It's some sort of strange submissive behavior. It goes like this...
"I can't leave the house without makeup, I have the ugliest eyelashes!"
"Are you kidding? You have the prettiest cheek bones, I am so jealous. I wish I had them instead of these flat things."
"No way, you're perfect! Your hair is to die for!"
Note that both girls are gorgeous. Absolutely no real flaws. Not every culture adds in the self depreciating bits. These compliments do improve your bond to women in other cultures as well. I don't know anywhere where the norm is a man can walk up to another man and compliment his cute toes and hair and walk away as best friends after this conversation.
How they protect their space and approach the space of others is different.
Even body movements are different.
Now, all of these traits may not be in the same person. Genetics are different, and there are some cultural differences. That being said, one part may be amended to match the other while the rest are still feminine. For example, a woman may communicate more like men while still moving and approaching the space of others like a woman. Research shows that people still follow gender differences by and large because it's down to a genetic level and even mental wiring is different.
I love observing people and then interrogating them on thoughts and behavior. I've been doing this since I was little. I used to think it was society, but then I cared for hundreds of kids and watched them grow. We are born with far more habits than we tend to think. I spent time with people from all over the world, and they have these same habits. The reasoning changes, but the habits are the same.
There's nothing wrong with differences, and people do have preferences. It all makes life more interesting.
Guys you cant change @DarrenWalker mind lol
Amen to @RaindropSweetie wow someone finally admits there are real difference between men and women hahaha (i agree 100% but theres alot of crybabys on here that refuse to see it and if you speak the truth they cry and call you names for not being "WOKE"
P.S.
-dont hate me for my opinion-
Into trans men @Navyman1010 ? So because this person is born a female and hasn't had bottom surgery you you would cuddle them? Trans male model Laith Ashley. Very Telling.