Hello there, dear reader! Something has been on my mind as of late, and I’d very much like to ask you some questions.

How important is it that you feel more powerful than your cuddle partner?

That might seem a bit vague. Let me go into more detail.

Does having more physical strength than your cuddle partner make you feel comfortable? Would you feel uncomfortable if someone who could pose a threat to you wanted to cuddle? Conversely, do you find yourself more inclined to cuddle with someone who is seemingly weaker than you (they’re shorter, weigh less, are compelled by society to appear dainty,etc)?

These questions aren’t aimed at any particular person or group of people.



  • Interesting notion. I very much so am drawn to people who can make me feel small. I'm a chunky, tall, strong (physically and personality wise) person. So if you are about to make me feel small/average I appreciate that.

  • Not important at all. I could enjoy cuddling someone weaker or stronger than me, or the same. But there are other considerations that are important.

  • @hogboblin you are one of my favorite posters. I don't post much but love the forum. this topic has me SMH as I've never considered this before. Is it because I'm kinda small and expect people to be bigger? I don't know. Can't wait to see what posters say. Thanks for bringing up something I've never considered.

  • I must say that there is something novel and euphoric about cuddling a man who makes me feel small and safe. I've always been fairly tall and well built, definitely not easy to break like fine china. So, a man with broad and muscular arms and shoulders, or much taller than me, is an uncommon sensation. It reminds me of being little and held by a parent. My favorite friend to cuddle is very stocky and muscular in the torso. I jokingly tell him that he's like a tranquilizer. I burrow in and pass right out! It feels like I'm in a safe little cave.

    I prefer to be the larger, stronger one when cuddling a female. I am not sure why. It may be linked to all of the women in my family being shorter and smaller overall than me. I'm used to being the dominant one. Also, I only see awkwardness in borrowing into a woman's chest in a platonic cuddle... It doesn't work the same way as with a man.

  • edited August 2019

    Speaking for myself, it doesnt really matter, i have cuddled with all types and truly have no preference. I dont know what the consensus is for men in general though. And I am not a woman so I cant really speak for them. I do talk to some re cuddling and what not and the consensus I get is that a lot of the time the preference is to feel wrapped up, protected, etc which would imply a larger, stronger person. However I have also heard the opposite when taking safety into account. A few women I have spoken to have said they would rather the person be smaller and not so strong as it feels less threatening to them, especially if that person is not someone who they are really familiar with. Then there are others who simply don't care at all, and just want to cuddle to cuddle regardless. Again i am not a woman so i am not trying to speak for them, just am basing this off of conversations. I am a big furry man creature, so I assume whoever I have cuddled with must like big furry man creatures.

  • Feeling powerful isn't really important to me in cuddles. Feeling respected and cared for is important though. Generally I prefer people perceived as more powerful than I. I like them to be taller, wider, smarter or just have more mass. Then again one can't really be too picky since it's not easy to find people pushing taller than 6ft. As for this whole posing a threat to me thing. I kinda realize that everyone can be a threat. I've been beaten pretty badly by small people and it's no fun.

  • I would like to try cuddling with someone bigger than me but i doubt i would ever find one.

  • You seem to be equating big with strong and small with weak. But both large and small people can be weak or strong. And strength is as much about personality as it is about physique. I've encountered some pretty intimidating diminutive women. Size can be an illusion.

  • I have a shrinking machine I have been toying with if you wish to be a guinea pig. Of course, I would watch The Fly to ascertain certain side effects.

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    My only experiences of being the smaller, less physically powerful person in a relationship are all from childhood, before puberty.

    I’ve thought about getting a fancy T Shirt, emblazoned with “Born to Be the Big Spoon”...

  • How important is it that you feel more powerful than your cuddle partner?

    Does having more physical strength than your cuddle partner make you feel comfortable? Would you feel uncomfortable if someone who could pose a threat to you wanted to cuddle? Conversely, do you find yourself more inclined to cuddle with someone who is seemingly weaker than you (they’re shorter, weigh less, are compelled by society to appear dainty,etc)?

    😱🤭 Dude... 🚨🚓👮🏻‍♂️

  • I am usually the bigger of the people I've cuddled. It's never been a problem. .Iam not built for speed, but was definately built to cuddle. I find that most I've cuddled appreciate being held tightly and engulfed in my body pillow or pillowy body. There is a six-pack inside the refrigerator and i have bear paws that are strong and good for massaging.

  • Wait, whaaaaat? Are we merging the story thread into this one?

  • @Catloaf embarrassingly enough it seems I have posted a plethora in the incorrect thread and I do not know what to do lol

  • edited August 2019

    Was intended as follow up to something entirely different 😂

  • I am 5 feet 5 inches tall and not a delicate creature at all lol I like to cuddle with a guy who is tall and even on the heavy side since that makes me feel protected. If I cuddle with a lady then it's okay for her to be smaller or shorter than me.

  • edited August 2019

    @hogboblin interesting, what makes you ask these questions?

    Edit: Also, what’s your take on your own questions? end of edit.

    “How important is it that you feel more powerful than your cuddle partner?”

    I prefer someone who is small enough to wrap my small arms around. So, more or less an average bodied man, or a smaller than average should do just fine. Height is not of much importance in choosing a cuddle partner for me. While ideally, I have my preferences. I accept anyone who doesn’t fit that ideal image. Although, there are cases that even though, I am accepting. Or at least willing to give a chance: that I, feel inadequate in meeting my potential partner’s needs given my non average body.

    “That might seem a bit vague. Let me go into more detail.

    Does having more physical strength than your cuddle partner make you feel comfortable? Would you feel uncomfortable if someone who could pose a threat to you wanted to cuddle?”

    First question, no. I met a guy who was more or less my ideal height, and body type. He was someone I could (literally) look up to lol. I felt comfortable. I met another man, he was about my height (taller) and around my body type. In a way, I related to him differently. Like, I finally found someone more or less on my level.

    I feel comfortable with both criteria, and beyond in their own way.

    I think there were moments that if a man is quite built, and big I’d feel a moment of uncomfortableness. Or more so inadequate. Similarly, if he’s obese I’d feel inadequate, I don’t remember feeling unsafe/uncomfortable. Even though, both are big in their own way. A bit strange, I’d say. Nonetheless, it’s something I’ve tried to dispel, and give pretty much everyone (in the given criteria) a chance.

    “Conversely, do you find yourself more inclined to cuddle with someone who is seemingly weaker than you (they’re shorter, weigh less, are compelled by society to appear dainty,etc)?”

    No. I find myself striving to give a wide range of men* a chance no matter these factors. Also, I strive not to underestimate anyone. Those who appear the weakest could be the most not so, to say the least. While those who appear giant, could simply be gentle giants. Our body type, etc., doesn’t dictate how kind or not so we are. So, I strive to keep an open mind.

  • edited August 2019

    @RaindropSweetie I can relate. If I were to cuddle with a woman (which I am not big on that desire) I’d much prefer that she is more or less my height, and body type: which is pretty rare to come by. Perhaps even want to be bigger. Though, not much bigger than her. It has nothing to do with fear of big women. Though, there is just an ‘attraction block’ for a lack of a better word when it comes to women. Whereas with men, these factors are quite broad for me.

  • @Lovelight

    I was thinking about gender stereotypes as they pertain to physical strength and feelings of comfort—usually by way of protecting someone (or having the potential to dominate them) and being protected.

    As for myself, I’m mostly interested in a person’s mind. Warm flesh is warm flesh.

  • edited August 2019

    I’m inclined to think there’s something more to feelings of protection when it comes to cuddling. Unless one is snuggling in a war zone, or out in the wilderness, “protection” seems altogether inaccurate.

    Something primal is being tapped into, I believe, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. Humans are social, mammals need touch, etc. But I’d say that what people desire isn’t so much protection as it is (platonic) mutually agreeable domination and submission.

    One exerts their power, the other bends to it. And gender stereotypes play a huge role in this dynamic. It’s also an inherent aspect of being social, to varying degrees.

    Naturally, that doesn’t apply to everyone. I bet it applies to most, however.

    (Edited to make things less redundant—I’d used “think” twice in quick succession.)

  • Since my only regular cuddle buddies are my younger siblings, I guess I'm socially more powerful than them. But a few of them are definitely more powerful than I am physically.

    It's not a thing I really think about—who's more powerful in what ways doesn't typically occur to me in a cuddle.

    For me the physical aspect is just about getting comfortable: whose arms go where, where the short people vs. the tall people sit so everyone can see the movie, which kids like laps, which ones prefer being side-by-side, who can sit on whom for how long without the weight killing limbs... that kind of thing. It usually works out pretty organically.

    As far as social power goes... well, it might just be that I'm consistently "on top" (so to speak), and so I don't think about it. I just sort of assume that if I don't want to do a thing, no one's going to be able to make me.

    ...I do spend a lot of time scratching siblings' backs and playing with their hair, though.

    They leave cuddles if I don't! I mean, I guess technically I could make them stay anyway—but what kind of cuddle would that be? If they want to get up and go, it doesn't matter how much social or even physical power I have over them: I'm gonna let them go. I know they'd resent it if I didn't, and I don't want them to resent me. After all, I also know they're already cuddling with me a bit more than they strictly want to just because I'm the oldest sibling and they don't want to disappoint me; why try to force even more?

    So when I come over on Sundays and set myself down on the couch, every member of my family comes and goes as they please, and (usually) much snuggling is done.

    For me, of course, it's all about the physical contact. Boosts my immune system. Doesn't matter what type of body it is: large, small, soft, hard, curvy, angular, dark-colored, light-colored, male, female—the physical contact does good things for my health. So obviously the first thing I look for on here is a person with a body (the physical power of it isn't a thing I think about).

    ...That's been really easy so far. I don't think I've ever spoken to a person without a body, actually.

    After that, the most important thing is finding a person with a personality that meshes well with mine. I don't know if this has anything to do with power. I guess it might. Do I look for personalities more submissive than my own? I don't think I do. I'm pretty sure I just look for people who seem like they know how to take "no" for an answer. I know how to do that. It's not about being submissive or dominant, just—you know—decent.

    For me, a cuddle's not about power. Protecting or being protected doesn't enter into it for me. So long as I can find a decent person who's not gonna try anything non-platonic, I'm more than willing to sit on a couch and shove shoulders.

    ...Am I the exception to the rule again?

  • One of my favorite cuddler friends was much stronger and a little taller than me. I was amazed at her strength. She lifted weights and was very athletic. but I've also enjoyed cuddling with someone much smaller than me. So I don't think there is any requirement, both can be great cuddle buddies

  • [Deleted User]CharlesTwisted (deleted user)

    We often look back to the relationship with the mother...

  • @hogboblin I do agree to a certain extent, but it depends on the mood. Some times, on the rare occasions you cuddle with someone whose touch and rhythms are entirely simpatico with yours you desire an equanimity of both between you and your partner to the point that the difference evaporates.

    That’s it, I am starting a cult.

  • edited August 2019

    @happybear Hahaha, your paw reference reminds me of the best massage of my life! There was a random massage setup at the local fair. That lady was like a mountain lion! It felt like when a cat kneads you but on a massive scale. Incredible! I could barely walk after, I was all liquid. As for chub, there are so many textures. There's a specific type of fat padding I love to cuddle on people. I might drive the person nuts squishing it a million ways though....

  • @RaindropSweetie
    Luckily I have long arms and can get them around every cuddler so far to hold them close and massage their backs while in my arms. I can multi-task; some were in moomooland and some fell asleep lol.

  • There are different dynamics with different folks, I don't think it would matter to me. Buuuuuuut I also have a high opinion of my ability to be pretty scrappy, so that might be a factor, haha.

  • To me it really doesn't matter who is holding me meanwhile its comfortable, clean, and platonic. I just want to be able to feel safe in that person's hold.

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