@sebastian23 I don't feel like a victim despite the conditioned roles we're asked to play. I generally have an easy time finding men who will treat me well, who want to understand what it's like to be a woman and who demonstrate a respect for my insights and observations. I've even had some nice fellows on this site take my feedback with grace. I've had no trouble having scrumptious cuddling here and elsewhere, and plan to continue. You have ignored my point and upped the caustic ridiculing, which only demonstrates my point all the more.
My point being, your derision is insensitive to the women on this thread (and maybe some of the men too but I'll let them speak for themselves if they'd like).
Here's my dream response.
_Why littermate, I hadn't thought about how my humor might land for the women in this thread who are expressing their very well-founded needs for safety. I'm sorry my comments seemed insensitive. Thanks for pointing that out. Since I want to be a good neighbor and even more, long to have close loving relationships with women, I'd love to learn more about what it's like for you all. I'd like nothing more than to create loving spaces in which women would want to be close to me. And, I'd also love to be understood, and tell you about what's been hard for me as a man in getting close to you guys! You aren't always that easy to love, but I'll bet you have as many reasons for that as we men do. _
You seem to be seriously humor impaired, littermate. That's a pity. Also, I find it rather strange that you want to write my response for me. It seems that it is difficult for you when people don't respond as you think they ought to. You feel the need to "correct" them. That's not an attractive trait, I'm afraid, so I am going to have to rule you out as a cuddle partner.
Common sense works for me. 🤷🏻♂️
@DonLonG's comic: 💖
@sebastian23: Most males are stronger than most females. When somebody gets raped or killed or otherwise attacked, it is usually a male doing the raping, killing, attacking, etc.
So when people who know they're probably going to be physically weaker than the stranger they're meeting, and who also know that the stranger they're meeting is from the group that does most of the raping and killing and so on... when these people try to figure out ways of staying safe, why get all snarky?
I get that we're the good guys. We'd never attack anybody! So it kind of hurts to think about our cuddle buddy being scared of us. Why should we have to give them our real names, or let them send pictures of our faces to friends?
But dude. Our hurt feelings are our problem. Their lives are at stake here.
We're not risking nearly as much as they are.
@DarrenWalker When I haven't the time nor energy to post how I am feeling, I can always count on you to do it for me!
@DarrenWalker
@sebastian23
Actually, I'm quite funny and find many folks on this site funny. When humor is used to ridicule in a context where vulnerability has been expressed, I don't find it funny. I find it mean.
I find it sad when people use their talents to dis other people instead of connect to them. The "ideal response" was fun for me to write, whether or not it applies to you at all. I was wondering, wow, what would I have loved to hear from @sebastian23 that would have built a bridge from his world to mine? And it might be useful for some fellows who do want to learn about women's realities and needs around safety and sensitivity (and there seem to be lots judging by the number of guys who are asking me to help them with their profiles) .
It's clear you're not interested in connecting with me as a fellow human, which is cool. You've repeatedly ignored the meat of my comments and gone for more derision. Thought I'd give you a few chances.
A bridge from Iowa to California? Great idea, but unlikely. LOL.
@littermate I'm supportive of your concerns but I pray no one ever calls me "woke".
Tell me more about "mancode enforcement". My college days are long behind me, and my Alma Mater wasn't on the West Coast.
Lovingly yours,
V
My best friend knows I cuddle strangers so I tell her when ever I meet someone knew also there is a app called 360 life which shares your general location with people you add to your. Circle like family or friends I also like to see a full face pic then I would send that to her as well if I’m cuddling for a ext period she will text me or I will text her updates
Darren, Their lives are at stake? Then why would they do it? If the perceived risk is so high, it would surely seem foolish to go ahead. What would be the point of it?
Can anyone link a crime report, involving a loss of life, directly connected to a cuddle meeting? I have heard two anecdotes about a male guest being beaten and mugged, but never more. I fully accept there have been crimes. We have had attempted sexual assaults reported.
I'd wager the prevalence is less than in the dating world or in the sex trade.
Anyone have facts?
Funny thing about facts—they are factual only if everything is reported. If not, then they are merely guesstimates.
@FunCartel and your guess is....?
Are deaths with Tinder or Craigslist higher, lower, or the same as with Cuddlecomfort.com?
Why would I guess at something I do not know? I only know there is a long history on this forum of women saying that men crossed the line while cuddling. I do not think that all of them are lying. There is a fear component in reporting because women are often dismissed. This is why facts are only facts for the ones are reported. I firmly believe that the count is much higher than any “facts” given.
@FunCartel Men who stand up for us risk derision as well. Thanks so much for doing it anyway. Down with the man code! It's a prison suit. Up with mutual support, understanding, respect and care. It's only so long that people who wield derision are going to be perceived as manly. Soon it will be obvious to everyone that they're just scared of vulnerability, the key to intimacy and mutual trust.
@FunCartel So, you are willing to guess not all women are lying? Pretty safe guess.
As to the fear of reporting, that seems insignificant when this place has a well deserved reputation for skipping due process. Any man accused of even a minor infraction is presumed guilty. Always.
I guess the question of lives lost will go unanswered.
@littermate
In 2019, what exactly is "mancode"?
Rules for what it means to be manly laid in with conditioning that keep guys from the full range of human capacities.
But what are the rules? Is it
Women and children first in the life boats?
Take the dangerous jobs women won't?
Fight the wars on the front line?
Don't cry in the movies?
Seems for everyman who defined himself as masculine in whatever way made sense to him, there is a woman who agreed.
@sebastian23: Why would pros cuddle if they know their clients might rape or kill them, you ask?
The thing about humans is that they're fine with risking their lives if the perceived reward is greater than the perceived risk. That is to say, the odds of getting paid are higher than the odds of getting raped or killed—but rape and death are kind of awful things, so it takes a fair amount of money to make that risk worth it.
@VN6056: Doesn't matter what the rules are; if they're limiting aspects of men's humanity, they're not a great thing. Edit: When was the last time you heard a guy say he was masculine because he's good with kids?
Darren, I have never heard ANYONE, of any gender, say that they are good with kids simply because of their gender
I still wanna know what these rules are. Maybe I'm unconsciously following them or maybe I'm in touch with my feminine side.
I have one idea: Are there any cafe's or restaurants in your neighborhood where you know the folks who work/own/run the place? It might work to meet THERE first, and to introduce your potential cuddle partner to that friend-at-the-establishment. "Hi Pam. Dan and I are here for a nice coffee because we're meeting for the first time." (This is in addition to letting your personal friend know where you're going and that you'll be texting them. A further note on that: I had a female friend who was on a dating site. She never just met a guy spontaneously, but usually emailed back and forth a bit. In those emails she would always mention that she had this guy friend (me) who was very protective. And then when they were meeting she would mention me again and say specifically that she'd told me whom she was meeting and that I was expecting a call at x:00.).
Actually if you have a friend like me (male, female or nonbinary) who could come to a public place with you and meet the guy just in a friendly way, spend a few minutes -- enough to get a feeling for the cuddle -- and then let you and your cuddle partner suss each other out alone?
@VN6056 Do you have your dukes up? I love sharing my observations but generally in an atmosphere of humility and interest. I don't like offering my observations as a soccer ball. There's plenty written about the man code/male conditioning out there, as well as the conditioning we women receive. I'm sure if you're interested you can look it up.
Oops. Wrong thread
Dang, that's two people in this thread now who don't know how to tag properly. Makes keeping up with responses difficult, @sebastian23 and @VN6056!
So, VN6056.
If you asked a man to list the things that make him masculine, do you think "good with kids" would be on that list? What about "in touch with my emotions"? "Empathetic"? "A good cook"? "Dresses well"? "Peacemaker"? "Makes people feel good"? "Helps others get along (or at least not fight)"?
You know what's "manly" and what isn't. Sure, there are men out there who dress beautifully, never start fights, use gentle words to prevent fights from starting, genuinely care about others and aren't afraid to show emotions that make them vulnerable—but are they considered manly? Would you call any of these things masculine? They're good things! But men ("real" men, "manly" men) aren't allowed to have them... or if they do have them, they'd better counterbalance somehow.
When you ask a man to give an example of his masculinity, "good with kids" probably isn't going to be on the list.
https://www.life360.com/ if you have a close friend or family member you should use this And for people who are talking about they don’t know any Cuddle related deaths that have ever been reported we all live in different states different countries different districts so how do you know that The main point is man or a woman you should feel safe and should be able to protect yourself and you should be aware that everybody in the world is not a good person it doesn’t mean that you should be pessimistic and think that everybody is going to be a bad person I take every situation as they come so if someone says they want to be safe you have every right to want to feel safe and people shouldn’t make other people feel stupid for wanting that even if it’s not your intention some of these comments are Condescending and that’s my two cents
MY concept of masculinity isn't something I worry about. I can't say I've ever consciously given it thought.
I am empathetic. Spent 5 years as a Social Worker as a partial proof. I am a good dresser. I cry when I'm sad. I'm great with children. I've never started a fight.
I think you paint others with a broad brush while keeping company with a narrow slice of humanity. Perhaps it's your relative youth or that you are introverted. I find you need to meet people to know about them. It does not come from reading about them.
I have friends with advanced college degrees, but also a couple with GEDs. Some work in construction or skilled trades. Some are lawyers and business people. They aren't all Caucasian either.
Ps. I do not own a Monster truck or hunt wild game. I can cook.
There are things I do that might fit your stereotype.
I wear a watch and collect them.
I collect guns and shoot them
I kill spiders on request
I open jars
I watch sports on tv
I check the air on my car tires
I pump my own gas
I don't care what anyone think about how I live my life and don't try to rationalize it.
@VN6056: Your concept of masculinity isn't something you think about, probably because you've never had to. At my age and level of introversion, it's true, I tend to interact more with people around the globe than I do with the few in my small local neighborhood—and I've noticed that folks from any society tend not to think about the things they take for granted.
Why would you sit down and consciously evaluate your masculinity when you naturally balance your empathy with physical strength, or conversational aggression, or a powerful attraction to the female body?
America or England, Japan or China, Russia or Germany, Iran or Egypt, people are much the same.
I had to give gender stereotypes, expectations, rules, and codes conscious thought because I don't naturally fall into any category—society's boxes don't work for me. I can't say "I'm empathetic, but I'm still a man because I'm not feminine about it; I'm a good dresser, but I'm still a man because I don't get hit on by other guys; I cry when I'm sad, but I'm still a man because I don't do it in public." Nor can I say "I'm logical, but I'm still a woman because I care about people; I do all my own home repair, but I'm still a woman because I sometimes think about how attractive men find a competent woman; I don't show emotion, but I'm still a woman because I sew."
No one else can say these things about me, either. My qualities don't balance out enough to put me comfortably in either category. If I'm a man, I'm a sissy. If I'm a woman, I'm a bitch.
You obviously have enough traditionally masculine qualities that not only do you consider yourself a man, you've never had others question your masculinity so often and so deeply that you went digging into the very basis of the category itself. You were able to take the idea for granted: "Some people are men, some people are women—some men are real men, some women are real women."
Many of us weren't.
@DarrenWalker you brilliant sissy-bitch you. I so enjoy you and I'm loving being a benchsitter while I watch you and @VN6056 play.
I thought this thread would end but it seems to keep going on and on...
If it weren't for these stupid a** rules of 'code' that everyone is being asked to play, or have been groomed into playing -- consciously or unconsciously, instigated by religion, agents of The System and those who support these restrictive ideologies, humanity would be so far up, down and around the evolutionary circle/ladder... like, 30 years ago.
All hateful, divisive, destructive codes that hinder all human beings from being fully human, be eternally damned!!
No one has the right to dictate what makes us who we are, want to be or how to become as a peaceful and productive participant on this planet based on what's between one's legs and what we do with it. That is extremely personal.
Ultimately, we as individuals get to choose who we want to be, what want to look like, what to do, how we need and want to express ourselves and what to do with our whole bodies and minds without harming others-- sadly, that comes with either marginalization, being forced to live less than a nicely lived life in some way, bullying, condescension, invalidation, intimidation, coercion, threats of violence derision or death from society, family friends, coworkers or some nameless, faceless, soulless stranger's ego that got really butt hurt on a social media platform because someone has a legitimate concern, expressing indisputable, non-contestable fact, or celebrating happy moments in one's existence.
This whole thread is discussing/ arguing / debating/ fretting over, 'Should a woman (in particular) have the right or not to ask/ require / demand/ expect/ enjoy/ enforce physical safety'?
Personally, I have the divine right to all of those things because I am a human adult and have the absolute right to ask for , require, demand, expect, receive, enjoy, enforce as well as the obligation to be safe physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually ; no cares, reasons or craps given...and so does every human being on this planet by all resources and means made available to the person. Obviously it's a resounding and non-debatable -- YAAAASS!
What appalls me is that someone on this thread had the gall to ask rhetorically, or in some other line of questioning posing as playing the 'devils advocate' along the lines of: __"...if a professional female cuddler would know that she's going to be hanging out with a rapist/ or going to be raped? __ WTF?! would _know _that he's a rapist?! That thinking is utterly corrupt, which would mean that every single male is a threat, such delusional arrogance, btw...for shame on this individual, you know who you are!
Perhaps the one or other persons who have posed the question, or has similar ideas about harming or advocating harm towards another individual, because she happens to be a woman of any type who wants to earn a living at her sole discretion, where she doesn't have to ask permission from her husband/ BF / SO/ etc., like she's a frickin' child, or sitting around twiddling her thumbs hoping that monies would just conveniently fall from the sky to supplement her income.
It is really condescending to even question any human being's right to this, this is an essential need -- the right to be and feel safe, which should not even be questioned, compromised, denied, mocked or debated whatsoever.
I doubt that the person(s) doesn't know one whit about Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs.. please Google it, post haste. being creative is another essential human need, too.
Perhaps this should be more clearer in the TOS of this site:
_People who condescend, belittle, invalidate, gaslight, bully or advocate harm, violence or oppression in any way, shape or form towards any person on this site based on toxic socialization should not be participating here on Cuddle Comfort and should be flagged. _
As vulnerable as cuddling is, I surely don't want any misogynistic, misandrist or hateful person anywhere near me. That type of person is not safe to be around no matter what or how they express themselves in their human bodies. I'm not negotiating my safety for anyone, period, and surely many a folk will agree.
Another thing I want to know is this; why we have people on this board feeling that --women especially have to run their lives based on their toxic, outdated opinions, projecting guilt , especially when a person becomes pro and it happens to be women? No one has complained when men do the same thing, there's the recurring theme about women getting extra money for themselves in any way shape or form, just as men do.
If there's an opportunity anywhere in the world, I'm grabbing it and running with it. If the people don't like it when any woman asserts her right to participate in the world when all opportunities are available, tough tomato -- I would highly suggest -- no, insist -- that the person deletes their Cuddle Comfort account, go to another site and get that brain examined.