@rheaah
@littermate, now that's a fire! LOL! back at 'cha !
https://facebook.com/wetheinternettv/videos/2109872469245886/?t=0
@rheaah Don't disagree with your last post, In part, whether intentional or not, you argued for the basis of the Second Amendment. Good job. Carry on.
@DarrenWalker Well said. My only quibble is your last sentence, "Many of us weren't ". I believe it should be, "A few of us weren't "
@VN6056: Well, that's a small enough quibble. I think you might be surprised by how many people in the world aren't able to swallow gender essentialism whole, though. Fewer and fewer folks are able to take that idea for granted these days—even when they're cis.
@VN6056. I had my personal constitution in mind haha!
Read that amendment, wrapping my head around it ...the individual and collective right to protect oneself at all costs jumps out at me, not just the right to own a firearm.
The moral of this thread is:
Tyranny sucks no matter who's wielding it, even ideologically.
Thank to the SCOTUS, I don't have to fend off armed home invaders with a lamp.
Fear drives beliefs based on fearful thinking.
@FunCartel There can only be one moral per thread. @rheaah beat you to it.
@VN6056 Says who?
I can see this being a big concern for women. I think I would Google there name, but put it in parentheses. I just searched my own name, for the heck of it, with out [ Jon Doe ] the parentheses, it came with 24,800,00 hits, but when I added [ ], it came up with my Face Book, narrowed it down to 7,830 hits. I think if one looked at a Face Book page, you could get some idea of the person. Just a thought, and maybe meeting out in public for coffee-etc. would be a good idea. I would think the Google search might turn up a criminal history, not sure, as I don't have one my self. I think I would go with my gut feelings, if something seems odd/bad to you then do not go any further.
@rheaah wow, you know how to say what's up. I like the idea of adding into the rules of the site: "_People who condescend, belittle, invalidate, gaslight, bully or advocate harm, violence or oppression in any way, shape or form towards any person on this site based on toxic socialization should not be participating here on Cuddle Comfort and should be flagged. _" I'd add "people who condescend, belittle, invalidate, gaslight, or derail anyone's request to participate in furthering physical safety in the group should be flagged' and their accounts should be deleted.
I'm reading a lot of entrenched attachment in this thread to a paradigm that absolves people who are privileged (according to the matrix of domination) to not take more responsibility. I've also received messages from several femme people privately who appreciated my post, some who said they didn't want to publically contribute their feelings. The menish people here want their interests of privacy protected. Congratulation, men. You've protected your interests. But it's not a good move if we are getting responsible. And however you like to hold on, you're normalized opinion is not the only one in the room. And when the rules shift, you'll all be falling in line, like you do with the paradigm you're in... unless.. you keep forcing the current one down everyone's throat and shaming people who don't like it.. hmmm! I'm not personally buying that telling a 3rd party who I'm with is too much to ask. I'm not buying that by me using my own intuition, I'm helping anyone but myself... and I'm sure as not impressed by the "cuddle community" here who thinks it's every women for herself. I'm fairly certain that we all know women, trans, femme (and even men) who would significantly benefit if we all agreed that letting someone know who you are with if they don't know the person would increase their safety (or to share who they are with if they do know someone..that's how accountability during times of unsafety winds up working.) And I'm not buying that you think people want to steal your identity by asking to know who you are and tell someone who you are with. And I'm not buying that reading the policy here which calls personal safety on identity theft and not on keeping bodies secure is not clearly backwards. And I'm not buying that we can protect privacy, but not bodies... It only makes sense when you've drank it. For the love of humanity, try to put it down. We will all be better off. Your privacy is not more important than someone's right to have friends know who they are with.. that is insane. And an aside.. in case people keep refusing to see what's in front of them, I am not here professionally. The assumption tells me a lot about assumed power dynamics. Let me guess, you have money or were born with masculine privilege or both, and think you have the right to own and direct a discussion that started out asking about physical safety accountability community wide towards a shame fest so that you can keep using your money while vulnerable people are getting hurt each day with people who are not held accountable. And now every man-person reading this will know that the prevailing idea is that women should take karate, check in public, tell their friends they are not alone (and are with someone who shall remain nameless), and then invite that person alone with them all for the sake of not identifying them to a third party.. Mostly, people reading this thread should know saying "this is who I am, let your people know if you like" is too much to ask. This would be an outlier in all of the hundreds of things people tell people to do to keep themselves safe.. and it soley to protect "men" from having to be vulnerable.. someone might say something that's not true.. well, (if I am to mimic the mocking advice that was given to me here) maybe you could just huddle in a fetal position when someone asks you who you are? Maybe if you are so paranoid you should never spend time alone with anyone ever again. Or no?- does shaming not work on you for some reason, possibly that your position isn't historically shamed, and isn't that despite how much more ludicrous it is for you to be afraid someone is going to say something than it is for someone to be afraid someone is going to do something?? The voice here is rigged by dominance. Women have messaged me privately. It's everyone's opportunity to consider what's right with yourselves going forward. My suggestion is to encourage people to share with a third party who they are with to put it in the culture that we care, and that physical safety comes first. I'm out of this discussion.
@BooknTeas. In regards to privacy...whenever one goes to the doctors office or make any financial transaction off site the people in charge requests for ID it is the norm to weed out fraud.
I am also assuming that when the client's payment is processed here, it is in a closed, secure system which the provider does not see this which is a required internet payment system standard.
When a person goes to MassageEnvy to book an appointment, they ask for ID to weed out fraud.
When a person opens a bank account or cash a check an ID is required to weed out fraud and theft.
No one balks at the above scenarios, there must not be any more double standards especially in this venue.
Safety and security in all forms are bi-directional in all financial and physical transactions therefore, all that whining and complaining by the domanint matrix is unfounded.
Acquring knowledge, observing and applying how the dominant matrix works also helps a person physically and financially so you are on point in terms taking responsibility for ones own safety in a world where certain types of people who hold onto the paradigm of avoiding responsibility.
If someone is treating another human being like an butthol, the offender is responsible for that behaviour not the person whose boundaries are being ignored.
It would also help a bit if more people at least show some support and also respectfully assert that these multi levels of invalidation must stop..full stop -- incluse the site owners committment to making this a safe space for everyone. Disagreeing in a respectdul manner and invalidating using watered down speech off handed comments and the above transgressions during similar discourse in venues like these are two different things.
@BooksnTeas
I would not cuddle with anyone who asked to see my driver's license or any other form of ID. I only deal with people I trust, and I expect trust in return. If you don't trust me, I am not interested.
@sebastian23 I don't trust you with any user on this site. You've mocked [femme] people who are concerned about physical safety, stated that physical strength is not a privilege, and told a [femme] member that if they were ugly they don't deserve physical connection. These are all perpetrating behaviors. You have missed the point of my discussion. You are likely trolling because you want to protected the perpetrator class, I believe you're likely in it as such. The other option is that you would need some support reading my message to understand. I suggest if it's the latter that you apologize at the start of your message and proceed to reply thoughtfully to the issue I raised. However, I believe it is more likely.. you are the reason people need to me more careful. You should get some help at understanding your privilege rather than continue to wield it as you have on this forum. I deeply hope that noone meets you and that you go a men's group to address your problem. You are not a safe person at this time either way, I wish I could prevent your exchange in the world, but I can only suggest you do something about it from here on the other end of the internet. And that is why I think this should be a community wide issue supported by the interface.
I don't mind showing my ID in person or having the person Im informing a 3rd party they trust we're getting together. I just don't want the person Im meeting and or the person they're in contact with to have a permanent copy of my ID digital or otherwise. But @BooksnTeas I will say that you use the term privileged kinda loosely sometimes when referring to men. We are all not part of the privileged class. I can assure I am one of those that is not.
Oh, and since sebastian23 didn't let it rest and I stopped back in to address his obsession.. back at ya @littermate and @rheaah, yes such good points. My roommate also pointed out how ludicrous it is that people who give everyone and their brother id at request they wont share it with a person trying to make sure they are who they say they are. Privacy doesn't exist when a bartender asks for it, but people you are intimate should require it from you.. haha.
@hugonehugall When I say privileged I'm referring to the matrix of domination, if that helps.
@hugonehugall there was a nj serial killer recently arrested, but women who met him online are dead. What if they asked to see his ID before meeting him, what good would it have done them? If they told him they were telling someone who they were with, the only way he would have met them is if he wanted to be discovered. That's an extreme example, but people who would break boundaries are running around, seeming nice over and over, and people are living to tell about it. So.. what if these people told someone they met they want a third party to know WHO IT IS, that they are with? These people also will not meet. So.. to me, it seems like one way to screen out folks like that.
@BooksnTeas it helps some but it's still a broad brush to paint with and there's still some grey area in there. And as far as the ID thing I believe the prevailing thought is ( and not saying this is my thinking but others might have this stance ) in those other scenarios listed about there are laws on the books that state you are legally obligated to present ID in those situations in order to be rendered those services. There is no such law on the books stating that I have to do so to a stranger Im meeting off the internet like I said could possibly be a thought some have.
Wait ... Im confused lol which way seems like the only way to screen folks out there ? @BooksnTeas
@Sebastian23 since you do not value the safety of others overall it is best that you reconsider the way you contribute because it is not making a positive impact or to remove yourself from this thread.
True you do not want to show your ID and the other person has the right to refuse service to you or anyone else. I have not seen you contribute anything positive to this site regarding this topic.
You are not an island but are interconnexted to a world of people, the things you say, think and do have impact just as Im typing here. The right to safety and security on all levels just for you and not others is not to be treated like a piece of pie, everyone gets a slice. Nothing you say will change what others have a divine right to.
You must stop invalidating people now. Keep treating people disrespectfully affects you, too
As a member of the entitled “dominant matrix,” I should obviously not be allowed to post here, or even be on this site at all. No doubt, as has been suggested, I am a member of the “perpetrator class” and thus should be reported to the authorities immediately as a danger to the public. And if I were to point out that this thread is dominated by female bullies who will brook no dissent, that would (obviously) be an outrageous, bigoted comment that should forthwith be removed by the moderators. If I were also to point out that cuddling is not a business transaction that involves the showing of official IDs but an intimate exchange between two people that depends on trust, I would rightly be denounced as a troll who is beneath contempt. So you can see that I am in absolute agreement with the orthodoxy that reigns in this particular corner of Cuddle Comfort, and that gives me a kind of . . . well, a kind of warm, fuzzy glow that is surely the goal of all cuddlers. I hope you can all share it.
I'm sure it's been said, but; 1. Meet at a public place first. If you're comfortable.. chat about meeting for a cuddle 2. Before meeting at the session - let the person know you've told someone where you both are and for how long. Even text that person in front of your cuddler before starting. 3. Really have someone know where you're at.. the person's contact.. and time planned. They should check in with you at least once during and once after
@mascc18 I'm referring to finding people who are not going to remain anonymous, that people will know WHO THEY ARE, people who will be PERSONALLY accountable and SHARE responsibility for the fact that people who do wind up dealing with a boundary breaker should be knowing who they are holding accountable if that happens. This is not a thread about how people should protect themselves but how people can protect each other THROUGH POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION, be it a facebook profile or something. You did mention having the person's contact, can you tell me more about this???
@sebastian23 - unless you want to know what comfort might be for people who aren't white men, please don't try to speak on it, the world knows already how you feel about it. Do you understand that? Also, get off the ID thing. I was asking for any lead for a place or even a process that would make someone known to me.. any.. and your consistent response (when not mocking my concern for physical safety or saying people who are unattractive don't deserve touch) has been a harping on a photo ID. Read each sentence, tell me what the main theme is, what is the author looking for? Did you speak to the topic or derail?
Oh, my bad.. I apologize. Well that's a little difficult to find.. even law enforcement would probably say; you're making your own decisions so be careful! I don't think we can put that responsibility on someone else as it would mean safety would never be a concern in meeting strangers off if the internet, and knowing the intentions of people you meet anywhere online.. quite hard to control.